* * *
With his saw blade nearly straightened, Thaddeus marched back into his house, feeling irritable and frustrated. Wasn't that just perfect? Wasn't that just Ellie?
"Corset," he mumbled to himself, setting his warped saw to the lumber he'd cut three inches too long the first time and stupidly had nailed into place without checking. No woman with a figure like hers should ever wear a corset, except a lacey one to hold up some sexy stockings and to entice a man to remove the whole damn thing.
He braced the wood with one hand and started to saw. And a corset could be useful for thrusting her breasts up, just so, he amended his mental image of her in black satin. He pictured her breasts as he'd seen them when he'd shockingly stolen a look a few minutes before—they'd appeared plumper than ever, and her nipples had been darker. His mouth actually watered.
The saw slipped, cutting into the side of his hand that held the wooden stair tread he was attempting to fix.
"Goddamnit!" He dropped the saw and grabbed up an old cloth he had for this very purpose, to staunch the blood. It was already spotted with dark dried stains.
He would never get through this house restoration until she agreed to be his. He knew by the look in her eyes and by the way she returned his kiss that she wasn't opposed to him. He simply hadn't convinced her properly.
Charging up the stairs, he grabbed a shirt. Why, he'd go over to her house right then and there and...
He paused. He ought to do it properly this time. He had plenty of money, but Spring City didn't have a real jeweler, only a small assortment of trinkets at Webster's store. He'd have to go to Denver for the best selection of rings.
And then there was the other delicate issue of Lucky. Incredibly, Ellie had cried over that wretched horse. Even Riley, who loved horses, had never cried over one; at least, not that Thaddeus had seen.
Still, he hated to know that thinking of Lucky made her sad. When he thought of Lucky, he often smiled, remembering holding Ellie close for hours and talking to her about everything under the sun. Worse, still, she blamed him. What was he supposed to have done? Bought the blasted horse a seat on the train and taken it to Boston?
Christ Almighty! Save him from weepy women!
Without thinking, he was shoving items into his leather bag—a pair of denims, a shirt, unmentionables, a razor. All that remained to do before he left was to go talk to Dan and Ely.
Chapter 19
Thaddeus nudged Lucky into a faster gallop as they neared Spring City, his own horse ponying along beside, keeping pace. His trip had robbed him of more days of his life than he'd intended, and he was chomping at the bit, so to speak, almost as hard as Lucky. He couldn't wait to be back within touching distance of Ellie.
First, he stopped at his house. In the week and a half he'd been away, Ely and Dan had performed miracles. Someone had mowed down the hayfield in the front and back, and made it look like a civilized lawn again. The shutters were hanging straight and had been freshly painted. Even a few missing shingles had been replaced on the roof.
He rode past the wagons parked behind his house and turned the two tired horses into the paddock where Dan and Ely's horses already grazed.
Heading into the barn to hang up his saddle and bridle, Thaddeus stopped at the entrance and whistled.
"Jesus, would you look at that?" he exclaimed, taking a few steps inside and looking around.
His barn was swept, tidied, and hung with tools that he didn't own. Or maybe he did own them now. He seemed to recall asking for the other men's help so enthusiastically, he'd said something along the lines of "Buy whatever you need."
He smiled to himself. Even when his father was alive, it had never looked like this, but then John Sanborn had spent more time reading and writing in his study than doing anything at all in the barn. And Thaddeus had inherited his lack of carpentry know-how from his father.
Entering his back door, the smell of varnish and new paint assaulted his nostrils.
Sure enough, when he followed the sounds of voices to the parlor, he found Dan, Belinda, Ely, and Ely's young son, Jack, all talking at once, standing in the middle of the freshly painted room.
"Hey," Thaddeus said, grinning from ear to ear at the changes in his house.
The once boarded-up broken window in the sitting room had been replaced, and the ceiling plaster, which had been falling in flakes, looked pristine. The musty dark curtains were gone, and though the old sofa and piano were in the center of the room covered in sheets, everything else looked welcoming and ready for a new bride.
