“I’m sorry,” she kept repeating. “It hurts.”
Whether she was talking about her hand, her heart, or both – well, that was anyone’s guess.
“It’s gonna be okay, we got ya.” Vianne stroked Asha’s arm and kissed the top of her head, feeling her shirt grow wet from her friend’s tears.
“How the hell are we going to get her back to the hotel?”
They looked at each other helplessly. The two were on the smaller side, and with as drunk as Asha was, she’d be mostly dead weight. And there was always the chance of her swinging again.
“Who do we call?”
They both were silent, running their teammates’ names through their head.
***
“YOU called Annica? That’s who you called?” Vianne whispered, as she spotted her striding alongside Sashia. Vianne gently eased Asha off her, stretching out the kinks from the hard ground. “I mean, she’s strong, but really?”
“No! I only called Sashia. What the hell?” Payne hissed.
Payne roughly grabbed Sashia’s arm and quietly asked, “What is she doing here?”
Sashia yanked her arm away. “We room together, Megan. She was right there. I was going to get someone else, but...” Sashia trailed off. “I wasn’t going to tell her no. What’s going on?”
Vianne joined and the four huddled as Payne gave them a quick summary of the events that had transpired.
“She was pretty upset earlier and I tried to get her to talk, but she went ballistic and started punching shit, and then she took off. We’ve been looking for her all night. She’s wasted. I’m pretty sure it’s about Larry,” Payne finished.
“She said she was over it,” Sashia muttered.
“I was dumb enough to believe her.” Vianne grimaced. “It’s my fault, I should’ve realized.”
Sashia studied her. “No, it’s mine too. I didn’t even bother to ask how she was doing.”
Payne groaned. “Okay, it’s everyone’s fault. But can we do this later? After we get her back to the hotel?”
“Does Larry know anything about tonight?”
“I doubt it. I haven’t heard from her and I’m pretty sure she would’ve called someone by now.”
“Hey. Guys,” Annica interrupted, nodding her head behind them. They all looked over.
“Fucking hell, Ash!”
Asha had found consciousness, as well as the rum, draining the bottle in large swigs.
“You guys are fantastic babysitters,” Annica dryly remarked. Annica yanked the now empty bottle from her hands.
“Annica. What the fuck. You called fucking Annica. She’s gonna be so mad at me. She’s gonna yell. I don’t wanna be yelled at. Don’t tell her I’m drunk. She’s gonna kill me, fuck,” Asha slurred.
“I’m right here, you dumb fuck.” Annica hauled her up, Sashia quickly moving to support her other side.
***
THE two eased Asha onto Sashia’s bed.
“You guys can go get some sleep. We got it from here,” Annica said to Payne and Vianne.
The three looked at her in amazement.
“We?” Sashia ventured.
“What? She’s a keeper. I’m responsible for her. And she’s my friend too,” Annica spit out, her face daring them to make another comment. “Why does everyone think I hate her, we get along just fine.” Annica narrowed her eyes as she shoved Asha over to sit on the bed, ignoring the faint whimper of protest.
“I’ll help. I’m not leaving her,” Vianne said.
They were interrupted by a tussle, a thud, and muffled bickering. Sashia opened the door and stared at Rhian and Alexa, who were in a heap on the floor.
“Really? You guys should be asleep. It’s past curfew.”
“Sorry,” Rhian said sheepishly as she got to her feet. “We were worried. We were looking for Vi and someone said she was out with Payne, so we decided to wait. And then we got tired of waiting and tried to find Payne and then we saw you...”
Rhian stopped at the look on Sashia’s face.
“What happened to Ash?”
“C’mon in,” Payne said.
“Yeah, the more the merrier,” Annica muttered sarcastically.
***
ALEXA stared at Asha. “What? Why?” She couldn’t articulate her thoughts.
“No idea. She walked into the room earlier, told me to leave, then just completely broke down. She wouldn’t tell me anything except apologize.”
Tears filled Rhian’s eyes.
Sashia silently handed her a tissue.
“Why didn’t you call me?” Rhian asked Vianne sadly.
