by Liz Lovelock
My hands cover my face. “No. Please tell me that didn’t happen.”
“Oh, it happened all right.”
“I’m so stupid. Did I say anything I’ll regret?”
Elsie goes silent for a moment. “Umm… no, I don’t think so. You both got pretty touchy-feely with each other, and flirty.”
I want to die. This is so bad.
“Why would you let me do that, Elsie? You’re supposed to keep me away from people, especially guys like him.” I’m not happy about hearing this information at all.
It’s clear by the way Elsie sits up and frowns that she’s not impressed with how I’m acting.
“Don’t get all crabby at me. You were the one that downed those ridiculous drinks, not me. I looked out for you, and it appears Parker did as well. He came with us instead of going with his friends when the police showed up at the party.”
“What? Police?”
She nods.
“I’m sorry, and count me out of any parties tonight. If I manage to make it through work it’ll be a miracle. I feel so sick, if I move I think I might throw up.” I wrap my arms over my unsettled stomach.
Elsie gives me a sad look, her bottom lip pouting. “Oh, honey, it’s not like it’s the first time you’ve been sick. You already brought up a hell of a lot last night.” She laughs.
Work is going to be hell.
I sit at my parents’ dinner table, shifting food around my plate. I wanted to leave the minute I walked through the door, especially when Ella arrived. I’ve been biting my tongue, literally, so not to cause a hassle. Mom carries on as if there’s no tension sitting like an extra person at our dinner table.
“Mom, did you know Addison was drunk at a party on Friday night?” Ella says. My mouth falls open. I should have known that Ella would start something.
Siting up straighter, I look from Ella to Mom and say. “Mom, did she tell you that she slept with my now ex-boyfriend, Hayden? So don’t start on me until you’ve heard the full story.” I fold my arms across my chest, watching Mom and Dad’s reaction. Dad stops eating midway through a forkful.
“Why are you girls always doing this? Always at each other’s throats.” Dad drops his cutlery onto his plate with a loud clang, before standing, his chair scraping along the wooden floor. “You two need to sort this out, or there will be consequences,” he threatens.
I point to Ella. “She’s the one with the problem.” Devon stands and walks out of the room covering his ears. He doesn’t cope well with conflict.
“Now look what you’ve done,” Mom says gesturing to the empty doorway Devon had just left through.
“He’ll be alright. I’ll talk to him before I go. Also, did you speak to the school about the kids picking on Devon?” I ask.
She sighed. “Addison, please remember I’m the parent here.”
I sighed and thought, Sometimes I really wonder.
“I’ve spoken to the principal, and she assured me things are being taken care of,” Mom said.
I’d relaxed only a little with those words.
I stand. “I’m going. I’ve got lots of homework to do. I’ll see you later Mom.” I go place a kiss on her cheek before turning to Ella, who’s still sitting. I scowl and walk away.
I find dad sitting in the study reading. I say goodbye and go in search of Devon. He’s in his room with headphones on. I tap him on the shoulder, he turns and pauses his music.
“Sorry about dinner,” I say gently rubbing his arm.
“Is it true what you said about Ella?” He fiddles with the hem of his shirt, not making eye contact with me.
“Yes, it’s true,” I reply.
“Can you two sort it out?” he asks, I sigh. “Devon, she’s difficult. I don’t know what I ever did to her for her to hate me so much.”
“I know she can be difficult,” Devon mumbles. I wrap my arm around his shoulders.
“Hey, Devon, I have to go. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Okay, Addy. Take care.”
“You, too.” I stand and leave. I need to get away from my sister.
I stare out the café window. The weekend was a blur. I managed to survive dinner. They’re always tension filled.
I aimlessly wipe down the bench in front of me and tidy up a few tables that customers have left. Jen is out back doing bookwork and rosters.