Dan came forward to grab him by the hand and slap his shoulder in greeting.
"You've been busy," Thaddeus said, rubbing his shoulder as Dan always did pack a hell of a wallop.
"Like bees in the hive," Ely said. "All the woodwork and repairs are done. And then we had some recruits to help with the painting and such."
Belinda smiled shyly at him. "I hope you don't mind that we went ahead and painted, but all the rooms were so drab."
"All the rooms?" Thaddeus repeated. "You mean you painted the whole house?"
She nodded. "Jessie came by to help, too. We chose colors that we liked, so you can blame us if Eliza isn't happy."
The mention of her name reminded Thaddeus who this was all for.
"How is she?" he asked, knowing they'd kept an eye on her, like he'd asked.
Dan snorted. "She don't do much."
"Danny," Belinda scolded. "She's making a baby."
Ely covered his son's ears and they all laughed.
"It's hard work," Belinda said. "My cousin could hardly get out of bed toward the end. But Eliza's not like that," she reassured Thaddeus, who felt his smile die with a pang of worry.
"She's only being contemplative," Dan's wife continued. "I see her sitting on her front swing, thinking, reading, talking with her housekeeper. But when I went to visit two days ago, she was chatty as you please and friendly and beaming with health. She was also full of questions," she added, looking pointedly at Thaddeus.
He shrugged. "I know. I should've talked to her before I left, but she would've got it all out of me. Probably would've wanted to come with me, too."
Belinda crossed her arms. "Well, don't make her wait any longer."
Thaddeus grinned. "I'm heading over there now."
"No, you're not," Dan protested. "Not like that. You're covered in trail dust. What did I tell you about asking a lady to marry you?"
"That I needed a better house," Thaddeus quipped. "And you've taken care of that. All of you have."
Dan scowled. "I meant that you needed to fix yourself up, too."
"We'll all get out of your way in a jiffy," Belinda offered, "but first, let's show you what we've done. We'll start in the kitchen."
By the time they sat in their wagons, ready to leave, Thaddeus felt infused with the warmth of their friendship, thoroughly astounded by their generosity.
"You must have spent more time here than at your own homes and businesses," he said.
Ely shrugged. "Gave the boy some good experience on repairs and swinging a hammer. Something you should try sometime." With that, he gave his horse a "hiyah," and the animal pulled Ely and Jack out of the driveway.
"I think I've just been insulted," Thaddeus said, addressing Dan and Belinda, but he couldn't remove the grateful smile from his face. "If you two need anything that I can do, let me know."
"We'll do that," Dan said. "And we're not done yet, by the way."
"That's right," Belinda said, snuggling up close to Dan on the bench seat. "I'm sewing some darling curtains for the kitchen, blue and white checks. And Dan's stripping the kitchen table to refinish it. It's back at the store, on the deck."
Thaddeus hadn't even noticed it was missing. "What can I say except thank you?"
He watched them drive away, all wrapped around each other, and his heart seemed to tighten in his chest.
"Please, Lord, let me have Ellie. I haven't asked for a lot, have I, in all my years?
But this woman is mine, Lord, like you made her perfectly for me. And I'm starting to believe I'm the man for her. I know I am. I need her. I love her."
He focused in on what he was holding and his mouth twisted. He'd been having a sincere moment, praying to God, with a dirty paintbrush in his hand. He hoped that didn't negate his prayers.
* * *
Puffing hard, Eliza sat down on the rocky outcropping, halfway up the aptly named Lookout Hill. She loved this walk and the view from the rocks. Riley had shown it to her years ago, but it was the first time she'd ventured up the trail since she'd returned.
The mild climb was a tad more arduous than she recalled, particularly in what she figured was her seventh month of pregnancy, but it was worth the effort. From her vantage point, she could see all of Spring City, its tiny station and train tracks going east and west, disappearing off in the distance just as she had done a year and a half earlier.
