Chapter 39
As curious as Sarah had been about the little wooden box Mr. Swyndhurst had given her before setting off for England—the one her father had asked him to hold onto until he felt the time was right for her to know its contents—she had yet to have a look. With the baby, Daniel, and the boys constantly on her mind, she hadn’t been in the right frame of mind for what was sure to be a moving experience. With a heart now prepared to endure whatever emotions the contents of the box might bring about, with immense excitement she peeked inside. The first thing she came upon was a missive in her father’s hand. Holding it with great care, she began to read.
To my dear Sarah,
You are likely to be quite shocked by what you are about to read. Let me first say that your mother was one of the godliest women I have ever known, and remember—we all have sinned, so please do not judge her too harshly. What happened was long before our marriage, when your dear mother was very young. If I had known her then, she would never have had to give up her child.
You see, Sarah, you have a brother. Your mother’s parents forced her to give up the child and warned her never to try and make contact with him or they would turn her out. Later, while considering whether to try to find him, she decided against it, for she had no desire to disrupt his life, especially not knowing whether or not he had been made aware of her existence.
When I learned I was not long for this world, I agonized over whether to take this secret with me to the grave. In the end, I could not allow the news to die with me, so I left this missive and your mother’s journal in the box that I entrusted to Mr. Swyndhurst.
Even after receiving this news, you must believe that your mother was still the loving, godly woman who raised you. I love you, my girl, and I hope one day you and your brother are reunited, though I feel the chances of that are slim since I do not even have the name of the family who took him; however, with God all things are possible.
When Sarah had finished reading the missive, she felt faint; she had a brother, her mother’s child. If only her father had shared this with her while he was still living she might have been able to learn more. She then scanned the missive again to be certain she had not misunderstood.
Then, setting it aside, she quickly riffled through the box in search of her mother’s journal. Beneath a couple of her father’s ledgers and what appeared, by its size, to be a baby’s blanket, she found her mother’s tattered journal. By the shape it was in, her mother had obviously handled it many times. Sarah’s heart began beating faster at the thought that not only was this something her beloved mother had written in, it likely also contained further news of her brother.
Before she opened the journal, she glanced back at the blanket. She had not given it much thought upon seeing it, but she now wondered if her mother had made it for her brother. Perhaps her parents would not allow her to give it to him. A wave of sadness swept over Sarah as she allowed herself to feel what her mother must have gone through over such a loss.
Just then, Esther knocked on Sarah’s door. Quickly covering up the journal, blanket and missive, she called out for her servant-friend to enter. As Sarah observed Esther making her way into the room, she knew she could not share her mother’s secret. She did not want anyone looking down on her dear mother. No, this she would have to keep to herself.
Esther had come to tell Sarah that Martha wished to speak with her about having Mr. Hoyt over for a meal. The elderly servant wished to show him her appreciation for his friendship to her mistress.
Sarah followed Esther down to the kitchen where she and Martha decided on the menu for what would be served to their friend, Mr. Hoyt. Sarah felt she had been neglecting the man that was much like a father to her, similar to Mr. Swyndhurst, so she was pleased at the idea of having an evening with him. She also felt it was time she told him about the baby, for he would know soon enough. She could hardly stay on in the same town without him finding out, and she knew it would be better if it came from her. Now to just convince him that this was where she needed to be without letting on that it was his son who had forced her to leave Boston. But how was she to convince him that she needed to remain in Amesbury when she herself was not certain it was the right thing to do?
Throughout the remainder of the day, all Sarah could think about was returning to her bedchamber to read her mother’s journal. Not wanting to be disturbed once she began, she decided to wait until it was time to turn in for the night.
Esther sensed that something was amiss with her friend; therefore, she kept a close eye on her for the rest of the day. With Sarah, one never knew what might send her running. Esther could not bear to have that happen again.
When at length curiosity, as well as concern, got the better of her, she finally asked, “Sarah, whatever is the matter? You have been unable to concentrate on a single thing all day. Twice, I found you picking up a book, only to return it to the shelf moments later.”
