by Renee Dyer
Tucker sits in the middle of my living room floor. I’m not sure why he does that, but I see the boys smile and form something that looks like a circle around him.
“Yes, Lady Adriana, I would like to introduce my knights to you.” I love this kid. His imagination knows no bounds and I can’t even get mad that he named his lands after farts even though I know Dee has told him to stop talking about farts and poop. Boys will be boys. This will be our secret.
“My youngest knight you have there,” he motions to Kaleb who is tugging my hair, “that is Sir Poopy Pants.” The other boys start cracking up, making jokes about how smelly his poopy pants are, laughing at each other’s jokes. Tucker and I try our best to keep a straight face. No need to further their inappropriateness.
He walks over behind Konner, pretending his arm is a sword and places it on Konner’s shoulder. “My fastest rider here is Sir Butt Wipe.” I want to give Tucker a kick when a small laugh escapes him forcing me to laugh, too. Damn him.
He looks at me, biting his lip. I see the humor in his eyes and how much he’s enjoying Kale Jr.’s story. I wish it were me biting that lip.
Shit. Where did that thought come from?
Focus on the kids, Adri.
Forcing my eyes from Tucker, so much harder than it should be, I watch Kale Jr. walk over to Korey and repeat the process of touching the pretend sword to his brother’s shoulder. “This is my most trusted knight, my number two.” I lose it, all out guffaw. I’m not sure he meant the joke in those last words, but all the tension I’ve felt the last couple days starts to melt away.
The boys are watching me when I come down from my giggle fest, but I don’t care. I needed to let loose. Tucker has his full, megawatt smile beaming at me, both dimples on display. I have to use all my energy to not put Kaleb down and go crawl into his lap.
I want my lips back on his, my body pressed back to his, and this is the wrong time to be thinking this way.
“Sorry, King Stinky. Please, continue,” I manage to get out between my final giggles.
Kale Jr. gives me a big smile, his brown eyes lighting up. He’s going to be such a heartbreaker.
“As I was saying, Lady Adriana, this is Sir Pass Gas and we make up the knights of the Throne.” I start giggling again. Tucker joins in when I start snorting.
“The Throne?” Tucker asks between laughs.
“Yeah,” Kale Jr. says. “That’s what Daddy calls it. When he’s going into the bathroom he says he’s going to visit the throne.”
Tucker roars and I can’t help but follow along. His laugh is a beautiful sound and it vibrates through my body, making me feel alive. The sound touches me all over my body, igniting small fires that I fear only he’ll be able to put out.
I want to touch him so badly. Want him to touch me. The need grows every minute I’m in his presence. I’m drawn to him.
“Is it true you’re on TV?” I swing my head in Korey’s direction, surprised he would ask Tucker that. He’s six so he’s not oblivious to commercials, but I find it hard to believe he would recognize Tucker without the make-up on.
“Yeah, buddy, it’s true. I’m on TV. How’d you know that?” Tucker gives Korey a reassuring smile, one that says it’s okay to ask anything. I think I understand why he got on the floor now. He’s the outsider and wanted the boys to be comfortable with him. If that’s the case, then he’s brilliant.
“Mommy said Adri’s new friend is a TV star.” Korey looks at the floor, running his fingers in circles. He’s been a bit shy since he could first talk. It’s one of the reasons I have such a soft spot for him. He’s shy, soft spoken, already loyal at such a young age, and the sweetest boy. His heart is so big, so full of love, and he’s just six years old. It’s amazing to me how much personality he’s already formed and I’m in awe of what he’ll become.
I watch Tucker watching Korey’s fingers. I can see the thoughts running through his mind. What I wouldn’t give to be a mind reader at this moment. He could be so many places right now, with so many women, but he’s here.
With me.
Watching my friend’s children.
I can’t stop myself from thinking this is not what he wants to be doing. He’s a TV star. He’s been in multiple movies. I’m sure the last thing he wants is to be sitting on my living room floor surrounded by children he doesn’t know.