All she felt now was bone-deep gladness that she wasn't starting her journey today. No, today, she was satisfied that Mrs. Longwood would draw her a hot bath later and then prepare her a scrumptious meal. Those small comforts were bliss.
The only blight in her happiness was Thaddeus's disappearance, without even a goodbye. The only blight—she frowned. That was like saying the Pacific Ocean was only a drop of water.
He'd up and left without so much as a farewell, fond or otherwise. For the first two days, she'd felt shocked by his disappearance, feeling his absence like an actual pain in her body. Her brain puzzled at the fact that while she had transformed from a lost and bitter woman to a hopeful, expectant one, he seemed to have changed not at all. Would he bother to return by the time his child arrived?
Over the next two days she stewed with anger, wishing she could punch him in the nose for his selfishness. Didn't he know she'd worry about him now that they had such a strong connection? Then she grew sad, wallowing in a melancholy that felt achingly familiar, letting herself suffer for three days, all the while longing to see his tempting grin and intense green eyes.
At which point, she ceased her ridiculousness, offering Mrs. Longwood her first genuine smile all week.
If the man never came back, would she let his absence poison her like snake venom? No, she'd be a happy mother to their baby, showering it in love and laughter, and he could go to the devil.
She would get over wanting Thaddeus Sanborn if it was the last thing she ever did.
Leaning her head back, she closed her eyes, wishing she'd had the forethought to bring something comfy to rest on. Next time, she would. But even with only a sun-warmed rock for a pillow, the droning of the bees combined with the late-afternoon sun and her general tiredness for the past few weeks caused her to drift into a dozy sleep.
"Ellie," she heard Thaddeus's sexy voice sometime later, and she smiled. She'd been dreaming of him again, about making love in a boxcar.
Slitting open her eyes, she reached up to wrap her arms around the neck of the robust, handsome man who leaned over her, knocking his hat off in the process.
"You're here," she said. "Am I still dreaming?"
He knelt beside her and gathered her against him. "I'm as real as can be, darlin'."
And he claimed her lips in the most tender kiss she could imagine. He smelled like soap, and he felt and tasted like Thaddeus!
All at once, she realized where she was, and she started to squirm, pulling away to look at him.
"Thaddeus?" Was he real? She still wasn't positive, her head was in such a faraway fog.
"I hope you weren't dreaming of another man. Yes, it's me."
"What are you doing here? How'd you find me?"
"I got back to town a couple hours ago. Mrs. Longwood took pity on me and told me where to find you."
As he spoke, he stripped off his duster and bundled it into a ball that he placed behind her head. She settled back on it with a sigh. When he was close by, he looked after her as if she were made of glass. But when he wasn't around...
"Where'd you go?" The pent-up emotion that she simply couldn't disguise made her voice catch.
"I'm getting to that. Are you all right?" He had her chin between his thumb and fingers, holding her still and taking a long look into her eyes. "It's a long way to walk up here."
"I'm good," she said. "I feel better for walking around than sitting still. But the climb did me in, I'll admit. I don't suppose you're carrying any water on your horse?" She'd heard it whinnying behind him and knew he hadn't walked.
Looking past him, she saw Lucky pawing the ground. Lucky! She sat bolt upright, feeling a surge of surprise and delight.
"Lucky! That is her, isn't it?"
"Yup." He looked just as delighted as she felt. "She's all yours."
"Thaddeus!" She couldn't say any more, but held her hands over her mouth. Was she going to cry again? No, she felt too happy for tears. That dear horse.
He laughed and jumped up to grab the supplies, then sat down on the rock beside her. He handed her his waterskin and watched her drink thirstily.
"After Mrs. Longwood said where you'd gone, she also packed some cake. She said it's your favorite." He unwrapped the wax paper and handed her the tart and sweet confection.
Grabbing the thick square he offered her, she stuffed it in her mouth in big chunks, not caring how she looked. She hadn't realized how hungry she was until she'd seen the cake.
"I can't believe you like Jessie's lemon cake," he said, his eyes fixed on her hungry mouth "after all these years."
