He must have crouched there for a good half-hour with still no signs of any one, when he heard the faint chime of the clock on the village church strike eleven and, feeling colder than ever, David stood, his knees clicking as they straightened, and headed back to the house.
When he opened the back door, Alan had gone; Kathy was sitting alone in the parlour waiting. She smiled as David came across and stood in front of the fire to warm his hands, blocking all the heat. Then he softly questioned her. ‘Have you been out, Mum?’
‘No love, why?’
‘Oh, nothing really. When did Alan go?’
‘He left only minutes ago. I’m surprised you didn’t see his car leave. Are the animals all okay?’
David mumbled a reply and encouraged Kathy to go to bed.
Once she’d gone, he settled down on the sofa and stared into the fire, feeling the warm glow as he’d anticipated, and soon began to relax. And sitting quietly, musing over his mystery, without realising it, David missed the moment that he fell asleep.
He was still there at six-thirty the next morning when Kathy came back downstairs.
*
Keld Head was in full splendour that morning as the turrets on the tower held a good covering of snow. Azure blue sky framed the hillside beyond. Fronds of dead bracken and moss peeped through the blanket, with hints of bronze and green.
After milking, David decided to finish the dry-stone wall he’d been repairing. It was too beautiful a day to stay indoors. He felt refreshed from the best night’s sleep he’d had in weeks, despite being on the sofa.
He went back up the lane where he’d walked the night before, but couldn’t find any trace of the footprints he’d seen, only little paw prints from a rabbit ahead of him. He wondered if he’d dreamt going for a walk last night. Did he climb the ghyll or not? In the clear light of day, things appeared to be more logical.
He set his tools down and cleared some snow away with his hands from where he’d been working, re-set his line and started to sort through the stones to repair the wall.
David enjoyed his work and became so absorbed in it, that his thoughts were fully focused on the repairs.
The young doctor could see David at the head of the lane and, anticipating a pleasant stroll, locked his medicine bag in the car as to look less formal.
As he approached, David was startled so much that he almost fell backwards on the rocks.
‘I’m sorry, David. I thought you must have heard me.’
David laid his hands on his chest to try and steady his rapid beating heart. ‘Oh, man… . Hello Michael … I must have been miles away then. You could have dropped out of the sky for all I knew. What are you doing up here on a day like this?’
‘Exactly the same as you, I suspect. To take in some fresh air and get away from that germ ridden surgery.’
‘Have you been to see my mum?’ David asked, too slow in thought to understand the real reason for the doctor’s visit.
‘My next port of call.’ Michael didn’t lie.
‘Well, she’s about somewhere, I think.’
And as David was speaking, Michael Reed began to observe his behaviour. The first thing he noticed was that David was edgy, and this was uncharacteristic of a lad who only a few months ago was steady and unruffled despite the family problems he had. Nevertheless, David did look well. His face was fresh and ruddy, stimulated by the winter’s chill. The eyes, though, looked tired and heavy and perhaps a little reddened, but his general appearance was the thing that alarmed the doctor the most. David’s hair had grown long, and this didn’t suit him, and it made him look wild. Even his clothes appeared more ruffled and dirtier than was usual, and Michael Reed could understand why Kathy was worried about her son.
‘How’s your mother doing?’ The young doctor questioned him.
‘Everyone says she’s doing fine, but I’m not so sure.’ David replied, nervously fidgeting with the trowel in his hand.
‘And what does everyone say about you?’
‘I would imagine they’re saying I’m acting crazy!’ He looked at Michael with eyes that pleaded for a reply.
‘And is that true?’
David leant back on the wall and, with a wry smile, said, ‘They say a man with no conscience doesn’t know when he’s doing wrong. He thinks all the others are self-righteous fools.’
‘And is that what you think, Davey?’
‘Huh … my thoughts tell me I’m probably as evil as my father.’
Michael Reed put his hand to his chin and replied. ‘Then you do have a conscience, David. And by your own theory, you mustn’t really be as bad as you think.’
David laughed, ‘I suppose you must be right,’ but inwardly, David didn’t agree; he couldn’t possibly tell the doctor, he believed everything that had happened to his family was his fault, and he’d proved it by being reckless with Joanne.
‘So if you’re not evil, David, what are you?’
‘I’m a tired man, that can’t sleep, who worries about his mother and thinks people are following him all the time.’
Michael Reed, through a process of elimination, knew that there was no reason for guilt in David Keldas, and his comments were those of an over-tired and wearied man. But he did wonder why David alluded to someone following him. That thought niggled him.
Michael liked David. He sincerely hoped that nothing would be wrong with him. He didn’t want to think David was deluded, and neither did he want to think he was speaking the truth, and yet George Keldas had often said the same. But no, the truth must be that David was a level-headed young man, who was suffering some considerable strain from having to look after a farm and a small family at a young age.
Yes, that was the diagnosis - the prognosis? -well, that had to be a good one. He would recommend medication on a short-term basis to help him rest. Give some practical advice on how to relax, and hope his family life would settle.
‘I could give you something to help you sleep.’
