Betty didn’t see much more of him for the next few days. He stayed away from work; he stayed in bed most of the time, coming down only to eat a few slices of toast or for more painkillers. Then one evening, David came downstairs fully dressed. He was clean-shaven, rested and looked better. Betty finally managed to make him smile as she warmly stroked his face. The grazes on his cheek and his forehead were beginning to heal, but leaving dark lines where the skin had scabbed over.
He made no further attempts to go to work, but took his muddy walking boots and cleaned them over the fireplace.
*
The following morning David was up early and dressed before Betty was even awake. She heard the engine of the Volvo start up. He had left her a note on the table:
Gone to Scafell with Hannah Robson. Don’t wait up for me.
David.
Betty was fast running out of patience with him and slapped his note down on the table. ‘Oh you silly boy! You silly, silly boy!’
*
David arrived at the surgery and swung the car around in the driveway, flicking gravel and stones across the yard. He was early, so he didn’t knock the door but waited in the car. Hannah soon appeared and just to see her face was a boost for him. He was relieved she hadn’t changed her mind.
Hannah had been ready and waiting for some time. She was excited about her day and hoped that David hadn’t changed his mind.
She had made sandwiches, bought fruit and chocolate, and done a flask of coffee and some juice, just as promised. Hannah was well prepared and David was pleased she’d been sensible in what she’d chosen to wear.
He edged out of the car to help and hoped she didn’t notice his bad back. But she did see it. She saw it straight away. Hannah also noticed he appeared nervous, and could see scratches on his face and he looked vague and distant.
David barely greeted her as he put her things in the boot of the car. He packed away the foodstuffs into one rucksack, intending to carry most of the weight himself.
They sped off to Keswick, quickly through Dunmail Raise; he was driving far too fast. When he spoke to her, he spoke erratically, and his sentences were disjointed; almost rude.
Hannah was disappointed in him. She had looked forward to this day; butterflies were fluttering around in her stomach at the thought of seeing him again. Then there was the excitement of the walk; to see new places and to climb the highest mountain in England. But it was David’s presence that excited her most. Yet, today, he appeared to be his old self: the moody young man that she’d first met and, if he remained the same, she doubted she could enjoy her day at all. But Hannah was committed.
They parked on a small lane with a few other cars, and lifting her things from the boot of the car, David spoke softly, ‘Are you ready for this, then?’
Unbeknown to Hannah, David also felt nervous. All he’d hoped for was to be here with her. Doubts of her intentions flooded relentlessly in his head and he felt unworthy to take Hannah anywhere, and wrongly thought that she’d agreed to come, only because it was a chance to walk the high fells. He had been fooling himself in thinking it was him she wanted.
As he lifted the larger of the two rucksacks onto his shoulder, Hannah noticed him wince; there was definitely something wrong. She then remembered how he’d struggled to stand up when she had met him in Betty’s field.
‘David, are you sure you’re alright to carry that?’
He was embarrassed at her questioning and didn’t reply.
He set off at pace through the small farmyard and on to Stockley Bridge. Hannah striding out to keep just one pace behind him. She watched his elegant stride, as he walked tall and fast in front of her, yet there was still a slight limp that she hadn’t noticed before.
They walked up the gradients to Sty Head Ghyll, and despite his limp, David was certainly fitter than Hannah. She stopped several times to catch her breath and he politely waited for her and then as soon as she was rested, he would ask if she were okay, then start up again, yet he continued to limp.
When Hannah stopped to take another rest, she shouted to him, ‘David. You’re limping. Are you sure you’re okay?’ She was insistent this time.
David wasn’t okay. His back was already aching and he could feel a burning sensation down the back of his leg. ‘I’ll be all right. I’ve had a bad back that’s all, but I’m used to it now,’ he snapped back at her.
Hannah was irritated at his manner and her eyes widened as she too lost patience with him. ‘We’re not going to play these silly games again are we!’
Her words struck him hard. She was right to give him the discipline; he knew he was being a fool. Taking a step back onto the soft grass, David sat and waited for her. He lay back on the grass to ease his back and Hannah came and sat beside him.
