Heavy Hearts

by Kaemke, Kylie

  Finn’s dad wanted him to quit working at the ranch after the funeral, but Finn wouldn’t have it. Before I came along all he did was school, work, sleep, and repeat. He barely spoke, never hung out with friends, and was a generally sad person to be around. But now I was there and he had something in his life to balance out the bad.

  “So, Lucy, have any colleges in mind?” He asked before inserting a forkful of meat into his mouth. I didn’t really want to get on this subject. I brought going back to high school up once in front of Finn and he had a conniption fit. However, I had to be polite… right?

  “Uhm, well. I’m keeping my options open. I have my whole Senior year to figure out what I want” I

  My father knew this and shot me a puzzled look. I squinted my eyes at him and tried to make him understand “not now”, and he must have understood me because he remained quiet and ate his meal.

  “I see,” Mr. Haywood replied. “Finn goes back to school in less than two weeks. I wish he would start thinking about colleges.” I was nervous that he would bring up how little time we had left of the summer. I really didn’t want to have that discussion, so I just nodded my head and smiled politely as I swallowed a spoonful of potatoes.

  Finn smiled at me, but I could tell he was annoyed even though he didn’t say anything. We ate in silence for the rest of the meal.

  Mary brought out some angel food cake with whipped cream and strawberries for dessert.

  “I’m going to take ours to go,” I grabbed both our plates and began to get up. “As long as that’s okay…?” I waited for a reply. My father nodded his head and that was all I needed. I headed for the door and Finn followed close behind.

  “What are you up to girl?” He wondered.

  “Just get in the truck,” I said, still holding two plates of delicious dessert. He opened the door for me and helped me in so I didn’t drop our treats. My mouth watered as I breathed in the scrumptious scent of the juicy strawberries. I couldn’t help myself and I had to bite into one.

  “Hey! No fair!” Finn cried. “If you’re going to sneak a strawberry at least have the decency to feed me one too.”

  I set one plate in my lap and held the other steady as I plucked the biggest strawberry off the top, making sure to get a generous amount of whipped cream on it.

  “Ready?” I asked. He opened his mouth wide but still kept his eyes on the road. I placed the berry on his tongue and instructed him to bite. He let out a throaty moan as his teeth ripped apart the fruit. I tossed the leafy green part out of the window for an animal to find and enjoy.

  “Delicious, thank you babe” he said while leaning over in his seat to give me a kiss on the cheek. I scooted closer to him on the bench seat; setting the plates down next to me in the hopes that they wouldn’t fly off the seat. I had to straddle my legs so he had room to move the shifter, but I rather enjoyed the front seat of this car because it allowed me to snuggle up to him as he drove.

  “So, where is it that we are going?” He asked.

  “Oh, um… I don’t care. Just park somewhere that we will for sure be alone. Somewhere where we can see the stars and enjoy our dessert and each other.” I said while sliding my hand down his inner thigh. It didn’t take him long to find a nice hidden spot away from any lights, cars, or homes. There weren’t many trees around so we had a clear view of the beautiful summer sky.

  I hopped out of the truck. “Can you take the plates please? I’m going to make the truck bed more comfortable.”

  After our first sensual day at the pond I decided to hide a stash of comfy blankets and towels in a bag that I stuffed behind the seat. Luckily Finn kept his truck bed free of anything since he had to use it to haul things on the job. So I had the whole space to lay out a couple of blankets to be comfortable.

  The night summer air was warm, but not humid. There was a slight breeze and it felt like rain, although there wasn’t a cloud in sight.

  We climbed into my new cozy cuddle space and fed each other more strawberries and cake. Occasionally one of us would purposely get a little whipped cream on the other's nose, or the corner of the mouth, so we could kiss each other to clean it off. Almost all the whipped cream was gone before I decided to get adventurous.

