by Jessica Wood
“Logan, what did you get?” My dad’s gruff voice called out to me, and I saw him sitting on the large, scruffy brown leather couch, with a beer in his hand.
“Toyota.”
“Highlander?”
“Corolla.”
“Good for resale.” He nodded and took a swig of beer. “We got worried. Why were you gone so long?”
“There was some drama on the pier, I had to wait it out.”
“No one saw you, though?” He looked up through small eyes. “I don’t need the police coming to harass me tonight.”
“No one saw.”
“Good.” He frowned as he drank the last of his beer and threw the can into the corner. “Go and get me another beer from the fridge.”
“Okay.” I walked to the kitchen quietly, not bothering to ask if he was sure he wanted another. I no longer cared how drunk and obnoxious he got; he wasn’t ever going to change.
“Hey.” I nodded at Vincent who was sitting at the table with a stack of books in front of him. “Wassup.”
“Trying to figure out these equations.” He sighed and slammed the book shut and jumped up. “Where have you been?”
“At the pier. It took longer than I thought it would.” I opened the fridge and grabbed a Bud Light. “Want one?” I lifted the can up to Vincent.
“Nah.” He stared at me. “You should have told me, I would have come.”
“I work best alone.” I shrugged.
“You need a lookout, you know that.” He sighed.
“You got an exam tomorrow.” I walked to the kitchen. “You need to focus.”
“It doesn’t matter, I’ll fail anyway.”
“Hold on.” I put my hand up, walked to the living room, threw the beer to my dad, who was staring at The Simpsons on TV and mumbling, and then I walked back to the kitchen. I looked around and resisted the urge to start shouting about the mess. The sink was full of dirty dishes, and there was food all over the counters and on the floor. “Where’s Jared?”
“Dunno.” Vincent sat back down and opened his book. I sat down at the table with him and studied his serious face. I wanted to tell him about my night. Not about the thrill of stealing the car; he knew what that was like already. I wanted to tell him about Maddie, and how she had lit my heart on fire, and how we had made sweet, hard, passionate love in the grass, and how I had thought I was going to explode from the sensations. I wanted to tell him how sweet the sound of Maddie screaming out my name had been. But I kept my mouth shut.
“You okay, Logan?” Vincent looked at me in concern, his blue eyes worried. He ran a hand through his spiky black hair and he leaned towards me. “Did something happen tonight?”
“No. Nothing happened.” I faked a smile and hit him in the arm. “You don’t know who I am? I’m Logan Martelli, the cops can’t keep up with me.”
“Ha, ha, I almost forgot you’re Logan Martelli.” He smiled at me and then sighed.
“What’s wrong, Vincent?”
“I just don’t think I can do this.” He nodded at the books on the table. “I’m too stupid to understand this crap.”
“You’re not too stupid for anything.” I gave him a stern look. “Let’s have a look.” I opened his book and saw the page on quadratic equations. “I can help you with this, I was pretty good in math.”
“You were good in everything.” He laughed and sat back. “Genius of the family.”
“Well, you’re the college boy, so I expect you’re just as much of a genius as me.”
“I don’t know if I’d say I’m a college boy. More like a hopeful community college man.”
“Community college is still college, you’ll still get a degree. And then you can go on to a four-year university.”
“I don’t know about all that.”
“You’ll do fine. Now go take a five-minute break, let me look over the problems, and I’ll help you, okay?”
“Okay, thanks, Logan.” He jumped up. “You’re the best.”
“Yeah, yeah.” I rolled my eyes and watched as he ran up the stairs. I sat back in my chair and closed my eyes for a second. I was worried that Vincent was going to drop out of community college and that everything would be for nothing. At twenty-two, Vincent was one of the oldest freshmen students at River Valley Community College, but I was so proud of him. Even though I had been pushing him for a long time to get a college education, he had ignored me. It was only when he got busted for smoking pot on the beach with some of his friends that he decided to enroll. Thanks to the judge, it was community college or jail. I hadn’t told anyone, but I was glad Vincent had been caught that night. I didn’t want a life of crime for him and Jared. I wanted them to go to school and get out of River Valley. They didn’t need this life.
