Vere was silent as he studied her mutinous expression. But he was just as smart as she had thought him and had soon sifted through her answer, and was again not going to have anything hiding in dark corners. 'By that "anybody" I assume you mean me.' She did not deny it. Why should she? But his clever brain was at work again and, to her horror, Fabienne found that he
had delved into that which she would by far rather he had not delved and matched it to what she had just said when, with his eyes fixed on hers, he quietly brought out, 'You stated a few minutes ago that you refused to be used as a substitute.' The directness of his look refused to allow her to look away. 'So tell me about it.'
Fabienne stared obstinately back at him. She'd be damned if she'd tell him anything! He knew anyway. But as she looked mulishly at him, so Vere sat patiently-waiting. She flicked a glance to the door to judge the distance if she made a run for it. Vere followed her glance-and she knew that she would never make it. And still he waited. He couldn't keep her there by force, she fumed, at the same time wondering at that treacherous part of her that she had never known existed until she had fallen in love-that treacherous part of her that, when the old Fabienne would have charged out of there with her nose in the air anyway, seemed to be compelling her to stay, to hear this out to the end. As if somehow she and her treacherous heart wanted to hear Vere make his 'it will never happen again' apology!
And still he waited. And that was when, throwing him an exasperated look, Fabienne started to get really mad with herself-and him-and because of that anger became unwary!
'I refuse to be used as a substitute for the woman you love!' she exploded, wished that she had not-but even while she wanted those unintentionally spoken words back she was ready to hurl more at him. Though she was taken out of her stride by the look of sheer surprise on Vere's face. He coped with his surprise, though. But even as he replied, 'I assure you I should never do that,' his eyes were still watchful on her. 'Thanks!' she snapped tartly, which was ridiculous she owned, because a moment ago she had been furious and unhappy that he had last night used her as a substitute-yet now she did not like it either that he had stated he would never use her as a substitute for his love. 'You weren't so very fussy last night!' she hurled at him-and inwardly groaned that her tongue was running away from her.
But there was a look in Vere's eyes that told her he was more alert than ever and that, a few more hasty, angry, unthought-out barbs from her and, if she was not careful, it would not take him long to realise that she was heart and soul in love with him.
'I hope,' he began severely, never for a moment taking his eyes from her face, 'that you're not suggesting I could think of any other woman while I held you in my arms last night.'
Her stomach was churning, her heart fluttering, even the palms of her hands felt moist as she weathered Vere's severe look that seemed so sincere. She felt she was drowning-which left her with not a lot to reply save what she hoped was a scornful-sounding, 'Huh!'
Something in his expression quickened. 'You're jealous?'
'You're joking!' she derided.
He took that on the chin, though Fabienne was certain that he did not give two hoots whether she was jealous or not. 'I've hurt your pride in some way?'
Vere questioned, plainly having done a rethink.
Fabienne had a rethink, too, a very fast one, and found she could live with him knowing that he had hurt her pride rather than that he should know her love for him had caused her to be deep green with jealousy. 'What do you expect?' she challenged. 'I'm not used to men making love to me while they've some other female on their mind.'
'Good God!' he bellowed. 'You seriously believe that?' Fabienne had to own that she felt a little shaken by his vehemence, and then found that he was too angry with her to wait for an answer. 'Leaving aside the fact that you aren't used to men making love to you at all to the extent of our involvement with each other last night,' he said shortly, 'who the hell did you think I had on my mind when we were making love?'
Again Fabienne wanted to run from the room. And yet there was something about Vere, the attitude he was taking, that made her want to stay. Had she got it wrong? Had jealousy clouded her vision? 'I...' She swallowed hard, and somehow then-urgently-she needed to know from this man whom she had believed would hide from nothing-the truth. 'I thought you c-cared for Rachel.' She pushed the words out from between her teeth-and had her heart sink down to her boots at his reply.