  I grabbed the last strawberry from my plate and scooped up the last bit of cream, but before placing it in my mouth I “accidentally” dropped the whip cream right on my chest. My yellow sundress was quite low cut, and mixed with the summer heat it began to slide down into my cleavage. I looked to Finn as I placed the rest of the strawberry and cream in my mouth while lifting my eyebrows to challenge him to make the next move. Before I could even swallow the fruit he was on me, lapping the cream up with his tongue just like I planned.

  There was a point in a relationship when there was no longer any awkwardness when it came to sex, it was pretty much implied that he was allowed to do with me as he pleased, and I liked that.

  I fell back onto the blankets to let him have me. His greedy hands couldn’t get under my dress quickly enough, and I could feel the tension from the awkward dinner chat we had less than an hour ago with our fathers. I felt it in his kiss. It was hard and hungry; like he had been deprived of it for months, or like he would be deprived of it for longer.

  “Finn…” I said in between breaths. I had to get him to relax. “Baby, please. You’re hurting me a little.” He pulled back instantly.

  “I’m sorry,” he bowed his head and looked defeated. “I’m sorry Lucy, I just… I need you. I need you bad and I’m afraid if I let go of you you’re going to fly away.” I knew it was only a matter of time before we had to have the conversation, and I had a feeling that the topic of the brief dinner discussion was going to stir something up.

  “Finn, I’m not going to fly away. I’m not going anywhere.” I tried.

  “Yet.” He cut in.

  “I still have three weeks before I leave to go back to school, three weeks is a long time. Besides,” I tried to make my voice sound as chipper as possible to brighten his now cloudy mood. “I’m going to come visit you on the weekends. Manhattan isn’t that far away!” I had to stay positive for him. Even though I was feeling just as negative, but I felt like I could handle it better. “Can we please enjoy ourselves and worry about this dreary stuff later, please baby? I have an itch that only you can scratch,” and just like that he was mine again.

  We held each other in the truck for a few hours after a round of strawberry induced intimacy. I must have fallen asleep because I was startled awake at the sound of Finn shouting.

  “Dad! What the hell is your problem?” I was still in a sleepy haze as I sat up in the truck bed, pulling the blanket around my naked body. I tried to ask what was wrong, but he couldn’t hear me over his rage.

  “Just don’t move, I’ll be there soon,” he snapped and hung up the phone. Still not knowing what was going on I tried to get something out of him, but he just barked “get dressed” at me and climbed out of the truck bed to get into the front seat. I did as I was told and climbed into the front seat beside him, but keeping myself at a far enough distance so I didn’t set him off. I had only seen him angry like that a few times, but I knew to let him cool off before I tried to reconcile anything.

  This time was different though.

  He pulled me over across the seat so I was almost on his lap. He hugged me close to his side and kissed the top of my head. His kiss was full of sadness.

  “Do you want to tell me what happened?” I pried.

  “My dad.”

  “Yeah?”

  “I never told you before, but before mom got sick… he was a heavy alcoholic. Mom helped him get clean, and he had been sober for years; he didn’t even pick up a single bottle even after she died.”

  “That’s will power.” I said, willing him to continue.

  “Yeah, well that will power must’ve run out. He just called me from a bar in town and he is smashed. Slurring his words, he’s trying to tell me he’s going to drive himself home, but I obv
iously can’t let that happen. I just can’t believe all of a sudden he would just start drinking. It infuriates me,” he sighed and pulled me closer.

  “Did he say why?” I wondered.

  “That’s the best part… he says it’s you.”

  “ME?!” I was shocked and hurt all at the same time.

  “Not you specifically, but he said he can’t stand to see how happy you make me anymore because it makes him miss mom too much. Which I feel for the guy, and I miss her like crazy as well… but what am I supposed to never be happy in life because he lost his wife? Am I supposed to travel the world alone taking care of my fragile father? I need someone to take care of me too ya know!” He was starting to raise his voice again and I tried to lean away, but he refused to loosen his grip.

  “I know Finn. I’m here, it’s okay!” I hugged him tight as well to show him I was here. I needed to calm him down. Especially since he was easily driving twenty over the speed limit.

  “Yeah, I know. He just… I don’t know how he could do this.” He starts to slow down. “When we get there will you drive my truck and follow us? I’ll drive him in his truck.”