‘I’m sorry, Hannah. All I wanted was to take you on this walk.’ He couldn’t look at her face, so just looked up at the blue sky. ‘My Aunt Betty thinks I’ve got sciatica. She’s been plying me with painkillers for three days now, but I’m not feeling much better.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me? We could have gone another day.’
‘But when, Hannah? When? You’re leaving soon!’ He propped himself up on his elbows, took the flask from his bag and poured some coffee, then he looked at her warm face and it compelled him to smile.
‘How much further is it?’ she spoke softly.
‘A long way yet. We have to get to Sty Head Tarn, then a steady climb up The Corridor, and then it gets rocky.’
She touched his arm with her hand. ‘Can you really go on?’
David knew he must be strong, but her kindness weakened him, much like Tony’s had during their stay in Blackpool when he had wept in his friend’s arms. He wanted to touch the girl’s face and stroke her hair, yet if she only knew that a few days earlier he had tried to kill another with his bare hands. But now he was here with Hannah sitting beside him, so lovely, gentle and trusting. She mustn’t know the thoughts that were swimming around inside his head.
Hannah could see he was troubled. She knelt upright and fumbled inside the rucksack for some chocolate and handed it to him, then looked determined into his eyes. ‘We don’t have to climb Scafell today. Let’s just enjoy the hills and each other’s company. I promise you, I’ll come back in summer and you can take me then! Anyway, I’m already tired. You may have a bad back, but there’s nothing wrong with your lungs. You’ve tired me out. Let’s rest awhile and see how we feel?’
Totally defeated, David agreed and chose a detour. And so they diverted onto the beautiful mountain pass, along a stream of water, cascading and foaming, blue and white in the sun, bordered by rocks that glistened white.
David knew she was wiser than he was. He was a fool to risk her life and his own, just to save his flagging ego. The mountains could be dangerous places if the weather changed and already darkened clouds were appearing on the horizon. David felt easier as he realised Hannah was just concerned for his injury. The more he relaxed, the more he talked, pointing out to her the surrounding fells, telling her their names.
‘You must know a lot about these hills, Davey… . You should bring people up here - become a guide or something.’
‘Ah, no, I don’t like walking with crowds,’ he smiled, ‘two or three’s enough for me.’
‘You should let Barry look at your back. He’s always illegally treating himself to the drugs at the surgery.’
‘I bet he is. He wanted you to stitch up my busted lip, remember?’
And the memory of that reminded Hannah of how much she had changed in her opinion of him, because now, looking at his face and attracted by his humility, she knew she would do anything to help him.
They sat down beside a tarn and a cool breeze caused her to move closer to him. She took a bottle of juice from his hand, and drank, then pulling open an orange and breaking the segments gently, they shared them like children.
‘What about your family name? It sounds very old… . What does Keldas mean? I’ve
never heard it before.’
David was embarrassed at this question and was reluctant to answer. ‘A Keld is a spring or a well. Like the farm - Keld Head. It was built near a spring, you see. Our family name was Kellet really, but my great-grandfather was an eccentric and he changed our name to the old Nordic meaning of Keldas.’
‘Has your family lived here for generations, then?’
He paused and was unsure how to continue. What family was this! His mother was from Lancaster and that was all he knew; there was no ancestry to talk of, and as he bowed his head a little, Hannah realised she’d been insensitive. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry. It must hurt you to talk about your father.’
David knew he couldn’t lie any more. He wanted to be honest with her and clear his name; he’d once been proud of his family, but no longer. He guessed Hannah had been wary of him in the past, and was uncomfortable with his moods. He didn’t want her to think it was anything to do with him being like George Keldas. He believed he was no mindless and abusive womaniser. He was as honest and as faithful as they come.
‘Hannah. There’s something I must tell you, and I don’t quite know how to say it.’ There was sadness in his eyes. ‘I want to tell you before anyone else does. You see George Keldas wasn’t my real father. I don’t know who my real father is!’
