Craving Control

by Kylie Hillman

  The doe-eyed ingenue who stares back at me is the stuff of my dreams—and her nightmares. It’s a crude assessment, but it’s the truth nonetheless. Miss Maddi is a pliable ball of emotion and it’s on me to make the most of the opportunity it presents.

  “To reiterate my earlier point.” I invade her personal space until I’m close enough to enjoy her scent for the first time since that night at the restaurant. “I want to spend the night with you...and not as a friend. How do you feel about that? It’s different, but not the different you wanted, and I know it’s not what we’ve discussed—”

  “It’s fine,” Maddi stops my verbal diarrhea by laying a finger against my lips. “Like you said, different is good.”

  “Different is better than good.” I move to scoop her into my arms.

  I’ve been dying to know what her body would feel like pressed against mine. It doesn’t happen. Maddi evades my embrace at the last moment. Crossing her arms over her chest, she effectively bars me from her body.

  “While different is good, I want to try it slowly,” she nods her head with a sweet smile on her face. I don’t know if she’s trying to convince me or herself. “I have plans and they don’t really involve having a boyfriend or staying in this town.”

  Yeah, this strange explanation isn’t about me.

  Maddi is desperate to rationalise this situation to herself.

  This discovery makes it easier to swallow her rebuff. Not that it could ever truly be about me. I’m a catch. She’s not. If this was the storyline in one of the dozens of romance novels I’ve spotted cluttering her bookshelf, I’d be the rich boy who saves the poor girl from the wrong side of the tracks. We’re a cliché. Fated. Destiny on steroids. Once she learns to accept that I’m truly interested in her despite her station in life, I’m sure she’ll come around quickly.

  “Maddi,” I reach for her again—this time using a softer approach, like she’s a skittish horse. It appears to work. She lets me hold her against me. I rest my chin on the top of her head and tell the biggest lie I’ve told so far. “I’m willing to give you as much time as you need. Plans can change. They evolve with time. How about we get through our first bonfire together before you have us married with kids.”

  My tone is sincere, but there’s definitely an undertone of mocking in it. I want her to come to me willingly—all the better to piss off Benji—but she needs to know her place when she does. I’m Prince Charming and she’s Cinderella, pre-Fairy Godmother intervention.

  “You’re right.” Those two words are music to my ears. “I’m being irrational.”

  I stay silent and let her words hang in the air like a sad indictment. Expectation that I’m going to mount a protest is clear in her expression. It validates my decision to ignore her.

  There is no counter argument to be found here—Maddi can be as irrational as she likes as long as she doesn’t interrupt my game.

  “Brendan! Maddi!” Nita emerges from a crowd of partygoers who are entering the bonfire zone.

  “Hey,” Maddi acknowledges her greeting. The flush that has been colouring her face since I touched her waist changes. It becomes darker, more pronounced. If I had to hazard a guess, I’d say she was embarrassed.

  “Soooooo?” Nita turns the single syllable word into a butchered musical note. “Are you two a thing yet?”

  “Nita! It’s not like that.” Maddi sounds scandalised.

  In the same instant that she’s admonishing her friend, I reply with a definitive, “We most definitely are.”

  Our voices must carry across the field. Half a dozen heads turn back to us. I immediately recognise the group that Nita arrived with, and it sets the hair on the back of my neck on end. Benji, Joel, and Kyle are front and centre. Their friends trail behind them, letting them lead the way like they’re actually worth following.

  Benji looks like he’s already got a head start on the alcohol I provided for the night. He’s double fisting four beer cans and he has a cigarette hanging from his mouth. The fact that this piece of trash has ascended to my unwillingly vacated footballing throne irritates me more than I can explain.

  At least when me and Hugo were at the helm, we had standards. The mansion became the formal meeting place, affording me control over every member of the team. Alcohol and girls were plentiful yet rationed judiciously, rewards to be bestowed at my behest. Places within the playing squad were determined by the level of deference I received. The reputations of my players were cultivated carefully and protected with coldblooded ruthlessness.

  “Oi, Taylor,” Benji yells. “Didn’t I tell you to fuck off?”

  Maddi groans, then looks up at me. I try to read her expression but can’t. Figuring that silence is better than putting my foot in it, I take hold of her hand and try to lead her away from her brothers.