“Okay, back. You ready to teach me, Einstein?” Vincent ran back into the kitchen. “And I think Jared’s back. I just heard a car door slam and then a car backing out.”
“He got a ride?” I looked towards the front door, slightly annoyed.
“I guess.” Vincent nodded and bit his lip.
“With Joey?”
“Dunno.”
“Okay.” I knew there was no point badgering Vincent about Jared. If there was one thing that was true about the Martelli brothers, it was that we weren’t snitches.
“What’s up, bitches?” Jared sauntered into the house and threw his fingers up in the air. I could tell that he was drunk right away, and I was pissed.
“Where have you been, Jared?”
“Out.” He walked into the kitchen with bloodshot eyes.
“With Joey?”
“Yeah, and?” He glared at me, his green eyes daring me to say something. I stared into the eyes that were an exact replica of mine, and I counted to ten.
“I told you I don’t want you hanging out with Joey.”
“You what?” Jared laughed. “I’m twenty-one, bitch, and you’re not my mom or dad.”
“You know he’s bad news.”
“We’re all bad news, that’s the beauty in it.” Jared stumbled to the fridge. “Any food?”
“He’s real bad news, Jared.” I walked over to him. “We don’t get involved in that stuff.”
“I know, I know.” He sighed and turned around to me. “There’s nothing to eat.”
“What do you want?” I looked around the kitchen and realized that there was no space to make anything, even if I’d wanted to. “Let’s just order a pizza.”
“You sure?” Jared’s eyes lit up and I pulled him towards me. He was my little brother but he was still taller than me, with his six feet and four inches. I patted him on the back and let him go.
“Yeah, go and call them.”
“You the best, bro.”
“Oh, I’m your bro now and not a bitch?”
“You’re still a bitch.” He laughed. “What up, Vincent?”
“Just trying to get ready for this exam tomorrow.”
“Tell Logan to go and take it for you.” He wiggled his eyebrows and we all laughed as we sat down at the table. I looked at my brothers and felt at ease; these were the guys I would give my life for. Even though I was only three years older than Vincent and four years older than Jared, I felt a huge responsibility for them. In fact, I often treated them like they were my sons. Ever since our mom died twelve years ago, we had been essentially alone. Dad had only been good for a few things: teaching us how to steal, how to drink, and how to not give a fuck about anyone else.
“Shh, Jared, Vincent can do this. And so can you.” I looked at him pointedly, and he gave me such a glazed look, that I knew he wasn’t going to remember this conversation in the morning.
“Vincent’s going to become a lawyer so he can keep us out of jail.” Jared laughed. “We only need one college boy in the family, Logan.”
“Whoa, hold on. I’m a far way from law school.” Vincent’s voice was gruff, though I could see the hope in his eyes. Vincent’s dream had always been to go to law school. He had this idea that if he got
into the system, he could change it. I didn’t really want him to go become a lawyer; I felt it would distance him from me. But I wanted the best for him. His dreams were important to me, more than my own worries and concerns.
“You’ll make it, Vinny. And Jared, you get your ass working on that college application.”
“Shit, Logan, I’ve got two months until the deadline.” Jared rolled his eyes at me, and it took everything in me not to deck him.
“That’s what you said last year and you missed it.”
“How was the pier tonight?” Jared changed the subject, and I turned away from him with a shrug.
“Okay. I got a Corolla.”
“I noticed, sweet ride.” Jared laughed.
“Stay away,” I warned him.
“You taking it to Marty?” he questioned me.