Hannah felt like she had electricity running through her veins. ‘Please don’t, Davey… . You don’t have to tell me this,’ and she looked away from him, but he held her shoulders and turned her towards him, lifting her a little. Then realising he was squeezing her shoulders as hard as he’d squeezed Joanne‘s neck, his fingers trembled and he pulled his hands away.
‘Yes, I do. I do!’ he emphasised. ‘You’re my friend, I hope, and I wanted you to know the truth. I didn’t want you to be afraid of me. I can’t expect you to understand what I’ve been through… . I guess I’ve had some kind of trauma. Things have been hard, but I’m getting better. I just wanted to tell you.’
Hannah pulled away and hugged her knees into her chest, then folded her arms around them, and repeated herself, ‘You didn’t have to tell me this, Davey … ’ she hesitated, ‘because I already knew!’
David’s mouth dropped open. ‘I’m sorry, I don’t understand. How did you know?’
Hannah could see she’d gone deeper into this man’s heart than she’d intended. She would never forget the look in his eyes. ‘Because Barry told me… .’
‘And how for pity’s sake did Barry know?’ He threw his head back.
Hannah didn’t want to say anymore as she watched him lie back on the grass and rest his head on the soft turf.
David should have felt a great relief but he didn’t, he felt ill at ease and confused. Then he quickly sat up again and said, ‘How did Barry know? Who’s been talking about me?’ and this time he was angry and insistent.
‘Oh Davey … Davey… . You are so slow at times!’ She looked longingly at his face and his blackened eyes pierced her. ‘Nobody needed to tell him,’ she stressed. ‘No one … no one!’
David looked at her and tried to grasp the meaning of what she’d just said, but couldn’t.
‘Oh for goodness sake, David… . You’re Barry’s son!’
David was motionless. He felt like he’d been given a golden nugget, a diamond, and a prize of highest value. This cannot be true. It couldn’t be as simple as this.
‘What – what do you mean, Hannah? I don’t know what to say. How do you know this? It’s impossible!’
She came up closer to him and wished she hadn’t told him, but how could she have prevented it. ‘Hush now… . Don’t speak anymore. You must have time to take this in. I’m sorry Davey, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you. Please don’t think Barry’s been gossiping about you… . I’ve only known myself a few weeks. He wanted me to know how much he cares for you. Yes and I care for you, too.’ she put her hand on his arm and squeezed it. ‘On the day that Eleanor left him, I came home from a shopping trip in Kendal, and he was sitting in the office looking at some old newspaper cuttings he had about you; those taken with him, when you were a boy; those of George Keldas and the shootings at Keld Head. He started to cry and I felt so embarrassed. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t stop him. But Barry said he wanted to treat me like a daughter and that I should know about him and Eleanor. He told me he’d had a relationship with your mother when they were younger. He told me you were his son and that you didn’t know. He told me everything, Davey - everything, and I promised I’d never tell a soul. Oh, don’t you see, you’re so like him; those eyes of yours. The day I saw you at Hawkshead and you’d had your haircut, I couldn’t believe the likeness. You even act like him; you’re sensitive, just like him, and I know why you found it hard to cope with the situation at Keld Head: you shouldn’t have been there.’ She paused and then said, ‘come on, let’s walk, I’m getting cold.’
‘No, wait, Hannah – please. I can’t take this in. I feel embarrassed – naked.’
‘Don’t be, please… .We must walk, Davey. You need time to take it in.’
David struggled to his feet. And as he held out his hand to help her to stand, he refused to let go.
Hannah felt his body trembling through hers, as they walked side by side, hand in hand, then she squeezed his hand in response. She talked non-stop about the beautiful scenery; anything to distract him from asking more questions.
David would never recall any of the steps he took that day, despite the fact that his back ached like nothing on earth.
At first he felt ashamed of his mother and Barry, then delight, but then there was repulsion. Then he felt risen by his new status, then he felt low, as he considered his conception and became as small and insignificant as the embryo he’d been. He thought he’d been moulded like clay in someone’s hand.
