by Renee Dyer
“You seem stressed, Mick. I love getting you off, don’t get me wrong. I’d do it every damn night. Several times,” I add for good measure. “But I can tell when you’re using me to work through shit.”
A string of profanity I can’t keep up with spews from her mouth and I think my name was in there a few times. Verbal virus of the mouth, much?
“What did you think of Tucker?”
Huh? What did she just ask?
“Tucker?”
“Yes, B. What did you think of him?” The look on her face tells me this is important. He seemed nice, but I drank a lot and I’m not sure I was really paying attention. Aww shit. I’m about to get myself in trouble.
“Uh, I liked him. Seems like a decent guy. I don’t know how to answer this, Mick. I didn’t learn much about him and I drank a lot. What are you looking for here?” I’m struggling and the look on her face is scaring me. It’s a look of… hope, I think. But, hoping for what?
Oh, hell no. I know we talked about a threesome a long time ago, but I thought we agreed that was a no go now that we’re getting married. All my insecurities about being enough for her come flaring back to life. Fuck. She wants the movie star. Hot Stuff. That’s what she called him all night. I should have seen it coming. The winking. She was flirting with him. Right in front of me. I think I’m gonna be sick.
“I think he might be the one to bring Adri out of her funk,” she says quietly, looking down at the bed.
Come again? Adri, not Mick. Not my Mick. Oh God. I’m such a stupid asshole. Grabbing her hand and placing my other hand under her chin, I force her to look at me.
“What’s going on in the hot ass, fiery head of yours, Mick?” When she chuckles I know she’s starting to let go a little.
“I don’t know if I can explain it. And it has nothing to do with being a shrink. This is all about being her friend. She was different tonight.”
“She hugged me,” I cut in.
“That was only part of it, B. She was laughing. I thought the big thing was her talking about Alex, but looking back, that wasn’t it.” She stops talking and a huge smile spreads across her face making my lower region wake up. Guess I’ll be ready when this conversation is over.
“What was the big thing?” I ask, waggling my eye brows at her. She laughs again and slaps me on my chest. Leaving her hand there, she runs slow circles around my nipple. Yep, definitely want this conversation over.
“She hugged Tucker… in front of all of us.” She’s right. I had forgotten about that. “Then he touched her face, B, and I saw her lean into his hand. Whether she was aware of it or not, she did it. She wants to live.” A shudder runs through her and I pull her into my side. “I’m just afraid what will happen when he goes back to his show and she’s left here.”
Well shit, if that ain’t a mood killer then I don’t know what is. Kissing her head and rubbing her arms, I let her work through the thoughts running through her head. People think Mick is brazen and loud mouthed all the time, but they don’t see what I see. She’s thoughtful, caring, and far too often puts everyone else before her.
When I hear her sniffing, I look down to see tears falling down her cheeks.
“Don’t cry, Mick. We’ll help her through this. I promise we won’t let her fall again.” I don’t know how we’ll get Adri through it if Tucker breaks her heart, but I refuse to break this promise to Mick. I love her too damn much and I’ve watched her struggle ever since Adri fell apart.
“Thanks, Blake.” Shit just got heavy. She never calls me by my whole name.
“For what, babe?”
“For knowing what to say and for knowing when to bring B.O.B. out to play.”
I laugh, feeling the rumble all the way to my toes. I love this woman more than I ever thought possible. “Anytime, babe. Anytime.”
Chapter Twelve
Tucker
Back against the door, heart racing, head spinning, I have to tell myself I did not just hear Adriana say my name from her room. I’ve been standing here against the door since I came up the stairs, blocking her from entering, keeping myself from leaving. But, I swear I heard her say my name.
Was she calling for me? No, that’s asinine. She would knock on the door. Was she trying to practice a conversation she plans to have with me? I doubt that, too. Could she have called the press? Shaking my head vehemently, I know she wouldn’t do that. Maybe she’s talking to one of her friends about me. Makes the most sense.
Breathing evening out, I step away from the door, walk over, and sit on the edge of the bed. Scrubbing my hands down my face, I realize how tired I still am. The sleep from the night before and the nap today did little to make up for the nights of little to no sleep.