  “That’s no problem at all. I got your back baby” I smiled up at him and he kissed me lightly on the tip of my nose. I could feel the tension begin to melt away.

  We pulled up to the sleazy bar and I spotted Mr. Haywood right away, leaning against a brand new all black Ford F150, or at least trying to lean.

  Finn parked his beat up truck next to the new shiny behemoth and hopped out. I didn’t bother getting out since I was quite hurt at the things that Finn’s father had to say about me being in Finn’s life. I thought things were great between us, but I guess I thought wrong.

  The windows were rolled down, so I could hear the entire confrontation unfolding right in front of me.

  “Just please dad, get in the truck, I’m taking you home,” Finn pleaded with his grown father who was acting like a stubborn child. His skin looked like worn out leather and it hung off his face as if it was melting. He was old, and he looked it. I didn’t know his exact age, but if I had to guess I’d have to have said at least fifties. Although he looked like he had aged ten years since I last saw him at dinner.

  He slurred his words and tried to push past Finn. “No, jsst one murr driiink. I’m ffien” he sputtered.

  “Dad! Get in the truck now before I put you in it!” Finn shouted, causing me to jump.

  “Okay… okay. No neeeed to ssshoout son.” But he began to climb into Finn’s truck instead of his own. He stopped and stared at me, squinting his eyes to get a good look.

  “What? Awww Finn… w-w-why’d you briiing herr?” I knew I shouldn’t have blamed him for the things that he was saying, but drunken words were sober thoughts right?

  I stayed silent and held back the tears that began to form.

  “No, dad, your truck. Lucy is going to drive my truck and I’m taking you home in yours” Finn instructed and pulled his father away from the truck. “And you know why I brought her. I love her and if you can’t handle that then I’m sorry, but that’s your problem and no amount of alcohol is going to fix that.”

  I still remained silent, but a small smile appeared on my face as I listened to him defend me.

  They both got in the truck and Finn pulled away. I followed close behind since it was dark and I had never actually been the one driving to Finn’s house.

  I tuned the radio to the first station that was playing music. I didn’t recognize the voice bellowing out of the old crackling speakers, but it sounded decent enough. My mind was more focused on the truck in front of me that held my boyfriend and his belligerent father. Every once in a while the truck would swerve one way and then the other. It was making me extremely nervous.

  His house wasn’t too far from the bar, but it was just far enough. We were about three miles away from the bar and I had to turn the radio off as I watched Finn swerve wildly in front of me. It was as if he had no control over the wheel, and I felt helpless. I prayed for a cop hiding behind a tree, or even for Finn just to pull over. Clearly there was something wrong. I wanted to pull out my phone and call him, but that might have made matters worse.

  The truck straightened its path for a while and I began to relax in my seat, but all too soon.

  All I did was blink my eyes for half a second longer than normal, but when I re-opened them it was just in time to watch the oversized black truck fly off the road and smash into a tree.

  Chapter 25

  Things began to move in slow motion as I passed by the flying glass and crumpled metal. It sounded just as bad as it looked; like crushing cans, but amplified by a thousand. I felt sick and I slammed on the brakes. I forced the truck into park and I spilled out, trying to fight the urge to just lie on the pavement and scream. Although I did scream. I wasn’t sure if anything was coming out though. I felt like I was screaming, my mouth was open wide and my brain was telling me to scream for help, but I couldn’t hear it. I couldn’t hear anything but the sound of my heart beating faster than the wings of a humming bird. All I could think of was Finn as I ran to the wreckage.

  The truck’s front end was wrapped around the tree like it had planned on just driving over to give it a hug. Smoke was billowing out of the engine block and shattered glass covered the grass and pavement. We were easily going fifty-five maybe even sixty miles per hour down this empty country road, so the impact was brutal. I finally approached the driver’s side door and I tried to pull it open with all my might, but no such luck. I looked in through the window, but I couldn’t see much of anything. I didn’t think Finn was inside. I saw one slumped over figure that may have been a body in the passenger seat. Mr. Haywood most likely, but I couldn’t get the door open to get to him.