Why did I invite him to stay here?
“Something else you want to ask me, Korey, or should I call you Sir Pass Gas?” The smile that breaks out on Korey’s face is one I wish I could have captured on film. It’s one of awe and happiness and fear, I think, all rolled into one. It’s not every day a little boy meets a TV star, gets to hang out and play with them, and this one just called him by his name and his play name. If the kids weren’t sitting here, I would kiss Tucker.
“Ummm, yeah.” Korey sits there silent. I’ve seen him do this so many times before. He has to process. I call him my little old man because he acts so much older than his age. He processes, never reacting without thinking. “What are you on TV?”
Tucker’s eyes meet mine, the question in his eyes I’m guessing is should he be honest. I shake my head yes to our silent conversation and he nods back.
He turns his body so he is fully facing Korey, a gentle smile on his face. “I play a vampire on TV, but I try to be a nice vampire.” I like that he tells Korey he tries to be a nice vampire and that he keeps a soothing tone to his voice when he speaks.
“Cool,” Kale Jr. pipes in. “If you play a vampire on TV then I bet you’d play a great dragon. Want to play castle with us?” His excitement floods the room. He’s jumping around in circles, his hair in need of a cut flying around. Korey and Konner join in the begging. Kaleb, caught up in the noise, starts clapping.
“How could I say no to that?”
The boys let out a cheer of victory and Tucker joins in with them, earning him a round of high fives. Tears sting my eyes watching how easily the boys accept him. They used to play here with Alex. I know Kale Jr. will remember him, but I don’t think the others will and suddenly the ache in my heart feels like it will swallow me.
“I-I’m going to get you some coffee and muffins before you play,” I choke out. I don’t look him in the eye out of fear he’ll see the pain that took over my heart.
Placing Kaleb on the floor, I walk into the kitchen and start his coffee, donut house blend, one teaspoon of sugar, and just a dab of milk. The one way he’s exactly like Alex.
Tears threaten to come again, but I force them back, telling myself it will upset the boys. Gaining control of my emotions, I warm three muffins for him and two for myself. I smile, thinking back to how happy Kale was when I handed him a triple batch.
The muffins had been a welcome escape to how my morning had started, calling Tucker Alex. Wanting to stay in his arms when most of me knew it wasn’t Alex. Why I wasn’t willing to admit it before I caused damage I can’t answer.
Maybe I was trying to push him away before he can get too close.
Before he can see how broken I am.
Before he can realize he’s better off not knowing me.
“Those smell really good.” His lips are close to my ear and I wasn’t aware he’d entered the room. Tingles go up my spine, my body on full alert, wondering if he’ll touch me, wanting him to. He stands behind me, close behind me, but makes no move to touch me. Just stands there, so close I can feel his breath and it’s making me wet in my panties.
Again.
“You never did tell me what a stay-cation is.” His voice caresses my ear like a kiss. I want much more, but I shouldn’t. There are four little boys waiting to play with him.
“Oh, uh… it just means when we take our vacation we plan local things, things at each other’s houses. Alex and I started taking stay-cations in college. Alahna and Pres started taking them with us four years ago and the others in the neighborhood have joined in the last couple years. We talked about all going away somewhere together. It just never hap
pened.”
“I’m sorry for all the things that have changed for you.”
I whip around into his hard chest because once again he’s in my personal space. There’s no pity in his eyes. There’s something else, pain maybe, loss of his own. Whatever it is it makes it acceptable to my broken heart to hear his words.
Needing something from him, something other than the understanding in his blue eyes that I want to get lost in, I bring my fingers up between us and run them over his cheek. The day old stubble on his cheek scratches my fingers and I Iong to press my cheek to it, cuddle to him, lose myself in his comfort.
“Auntie Adriana.” I drop my hand like I’ve been caught doing something I shouldn’t. The boys have only ever seen me with Alex and I don’t want to confuse them. I see Korey staring at us with a confused expression on his face and I step away from Tucker.