Deciding on a shower before laying down, I enter the bathroom. Before closing the door, I swear I hear Adriana cry out. I listen for a minute more, but don’t hear anything. A trick of the mind. Anything to give me a reason to go to her.
Not gonna happen, Stavros.
Letting the water relax my tired muscles, I think about the call I’ll make to Grams in the morning. There’s so much to tell her and so much I’m afraid to say. I can’t help but want to know what Grams will think of Adriana. Of her friends. Of how they all took me in and treated me like I belonged here. She’ll tell me to stay, experience life a little, but I’ve already made up my mind. Leaving is best for everyone.
If I stay, she might eventually see the tattoo and then she’ll know. She won’t see it as a coincidence. She’ll see it as a betrayal. Like I somehow knew and showed up here to torture her. Remind her. I can’t do that to her.
Toweling off, I turn off all the lights, and crawl into bed naked as the day I was born. No background noise tonight. For once, I don’t feel uncomfortable in a new place. Grams would say that should tell me something.
Right now, my head is screaming at me to RUN!
Last thoughts before blissful blackness blankets over me.
Chapter Thirteen
Kale & Deidre
“Oh shit, not again,” Dee yelps as she springs from the bed running for the bathroom.
I rub the sleep from my eyes, looking at the bedside clock. 2:47 a.m. This has been a long, miserable night and I can only imagine how much worse it’s been for Dee. I thought she was past the vomiting, but apparently not. Throwing the covers back, I make my way to the bathroom to check on her.
Stopping at the bathroom door, my heart wrenches when I see my wife, my world, lying on the bathroom floor, too spent to stand up. Bending down, I scoop her up, bring her to the sink to help her brush her teeth for the umpteenth time, and bring her back to bed.
I take her temperature again and there’s still no fever. I’ve never seen her get this sick without a fever. Not even when she was pregnant. Pregnant. A sliver of hope runs through me. Most guys would be scared to death already having four kids, but I could have a whole herd with her and never have it be enough.
Seeing her belly swollen with my baby, feeling my baby kick, hearing the heart beat. There are no better feelings in the world.
“Dee,” I say quietly knowing her head hurts from getting sick so much. She gives me a grunt of acknowledgement. “I hate to ask this when you’re feeling so bad, but is there any chance you’re pregnant?” I can’t stop the smile that spreads across my face. That is until she pins me with a look of such disgust I think I should drop dead to appease her.
“What would make you ask me that,” she barks at me. “I had my period a little over a week ago. Don’t you remember bitching about it? And wipe that fucking smile off your face. I’ve already pushed four kids out.”
That’s right. The monthly cock block. My hope shrivels up. I want to laugh at her sassiness and remind her that a month ago she told me she wanted another baby. I decide to talk about something else instead because I can see her stomach isn’t settling so we’re not going back to sleep.
“I liked Tucker. How ‘bout you?”
“Hmmm. I’m not sure. Never me
t a movie star before. I’m worried about what he might do to Adri.” The concern etching her face tugs at my heart, but an old annoyance surfaces. I hate stereotypes. Judging people.
“Just because he’s in movies doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy, Dee. I didn’t see that.” I love my wife, but she’s so busy trying to care for everybody that she doesn’t always give people a chance. She watches the news too much. Gets too cynical. Sometimes I want her to remember what it was like when she met me.
She opens her eyes that have been mostly closed and looks at me. “Am I doing it again?”
God I love her. She knows what I’m thinking without me saying it and I’m feeling like an asshole being mean to my sick wife. I bob my head a couple times.
“Tell me what you saw then and I’ll listen.” She closes her eyes most of the way, but I know it’s because of her headache. I tell her I’ll be right back. Grabbing her empty glass, I head for the bathroom. I know she can’t keep anything down, but I fill her glass with water anyways and wet a cloth with cold water.
Laying in the bed next to the only woman to ever take my breath away, I place her drink on her nightstand and lay the cloth over her eyes. The moan that escapes her lips has my dick jumping and I have to remind him she’s not well.