‘I don’t want to start relying on pills,’ David was dogmatic. ‘I’ll be okay. Don’t worry about me.’ And he slapped a heavy stone down on top of the wall.
‘Well, lay off the booze and the strong coffee then. Take some warm baths before bedtime. Get yourself away from this place now and again, and don’t be looking over your shoulder all the time.’
Michael shook David’s hand and as he returned to his car, he met Kathy in the yard.
‘Have you seen him?’
‘Yes, we’ve had a little chat.’
‘And what did you think?’
‘Well, David’s tired. He wouldn’t accept any medication, but I’m sure he’ll be all right. Let’s just keep an eye on him for a while. He’s a healthy lad, so let’s settle with that for now shall we? He does need a break though. Would that be possible?’
‘It might be, if he would take it. I’d have to get someone in to cover for him, and this time of year no one wants to be in a cold milking parlour at six o’clock in a morning.’
‘Would Alan Marsh do it?’
At this suggestion, Kathy flushed. ‘I don’t know. Let me think about it?’
The doctor drove away slowly and carefully down the snow-covered road. Kathy stood in the yard awhile watching him and thought of the dilemma she had, wondering if Alan would help David instead of her.
*
David continued with the walling, and thought what a decent man Michael Reed was. He hadn’t wondered why he’d called and presumed he’d just come on the off chance to see his mother. David continued to carefully select the right stones to fit the damaged wall, brushing the wet snow off with his bare hands, looking at the shape of the rocks, and fitting them together as pieces in a jig-saw. And as time drew on, hunger pangs burnt in his stomach, so he packed up his tools to go for lunch. As he wandered back, he saw more footprints had compressed the snow on the lane.
Passing the style to the ghyll he looked up the fell and saw a few walkers struggling up, as he thought he’d done
last night. He stood watching for a while then, looking down, noticed a set of prints isolated from the rest. He crouched low for a closer inspection and wondered if these were the same he’d seen last night. It was impossible to tell of course, but David felt compelled to brush the prints away with his hands, as if to erase them from his memory. Then, as if someone had switched on the light to his brain, he hurried back to the farm, and couldn’t stop himself from shutting the gate behind him. He walked into the warm kitchen without removing his boots, leaving the back door wide open. ‘Have you been interfering? Did you ask the doctor to come and see me?’
Kathy looked around to see David’s eyes glaring accusingly. She walked closer to him and shut the door. ‘Oh, Davey … I can’t lie to you, love. I did it for the best. I’ve been worried sick about you.’
‘Look, I’m sorry Mum, but I’ve told you before, don’t worry about me, worry about yourself.’ David was angered at her admission, but he didn’t want to argue with her.
He moved to the back door to remove his damp clothes and Kathy was glad that he’d backed off. ‘Look Davey, you need a rest. Will you take a holiday or something? Maybe I can get Alan in to help.’
‘I don’t particularly want Alan doing any more than need be. The cattle don’t milk as well when he comes, and at the moment we need a few good cheques coming in.’
‘I just thought if you could go away, perhaps with Tony, before the spring starts – things will be hectic then.’
‘Oh yes, and where would I go?’ David’s mind was easing as he came and slumped down at the kitchen table.
‘Well, I thought you could go to Blackpool… . You could have a couple of good nights out. The change would do you good.’
David remembered some of the holidays he’d spent with Tony when they were younger and they would get into all kinds of trouble, unbeknown to their parents, so he paused and made another excuse. ‘I don’t think Tony could get any more time off work.’
‘Just go for a long weekend then. You ask Tony and I’ll ask Alan.’
David didn’t look at his mother; he just got up to wash his hands.
*
When Alan called in that evening, Kathy explained her new plan. Alan was obviously disappointed, and thinking his idea had been snubbed, sat quietly for some time sulking, before Kathy broke the silence.
‘Alan, it’s not rest I need, but peace. If I can see Davey well again my whole mind will be at ease, and then I know I’ll feel much better.’
Alan wasn’t a parent, and found it hard to understand her reasoning, yet gave his consent to do the extra work if David would agree. Kathy now had to make certain that David would invite Tony, and she knew he wouldn’t mention it if she didn’t, and hoped she could see Tony first herself.
Her wish was granted when he called that evening to see if David wanted to go for a drink.
‘Would you two fancy a few days in Blackpool … ? My treat.’
David looked astonished.
‘I’ll book you into a nice B and B.’
Tony looked David in the eyes, excited that he could restore their flagging friendship, and didn’t wait for a reply but said, ‘Then book it … . Thank you.’
*
That evening in the pub, Tony talked constantly of places they could go and what they could do in Blackpool. But David wasn’t as enthusiastic, and sat peering into his drink. ‘What can we do on a cold January weekend? It’ll be miserable.’
‘We’ll go to a football match for a start. Man U are there soon for a cup-tie. Then we’ll go to the Tower for a few drinks, and maybe they’ll have a disco on later, and then on to a night-club. Pick up a couple of birds.’