'Well, naturally I care for her,' he stated without hesitation, and Fabienne started to feel quite miserable. 'She's my stepbrother's widow and has had one hell of a time,' Vere continued, then abruptly stopped. If he had seemed surprised before then the look he now threw her was one of complete and utter amazement. And, 'Confound it!' he muttered, as if still not crediting what his intelligence had brought him. 'You---didn't think I was in love with Rachel, did you?'
'Why shouldn't I think it? Only on Monday I saw you with your arm around her, comforting her!' she flared and, as the pain of that memory started to nip, 'What the hell did you expect me to do when-rather late in the day, I'll admit-it suddenly dawned on me that I was merely the substitute?'
'My G-' He broke off, clearly shattered. 'So that's why you-late in the day an understatement-told me "no!".'
'I hope I'm allowed my pride,' she retorted stiffly, and got to her feet. Now seemed as good a time as any to leave.
But Vere, it seemed, had other ideas, and he was on his feet too, and had taken the few paces necessary to enable him to stand in front of her. 'Oh, no, my dear,' he said, looking down into her wide and wary large brown eyes.
'Not yet.'
Fabienne was worried by that 'not yet', and weakened by that 'my dear', and as her knees suddenly turned to water it seemed a good idea-with Vere this close-to sit back down again. 'You'll let me know when, I trust?' she asked, glad to feel the couch beneath her once more.
'As uppity as ever-even though you're as nervous as I am!' Vere replied, to her astonishment and, as it sank in that not only had he seen her nervousness but he was nervous too, went on, 'You'll know when.' And to her alarm, instead of returning to the chair he had vacated, he chose to take the seat next to her on the couch. It was then that he turned to look at her and, close again, there was no way Fabienne could avoid looking at him. 'If,'
he said with emphasis, 'you still want to go when you've heard me out, so be it. But first I want you to hear me out.'
Oh, Vere. She loved him. What could she do? 'I hope this won't take long,'
she answered sharply. 'In the children's interest, I think it would be better if I'm gone be-fore they return from school.'
'Did anyone ever tell you that you are the most maddening bloody woman ever to-?'
'It's no good you trying to sweet-talk me into staying!' she rallied-and Vere suddenly burst out laughing.
'My God, what am I going to do with you? You're driving me nuts!' That sobered her. She liked the sound of it-even if she knew full well that she could not trust it. 'What did I do?' she questioned, and could have died that her voice had gone all husky again.
'Give me a year and I'll tell you,' he answered, his laughter gone, his look unfaltering. 'Though to get one matter out of the way, you have it completely wrong if you think that I'm in love with Rachel.'
'Oh!' she exclaimed, her heart starting to leap in all directions. 'But you do care for her?'
'I do. She's my stepbrother's widow, the mother of his children-and she's been to hell and back. Anything I could do for her to make her path easier than it has been, I would.' He paused and, looking steadily at her, he went on, 'She's had a foul time trying to shake off her depression but now, at last, there's every sign that she's coming out of it.'
'Oh, she's much better now than she was,' Fabienne heartily agreed.
'Thanks to you,' Vere commented and added softly, 'and your brother.' Her eyes widened. 'You know about that?' she gasped. 'I know that Rachel's in a panic because she thinks she's falling in love again
,' he confided.
Fabienne stared at him, her brain, her heart racing. Vere did not seem in any way upset to know that Rachel might be falling in love with Alex. '
I-think Alex feels pretty much the same about Rachel,' she said slowly.
'He-um--called yesterday hoping to see her, but she'd already left.' She took a shaky breath and, because she could not believe she had got it so wrong, she just had to ask, 'D-did Rachel tell you how she-um-feels?'
'She was in a panic, as I mentioned, and buttonholed me the moment I arrived home on Monday. As you must know, she and Alex dined a deux on Saturday. Rachel didn't say what they'd discussed, and I didn't ask, but since then she's been mixed up and in a flap emotionally-and of the opinion that she needed some space to think. Only Alex phoned her on Monday-and while that pleased her, afterwards she started to go to pieces.'
'Oh, poor Rachel. I wish she'd said something. I might have been able to...'
'She wanted to confide in you. But not only are you Alex's sister, you'd told her that you liked his ex-wife.'