  I shouted his name “MR. HAYWWOOD!”, and I thought to myself ‘that’s funny I never learned his first name’. I wanted to laugh and cry all at the same time and I couldn’t help but think there was something seriously wrong with me.

  The door was no use and I realized that there was no one around to help. I pulled my cell out of the pocket in my sundress and frantically dialed the numbers 9-1-1. I searched around the front of the car and I saw that the windshield was in fact shattered, but outwards, meaning something went through it, or rather someone.

  “911 how may I help you?” I heard a stale voice recite.

  “Accident… there, there’s been an accident.” I was crying hysterically now, I couldn’t help it.

  “Okay miss, calm down and tell me where you are.” She became more alert now that she knew there was a real problem.

  “I- uh I’m a few miles away from the bar on Main Street, I don’t know where exactly.”

  “Okay, I have ambulances on their way. Is anyone hurt? Are you hurt?”

  “I’m… no. But m-my boyfriend and his dad were in the car. They hit a tree. Hard!” I was crying even harder now. I couldn’t see Finn anywhere. It was dark, too dark.

  “And what is their condition?” She demanded.

  “Oh God, I don’t even know. Uhm. I can’t find Finn, and his dad…” I looked back in the truck through the window of the passenger side. I couldn’t get that door open either. “Oh no, oh please no… I think… he’s not moving. I can’t tell. Please hurry!”

  “Okay miss, okay. The ambulance is coming as fast as it can, just hang on the line and someone will be there with you shortly…” but I didn’t. I dropped the phone the second I heard rustling coming from the brush in the woods behind the tree.

  I expected to scare off a raccoon or a rabbit, but I almost collapsed when I saw Finn was there, lying in a bush, struggling to get up. I dropped to my knees by his side and helped him out of the bush.

  “Oh Finn! Finn!” I yelped, tears streaming down my face as I tried to gently caress him. I couldn’t tell how badly he was hurt just yet, but I knew that he was breathing and that was enough for right now.

  “Lucy! My dad?” he asked. His words barely audible. He spit blood as he
spoke and I begged him to lie still and wait for the ambulance. I couldn’t bear to watch him find his father; who I was pretty sure was dead.

  “Baby, you’re hurt, please… please stay still and wait for the paramedics. Your dad… he’s in the car. I can’t – I can’t get the doors open,” and right on cue when I said it the truck began to shoot out flames from its front end, setting it and the tree on fire. I draped myself over Finn to shield him from any flying debris. He fought me, crying out for his father and shouting at me to let him up. But even he realized he couldn’t get up as he cursed out in pain and grabbed a hold of his right leg. Broken I assumed.

  We were far enough away from the flames that they couldn’t hurt us, but we sure did feel the heat. And I didn’t know if it only happened in movies, but I didn’t want to stick around long enough to find out if that truck was going to explode once the flames reached the gas tank.

  “Finn we have to move,” I tried to get him to hear me over his cries, but I wasn’t even sure if he even could see me anymore.

  Not knowing what to do I tried my best to get him to his feet. His painful shrieks crippled me and I wanted to give up, but I couldn’t. I had to be strong for the both of us.

  I finally hobbled us out to the road and near Finn’s old truck. I leaned him up against the large tire and I could finally hear the sirens blaring in the distance. I wanted to be relieved, but it was hard when I knew that the flames were eating Finn’s last remaining parent alive, or dead, at that point I had hoped he was dead before the fire. I tried not to look at the flaming mess as I attempted to keep Finn focused on me, but he drifted in and out of consciousness and there was a chance shock was setting in as he began to shake. It was only a few seconds later that there was a large burly man pulling me off of Finn, while a smaller and much younger woman rushes to his side to assess the situation.

  The paramedic put me in the ambulance and began to question me, but I screamed at him to help Mr. Haywood, or at least I thought I was screaming again. Everything was silent one more time before I felt myself fall backwards into the sterile cab of the ambulance and then everything was just black.