I should have known Esther would find me out. Why was I not more careful? To protect my mother’s reputation, I must keep her secret. “It really is nothing, Esther. In fact, from what I have been told, it is quite common for expectant mothers to be a little muddled in their thinking.”
“Ah, that is true. I had not thought of that.” With the realization that her friend’s behavior was related to the baby, Esther felt more at ease.
Sarah disliked being untruthful with her friend. She consoled herself that it was for her mother’s sake and therefore necessary.
When it came time for Sarah to turn in for the night, she nearly ran up the stairs to her room, then hastily donned her nightgown and flew to her bed. Grabbing the journal, with great anticipation, she opened the cover. Once she had read the first page, it seemed to her that her mother began the journal at the very time she learned she was with child. As she continued to read, she sensed her mother’s immense shame, as well as fear of having to inform her parents.
Over the next few hours, through her tears, Sarah managed to read the entire journal. She was so caught up in what she was reading, she could almost see her mother, as a young woman—barely sixteen—sitting at her desk agonizing over what had happened and what to do about it. If only my grandmother had been more understanding. How could the woman force her daughter to send her child away?
Sarah’s grandparents had both passed before she was yet five years of age. She could scarcely remember them, and after reading how they had treated their daughter, she was glad of it. My poor, dear mother loved her son so very much. The least they could have done was get the name of the family that adopted him. They obviously wished to prevent her from ever finding him.
As Sarah lay back against her pillow, completely exhausted, she recalled how her mother at a certain time every year, had seemed withdrawn, even sad. Her father had warned her during those times to leave her mother be. Until now, she had never understood her mother or what she was feeling on those occasions. I wish I had known so I could have comforted her somehow.
Sarah turned toward her pillow and wept until she fell asleep.
Chapter 40
Just after breakfasting with Martha and Esther, Sarah heard a knock at the door. As she rose from her chair to greet whomever it was, Peter escorted Simon Findley into the room.
Before Sarah could conceal the fact that she was with child, Simon’s eyes became fixed upon her midriff. In a panic, Sarah quickly turned and again took her seat at the table. Then, with a tremor in her voice, she called for Simon to join her; after which she directed Martha to prepare tea for her guest.
While sitting at the table across from Sarah, Simon searched for something to say. His friend’s wife was obviously with child.
Sarah decided to ignore the fact that the man was now aware of the full extent of her predicament. “I had no knowledge of your being in Amesbury, Mr. Findley. When did you arrive?”
“I came to town with the son of one of Boston’s residents late yesterday. I thought it was a good idea to call upon you bef
ore starting for home. When visiting with Daniel not long ago, I learned that you had not yet returned to Boston.”
Sarah had no wish to speak about Daniel, for it was too painful. “Yes, well—”
When Sarah Thompson offered no explanation for her continued presence in Amesbury, Simon—hoping his words would influence the young woman—decided to bluntly describe what he had witnessed when visiting Daniel. “Sarah, your husband looks like a walking dead man. Besides his hollow cheeks, when last I saw him, his countenance was one of utter despair.”
At this news, Sarah’s heart felt as though it would break. She thought she had done the right thing in leaving. Have I misjudged Daniel’s ability to go on without me there, looking after things?
Simon continued, “And what of the boys? They ask after you daily. Is pleasing George worth ruining the happiness of your family?”
Sarah had already been considering what her separation from Daniel would mean for her child, and now, in hearing Mr. Findley, she couldn’t close her eyes to the fact that she had made her husband, Joseph, and Dan miserable.
Simon detected that Sarah was troubled by what he had said and was happy for it. If he could but push her harder, she might just give way. “In fact, I am not going back to Boston without you. I shall stay right here in this house until you agree to go.”