Vianne shook her head. “You were pretty upset, I couldn’t do that to you. After what she said to you, I didn’t think you would want to see...”
Alexa nudged her hard to make her stop talking. Vianne looked completely confused at first, but then she remembered the others in the room, who were busy awkwardly pretending they hadn’t heard a thing.
Alexa cleared her throat. “So, what do we do now?”
***
“HOW’S it look?”
Sashia and Annica peered at her hand.
“I dunno. It’s pretty swollen, we need to keep ice on it.”
They had cleaned and bandaged her hand the best they could, which was quite a task considering Asha was not very cooperative. It was hard enough just getting her into the bathroom, let alone getting her to sit still long enough to finish the first aid.
On the upside, it did look a lot better without all the blood.
“Broken?” Rhian asked.
“I don’t think so? I think it would look worse. Right?”
“How the hell should I know? I don’t go around punching shit. I’m not an idiot like this one here.” Annica shook Asha and tapped her face. “Lorenz. Wake up. Try to move your fingers.”
Asha groaned, but her eyes stayed shut. After a few seconds, she wiggled her fingers, whimpering in pain.
“Make a fist...try to open it. Good girl. Go back to sleep.” Sashia patted her head. “Honestly, I think it’s just badly bruised.”
“But she needs to get it checked out right? Just in case?”
“You want to take her somewhere tonight?”
“I don’t know. She’s so drunk, maybe it’d be better to let her sleep for now.”
They all turned to Sashia.
Sashia sighed. Sometimes she truly hated being a leader. “Let’s let her sleep this off. We’ll see how it is in the morning.” She really hoped that she wasn’t making the wrong decision.
“Liam’s going to murder her. I’m going to murder her.”
“Not helping,” Sashia pointed out.
“Oh, fuck off,” Annica growled.
Vianne pulled out her deck. "Monop?"
Annica shook her head. “Absolutely not. No. Not happening in my room. You can watch TV or read a book or sit quietly.” She chuckled softly. “Puppy eyes don’t work on me. No, not even from you, Rhian.”
“See, Lex. You're way too competitive. Even Annica thinks so,” teased Vianne.
“I’m not the one that carries a deck wherever I go, weirdo.”
Chapter 14
AFTER an hour or so, Asha stirred and slowly opened her eyes.
She moved to sit up, but the room spun violently. She grabbed at the bed sheets.
“How are you even alive, dude?”
Vianne, that’s Vianne’s voice.
Asha could barely make out Vianne’s face in the still-spinning room. Brief flashes of the last few hours popped into her head, and she flopped back down on the bed.
Why is Vianne here.
“Fuck.” She felt a searing coldness on her hand, and jerked it away. “Stop. ‘S cold, fucking hurts.”
“Shut up and hold still, dumbass.” Annica pressed the bag of ice again to her hand.
She tried to focus her eyes.
Fuck. Why is Annica here.
This was a far more alarming prospect.
“Annica, ‘m not drunk,
I swear. I am not.”
Annica couldn’t hide her amusement at Asha’s insistence. And how carefully she was trying to enunciate her words. “You’re an idiot, you know that? But okay, you’re not drunk.”
Alexa sat on the bed next to her. She hesitantly reached over and touched Asha’s shoulder, but withdrew when she tensed up.
Asha knew she had royally fucked up.
She was still too drunk to completely process the situation, but she did know that she should be embarrassed. She knew that she had done something incredibly stupid. The details were blurry, but the looks on her friends’ faces helped fill in some of the blanks. A mixture of pity, concern, disappointment, and frustration.
A light knock on the door startled them all.
Sashia got up to answer and quickly moved to block the entrance once she saw who it was.
“Sashia? I hope I didn’t wake you. I need to talk to you, I need some advice. I couldn’t sleep and I heard voices so...” Lara peered around her shoulder.
Asha tried to sit up straighter at the knock, but froze at the sound of Lara’s voice. She screwed her eyes shut, and inhaled a shuddering breath.
