I smiled watching him walk away. The warm and fuzzy feeling returned as I drove the short ride home.
Chapter 10
The next day was equally gloomy although my mood didn't reflect it.
I thought about Connor taking me to see his father and hearing him tell the story of how it came to be. I was saddened by the thought that if it were me in the same situation, I don't know if I would have shared that with him. It made me sad because I felt close to Connor, but it also made me appreciate how brave Connor was in taking that chance.
That thought was stuck in my head throughout the day. As I bounced from class to class I felt content and happy. This newfound contentment shone through as I felt myself let go and speak more openly to my students. I felt more passion when I spoke of The Romantics, I felt like for the first time I truly understood why Wordsworth and Coleridge could sit and think and just be content in nature and the world. They didn't feel voids and if they did, they filled them with things they enjoyed. I was happy and for the first time in 27 years I enjoyed every minute of my day.
With a renewed outlook that I could only thank one person for I marched to the office. I had to pick up a couple of things before heading out to final class. As if my cheeks didn't hurt enough that day, I grinned even bigger when that white square was hanging from the cork board.
Not only was there one, but three hanging from there and I took them in to open them. I was a bit confused when all three of them read the same thing
Madison,
You are something else
Connor
These were not on the traditional letterhead but instead looked like copies of the same note. I was confused and admittedly a little sad to not see something new and personal from Connor. I decided not to dwell and instead packed my things and went back out for the last class of the day.
Though my mood was excellent, my students hardly felt the same way. As they were working on a short response assignment one student, Justin who was well known for being quite slack came up. I looked up, awaiting his question or excuse to leave when he set a white envelope on my desk with a smile and returned back to his seat.
I couldn't hide my confusion. It was the most bizarre thing I had seen, I opened the envelope almost afraid of what I might find inside.
Madison,
You are something else
Connor
I looked at Justin though he seemed to be entirely too engrossed in his writing.
Before I knew it five other students had approached me and done the same thing. All of the papers had read the same thing. My brain spent the rest of class trying to figure out how this happened. Was it a joke? How could Connor get to my students? It seemed really bizarre.
After awkwardly dismissing them, one more student approached me and handed me an envelope. At this point I was halfway between giddy and mortified, I thanked her as she left. When all of the students had left I opened the last envelope.
Madison,
I told you, everyday until you believe me. And lastly, you are something else, beautiful and charming and electric. There. One time for each day I've known such an amazing person. Don't ask how I've done it, I'm not telling. Stop by on your way out. Until then.
Connor
Today made nine. He had planned to make sure I saw it nine times. My eyes slightly prickled with tears. Never had I met anyone so thoughtful.
I packed the notes in my bag and set out. I had to stop by and pick up some things from the office before I headed home. This meant I had to quickly get my things so I could go see Connor.
I finally arrived at the trailer and knocked. The familiar voice beckoned me to come in and the moment my eyes fell on him I felt at peace. It was a perfect day but seeing him so normal, how i've seen him everyday felt right.
I tried, but failed to hold in my smile.
"Well, here I thought you were going to stand me up. Or that my bribe didn't pay off."
"Bribe? How much did you pay them?"
He laughed aloud, which only added to my warm and fuzzies. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
"You lie. How did you do it?"
"I don't know what you're talking about. I've been right here, working my tail off. You know, keeping track of the minions and such. What, you look like you've had an exciting day, do you want to tell me about it?" Leaning back in his chair, a large smirk plastered on his smug face made me want to run to him and spend the next year of my life kissing him. Smug and playful Connor was pretty hot.
Two could play at that game. "Nope, just a boring old day at school. Not quite as glamourous as Super Construction CEO. I'd love to sit and boss around the little people all day. All I do is mold the young minds of our future."
His laugh was low and growly and utterly sexy. He got up and walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me. He was warm and his skin was soft, I just closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling.
It was much too soon before he released me from his arms.
"I'm planning on leaving here in the next hour. I need to drive down to the beach to bid a job for the fall. I won't be back until Friday. But I needed to ask you something."
To see his face go from playful to serious kind of freaked me out and made me nervous.
"Ok? What is it?"