“I saw a guy on the outside looking in trying to figure out how he could find his way in. He looked lost, like he doesn’t have a friend in the world until… well, you may not like this part, but until he saw Adri. Every time she came around, he changed. It was like he was… I don’t know... home, maybe. He reminded me a lot of me back in the day.”
“Oh, Kale. I hate when you talk about yourself that way.”
“I know you do, but I need to tonight because I really think Tucker is a good guy who’s getting a bad rap.” It’s not often I stand up for someone I don’t know, but I got good vibes from Tucker and Adri was so different tonight. I wonder if Dee noticed.
“Do you think he’s why Adri was acting the way she was tonight?” I swear she can read my mind. The way she asks this, I know she’s scared. Adri has been a mess. We’ve all been scared of what she might do.
“I think he might have something to do with it, sweetheart,” I say, smiling at her even though she can’t see me.
Giggling at me, she says, “Aren’t we women supposed to be the romantic ones?”
“Are you trying to tell me I’m not romantic,” I say in as goofy a voice as I can muster.
She laughs out loud before jumping off the bed to race to the bathroom. Well shit, guess that wasn’t very romantic.
Chapter Fourteen
Tucker
Although I can feel the light through my closed eyes, I’m not ready to wake up from this dream yet. I’m walking, hand in hand, on a beach with Adriana. She’s smiling up at me, her hazel eyes almost green in the sun’s light, hair blowing behind her from the breeze. I can feel the sand between my toes. We’re talking and she laughs lightly, but I don’t know what the conversation is about. She lays a soft kiss on the side of my shoulder. A feeling of contentment washes over me. I can’t remember ever feeling so happy, so warm. So left alone.
Dread fills me as I look around. I search the beach for paparazzi. For the cameras that are sure to be pointed at us. Adriana continues to smile at me, reassuring me that everything is alright. No one jumps out at us. No one takes our picture. We just walk along the beach, hand in hand, enjoying each other’s company. It’s complete bliss.
But no, my shirt is off. She must have seen my tattoo. She must know the truth. I stop walking and she’s looking at me confused. Her hand reaches for me. I feel panicked. I’m trying to hide my back from her, but it’s too late, there’s nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. I’m losing control, but can’t stop because I know this is the part where I lose her.
Her hand is still stretched out to me and I’m trying to grab it, but she’s being pulled away from me. No matter how fast I run, she is pulled further from me. I can’t catch up. I’m screaming for her to come back as she looks at me with pain in her eyes. Pain I put there. I never meant to hurt her.
She disappears from site. Dropping to my knees, I look to the sky screaming, “NO!”
I jolt to a sitting position in bed not sure if the no I screamed in my dream I screamed out loud. I’m hoping not because I don’t want to wake Adriana if it’s early. Peeking at the clock, I’m shocked to see it’s 7:32 a.m. That’s a record for me. Normally by this time I’ve already gotten my work out in and I’m hitting the showers.
Startled from my thoughts, I smile when The Rose by Bette Midler starts playing from my phone. Only one person ever would have gotten that ringtone and would call this early in the day and not catch hell for it.
“Morning, Grams.”
“Morning, sweetie. Find any adventures in that little town you were in yesterday or did you head on out to someplace new?”
Trying to think of how to start this conversation, I chuckle. Adventure, yeah I think I found a little adventure and her name is Adriana. I just don’t know where to start telling Grams about her.
“I drove around like I told you I would. Took some pictures of some places I think you’d find interesting. I’ll send them to you today. Met some people. Heading out today.”
“Stop beating around the bush, Tucker. I can always tell when there’s something you want to talk about. You don’t just meet people. Spill it.”
I can’t help but laugh. I forget sometimes how forward she can be. And she called me Tucker because she’s calling me on my shit. Here goes nothing.
I tell her everything. Starting with finding this neighborhood, to the invisible pull that dragged me into Adriana’s driveway, to bringing her groceries in which inevitably led to my loud stomach and her good manners making me breakfast. Grams commented right away about her sounding like a good girl. It gave me the warm and fuzzies having Grams compliment her.