“Is that...why is...” Lara shoved past Sashia and stared in disbelief.
Asha slowly opened her eyes. Lara was shocked at the sight. She could tell that Asha had been crying, probably for a few hours. Her eyes were red and glazed, unfocused.
Lara could also tell that she was wasted beyond belief.
Lara dropped her stare to Asha’s bandaged and swollen hand.
I did this. The realization hit her.
Lara took a step closer, but stopped when she saw the look in Asha’s eyes. The spark was gone and her eyes were just empty. Lifeless. Destroyed. Lara didn’t know who this was, but it was certainly not the Asha she knew, her Asha.
Lara saw Asha’s jaw tense hard, as her eyes tried to stay focused.
“Make her leave. Get out,” Asha pleaded. Her voice was layered with pain and alcohol.
“C’mon, Lara.” Sashia placed a guiding hand on her back to urge her out.
Lara felt her eyes well up. No, don’t do this. Do not cry. Not in front of everyone, not when she didn’t deserve to cry. Not when she was most likely the reason Asha was drunk and hurting.
With all her strength, she slowly nodded and left.
Sashia followed her out. “Lara, I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened tonight and it’s none of my business.”
“I don’t know either, Sashia. We haven’t really talked since, ummm, it’s been a few months,” Lara admitted.
“Well,” Sashia said pointedly.
Lara slumped and crossed her arms, holding herself tightly. Sashia drew her in for a hug.
“It’s okay. We’ve got her.”
Lara shuddered as she tried to hold back her tears. “What did she do to her hand? Why’s it all messed up?’
“Thought she was a boxer, I guess. Payne said she was punching stuff. I don’t think it’s broken. We’ll take care of her. I’ll keep you in the loop, I promise. Now go to sleep, okay?” Sashia said firmly.
Lara nodded and pulled away. She softly thanked her, and walked to her room in a daze.
She got into bed, her mind racing. She had been pacing the hallways, unable to sleep, when she heard Sashia’s voice.
Perfect.
Sashia was the go-to for encouragement and advice. Lara needed someone to run her thoughts by.
Lara had finally worked up the courage to lay it all on the line, to try to fix this and get her girl.
But it was too late. She had her chance - several chances - but now it was too late.
Knowing that sleep would be a stranger, Lara grabbed a book in a futile attempt for distraction and perhaps some peace.
Asha’s image was seared into the forefront of her brain and she finally threw the book across the room, muffled a frustrated scream, curled in a ball, and broke down.
***
ASHA closed her eyes and tried to keep the tears from falling again. To no avail.
Alexa reached over again, and Asha suddenly threw herself into her, sobbing. Asha’s world had collapsed, her wall had broken, and fuck, her hand hurt.
Vianne joined them on the bed, looking a little lost, as she tentatively rubbed Asha’s back.
Annica and Sashia looked at each other in silent communication.
“We should get to bed guys. We have the morning off, but it’s past midnight.”
Sashia looked at the others. “I take it you’re staying here?”
Annica sent a quick text and rummaged through her bags, pulling out a key card. “I’ll crash with Carli. Call if you need me.” She shut the door softly.
Rhian and Payne jumped on the other bed.
“Nope. I get that bed.” Sashia picked up a pillow and held it towards Rhian expectantly.
She sighed and muttered under her breath as she rolled off.
“My room. You have an empty bed. In your room,” Sashia pointed out.
Rhian lay at the foot of the other bed. “If I get kicked in the head,” she threatened.
The room grew silent except for the quiet sobs that still broke from Asha’s body and the quiet murmurings from Alexa.
***
ASHA woke with a splitting headache and blurry eyes. She was vaguely aware of a strange, throbbing ache in her hand.
She waited for the room to stop spinning before she looked around. Sashia and Payne were sprawled on one bed. Alexa and Vianne were curled on either side of her. And Rhian’s head was on a pillow resting on Vianne’s legs.
Asha’s eyes fell to a Ziploc bag, half full of water, tossed to the side of the bed.
The fuck?
A sharp ache immediately drew her attention to her hand wrapped in Band-Aids and gauze.