  “Ignoring me will only sign your death warrant,” his annoying voice follows us.

  I stop immediately and turn back to face him. His smug countenance begs for me to wipe it clean. Unfortunately, now is not the time to act on my urge.

  If I start the fight, I lose.

  God, I miss the old days. Back then, if you didn’t buy into our regime, we drove you from the team. And when we ostracised someone, it was done with as much ritualistic devotion as a religious festival. By the time we were finished with you, your social standing was in tatters and your self-worth was at rock bottom. Even your family suffered; that’s how comprehensive my power was.

  “Don’t listen to him,” Maddi says, a sheepish, half smile on her face. Rolling her eyes, she unloads her annoyance. “For some reason he thinks he’s King of the Universe and everything’s supposed to run according to his rules.”

  Her response is perfection. So innocently indignant. Do we share a common grievance with a familiar enemy? Can I use it to bring her onto my team and really hurt Benji? Hell, I know how overbearing her twin can be and I’m not related to him. I’ve gone to head-to-head with him before and underestimated his determination. I once set the tone of my playing group until he decided that the totalitarian dictatorship I operated should be replaced by democracy. With him as the figure head, of course.

  It seems obvious to me that he’s trying to take the same tact with Maddi’s social life.

  “Does he treat you like that, too?” I ask. Clarification isn’t truly necessary. I just need to know how much work it will take to manipulate her into willingly flipping Benji the middle finger.

  Maddi shrugs, but says nothing. She scuffs the toe of boot over the ground, while I try to work out what her silence means. Family loyalty or obstinate denial?

  The answer eludes me. This girl’s expression is locked down tighter than a bank vault.

  Benji and Co. start walking over to us, and Maddi tugs my hand. I let her lead me to the fire—I’m sure it’s a complete coincidence that it’s in the opposite direction of her brothers.

  Yeah. I’m not being sarcastic at all.

  My eyes roll of their own volition. The irony isn’t lost on me. Usually I like to confront my enemies head on once our enmity has reached this level—a scorched earth policy is more my calling card. Letting things go and being led by the needs of a girl is new.

  A deep sigh comes from Maddi when we reach our destination. My stuff is set up near the biggest refreshment table, and I sit down in my seat while keeping an eye on Benji. He’s been stopped by Nita. They’re swapping spit while Joel and Kyle have changed direction and followed us to the fire.

  They are the dark horses in this scenario. The younger O’Brien isn’t as loud and boorish as his brother, and Kyle is the epitome of a lovelorn loser. His crush on Maddi is obvious to everyone but her.

  Both of them bring an element of surprise to this game. I like knowing where I stand and unknown quantities like those two worry me.

  Maddi stands awkwardly at my side, threading her fingers together and twisting them. With one eye on Joel and Kyle, I grab her by the waist and pull her onto my lap. Her teeny gasp goes straight my co
ck. Sliding my hand across her flat stomach, I press her back against my chest.

  The scent of vanilla and roses clings to Maddi. The aroma washes over me like a soothing salve. Nuzzling my nose into her hair, I breathe deep.

  “You’re sniffing me again,” Maddi says, delight lacing her statement.

  “I am.”

  She places a hand on top of the one that lays on her stomach and pats it twice. My thumb strokes her palm, then she threads her fingers through mine. Maddi sits still for a moment, resting easy against me, apparently content to watch the throngs of arriving partygoers fill the paddock.

  “Benji is complicated.” Maddi breaks the silence between us.

  It takes me a second to realise what she’s talking about. When it hits me, I become stiff, fearful that the slightest of movements might make her clam up.

  “Our mum’s death changed everything.”

  “I’m sorry,” I say, quietly.

  Maddi squeezes my fingers. “It’s okay, I’m over it.”

  She’s not.

  “But, Benji isn’t. He tries to fix things he thinks are unfair. Protect everyone.” Maddi twists in my lap until she’s seated sideways and almost facing me front on. “Especially me. It makes him feel in control.”

  “That makes sense.” My expression is deliberately blank. I couldn’t give a fig what Benji feels, but Maddi doesn’t need to know that.

