‘After I get you out of here I will.’
‘No, man … just leave me … I’ll be okay.’
David left Tony and promised to return quickly, knowing he was making a bad decision. He found the nearest chemist for some remedies, bought some brandy and food and took them back. It was well into the evening before he eventually managed to contact Kelly and she was as concerned as David was, and reluctantly gave him some instructions.
That evening the two men slept side by side on the same old mattress. David didn’t ask Tony how he’d got into such a state, squatting in this old house, and neither could he tell his friend his motive in coming in the first place; he would have to wait.
David decided that as soon as he could move Tony, he would try and get him to Peter’s flat or back to Cumbria. Straight away he started the process of nursing him. He bought a small gas burner and a pan to boil water and food in. He regularly gave him liquids as Kelly suggested, holding his head in his hands as he helped him to eat and drink. He gave him warm soup and fresh bread and yet, through all the hours of intimate care, Tony never once asked David why he’d come. He only knew as one day drifted into another, that David had probably saved his life.
Tony was nursed for three weeks with the help of Banjo the old man and Twist the black youth. They were Tony’s friends. They were buskers and they’d all met at the Royal Albert Hall. Banjo had invited them to share his flat, and Tony had willingly joined him without realising it was only a squat. They played on the cold London streets together trying to earn some money; that was until the pneumonia returned. They had earned some money from their takings, but Banjo had stolen most of it and squandered it on alcohol and gambling and had become incapable of looking after himself. He was now remorseful and depressed at the way he had let Tony down. He’d begged David to let him help, but David took charge and felt he was more of a liability.
The boy, Twist, had been more helpful, and one evening returned with a pocketful of drugs and penicillin. David guessed they were probably from a dubious source, but gratefully accepted the medicine and refused the rest.
The two men barely separated except for David’s trips to the supermarket for food. And David soon found himself feeding the whole household, as the others realised he had money. He couldn’t see the boy and the old man go hungry while he and Tony were satisfied.
The four of them sat and played cards late into the night. Laughing at the old man, telling stories of living rough, busking when he was well and sleeping in hostels when he was poorly. The boy was talented and would sing and play Tony’s guitar to entertain them, but then disappear for hours at a time on some nameless errand.
Twist and Banjo soon began to trust David, just as they had trusted Tony. David felt at ease, being accepted for who he really was. He was no longer a victim and much like all of them, felt free, and had no concerns for the future. Each day was enough to satisfy them. They could eat, sleep and occasionally laugh. David didn’t think about his family or the farm at all. His main concern was to see Tony get better. But he knew he couldn’t stay. He didn’t want to live like this, amongst the muck and the squalor, the cold nights and the long days. No fresh water, no baths, and the filthy toilets.
Through all of this Tony didn’t seem to notice David’s lack of anxiety. He never once questioned him as to how long he would stay, until one day when the two men were alone. Twist hadn’t been seen for two days and Banjo was sober enough to do some busking. David had been shopping in the morning and had left Tony sleeping and had decided today he would take him out for a walk and buy him a good hot meal.
They didn’t walk far before Tony had to stop as dizziness and weakness overcame him. They didn’t intend going far; despite the day being dry, it was cold. Neither could they go anywhere respectable to eat because of their appearance as both were unshaven and only David was relatively clean.
They sat opposite one another in a diner looking out through greasy, steamy, windows into the street, when Tony took David by surprise.
‘Why did you come, Dave?’
David didn’t look at him, but continued to stare out of the window. He didn’t know where to start, and then wiping some of the condensation away with his hand, said, ‘Because the man who I thought was my father, is dead!’
Tony scowled and was unsure of how to reply.
But David repeated, ‘George Keldas is dead … and I’ve discovered that he isn’t my father.’
‘Oh boy … I don’t know what to say.’