I shook my head. “Nah, not this one.” I kept my voice monotone and jumped up to grab a beer. Marty was an old friend of my dad’s. He ran a mechanic shop in River Valley and always took the cars we gave him. He either used them for parts or sold them through an auto dealer magazine. However, recently he had been paying less and less and acting shadier and shadier. I think it was because he didn’t like dealing with me. He was used to my dad, who just took the money and shut up. By the end of the night, Marty would have most of the money back, either in his belly as free beer or as winnings from poker night with my dad and some of their friends. I didn’t participate in either of those activities and Marty wasn’t too happy about it. So now he offered less and less. In fact, the last time I had taken him a car, he had given me a veiled warning: take the cash offered or the car might make its way to a police parking lot in the middle of the night, and he’d hate to see them catch the thief due to fingerprints. I took the money instead of socking him in the jaw because he had his two henchmen next to him. But I knew after that, I couldn’t take another car to him.
“Where you going to take it?” Jared questioned me.
“I’ll have to see.” My voice was rough and strained. “Anyways, I gotta help Vinny now. You go wait on the pizza and we’ll talk later.”
“Shit, I better go outside and wait before Dad goes crazy at the pizza guy for ringing the doorbell again.”
“Yeah.” I nodded in agreement. “Do that.” I watched as Jared walked out of the kitchen, down the hallway, and out the front door, and I let out a deep breath.
“What’s up, Logan?” Vinny’s voice sounded worried.
I looked up at him with a weak smile. I had forgotten he was still in the room with us. “Nothing.”
“Something going on with Marty?”
“Yeah, but it’ll be okay.”
“He’s shady as fuck, isn’t he?” Vincent sighed and I saw that his fists were clenched. “You let me deal with him, or all of us can. You, me, Jared, we should go down there and show him that the Martelli brothers don’t play.”
“We can’t go down there and intimidate him, Vincent.” I shook my head, trying to talk reason into him, even though his idea sounded good to me.
“I wasn’t talking about intimidating.” Vincent smiled a wicked smile. “I’m talking about using him as a punching bag and not stopping until he cries like a bitch.”
“We’re not going to do that, Vinny.”
“Pussy.”
“Watch your mouth.” I laughed. “You can’t afford to get caught for anything anyway, you know what the judge said.”
“Yeah,” he sighed. “What are we going to do?”
“I don’t know.”
“We got enough money for rent next month?” I could hear the concern in his voice and I was angry. Angry that we were in this position, angry that I hadn’t been able to do anything to make our lives better.
“We got enough,” I lied, not wanting him to worry. I knew what he would do if he knew I was worried, and the last thing I wanted was for him to go to jail.
“But not much more, huh?” He sat back, still worried but less stressed. “You think you’ll be able to sell the Toyota?”
“Yeah.” I nodded.
“We could always ask Joey …?” Vincent’s voice trailed off, as I glared at him.
“We don’t do business with Joey.”
“It can’t hurt to do it this once.”
“No.” I shook my head vehemently. “We don’t deal with the likes of him.”
“He’s not that bad.”
“I’m not going to discuss it again. I’ve told you and Jared already. We don’t mess with Joey and his boys.”
“Okay, okay.”
“You wanna go over this math now or what?” I opened the book back up, and as far as I was concerned, the subject was closed.
***
I heard Vinny and Jared snoring as I walked to the bathroom. The TV was still blaring downstairs; it sounded as if my dad was watching Jerry Springer. I checked my watch and realized it was four a.m. It was more likely that he had fallen asleep on the couch with the TV on. I ran down the stairs so I could turn it off, but saw that he was sitting on the couch wide-eyed and staring, as if in a trance.
“Dad?” I walked into the room hesitantly. “You okay?”
“Just getting ready for the day.” He looked up at me, but I couldn’t tell if his eyes were really focused.
“You want me to help you up to your room?”
“I was just watching TV.” He blinked at me and rubbed his eyes. “There was a lady that looked like your mom.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, same blond hair.” He stared at me. “You’re the only one who looks like her.”