I need to learn better restraint around him, especially when the boys are here.
“What is it, sweetie?”
“Can we play with the big blocks? We want to make a castle.”
“Yeah,” Kale Jr. adds from the living room. “We need a castle to keep the evil dragon out.” I chuckle, loving the imagination the boys have when they play and that Tucker agreed to play with them.
“Of course you boys can play with the blocks.”
“But, they were Uncle Alex’s blocks,” Korey says. “And he’s not here for me to ask.” My heart stops for a second, not sure what to say to this sweet boy who thinks too much.
Kneeling in front of him, I wrap him in a hug, needing to give him love more than I think he needs it. “I know Uncle Alex isn’t here anymore, sweetie, but he loved playing and watching you guys play more than anything. I can guarantee that he will always be okay with you playing with those blocks and any other toys we have here. Do you hear me?”
I ask the last part as I pull him away from me and look him in the eye. I need to make sure he’s paying attention. The beaming smile he gives me melts my heart. Dee and Kale need to keep an eye on him. He is far too intuitive and sensitive.
“Why don’t you boys wait for Tucker and I to eat and we’ll bring the blocks into the living room. We’ll play up here today.”
Walking Korey back to the living room, I turn on the Disney channel to amuse them so Tucker and I can shovel some food down before they get restless. Kale Jr. sits Kaleb on his lap and the other two sit beside him. It’s times like this that I wish I had my camera on me 24/7. Dee and Kale should be proud of the boys they’re raising.
A whistling sound in the kitchen brings my attention back to Tucker. Taking a last glance at the boys, smiling at them content watching cartoons, I head back to the kitchen for breakfast with my walking sexsicle.
Mentally chuckling at my image of Tucker, my mind roams to him naked, laid out on a stick waiting for me to lick him up and down. The thought alone is enough to make me ache between my legs.
It really has been too long.
Pulling my mind from the gutter it’s been stuck in since Tucker walked into my life, I find myself once again surprised by his thoughtfulness. He’s pouring hot water into a mug, which he had to have gone through the cupboards to find and has all my boxes of tea lined up on the counter next to the milk and sugar.
He pays attention to what I tell him and it’s apparent by the fact that he heated water for me to have tea with my breakfast. It’s unexpected and comforting and… overwhelming. No guy has ever paid attention to me like this before. Except Alex.
Tucker keeps moving the boxes of tea around, pulling them apart and lining them back up, taking turns moving the boxes and drumming his fingers on the counter. I’m paralyzed, frozen in place, watching his fingers one, two, three, four drum off the counter. I mentally count down each beat, disappointed when he stops and goes back to the tea boxes.
Each time he puts the tea boxes in a different order. What I wouldn’t give to know what’s going on in his head right now? Why does he keep rearranging those damn boxes?
Chapter Thirty
Tucker
Thank God for my nightmare wake up this morning because I know where the mugs are now. Quietly getting one down, I go for the tea kettle on the stove while she talks with the boys about what they want to watch on the TV.
Seeing her with them makes my heart ache. She’s incredible with them, a natural. She’s meant to be a mom. All the more reason I shouldn’t be here, why we won’t work. My life is too crazy. I love kids, but I don’t want to put them through what I go through daily. It’s not right.
But, can I stop this—this– whatever this thing is that is happening with Adriana.
Glancing at her, I see her watching the boys as they sit together on the couch. I don’t know what she’s thinking, but I can feel the contentment washing off her, the peace they bring to her. I want her to know that peace all the time, no more pain.
Can I walk away from her?
Going back to the cupboards, I quickly find the sugar and tea. Motherfucker. Why are there so many kinds? Which one do I choose? Tossing a peek over my shoulder, I see she’s still watching the boys, but I know that won’t last long. Shit. Pick one, Stavros, just pick one. She likes tea, just pick one.
Unable to choose, I pull all the boxes out and line them up on the counter next to the sugar and get the milk. Does that look okay or does it look sloppy? I don’t want to mess up her counter. This is supposed to be a nice gesture.