It was perfect. She washed it down with more water and then felt wide awake.
"The baby likes it, not me," she protested, wiping her lips in an unladylike manner on the back of her hand. "Aren't you having any?"
He shook his head. "Watching you eat like that was better than eating it myself. It sort of gave me the horn."
"Really!" She felt her cheeks go red. Was he jesting or was he truly aroused watching her eat?
He leaned over and kissed her again, licking his tongue over the corner of her mouth before he pulled away.
"Mm," he murmured. "Lemons."
His kiss had certainly given her the horn, but she wasn't going to state it out loud.
She slapped at his hand as he went to take the water, but she'd already forgiven him his week-long disappearance. After all, he was back and he'd brought their horse. She took another sip before handing him back the waterskin.
"You rode all the way back to Burlington to bring Lucky to me?"
"I did. I couldn't stand thinking of you feeling sad about her. Plus, I missed her, too. One of the best horses I've ever owned."
They both looked over to where Lucky stood, with her funny swayed back and broad, scarred rump, fidgeting her front feet.
Eliza giggled, and then he joined in with a hearty laugh.
"I didn't say she was the most attractive horse!" he added.
"Thank you, Thaddeus. It was a considerate thing to do," she said and meant it.
"Don't go making a saint out of me yet, darlin'. I had other places to go besides Burlington and other reasons for my trip besides that horse."
And quick as a summer storm, the sunny spot in her heart hid behind a black cloud of mistrust. He'd had to venture right past Keokuk to get to Burlington. Of course, he would stay at The Pork and Swallow, where a certain dark-haired beauty would be persuasively enticing.
"I have to go home now," she said, but he grabbed her arm and held firm.
"You're not going anywhere, sweetheart. I've ridden all over the Mississippi Valley and then to not one but three big, dirty, crowded cities in search of—"
"What a hardship! Traveling along the Mississippi!" she scoffed.
"What in the hell—"
She cut him off again. "Visit any good saloons?" she asked, struggling to free herself from his grip.
He sighed. Then taking hold of her other arm, he gently but firmly dragged her onto his lap, seating her sideways and anchoring her with an arm about her rounded stomach. When
she was securely imprisoned, he leaned back against the rocks, pulled her against his broad chest, and rested his chin on her head.
"Ellie, you are the only woman I care for. I mean, I care for my sister, but not in the same way, of course. And just so we're absolutely clear, I have no interest in Dr. Bell, either, except in knowing she'll help bring our baby into the world."
She felt his chest rise and fall under her cheek as he took a breath. "There's no one else for me but you, and God's honest truth, there never has been. So stop worrying about that. And no, I didn't go see Jo. Never crossed my mind."
She let his words wash over her and sink in like late-summer rain into the parched earth.
"Thaddeus, I—"
He placed a finger against her lips.
"Sh. I'm not done. I should have done a lot more talking to you years ago, and on the road and at Charlie's, but I'm learning. Now, I know you worry over women I've been intimate with, but, harsh as it is to say, they meant nothing. Even Jo, though I feel gratitude for her help. But when I had relations with these women—no, don't turn away, hear me out. When I was with them, it wasn't making love like you and I did. It was..." He sighed, sounded exasperated, then he tried again.
"You know how when you're hungry and you want to eat, you eat? Just because you have to fill your belly, and it doesn't matter if the food is very good. You eat. But, Ellie, to me, you're a fine-cooked supper. I want to devour you, but I also want to take my time."
He released his detaining hold around her waist and, instead, took her face between his hands, gently tilting it; she gazed into his familiar, beloved eyes.
"I want to taste every part of your body, darlin', then I want to touch you all over. I guess I want to... to play with my food!"
Eliza smiled. That was the single weirdest, most wonderful speech she'd ever heard.
"Well?" he prompted.
Well, what? "If you're asking do I want you to make love to me, the answer is yes. I've never denied you my body." She gestured to her obvious condition as proof. "And having you 'devour' me sounds divine." So why did she still feel anxious?
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