Sarah’s eyes darted at the man. By his expression, she knew he meant it. “Mr. Findley, I need more time to think about what it would mean if I were to return.” She had much to consider. She had to come up with a way around George’s threat, and too, her relationship with Daniel had become uncomfortable. If Daniel and the boys weren’t doing well without her, then none of that would matter, for she would not see them unhappy if she could prevent it. And there was also her child, who deserved to have a father present. And after reading about all that her mother had gone through, could she deprive Daniel of having his child? If she did, she would be no better than her grandparents. The longer she pondered, the more she was leaning toward traveling back to Boston with Mr. Findley.
Though Simon remained silent to allow Sarah to think about what he had said, he smiled, for he was certain she would return with him now that she was aware of the difficulty her family was having in her absence.
Martha listened on the other side of the doorway. She hated the idea of Sarah leaving, but she knew it was for the best. As she continued to listen, she heard a light rap. Turning, she made her way over to the door. It was their good friend Mr. Hoyt that awaited entrance.
“We were just speaking of you, come in, come in.” Martha ushered him in with her finger to her lips as a sign that they speak quietly. “We hoped you would join us for a meal, and here you are.”
“I happened to be passing by on my way back from town, and as I hadn’t been to see you all in some time, I thought I would call unannounced. I hope it is not too much of an inconvenience.”
“You are always welcome. And as I said, we were hoping to have you join us for a meal, when you had the time.” Martha then pointed toward the kitchen and whispered that Simon Findley was in with Sarah trying to convince her to go back to Boston with him.
Mr. Hoyt nodded and smiled. The two then inched their way over near the entrance to the kitchen to listen. As they approached, they heard Simon’s voice.
“How do you think Daniel will feel when he learns of his child and that you have been keeping the news from him?”
“When I took leave of Boston, I had no way of knowing I was carrying his child. I am aware that what I am doing is not right; however, there is much to consider if I am to return.”
On the other side of the doorway, just out of sight, Mr. Hoyt’s brows rose with the news of the child. “Well, I guess things had indeed progressed with my son-in-law and Sarah,” he said with a chuckle. He then remembered what Daniel had said about Sarah not being able to have another child. Although I have a very intelligent son-in-law, he cannot speak for our Creator. If God wills it, it shall happen, he thought to himself.
Even though she was amused by Mr. Hoyt’s comment about the progression in Daniel and Sarah’s relationship, Martha had no desire for the two in the kitchen to catch her listening thus she reached out to cover the elderly gentleman’s mouth.
Mr. Hoyt grasped the hand that was presently covering his mouth and led the older woman, who was meeting with little success at attempting to hold her ground, into the kitchen where Simon and Sarah were conversing. Sarah looked up as Mr. Hoyt and Martha entered the room. The older man sat himself down next to her, while Martha—not knowing what to do—picked up a wet cloth, attempting to appear busy.
“Go on, Simon. Do not let me stop you,” the older gentleman said. Simon had often interacted with Mr. Hoyt whenever he was in Boston visiting his family; therefore, they were on quite friendly terms.
Looking over at Sarah, Simon shrugged. “We were making plans for Sarah to return with me to Boston.”
Sarah knew she had not actually agreed to go as yet, but she made no objection.
“Well, then, I should like to go along, too,” interjected Mr. Hoyt. “To make it all proper, you know.” Mr. Hoyt glanced down at Sarah’s round middle to see for himself that the young woman was actually with child. “Is that not like our God, reminding us He is still in control?”
Sarah smiled at her elderly friend’s joyous expression at seeing her swelled middle. She was relieved that he was genuinely happy. Though he was Joanna’s father, not hers, he had never treated her as anything less than a daughter. “Mr. Hoyt, I had every intention of telling you the next time I saw you.”
“I am certain you were planning to do just that, my girl. We must get you home before you are any further along—not to mention, it shall not be long before the first snow.”
Simon was pleased that Sarah appeared to have accepted the idea of returning to Boston. “Let us set off by the end of the week.”
“Yes, indeed, and you shall stay with me until then,” stated Mr. Hoyt with a wink.