‘If it makes you happy then I’ll go, but believe you me I don’t want to. Drinks and football, yes! But definitely no women!’
*
Later that night David went out to check the cattle before he went to bed, and he saw a small figure standing by the tower. He saw immediately it was Joanne.
‘What are you doing out this time of night?’ He walked slowly towards her.
‘I’ve come to see you.’
David was hemmed in a corner. He didn’t want to be alone with her in the dark, and the only means of light would be inside the tower.
Reaching into the gloomy corners of the old building, he fumbled for the light-switch, and felt as if a cold hand was touching his warm heart. As he struggled to find the light, he trembled, expecting someone would put their hand on his. But the light came on and he was safe and, as he stood inside, he could see Joanne clearly and was disturbed at her appearance. She looked thin and drawn and had obviously been crying. He felt embarrassed at the situation he’d got himself into. He knew he had to look after her, but he couldn’t touch her, not any more.
‘You’ve been crying, Jo. What’s the matter?’
‘What’s the matter? Are you men stupid or something?’
‘I’m sorry; I don’t know what you mean. Has something happened at home?’
‘Tony tells me that you two are going to Blackpool. How can you leave me, Davey?’
This statement struck David hard in the face and he stuttered. ‘What do you mean?’
‘What about us? You and me?’ she said.
‘Look, I didn’t realise … ’ and before he could say anymore, she wrapped her arms around him and sobbed bitterly against his chest.
David was at a loss, he didn’t want to hold her again, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave her. As Joanne clung to him, her hands pulling on his jacket, he could only touch her shoulders with his fingertips, afraid any response would be misconstrued. He knew he’d acted recklessly and cursed his lack of judgement. ‘Come on, Jo. I’ll take you home. I’m sorry, this is all my fault.’
David reluctantly put his arms across her shoulder and walked her down the hill to the bungalow, steadying her from slipping on the frozen snow.
Joanne buried her head in his chest and, as they walked together in the darkness, David knew after all, now, would be a very good time to get away. He mustn’t let Joanne feel any longer that she had some claim on him, but he couldn’t bring himself to tell her.
‘Joanne, listen,’ David softly pleaded. ‘We’re only going away for the weekend, like we used to. When we get back we’ll all go out together again, the three of us, like old times.’
‘I don’t want old times, Davey, I want new times!’ She pushed him away and left him at the garden gate. Then as she stepped into the lamplight by the porch, she turned and said, ‘I pray for us every night, Davey,’ and went indoors.
David kicked the gatepost, muttered some indiscernible words, and recalled his father saying: “What do you know about women, Davey?” And in this, David thought his father was right, as he realised he knew nothing.
6
THE TOWER
They were just two faces in the crowd; a sea of tangerine and red. Bodies were swaying backwards and forwards as they waved scarves and banners, and all the more so as the tension in the game mounted.
To be in a football crowd after spending your life isolated on a farm was difficult, claustrophobic even, but also exciting. Tony, more vocal than David, joined in enthusiastically with the chanting; the noise at times was unbearable.
They had stood on the Kop before and they knew what to expect; Tony had said the atmosphere would be better. The man standing next to David had been drinking and as David caught the smell of his stinking breath, it nauseated him.
They started by leaning on the blue rails for support but each time the crowd surged forward it crushed them against the metal bars. As the crowd receded, they dodged underneath the rails, but with no support at all, found themselves being jostled around even more. Tony was amused, like it was a game, as several times he became separated from David. The drunken man next to David had what appeared to be his son with him. The boy must have only been about eight or nine and looked vulnerable in the huge crowd, but the man was unconcerned. David wanted to help the boy, and pulled hi
m back several times to his father.
On the train journey down to Blackpool, David had felt carefree and like a child himself, and was happy that he’d come away.
When Tom knew they were going to a football match, he begged David to take him with them, and almost succeeded. But Kathy had intervened at the last minute, so David left Tom at the door, still pleading, and he promised to take him to another game soon.
As United scored an equalising goal, the two friends were separated again. David was pushed forward and he felt the young boy squash into his stomach and he tried to protect him by shoving the man in front away.
Suddenly, a loud crack sounded from behind as some supporters let off a firework. David’s instinct was to fling himself over the boy to shield him; his body tense and electric with muscle spasms and fear. Someone had done this for him in the past and, although he didn’t know it yet, David would have to do it again in the future.
For a few moments David held the boy tight to his body, then he felt a hand heavy on his arm and, as he turned around, the boy’s father punched David in the face.
With the fierceness of the blow, he struggled to keep his footing and he started to fall. Blood trickled down his cheek and saturated his t-shirt and David knew that if he did fall, the crowd would be on top of him. His instant reaction was one of survival, as he grabbed the arms and legs of those about him to stay on his feet. He didn’t know what had happened to the boy but felt stupid as he struggled for breath. Then he started to choke as his clothes tightened around him, and the collar of his t-shirt cut into his neck. He felt himself being dragged backwards and once again struggled to keep his footing; he thought he would die here in this noisy, dreadful place, with chanting noises that would remain in him; like some monotonous dream.
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