Hannah never intended to tell David the truth. Barry had assured her that he was in ignorance. And she worried if she’d done the right thing. Yet with the respect she had for David, she could no longer see him suffer.
The white rocks in the ghyll glistened in the sunshine. Tufts of lilac coloured heather and bright green strands of fern sprouted in the crevices of the rocks. White and grey, fluffy clouds dappled the sky. The noise of the water was refreshing as it splashed down the valley and made its way to Stockley Bridge and Derwent Water. A cool breeze blew on their backs. Hannah and David were bonded by a secret and it was the emotion of the moment that made David believe he now loved her. He hoped he could see her every day until she left. He was happy, it was she who’d revealed this truth to him, and no other. He found himself inwardly saying Barry’s surname, repeatedly: Fitzgerald - Fitzgerald. But he knew it was a name he could never bear.
*
David fell into the car; the relief was intense.
He didn’t need persuading to stop for a cold drink on the way home as their conversation flowed light and easy. Hannah promised to meet him the following night if he wasn’t working, and a pang of anxiety touched him as he wondered if he still had a job.
As they sat outside a bar in the last of the afternoon’s sunshine, David told her all about his time in London. He told her of Banjo and the boy, Twist, and how they’d helped Tony get better.
Hannah told David how much Barry had worried about him while he was missing, and had spent an agonising three weeks, until they heard he was safe.
David put his arm around Hannah, and she leant back on his shoulder. He felt her soft brown hair touch his face. ‘Hannah… .’ he softly spoke.
She looked at him and knew exactly what he wanted. She reached across to kiss him but she didn’t notice him hesitate.
*
The day drew cooler and a strong breeze was beginning to emerge as David drove her home. ‘It looks like we’ve had the best part of the day,’ she said. ‘Oh, Davey, I nearly forgot,’ she sounded excited. ‘There was a piece in the local newspaper about a girl that had been assaulted on Claife Heights… . Can you believe it … ! Your aunty told m
e it wasn’t safe to be up there alone. Just think, it could have been me!’
David’s heart fell heavy; the weight was back and dragging him into the mire and, as he stared out into the distance, he gripped the steering wheel with his hands and muttered, ‘It could never have been you, Hannah - never.’
21
A CAPTIVE AUDIENCE.
Betty sat in the parlour window watching the road. She nibbled at some small squares of pork pie placed on a pretty floral china plate. She’d saved some for David, hoping he wouldn’t be as late home as his note suggested.
She had tried to stop herself from worrying about him too much. There was no point; the Keldas men always did as they pleased. At least the weather had stayed fine and the mountaintops were free of mist, with just a few clouds lingering. But as the late afternoon brought more cloud and the day deteriorated, Betty saw specks of rain appear on the window, and she hoped David had finished his walk.
Betty had missed him dreadfully today. Perhaps because she knew he was with Hannah. She should have been delighted that he’d found a friend, and the girl was likeable; but Betty hoped this Hannah could cope with David’s problems. She also wondered how sincere Hannah’s friendship was and Betty dreaded she might disappoint him.
David had certainly been happy the day they’d sat together in the garden, and Betty wondered if Hannah could lift him out of the desperate state he had sunk into. Nevertheless, she still felt a kind of loneliness. Having David live with her these last few weeks had been better than any medicine the doctor could prescribe. She thought that perhaps now her useful life was over. She had cared for her husband for over sixty years and, regrettably, not had any children; David was the closest thing to a son she had. But Betty feared, much like Kathy a few weeks earlier, that she was losing him. The one consolation she had was to have been a refuge for him when he most needed it. At a time of life when some would feel useless, Betty felt that she had struck gold. She’d found one, final and ecstatic, rush of life surge through her veins.
Betty saw a white car coming slowly down the lane and pull up outside the cottage. Her heart jumped when she saw a policeman open the garden gate and knock on her door; it must be David; something had to be wrong. Betty was so afraid that a great weakness came over her and she was unable to stand, so she feebly called out and asked the man to enter.
Northern Spirit Page 33