Simon was grateful for the offer and quickly thanked Mr. Hoyt.
Later, when her visitors had gone, Sarah talked over the whole business with Martha. By the end of the conversation, both ladies were a little weepy at the thought of having to part from one another once again.
Chapter 41
Sarah’s head was spinning with all of the changes that had occurred over the past few days. She had learned of a brother she never knew existed, and she had somehow been convinced to return to Boston.
Today was the day the gentlemen would be coming to collect her. She had packed up the things she wished to take along—the most important of which was her mother’s journal and the blanket she had assumed was intended for her brother. Peter had carried everything down by the door, ready to be loaded onto the wagon.
Esther and Martha were waiting in the kitchen for Sarah to join them. It would be a sad day for the entire household. They all dearly loved their mistress and hated to see her go. Sarah had assured everyone that she intended to keep the Amesbury home for the time being. Now that Mr. Swyndhurst was gone, there really was no need for her to keep the estate, but she could not bring herself to part with it, for not only did it hold precious memories for her, it was also comforting to know she had a place to return to if the need arose.
When Simon and Mr. Hoyt arrived, Sarah lavished hugs on each of her servant-friends. Leaving Martha to manage the house and servants, she promised to come for a visit in the spring.
“We really must be going, Sarah,” said Simon as he pulled her hand through the crook of his arm in order to escort her out.
Sarah waved as the wagon pulled onto the road. She was seated in the rear of the wagon on several pillows with blankets nestled all around her. Simon and Mr. Hoyt had made certain she would ride in comfort, especially considering her condition.
In the days Mr. Hoyt and Simon were together at his home, while Sarah was at her estate preparing for the journey, Simon had shared with him what his mother had s
aid about his son George. Mr. Hoyt, though he felt terrible for Sarah, was not at all surprised by his son’s actions.
When it came time for Sarah and the two gentlemen to take leave of Amesbury, Mr. Hoyt had decided to ride next to Sarah rather than up on the bench with Simon. His heart felt heavy as he observed Sarah, for his thoughts were focused on all she had suffered owing to his son. He had seen signs that something was amiss when last he visited. If only he had acted on his intuition, perhaps Sarah would not have had to leave Boston.
When they had bumped along for almost an hour, Mr. Hoyt leaned over to Sarah to see what had her so captivated. He had been observing her as she read from what appeared to be a journal of some kind. While glancing at the page, he read something his young friend had not intended for anyone to see. Wishing he hadn’t meddled, he quickly sat back and turned his gaze elsewhere.
Though she had already read the journal from cover to cover, it still held her attention as she read it for a second time. In fact, with her eyes so fixed on the journal, she never noticed Mr. Hoyt peeking over her shoulder. All at once, she let out a yawn and stretched her hands up over her head. She then remembered Mr. Hoyt and turned her head toward him. “Oh, I do apologize. I’ve not been very good company.”
As stunned as he was at the few lines he had read from her journal, he could scarcely speak. Seeing the questioning look on her face, he forced himself to answer, “Not to worry. I have been enjoying the ride, no need for conversation.”
“Nevertheless, I should not have neglected you so.”
“Please do not concern yourself, child. We should be quite unable to speak by the time we reach Boston if we converse the entire way.” He patted her shoulder to reassure her he had not been put out by their lack of conversation.
Feeling satisfied that he was not vexed with her for taking no notice of him, Sarah leaned back against the mound of pillows, once again, and then set the journal in her lap. She noticed her friend was eyeing the journal with a rather strange look upon his face. “This was my mother’s journal,” she explained. “My father left it with Mr. Swyndhurst to give to me at his discretion.” All at once, her face flushed for having divulged that last bit of information. She wondered how she would account for her father not giving her the box himself without disclosing its contents. But to her surprise, Mr. Hoyt did not question her about it.
Sarah Anne's Faithful Friends (Unshakable Faith Book 4) Page 17