‘I know, it’s incredible isn’t it. But don’t be sorry for me,’ David smiled. ‘You see I’m free now, but God knows who my father is. Mum reckons she doesn’t know, but she’s no slut. She must know. But all that matters for now is, I’m not George Keldas’s son and I’ll not end up as mindless as him and I’m free.’
‘What happened? How did he die? How did you find out he wasn’t your dad?’
‘The police said he’d escaped on the way to hospital and had stolen a car. They bungled things up and George got to Keld Head first. He came back to the farm intending to shoot me, but a police marksman shot him in the nick of time.’ His words had an impact on both men and David stopped and cleared his throat. ‘Joanne was with me. I probably saved her life, but I’ve something to ask, that you might find unbelievable.’ David spoke clearly and deliberately now. ‘I’ve never believed anything in my life what he said could be true and yet, I wonder, after all these years, if some of it was… . ’ and he fiddled with the cutlery on the table. ‘Did you ever see him with Joanne?’
‘I don’t understand… . What are you implying?’
‘I mean, could they have had some kind of affair?’
Tony wondered at David’s sanity. This strange calmness he had; leaving home for weeks on end with no word about his mother, his family, or the farm or anything. And now he wonders if the man, who he says is not his father, has had an affair with Joanne. ‘Dave … you are seriously losing it mate!’
‘No … for the first time in months - no years, I feel as sane as the next man. Believe me, Tony, this is true. Ring home, call my mother, anything, but please, this is important. I was going to marry Jo, you know that. I hurt her so much. She could have died because of me, and she nearly killed you! Then she came home a few weeks ago and she looked beautiful. She was well and happy and, although I knew I was still being a fool if I married her, if anyone could understand me and live with me, I guessed she could. I knew I could love her in some kind of way. I was going to ask her to marry me that very night. I thought what a lovely bride she’d make, and that she would love me and make me happy again, and at least I could put something right… . Then … Dad arrived and he caught us together. He was jealous, I could see that. It shocked him. Then he told me I was a bastard and if that wasn’t enough, he implied he’d had some kind of a relationship with Jo. And the next thing he was lying dead on the floor. And Jo, well she ran away. Poor girl, she must have been terrified. I know I was. I tried to talk to her, but she wouldn’t let me into the house. She said she hated me, yes, hated me … can you believe that? So now I have to find some answers. My mother admitted I wasn’t George’s son and now I need you to tell me about Jo… . If there’s anything you know about her and him? Don’t keep anything back from me.’
They were interrupted as the waitress brought in their meal, but Tony just looked at his plate and said. ‘I’m not hungry,’ and shoved it away. David gently pushed it back and beckoned him to eat.
‘I don’t know what you want me to say. I’ll have to think about this.’
‘Don’t hide anything. If you think you know something, tell me. I don’t want any more lies!’
‘I know one thing. You’d be a fool to marry Jo… . But that’s only my opinion. I must think about the rest.’
Despite the gravity of the situation, David ate his meal, but Tony chased his food around the plate. ‘There is something, Dave … something I never would have guessed meant anything if you hadn’t have bro
ught the subject up … I’m maybe wrong and I hope I am, but when she was fifteen, she did have a kind of crush on your Dad. He was a good-looking bloke before he was ill. She was never afraid of him, not like us. She got excited when he was around. If there was some kind of a scene at your place, she loved it. I could never understand why she wasn’t frightened of him. He scared the living-daylights out of me. Then once - no twice I think, I’d come home from work early and your Dad and Jo were alone together in the house. I could tell they’d been foolin’ around because Jo was blushing and he was laughing. Yet nothing really was going on, but I did wonder why he was there. I guessed he was looking for you or your mum. My dad was away at the time and I thought it was odd to find them together, but George was like that wasn’t he?’
David didn’t know whether to feel repulsed or relieved at Tony’s suggestion. ‘Can you help me find out the truth and sort this mess out? Then I can decide what to do about Jo.’