Standing upright, I catch sight of Parker through the window. His arm is slung over one of the cheerleader’s shoulders. I’m not sure of her name, so I’ll call her Barbie. I chuckle inside. Her blonde high-top ponytail sits ridiculously high on her head, and when they walk through the door, her laugh is so damn fake. Could she be any more desperate?
I watch Parker and Barbie take a seat at a table in the corner. Hushed voices and giggles are all I hear, and a twinge of jealousy whips through me. Why does this bother me?
I glance at them, and Parker looks my way. I scowl at him, then turn and grab some drinks. I take them to the nearest fridge, open the door, and load it up.
My skin prickles as I sense someone behind me. “Hey, little mouse. Can I get one of those grape energy drinks?”
Parker’s warm breath tickles my ear. It startles me that he’s so close, yet a warmth spreads through me.
I spin around, and we come face-to-face.
“Do you mind?” I gesture at his closeness.
His playful grin is spread across his features, but he takes a tiny step back. He’s wearing a red basketball jersey and baggy shorts. Those arms are out on full display again. Shaking my head, I turn and grab the drink he’s after.
“You didn’t seem to mind my closeness the other night.” His eyebrows raise in question, and I hate myself for allowing him to get close that way. Of course, he’s using it against me.
“Screw you, Parker. You saw an opportunity to swoop in and play a hero. I was drunk and don’t recall much of it anyway. Sorry to disappoint you.” I shrug, squeezing past him to go ring up his order. I attempt not to touch him, but I fail. He has no sense of boundaries.
“Would you like a refresher?” His fingers graze my bare arm.
I pick my pace up to escape his fiery touch. I’m so annoyed at myself for feeling like this toward him. He brings a mixture of emotions out in me, some I don’t want to experience. He’s such an arrogant ass. I have to keep reminding myself of the vow I made to steer clear of guys like him and Hayden. “You have some nerve. You’ve got a date here, and you’re hitting on me,” I whisper to him across the counter.
He merely shrugs and turns his head to eye Barbie at the table. She leans forward, pushing out her boobs and giving him a flirtatious smile.
“What’s a bit of fun?”
Even though I know he’s playing with me, it rubs me the wrong way. My defenses go up when I’m around Parker. I’m so afraid of letting someone like him in and getting hurt all over again, so instead, I become a bitch. Perhaps keeping him at arm’s length would be for the best. Although how do I not let these feelings I have toward Parker affect me?
“Yeah, and what are people’s feelings to you? Nothing? Maybe you should think about that before hitting on me while taking someone else on a date.”
He says nothing, but slides some money across the counter. I hand him his change with trembling hands. They betray me.
Parker stands there, watching me. He’s unreadable. It jolts my nerves even more. Leaning across the counter, he says, “Little mouse, there’s so much that you don’t know. I’m not locked down with you or anyone. I was also burned, and this is how I deal with things. It’s me. I flirt. People know who I am, but who are you? Think about that.”
Turning on his heel, he takes on his jock of a persona, flirting. Barbie’s giggle fills the café.
Parker’s words rock me. Who am I?
I’ve lost track of who I am and became the follower. I followed Hayden like a little puppy. My chest tightens, and tears swell in my eyes. I race to the storeroom, swiping them away. I don’t want Parker to see how he aff
ects me.
The counter bell rings. I straighten up my shirt and wipe my face, clearing it of any trace of moisture. Smoothing down my clothes, I walk out the front, except it’s not Parker. Hayden’s standing there with a bunch of flowers.
Is he kidding himself?
My gaze shifts to where Parker is sitting, and he looks up at Hayden with such a hate-filled gaze. I hope they don’t get into another fight right here.
“Can I help you, Hayden? Sorry, we don’t sell wine here. If you’re after a bottle to take and meet up with Ella, that is.”
Hayden’s head hangs low. “I wanted to apologize for the other night. These are for you.” He places the bunch of yellow roses on the bench in front of me. They’re beautiful, half open, and an intense and sweet-smelling fragrance pours from them.
Folding my arms across my chest to shield myself, I say, “I accept your apology. Thank you.”