“I know. People always wonder if I’m really Vinny and Jared’s brother,” I joked about their dark hair and features. They took after my dad.
“She had such long blonde hair,” he continued. “She was the love of my life.”
“And you were hers.” I gave him a wide smile. I knew the routine by now. We’d had this conversation hundreds of times since she had died.
“I failed her.” He shook his head. “She should still be here.”
“I know.”
“They fucking killed her.”
“I know.” I sighed and rubbed my eyes, wanting to go back to sleep.
“Have you ever been in love, son?” His words sounded coherent and lucid and I looked up and saw the very real question in his eyes.
“No.” I shook my head. Love was for fools. I was many things, but I wasn’t a fool.
“I never wanted to fall in love,” he laughed. “It just kinda hit me, like a deer in the night. Your mother was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, and I just couldn’t stop thinking about her.”
“And she couldn’t stop thinking about you.”
“No.” He shook his head. “She couldn’t. She loved me when she shouldn’t have. But she couldn’t help herself.”
“Yeah, some women are crazy.” I shook my head, and an image of Maddie crossed my mind. “Some women are mad.” I laughed at my joke, and looked up to see my father staring at me curiously.
“You’ve met someone?” He leaned forward and a beer can fell to the ground. I watched in dismay as the liquid seeped into the already-dirty, tattered, stained brown carpet.
“No.” I shook my head vehemently.
“You’ve met someone.” He laughed and sat back, his beer belly showing as his T-shirt rode up. “Who is she?”
“No one,” I answered quickly, my heart beating fast. I was scared that he would figure it out. That somehow he would be able to read my mind and know.
“Must be someone special.”
“She’s not special,” I retorted and then realized my mistake. “There’s no one.”
He peered up at me and gave me a sweet smile, a smile that almost reminded me of the man he had been when I was a child. The man my mother had fallen in love with had been a fun, handsome, wonderful man. And then the smile turned into a bitter look and he pointed at me. “You better not fuck around and let this chick take your mind off of what’s important.”
<
br /> “There is no chick.” I stepped back, not wanting to get into it tonight.
“I told you, women ain’t shit. You got a family to take care of. Me and your brothers need you.”
“I know.”
“Go and get me another beer.”
“It’s late.”
“Who you talking to like that?” He made to get up, and as I stared at his slovenly body, a shudder of distaste ran through me. How I hated this man who was supposed to be my father. It didn’t matter that there were moments of sorrow and sympathy and that there were glimpses of the man he used to be. All he was now was a sorry old drunk. I just wanted to walk out the door and never come back. How I hated this place, this town, this house, my life. But it was all I knew. And all I could do, or try to do, was help Vincent and Jared achieve their dreams so they weren’t stuck in this shithole forever, like I was.
“I’m going out.” I looked at my father, who had fallen back against the couch, and I walked to the kitchen quickly and grabbed the keys to the Corolla. It wasn’t smart for me to take this car. It had likely been reported as stolen already, and the police would be sure to be on the lookout. I got all the way to the car before I stopped myself. I couldn’t take the Corolla. I would have to borrow Vincent’s Mustang. I knew he would be pissed, and I knew I just didn’t care. I ran back in, grabbed his keys, and headed back out and started the engine.
This 1977 red Mustang was Vincent’s pride and joy. He had restored it himself and paid for all the parts with money he had made delivering pizza in high school. Most people couldn’t believe it when Vincent got the job. They assumed he would just follow in my footsteps and be a thief, but I had made him get the job. If he wanted a legitimate car, he had to buy it with legitimate money. The cops were all over us as it was; there was no way he could drive a few weeks in his own car without having a money trail.
I started the engine and listened to it purr before quickly reversing off of the overgrown grass that made up our front yard. I revved the engine and peeled off down the road, rolling the windows down so I could feel the cold fresh air on my face. I didn’t know where I was going and it didn’t even matter. I just needed to be out of the house before I did something I would regret.