I told Grams about the awkward conversation finding out her husband is dead, leaving out the details about my roaming thoughts. I do want to live through this conversation. Grams seems surprised that I admitted to Adriana about my childhood. She knows I don’t talk about that shit, but I tell her there’s something honest and pure and real about her that you can trust. She’s making a lot of uh-huh noises. Not sure what that means, but when I started talking I couldn’t stop.
I talk about her kitchen-zilla ways and how adorable I thought they were. Yes, I told Grams they were adorable before I could stop my runaway mouth. Think I turned into a chick this morning. I may have even gushed over her food, but that’s because I’ve been eating shit for a week. Need my masculinity back for a minute.
Grams is quiet the entire time I tell her about Adriana’s friends. About how they took me in. Treated me like they always knew me. Well, after they got over the shock of my extended stay invitation. She listens to everything including the fact that yesterday would have been Alex’s birthday.
When I finish, she’s quiet for a minute and I let her be. I know she’s processing. Grams isn’t one to blurt things without thinking it through. She’s never hurtful or mean. She’s the most considerate and loving person I know.
“Why are you leaving?”
It’s the last thing I expect her to say.
“What?”
“You heard me. Why are you leaving?”
“You know why, Grams. I can only hurt her. Besides, she’s still in love with her husband. There’s nothing here for me.”
“Oh, sweetie. Always cutting off your nose to spite your face. She’s in love with a memory. The man is no longer there to be in love with. Sounds to me like she wouldn’t have invited you to stay if she didn’t see something in you.”
“Grams, stop,” I warn. “She’s grieving. I have no right to come in here, make her feel, and then go back to my world, leaving her here a bigger mess than she was before. It’s not right and it’s not fair to her. You raised me better than that.”
“I sure as hell did!” I hear the temper flare in
her voice. “I am not telling you to have an affair with the woman. I’m telling you to stay and get to know her. Is the concept of friendship lost on your generation?”
Friendship? Could I be friends with Adriana? With how badly I want her every time I look at her, how my body comes alive at her touch, I doubt that is a possibility. I just don’t see how that could work.
“Don’t you think that would still hurt her? I’ll still be leaving.”
“But you won’t be dead, will you? Stop shutting people out of your life, Tucker. That is an order from your Grandmother. I’m telling you to stay and get to know these people, dammit!”
I’m taken aback. Grams never uses any kind of bad language and in one conversation she has said hell and damn. I must really have her flustered.
“I’m sorry, Grams, but I’m not a little boy anymore. You can’t tell me what to do now and I can’t promise you that I’ll stay. I can only promise you that I’ll think about it.” I feel bad because I’m already breaking a promise to her. I have no intention of staying.
“Stubborn mule. Never can see what’s best for you. Fine. If you won’t listen to reasoning then I guess I’ll talk to you later. Goodbye.” She hangs up without waiting for me to respond. I know she’s upset and I feel horrible. I feel like a teenager all over again disappointing her, but this time I’m doing the right thing.
I walk over to the computer desk in the corner and open a couple drawers, happy when I find a paper and pen. I know I’m a dick for doing things this way, but I can’t look Adriana in the eye and say goodbye to her. I sit down and start writing a thank you to her for taking me in. I’m staring at the paper trying to think of what to write for a reason I’m leaving when a knock sounds on the door.
Well shit, that can only be one person.
*************************
Thankful I had thrown on some jeans and a t-shirt while talking to Grams, I tell her to come in. Her smile is the first thing I see when she comes in and it makes my heart stop for a second or two. I can’t help but notice how sexy she looks in the denim mini skirt and black tank top she’s wearing. Her look is so simple, but it’s all she needs. She’s about to say something till she sees the paper on the desk, pen in my hand. So many looks cross her face in a couple seconds that I can’t keep up; confusion, hurt, relief. I’m pissed at myself that I didn’t think to hide it before she walked in. Hindsight. Still lost in my thoughts of wishing she hadn’t seen the paper, I miss her walking toward me until it’s too late.