He reached in his pocket, holding something in his hand and placed it in mine. "I want you to come up on Friday when you get out of here. Let yourself in, I'll be home that evening. I want you to spend the weekend. Now I say that in the most non sleazy guy way. You're more than welcome to stay in my room alone...or not. I just want you to stay the weekend. No expectations, I just want to spend time with you. Uninterrupted." His face was slightly drawn with his eyes casting a nervous glance.
The key felt weighty in my hand. My chest felt slightly heavy at the thought of a weekend of interrupted Connor time. That was a lot of time for uncomfortable boundaries to come up. On the other hand the thought of not leaving him was enticing.
"What time will you be in on Friday?"
"No later than seven, I'll make sure."
"Be ready to eat when you get in."
His face lit up as the words left my mouth. He leapt up and hugged me tight and my feet briefly left the floor.
"I hate the thought of being gone until then but knowing you'll be there when I get home will keep me going. Thank you." He smiled down at me, every line on his face was from his bright smile.
"Please be safe. Keep me updated on how you are, where you are. Where are you staying?" I suddenly felt nervous, thinking of him a couple hours from here. He didn't need a nagging mother but the thought of him being out of this bubble I was so used to was a little frightening.
"I'll just be in a hotel. I'll be sure to keep you in the loop. Besides I can't get hurt, I have Friday to be ready for."
I put my hand on his chin, making sure he was looking at me. "I mean it, be safe. I will freak out if I don't hear from you. Regularly. Like tonight when you get in. If you come in with one hair on your head out of place I will murder you and whoever is responsible." I let go and backed a little away from him.
"I do believe that was an entirely sexy manifestation of your feelings for me. Which makes me extremely intrigued about this weekend." His eyebrows danced on his face and I felt myself blush. I smiled, knowing he was teasing me, but deep inside I felt a nugget of nervousness? Inhibitions? Fear? I quickly pushed it aside knowing I had 2 more days to live with it.
"I'll let you get out of here, I'll see you Friday night." I hugged him tight, breathing in his cologne and listening to his heartbeat.
"Until then Madison." He bent and gave me a soft kiss that put goosebumps all over my body.
I smiled as I left the trailer.
Chapter 11
Thursday was the worst day of the week. I had gotten a text when Connor had gotten settled last night. Waking up today knowing I wasn't going to see him made it hard to get out of bed. It had hardly been any time at all yet I felt out of m
y routine not stopping to see him.
Class went as usual, I had to dodge some questions from students who had heard through the grapevine about my notes yesterday. Thinking of the notes only made me feel more lonely. I hated to admit it but I missed him. I hadn't realized that I had truly started to care about him until he wasn't there. I knew I had feelings for him but I hadn't admitted it until this moment.
When I was back in my office I started thinking about this weekend. He had taken such a leap of faith by sharing his father's story with me. He had trusted me with information that some of his family didn't even know yet. I made some mental notes of questions I still had about his father and the business.
My cell phone rang and I felt my stomach turn with nervous excitement. When I looked at the screen I saw it was my mother. While deep down I knew I was disappointed, I was still happy for some company.
"Hey Ma, how are you?"
"I find it hard to believe that my daughter is alive. I haven't heard from you in awhile."
"Sorry Ma, I've just been busy here." I didn't consider that a lie, just an omission of information.
"I was wondering if you wanted to come down for supper. I know you have to work tomorrow but you can see your old mom tonight."
I was actually pleased with the idea of having plans. A night not sitting around waiting to hear from Connor sounded exciting. "That sounds great, I'll leave here in a bit and come down. Be ready and I'll just pick you up."
"I expected to have to beg a little. Drive safe Madison."
"Bye Ma." I hung up my phone and was pleased with myself. I was happy to see her and part of the happiness belonged that I didn't have to think all night.
***
The drive was uneventful and I reached my mom's in record time.
We got seated at the table before she started in on me.
"So I was talking to Ben's mom, Shannon. She gave me some information that I'm sad I didn't hear from my daughter."
I rolled my eyes and groaned. I didn't see this coming and I should have.
"Ma, whatever you've heard I"m sure is incorrect. There is nothing to share with you and if there was I'd have already done it."
"Madison Marie do not roll your eyes at me. This is big and I'm a little hurt I didn't hear it from you."
I sighed, I might as well settle in and prepare for what was coming.