'I like Rachel, too!'
'I know that. How else could you have acted so warmly sensitive to her depression?' he smiled, and Fabienne's heart turned over. 'I hope I'd be sensitive with anyone suffering depression,' she mumbled. 'I don't doubt it, my dear,' he murmured, and her bones turned to so much jelly. 'But,' he went on as if wanting this out of the way, 'Rachel was in such a stew when she rushed to meet me on Monday that it was instinctive to put a-' He
broke off, and then stated deliberately, 'A comforting and stepbrotherly arm about her.'
'Oh!' Fabienne choked, as everything about Monday fell into place. By placing a comforting arm about Rachel's shoulder, Vere had been doing nothing more than Alex, her brother, would if she was upset.
'Oh, indeed,' Vere took up, and asked, 'You do see now that I was merely sympathising, encouraging in the best way a mere male can think to do in such circumstances?'
'Yes, of course,' Fabienne smiled. And, aware that she would be kissing his feet at any moment if she did not watch it, she thought-the excuse of wounded pride having been honourably resolved-that it might be an idea if she went elsewhere and found herself something useful to do. 'And I'm sure that if both Rachel and Alex can learn to trust again they'll look after each other. Alex is a very honourable man,' she told Vere, and then grew afraid that she was, in her anxiety to be elsewhere, just rattling on as she sought for a neat exit line. 'He would never hurt her.' She found she could not stop gabbling on as still she searched. 'I was so afraid that you might be hurt-' Aghast, she came to an abrupt halt. Alarm bells shrieked out warnings. Had she just said what she thought she'd said?
Apparently she had, for a darted glance to Vere's face showed he was looking a tinge stunned-and delighted!
She jerkily made to get to her feet. But, quicker than she, Vere caught a swift hold of her hands and held her down on the couch beside him. 'Why the rush?' He smiled with poleaxing charm. 'This is just getting interesting.' Stubbornly, her insides churning over, she stayed mute-and had to suffer Vere studying her mulish expression for some long seconds.
Then, his voice soft, unhurried, 'You've been afraid-for me?' he questioned quietly. 'You know how it is-all for the underdog.' She made a brave stab at getting on top of the quite dreadful situation she had put herself in.
'Underdog?' he echoed, a man who had never been-nor, she suspected, ever would be-an underdog. 'Because you thought I was in love with Rachel, but that your brother might win her?'
She hated him and his sharp logical mind, not to mention that she was dying a thousand deaths where she sat. 'It seemed likely,' she replied stiffly, and wished he would let go her hands because just the feel of his skin, his warmth, was making a nonsense of any brainpower.
But then Vere said something that was so startling, so shattering that, while her eyes went saucer-wide in disbelief, she was glad to have something to clutch on to. For, looking down into her agitated eyes, he paused, seemed to hesitate but for a moment longer and then, a kind of strain starting to show on his face, 'How could I be in love with Rachel, my dear,' he asked, 'when it is you who hold my whole heart?'
A gasp escaped her, her eyes shot wide, and she clung quite desperately on to his hands. 'I don't!' she argued with what voice she could find.
'Oh, but you do,' he replied firmly. 'As you have almost from the beginning-only I've been too blind until so very recently to see.'
She swallowed hard, and had no thought in her head that he might witness it-and have confirmation that 'nervous' was a misnomer for what she felt. 'H-how?' she questioned, with no intention then of going an inch from the room until he had answered-until she knew more. For it could not be so, could it? Oh, dear heaven, could it?
'How defeats me,' Vere confessed, his eyes never leaving her face. 'All I can tell you is that from the moment I saw you my world has been turned upside-down.'
Amazed, she stared at him, and again all she could answer was a choky, 'H-how?'
He smiled, whether to encourage her or because of the encouragement she was giving him by staying to ask questions she was too het-up just then to decide. But smile he did, his look gentle on her still-stunned face when, seeming willing to answer even her smallest query, 'To go back to the beginning,' he replied, 'it makes for efficiency in my working life for me to employ only the best qualified people. So, with that instinctive in me, I began interviewing a succession of very highly certificated women for the temporary job I'd advertised.'