Hayden nods, simply standing there. He doesn’t make any move to turn and leave.
“Is there something else?” I may sound confident, however inside I’m a bundle of nerves. I know what this guy is like, and he has the shortest of tempers. Like the other day, when he was saying sorry yet again, and then it was like a switch flipped in him and the next minute, his temper was flaring.
Hayden picks something off his shirt; I’m not sure anything was there though. “I wanted to say you were right about Ella. I really want us to give things another go. I’m sorry for my outbursts and the unkind words I said. I can’t help it.”
I’m numb to his words and emotions. I couldn’t care less.
Parker’s question comes burning back into my thoughts. Who am I?
I’m not some stupid girl who’ll fall for this sorry excuse of a man. How many times can one person say sorry, then treat that same person like a piece of dirt under their shoes? And then have the guts to come and ask for yet another chance?
“Thanks for your apology, but things between us are completely over. There’s no chance of us ever getting back together. We aren’t right for each other.” Those words ring true. We’re complete opposites.
Hayden says nothing. Instead, he turns and leaves the café.
My head drops. A sigh of relief expels from my lungs.
“Are you all right?”
My head flicks up, and Parker’s concerned face stares back at me. “It’s not any of your concern, Parker. Enjoy your date. We close in ten minutes.”
“Don’t shut me out, little mouse.” There’s no humor in his words, yet there is care and concern.
Squaring my shoulders, I say, “I never let you in in the first place, so I’m not shutting you out. You’re just someone who shared an experience with me. We were both cheated on. Enjoy your night, Parker.”
I turn my back on him and begin my close-up duties. I try my hardest to keep my head down and not acknowledge him again. I’m highly aware of his stare following me around the room as I stack the chairs and pack up the tables.
Five minutes later, Barbie leaves, and it’s just Parker and me in the store with Jen out the back. He begins helping me by stacking the tables and chairs.
“I don’t need your help. This is my job.”
“I know, but I want to help.”
I don’t want to argue with him, so I let him wipe over the tables while I finish stacking drinks in the fridge.
When we finish, Jen comes out. “Oh, thank you for helping,” she gushes at Parker, who smiles and assures her it’s nothing, and that he’s happy to help.
I grab my stuff from the back office and head out the front door. “See you later, Jen. Don’t stay too late now.”
She laughs and shuts the door after Parker, and I exit.
Turning toward my building, I say, “See ya later. Thanks for helping me.”
Parker quickly moves around in front of me, blocking my passage.
“I don’t have time for this.” I sigh.
“Sorry about before.”
I curse. “Parker, I’m so sick of hearing that damn word. It’s run its course. I’m tired of people saying sorry to me and wanting another chance. Am I that easy people think they can walk all over me?” I yell. A lump has formed in my throat, and I’m not sure if I want to cry or scream.
Parker stands there, his eyes don’t leave mine.
“What? Are you just going to stand there, watching me lose my mind? You asked if I knew who I was… maybe I don’t. There! Are you happy?” Wetness cools my cheeks. Perfect!
Stepping around Parker, I’m about to run. I need to run.
He grabs my wrist, and before I realize what’s going on, he’s wrapped me up in his arms. He holds me against his chest while each tear drops on to his shirt. I don’t fight him. Instead, I revel in his calmness, comfort, and support.
When Parker holds me, his arms encase me so tightly I feel like I’m being shielded from the outside world. It’s as if I’m wearing a suit of armor. He lets me fall apart and doesn’t say a word. When eventually everything I have been holding onto has been erased, frustrations and hurt over Hayden and Ella, and even the annoyance I’d felt toward Parker has dwindled, a sense of peace comes over me.
After some time, I step back. I can’t bring myself to make eye contact with him. I say two simple words, “Thank you.”
I don’t allow him to speak. Instead, I turn and run back to my room without stopping. He probably thinks I’m pathetic, some broken girl who wants his attention or something.