Why does she make me so fucking nervous?
I switch the boxes again before the kettle starts whistling bringing me out of my teenage angst moment, seriously feel like a damn teenager right about now. Only thing that might make this worse is a face full of acne and splooging in my pants because she smiles at me. Can’t say that I’m far off at that latter part.
She’s watching me now as I fill her mug with hot water. I can feel her eyes on me and her stare goes straight to my groin. I never thought making tea would be sexual, but apparently everything with her is. My cock is growing and I’m trying to talk it down knowing there are four young kids in the other room.
This is no time to be turned on.
Putting the kettle back on the stove, I go back to the counter never looking at her, acting like I don’t know she’s there. Actually, I’m trying to hide my hard on. I go back to rearranging the boxes, should they be by alphabetical order or color? Maybe by size or how many bags are in the box?
It’s starting to work. I can feel myself starting to come down until she starts to move closer. I drum my fingers on the counter. One, two, three, four, I count my fingers dropping over and over needing to focus. My skin is humming, starting to vibrate the closer she gets to me.
I swear she’ll bounce off me if she gets too close. She has me wound so tight, I need to release this energy or I’m going to explode and there’s nothing I can do about it.
“You made me tea?”
Her mouth grazes my arm, shooting electricity to every nerve. She’s playing with fire and has no idea the ways I can burn her. I only wish I was stronger so I could stop this, do what’s best for her. But it’s too late for that now.
I’ve had a taste and it wasn’t enough.
I want more.
“I tried,” I say through dry lips, licking them. “You never said what kind you like in the morning.” I finally look at her and wish I hadn’t because I feel myself being pulled deeper into her world.
She smiles at me, a smile that tells me I just brought the sun out for her. All I was doing was making her a cup of tea, but somehow I get the feeling it meant more than that to her. I don’t know what it meant, but the look on her face is supposed to tell me something.
Thing is, I wanted it to mean something. Why am I so freaked out now that it does?
“I go with what I feel like that day and I think the vanilla chai will go nicely with the muffins, don’t you?”
Her smile could make me agree to anything and she’s showing me all her perfect pearly whites. What had Grams told me grow
ing up? You’ll know when you find her, sweetie, because when she smiles you’ll see nothing else, think of nothing else, and want nothing else.
Is this what Grams was talking about?
“You’re the chef, not me,” I say back. I know I have a goofy grin on my face, but I feel happy. I may have met the girl that is destined for me. I don’t know how the hell to make it work, but I feel happy right now. “That was amazing how you handled Korey. I’m sorry you had to go through that with him, but I’m proud of you. That took unbelievable strength, Adriana.”
Her eyes mist over and I pray she doesn’t cry. It wasn’t my intention to hurt her. I am extremely proud of her. Most people would have crumbled having a child come to them the way Korey did, but not Adriana. She pulled through and made him feel loved, reminded him that Alex was a friend and playmate. She was extraordinary.
“Thank you, Tucker. I needed to hear that. I was hoping I didn’t scare him. He’s such a smart, sensitive boy. Sometimes I think he’s thirty instead of six. He’s always been so advanced. I wasn’t prepared for that.”
“You were great.” I take her hand in mine, letting the warmth spread through my palm. I know I’m supposed to be offering her comfort, but her touch brings me peace, even if she doesn’t know she’s offering it.
“Let’s get you fed. That stomach of yours has been grumbling for a while now,” she snorts. Christ, I want her– giggling, snorting, sexy her. I want all of her.
“Let’s. I’m hungry.”
Chapter Thirty One
Adriana
“Sir Butt Wipe, Sir Pass Gas, surround the dragon! We need to save Sir Poopy Pants!” Kale Jr.– I mean, King Stinky raises his sword that we made from cardboard above his head and charges Tucker who is on his hands and knees moving back and forth in front of Sir Poopy Pants, snarling and hissing. When one of the knights gets too close, he releases a roar and a spray of fire which of course is some of my scarves.