Asha’s heart dropped. For a keeper, hands were everything. What did she do?
Memories began to peek through the cloudy haze of last night.
Asha turned her head to see Vianne staring at her. She screamed and jerked away, bumping into Alexa who groaned and started to stir awake.
“Easy, killer,” Vianne laughed.
Asha sat up slowly and sighed, her face dropping to her hands. “Fuck.” She grimaced as her head hit her right hand.
Vianne reached over and lifted her chin gently. “How ya feeling, dude? Don’t throw up, this is Sashia’s bed.”
“Yeah, what she said. Morning,” Sashia softly said.
Asha groaned in reply as she rose and slowly trudged to the bathroom. A wave of dizziness and nausea hit her, forcing her to slump over the countertop until it passed.
Rhian appeared behind her, with a gentle hand on her neck. They locked eyes through the mirror, until Asha was overwhelmed, by the concern and fear and worry she saw in her friend’s eyes.
And even more overwhelmed by the guilt. God, she felt guilty. After everything she had said to Rhian, she was still by her side. She didn’t deserve her.
Asha broke their gaze and turned on the sink. She splashed her face, and Rhian silently handed her a towel before leaving.
Asha stared at her reflection, beyond embarrassed at the patchy memories flooding back. A particular flashback made her blood turn cold.
Asha walked out with a look of horror. “Please tell me Annica wasn’t here last night.”
They exchanged guilty looks, as Asha cursed and slid to the ground.
“I’m so sorry, guys. I didn’t mean...I just. I’m sorry.” Asha stared blankly at the floor.
“Ash, you got to talk to us. You scared us.”
“I didn’t want to bother anyone. It’s so stupid.”
Vianne slouched on the floor next to her.
Sashia prompted, “We love you, nothing you say is stupid, nothing you do is stupid.”
Payne looked at her strangely. “Have you even met Asha?”
Alexa snorted in smothered laughter.
“Dude.” Vianne shot her a look.
“What? Oh, come on. Ash thought
it was funny too!”
And it was true; Asha was struggling to hide a rueful smile. They all laughed a little then, grateful for the slight ease in tension.
“I can’t stop thinking about her. I’m seriously losing it.” The words rushed out. “I wanted to try. It was hard, but we could’ve done it. She quit on us, on me. I wasn’t good enough, I’m tired of not being good enough,” she ended. Her eyes were firmly locked on the floor.
Sashia hesitated. “How much do you remember of last night?”
Asha sighed. “Did I talk to her? Dammit!”
“No, but she did come over, she saw you. She’s worried. She was almost in tears.”
“See what I mean? I’m always fucking things up. She hates me.”
“There’s no way she hates you. Sashia’s right. She was worried, it’s clear she still cares.”
“No. Why would she? Would you want a complete fuckup like me? A fuckup who gets wasted and breaks her hand and makes everyone worry. I can’t do anything right, why should she want me?” Asha’s voice rose with each word.
Asha noticed her friends’ glances, and managed to catch herself. She took a deep breath, regaining control. She couldn’t lose her temper again.
They were silent, sensing that anything they said would be useless.
“She said she didn’t love me. I love her so much.” Asha broke into tears. “I’m sorry. I just don’t know what to do. I love her. It hurts so much.”
They all looked at each other, unsure what to do, what to say.
“C’mon.” Vianne pulled her to her feet. “Let’s get you cleaned up and then we can figure everything else out after.”
Chapter 15
ASHA found herself in a vaguely familiar place, the park from last night.
After breakfast and showering, she was feeling a little more alive. Still hungover but functioning. She told her friends she needed fresh air and she needed to think. They were reluctant to let her go alone, no matter how much she protested. Vianne and Rhian insisted on tagging along, promising to stay to themselves.
For the most part.
Asha sat on the swings and watched as Vianne and Rhian chased each other around. Her attempts to make her mind go blank were futile. As were the attempts to think about anything other than what had happened last night, or even the last few weeks. No matter how hard she tried, she could not pull her thoughts away from Lara.
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