It’s been a week since I’ve spoken to Parker. I’ve avoided him like the plague. I’m not sure what my emotions are telling me lately. One thing I know for sure is that they’re not siding with my head, which is telling me to guard myself.
I can still feel Parker’s arms around me. I close my eyes at night, and I’m there with him again as he pulls me against his warm body. I can still smell his spicy scent. It’s crazy how the mind works.
It’s nearly closing time on Monday, and he hasn’t made an appearance. Maybe he took my hint and has decided to keep away from me. He didn’t even message me, which stung.
Why does he get to me so much?
Picking my phone up from the bench, I see there’s a message from Elsie.
Elsie: So… has Monday night guy shown up?
Monday night guy? I’m confused by her message.
Addison: Was that for me?
Elsie: Yes.
Now, I’m more confused than ever.
Addison: Who’s Monday night guy?
I watch the three dots bounce as I wait for her reply to come through.
Elsie: Parker, silly.
Addison: What’s with the nickname?
Elsie: Well, he comes in like clockwork every Monday night. It seems to fit. Don’t ya think?
Addison: Fair enough. No, he hasn’t come in.
Elsie: Yet… you should just give him a chance.
Give him a chance? Who is she kidding?
Muffled voices come from outside the café. Looking up, I see Parker and Stacey outside. I perch up on my chair, trying to zone in on what they’re saying. I can’t take my eyes off them. Parker has a scowl on his face. I can’t see Stacey’s face clearly enough to know what’s going on with her. She’s using her hands a lot and being very expressive. One hand comes up and swipes at her cheek. Is she crying?
Parker reaches out and takes her hand, pulling her into his arms. My stomach hardens. So this is a regular thing for him? To comfort every girl who cries in front of him?
Turmoil builds inside my stomach. I can’t believe this is happening. I shouldn’t care. He’s nothing to me. No one.
Turning my back on the scene, I decide the storeroom needs cleaning. Instead of cleaning, I sit in there and switch the light off.
Sitting in the darkness is soothing. There’s nothing and no one I can see or hear. No one to analyze my expressions. I take some deep breaths, trying to loosen my hardened stomach.
The bell above the door rings. I already know who it’s going to be. I have to
face him, and I’m not sure I can.
Gathering up some courage, I finally step out of the room and pass through the doorway, and I’m standing face-to-face with Parker. His head is down; he’s digging through his sports bag. Time to suck it up.
Taking a breath, I plaster a smile on my face. “Hey. Just the drink?”
Parker’s head springs up when I speak. A breathtaking smile lights up his face. My body begins to tremble.
“Hey, little mouse. Yeah. Thanks.” He extends his hand with the change in it. I open my shaking hand, and he drops his money into it. His fingers graze my palm. Tingles shoot up my arm and ignite my heart. My body reacts to his like a lightning bolt. His touch jolts me, so I quickly pull my hand away and finish processing his order. I expect him to leave, only he doesn’t. He stands at the counter, watching me.
“Do you want something else?” I treat him like I would any other customer. After seeing him cuddle Stacey, I’m not sure I want to get close to him again and allow myself to get hurt. I can’t do it.
He eyes me, tilting his head to the side. “Something’s bothering you.”
“No, it’s not,” I answer much too quickly.
He raises his eyebrows. “I don’t believe it.” He places his drink in his bag.
“Well, if there’s something bothering me, I’m not about to tell you now, because apparently, you hug every girl who cries in front of you.” The words spew from my mouth almost too quickly, and it’s too late now for me to retract what I’ve said. Damn my big mouth.
His mouth forms an O shape. “This is about what you saw out front, huh?”
This time, I decide not saying anything. I simply shrug.
“Aren’t I allowed to comfort someone?”
“Do whatever you want. It’s your life; it’s got nothing to do with me.” I keep my face neutral so I don’t give away my emotions.
“Then why are you so huffy over me hugging Stacey?” he questions.