‘I’ll help you, mate.’ Tony was still serious. ‘I’ll help you all I can. You’ve probably saved my life and I think I owe it to you. Besides, Jo’s my sister, and I need to know what she’s been up to. I’ll come back to Keld Head with you, but I won’t stay.’
‘I don’t expect you to, because neither will I.’
Tony started to eat his meal with more enthusiasm. ‘Aren’t you going to lecture me, at how I managed to get into the state I’m in?’
‘Well, I don’t reckon much to your lodgings but, to be honest, at least you’re free. I guess things just haven’t worked out as you expected, have they?’ And, at last, David smiled.
*
The drunken washroom attendant wasn’t too happy to be letting them in. It was only because one of the young men looked like Jesus, and he spoke with a soft, quiet voice and walked with such stature. He reckoned that the other young man with red hair was some kind of disciple.
They said they were just two lads from up north, who’d come to London to rough it for a few days. But the washroom attendant knew differently. He’d prayed that one day he might have a visitation; that someone would come and rescue him and help him repent of his sins.
The one with red hair said that the dark young man had been his salvation and, that if he let them in for a good wash, he too could be so blessed.
The attendant watched them strip to the waist and wash their long and scraggly hair, then return to their dirty clothes. And his belief in a saviour came true, when the red haired young man started to sing Amazing Grace to him and the dark haired one gave him a handful of loose coins, and thanked him for his kindness and blessed him as they left.
*
David and Tony took a walk through a park and laughed at the joke they’d just played on the attendant. It was like old times, like their trip to Blackpool; at last, they had something to laugh at. They fed some dry crusts of bread to the ducks and talked about some of the skirmishes they’d had through their troubled lives, hoping things would change. But Tony had a deep feeling in his gut that one day, sooner or later, Joanne would hurt David. And David had a hope in his mind that one day he would be free of this crazy life of his.
They travelled back to Cumbria late in the day. They had an emotional farewell with Banjo and Twist, and Tony promised to return as soon as he could. As they left, the old man gave Tony a small package containing twenty-pounds. Banjo had earned it busking, and in some way had wanted to compensate for the drinking binge that had nearly taken Tony’s life.
They arrived back at Keld Head on a cold, wet and misty night. David tried to prepare himself mentally for a confrontation with Joanne and was disappointed that the bungalow was empty; they guessed she’d gone to Aberdeen again to her aunt’s. At least it gave him more time to think. The other disappointment was that it meant David would have to make another long journey with his sick friend.
David only glanced up the lane to the farm, and could see that every light in the farmhouse appeared to be on. He had no desire to call and Tony didn’t question David’s decision to stay at the bungalow. He called Kelly to tell her he was home and safe, and she agreed to come and bring them some groceries. She was suspicious of Tony’s secrecy and wondered why they didn’t want to leave the bungalow. She didn’t trust David Keldas at all, and wished Tony wasn’t involved with him.
David lit the fire and had a bath in deep, hot water. They were both stretched out in front of the fire relaxing when someone banged on the door. Tony went expecting to see Kelly but he returned to the sitting room with Alan Marsh.
David didn’t make any gesture of welcome and remained seated, half asleep, and this angered Alan. He thought David had a smug manner about himself, and Alan was appalled at his appearance.
‘So you’re back then.’ Alan was flustered and his large body trembled as he spoke. ‘What the deuce do you think you’re playing at? Leaving your mother like that without a word!’
David had never seen him look as angry and authoritative.
Tony backed away and watched over Alan’s shoulder. He wondered how David would reply. How much did Alan know?
David didn’t rise from his chair as he spoke. ‘I’m sorry, but I had to leave.’
‘Had to leave … ! Going swannin’ off to goodness knows where. What about your responsibility?’
David stood up and attempted to leave the room, not wanting to be involved in another argument.
‘Aye, that’s it Davey … run away like you always do … ! Do you think you’re the only one who’s had to suffer through all this? Your father dead and your mother at her wits end, worrying herself senseless over you!’