'It-um-must have been a bit of a shock when I turned up-not a qualification in sight and, according to my mother, looking like a ,gypsy,'
Fabienne commented quietly, then swallowed again at his warm look and quickly asked, 'Why did you pick me?'
'I asked myself the same question many times that day. You obviously didn't care whether you got the job or not and, just as obviously since you turned down reimbursement of expenses, you weren't financially in need.
Against that, though, you said you came from a very happy family-to my
mind that augured well to help Rachel and her children be a happy family again. Perhaps you might be able to make Rachel feel a shade more secure, a shade less depressed. You'd said you were good friends with your eight-year- old nephew-so maybe someone who could offer friendliness to Kitty and John might be a better qualification than the paper ones you lacked.'
'Oh,' she breathed softly and, her heart palpitating like crazy as she looked at him, she had her head nowhere near together and could only think to say, 'S-so, once I'd passed investigation, you rang me and offered me the job.'
'And, ridiculously I thought, found that my heart was beating that bit faster just to hear your voice.'
'Honestly!' she exclaimed on a squeak of sound. 'But-but you were so-um-short with me over the phone when you rang.'
'How else would I be?' Vere questioned. 'I barely knew you, and it was ridiculous. In fact,' he went on, 'there have been countless times since I've known you when I've thought my feelings, my actions, to be absurd in the extreme.' Fabienne was hanging on his every word, and she stared at him with huge brown eyes. 'Oh, dear life,' he breathed as he looked deeply into her eyes, 'I'm absolutely desperate to kiss you-yet at the same time I'm terrified I've got it all wrong.'
Oh, grief, Fabienne panicked. She wanted him to kiss her, wanted to be held close to him, to be secure in his arms. But secure was just not what she was feeling just then. Even though Vere had told her that she held his whole heart it seemed so impossible that she needed to know more, quite a lot more, before she dared to let go the brake she was holding on her normally spontaneous emotions.
'I'd-um-' She tried hard not to swallow again, but found that she just had to before she could carry on. 'I'd like to hear about your absurd actions,'
she requested.
'Dear Fenne,' he breathed, and it was every bit as if he understood the quagmire of hopes and fears, doubts and dreams she was going through.
For, as if h
e just could not resist it, he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and, as she clutched once more at his hands, 'Was it not absurd,' he asked, 'that, when I had only seen you for about fifteen minutes on the previous Wednesday, I should know my-self oddly unsettled as I waited for you to arrive the following Sunday?'
'But-you weren't here when I arrived that first Sunday.'
'Did I not say absurd? Damn the woman, I thought-and went out.'
'I wasn't sure what time I was expected to arrive,' Fabienne explained in a hurry. 'And then it took longer for me to find Sutton Ash than I thought.'
'But you did arrive, thank God. And in no time-the very next day in fact-I was on the receiving end of some of your spirit. When you challenged me-did I want you to leave?-I realised that I found your sparking eyes, the whole mien of you, more stimulating than anything I'd known just lately.'
'Truly?' she whispered, her gaze fixed to his.
'Most definitely truly,' he replied softly. 'From there I began to discover a whole crop of emotions new to me. Was it jealousy-of course not-that I didn't care for some man in the village asking you out?'
'You were jealous-of Lyndon Davies?' she asked in astonishment.
'Not only him, any man who rang you here.'
'Tom Walton?'
'That'd be the one,' he confirmed, and went on before she could blink, 'Did you have to go out with Lyndon Davies on Monday?' Good heavens, he really had been jealous! Fabienne's confidence that Vere really had been speaking the truth when he'd said she held his whole heart grew by leaps and bounds.
'I didn't have to go out with him, no,' she replied, and took a deep breath and grabbed at a handful of courage to tell him, 'But it hurt so much when I saw you with your arm around Rachel's shoulders that I knew I just couldn't sit down at the same dinner table with the two of you.'
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