"I'll give you a chance to tell me before I assume everything I've heard is true."
I took a deep breath. I would have taken the night alone over this any day.
"His name is Connor. He owns the company doing the renovations at the university. We've gone out a few times, that's it."
"And how do you feel? Does he make you feel good?"
"Yes mother. He makes me feel like the best person in the world. He is extremely polite, he is kind, funny, amazingly thoughtful. I really just enjoy spending time with him. We haven't spent much time together alone at all but he makes me feel happy. Content is a better word. I feel full."
"Well that is more than I was hoping for. So you have developed feelings for him?"
"I care about him, yes. He make me feel good when we're even remotely close to one another."
"He is good to you?" Her tone was accusing and no nonsense.
"Very, I promise."
"Madison, you know I love you. I also loved your father. He wasn't always a happy man but he made me happy when he could. I know you don't understand it and you never will but I don't want him to hold you back. I have forgiven him for what he could not control. I want to make sure you do the same so that doesn't haunt you. I also want to encourage you to go back and see Dr. Richards. With all of this going on it might be a good place to make sure you stay on the right path. Your father or that bastard shouldn't be a reason for you to lose a good thing. You should tell this boy Madison, it will make it easier in the end."
The thought had already crossed my mind though I kept trying to dismiss it. "Nobody is screwing anything up for me. He makes me feel safe and good." The last night at his house replayed in my mind. I hadn't meant to be so obvious, just the tone of voice was eerie and unsettling.
"Madison, this is a big deal. If you care for him and enjoy his company the way you say you must be honest. There are going to have to be things you explain. He's going to need to know he has to earn your trust."
"Mom, I'm fine. He is fine. We haven't quite gotten to the part where I need to scare him off with my instability and my dramatic past. I'm not willing to let anything screw this up. Especially not things that are over and done with."
"I believe you I just worry. I worry about it happening again, I worry about you not being able to handle something good for you. It's so hard to see your daughter suffer and not be able to fix an ounce of it."
"Well it's just as hard to see your mother deal with bullshit and not be able to fix it too." I narrowed my eyes at her and it seemed to get the point across.
We ate our supper speaking on easier and lighter subjects. I realized how much my mother truly enjoyed her life. She loved being out and about and be seen and see others. I hoped that one day I would be that happy being me that I could share it with everyone else.
When I dropped her off at home she looked at me with the most motherly eyes I had ever seen. "Madison, if it gets down to it, let him love you. You deserve it. If he deserves your love, love him back. You are good enough and you deserve only perfection. If he is what you say he is, promise me you'll let him show you."
Her soft voice was slightly betrayed by the huskiness of impending tears. My mother never talked about guys or love or relationships. Due to the previous happenings in our lives it was kind of a taboo topic. To hear her be this frank and open and honest made me believe her. She wasn't nagging, she wasn't trying to win this argument, she just wanted the best.
I surprised her by hugging her. "Thank you mom, I promise. I'm in a good place. I might talk to him about it soon." I meant it. I felt that Connor had taken such a leap of faith with his dad and I that I owed him something.
"Love you, drive safely home."
"Bye Mom."
I sped off from her house and only ten minutes into my drive my phone rang. I pulse perked up seeing that it was Connor.
"Are you settled in for the night?" I answered.
"Madison, you're voice is like heaven right now. I'm settled. Curled up in bed after a very long day."
His voice was slight groggy and deeper than usual. "You sound tired. They didn't work you too hard tonight did they?"
He gave a small chuckle. "Just boring meeting after boring meeting. I had to all but sell my soul to the devil to get this job, but we'll know in a few weeks. There was quite the competition there. Now I know why I enjoy job sites. No stuffy board rooms or stuffy suits or stuffy guys. And to think, one more day of it." He yawned on the other end of the phone.
"You in a suit? That I would quite like to see. I only get dirty T-Shirt and ripped jeans." I took a deep breath before I said the next three words. It was a step and my mom felt I needed to take baby steps. "I miss you." I held my breath, letting the words out into the world, waiting for the fallout from it.
"That's music to my ears. I miss you too baby. Thank you, I needed that." His voice was gravelly and utterly sexy.
"It's very true. My day wasn't the same without seeing you."
Until You Believe Me Page 7