David looked at him coldly in the eyes. ‘What responsibility is this, Alan? Ask my mother what responsibility I have, eh?’ Ask her … ! What’s the matter, are you finding it hard doing all the work yourself? Not quite what you expected is it?’
Tony winced at his cutting words, but David persisted. ‘Besides … I thought you wouldn’t mind spending a bit more time with her.’
Alan grabbed David by the arm, but Tony intervened and came between the two men.
‘Don’t be stupid, Alan. Leave him be.’
‘Aye, I’ll leave him be all right. Don’t expect any more pity from me.’
‘I never asked for pity!’ David spat and stood his ground, and Alan was compelled to move away. But, as he headed for the door, he turned and said, ‘Your father was buried last Thursday, and you hadn’t even the guts to come to his funeral. I can’t understand you David… . It’s true what they say: The father eats the sour grapes, but it’s the son’s teeth that gets set on edge.’ And with that, Alan left.
David was shocked; he became pale and his heart pounded. In all his anxiety over Tony, his search for clues about Joanne, he’d never once considered that he might have missed the funeral. His days in London had blended and time hadn’t mattered. Nothing had mattered anymore, except his own self-interest and to see his friend recover.
Tony didn’t know how to console him, and could see the shock on David’s face, as reality hit him.
‘We’ll leave for Aberdeen tomorrow. I can’t stay here any longer.’
‘Do you think he knows the truth, Dave?’
‘I’m not sure… . It’s up to my mother what she tells him. It’s not my problem. I don’t need to say anything to him to justify my actions. If he thinks bad of me, then so be it.’
When David settled down on the sofa for the night, he knew he wouldn’t be comfortable but at least he would be warm and dry. He’d been asleep sometime, when he was wakened. Tony had put the light on and was clattering about in the bungalow. The noise continued and David was about to get up and see what he was doing, when Tony appeared and threw a small book down on David’s stomach.
‘Here … read this. It’ll give you nightmares!’
David, still dazed from his sleep, picked up a diary.
‘I hope this is all rubbish for your sake, Dave.’
David held the book and looked astonished. ‘What are you doing? Yo
u can’t read someone’s diary.’
‘Well, if you don’t read it you’ll never find out the truth will you,’ Tony insisted. ‘Read it, Dave … just read it. Is any of this true?’
David sat up on the sofa, rubbed his eyes and read through the pages of the private book that had been hidden in Joanne’s bedroom.
‘She must have left in a hurry, to leave this. I knew it existed, but I didn’t know where it was. I couldn’t sleep until I’d found it.’
David began to read descriptions about himself; details of the clothes he wore, the ones she said she’d liked. Him having his hair trimmed, and then going to Blackpool and being in a fight. The things he’d said to her, about him kissing her that first night. How he walked the fells with Tony and their other exploits, his drinking sessions with Tony and Darren Watson. These were the rational things. But then there were other things; things about her staying the night with him at the farmhouse. How they were to be married and run away together. How he had said he loved her. Then there were things she said they’d done together, vividly described, things that David was appalled to read.
‘This is all rubbish, Tony … ! This can’t be me she’s talking about - it must be someone else. We’ve never done these things. I’ve never said these things!’
‘Well it sounds like you, don’t it!’
‘That’s true, but …’ David was desperate to clear his name. ‘Tony, you have to believe me. Most of the things in here are just incredible. The product of a vivid imagination, or just wishful thinking.’
Tony flopped down on the sofa beside him. ‘Don’t worry, Dave … I believe you, but there’s more. Look at this.’ In his hand was a small photograph album.
The two men sat together long into the night flicking through its pages. There were pictures of the late George Keldas, ones they’d never seen before, taken some time ago. David was in some, but as a teenager. Then on the back were inscriptions, dates and times. There were also photographs of David sitting by the lake, walking alone, and working in the fields.
‘If she didn’t have some kind of a thing going with him - what’s this all about then?’
Northern Spirit Page 24