  “I know he’s a bit hard on you,” she says. Our eyes meet, and we exchange a wry smile at her blatant understatement. “It would be awesome if you could just grin and bear it. I promise he’ll ease up on you eventually.”

  Laying my hands on each side of her face, I bring her face closer to mine. “I can do that for you.”

  “Thank you,” she whispers.

  For the first time, Maddi initiates a kiss. When our mouths meet, she prods my lips with her tongue. I open my mouth to let her in. Our tongues tangle. Our lips move in symphony. My hands seize her long hair and I tilt her head to the side, so I can kiss my way down her neck.

  I’m about to run my tongue back up the path I’ve just taken when Maddi is yanked away from me. Shock freezes my synapses, stealing my ability to think. Her mouth creates a perfect O as she’s pull back and she barely has time to find her feet before she’s dragged out of my sight and the two O’Brien boys are in my face.

  “I warned you,” Benji says, a second before he rams his fist in my face.

  Joel is next. I take one punch from him before my brain turns back on.

  I’m outnumbered. I have no idea where my friends are, and I’m pretty damn certain that the O’Brien boys aren’t going to let up on me until I’m unconscious—at the bare minimum.

  I wouldn’t hold out hope that they’ll stop before I’m dead.

  “Stop it,” Maddi commands. “You’re both being ridiculous.”

  Mutterings erupt from the assembled throng. It sounds like they don’t agree with her. Benji and Joel fall back, turning from me, apparently ready to argue with their sister.

  I decide their inattention is my invitation to fight back. Benji is my target, except Joel gets in the way. I’ll take my payback wherever I can get it, so I smack him in the back of the head. He folds like a house of cards and crumples to the ground. Benji turns to me, angry blue eyes sending a laser forced promise of pain my way.

  Adrenaline fuels me. It has me lunging for Benji before he can get a grip on me. I attempt to head butt him, missing by the barest of margins. A circle made of people surrounds us. They clap their hands, goading us, caging us in battle like we’re gladiators provided for their entertainment.

  My feet are unsteady and the momentum from my initial attack carries me past Benji. One of his friends pushes me back inside the circle, just in time for Benji to come at me. I see him bend in a half-squat. He hunches lower and then runs at me. I try to brace myself, but I’m not fast enough. His shoulder collides with my stomach, winding me. The spear tackle lifts me off my feet. While I’m in the air, I push at his shoulders, attempting to use my strength to fight him off.

  Nothing works.

  I end up on my back in the dirt with him on top of me. The whooping and hollering of the crowd increases in volume as their enthusiasm grows. Benji rams his shoulder into my gut again. I knee him in the side. He yelps then tries to hammer fist my face. I barely avoid the blow. Yanking my arm free, I pull my fist back. Readying myself to punch, I’m end up swatting at thin air when he disappears.

  A blonde tornado has swept in and ripped him off me. Maddi stands with her hands on her hips, and she lets fly with her thoughts on the entire situation.

  “Seriously?” She questions everyone present. “You’re all just going to stand here and watch this go down? What the hell is wrong with you people?”

  “Maddi,” Joel approaches her with his hands in the air. “He deserves everything he gets.”

  “Oh, shut up. You just go along with everything Benji says. Try thinking for yourself for once.” She turns her back on him and leans down to me. Holding her hand out, she says with a grimace, “Here. Let me help you.”

  I take her hand and let her assist me back to my feet. Surveying in the crowd, I take in the carnage. Hugo is off to the side, wedged between two footballers. He’s sporting swelling around his right eye that promises a wicked black eye by tomorrow. That explains why he didn’t come to my defence during the melee.

  Kyle is holding Benji back. He’s still trying to get to me, although the wind has been taken out of his sails. He looks a little worse for wear, and considering he spent most of his time on top, I’d hate to know how bad I look in comparison.

  “Let’s get out of here.” Maddi brings my attention back to her with a tug on my arm.

  She looks pissed, and for a second, I think that she’s angry at me. It’s when she turns around to blast Benji, I realise that I’m not the target of her rage.

  “If you don’t stop acting like a jackass, Benji, I’m going to tell dad. This is my final warning.” Maddi doesn’t wait for his reply. She grabs my hand and yanks me forward. “Take me home, Brendan. I’ve had enough of this party.”

  There is nothing I want more than to separate her from everyone else. I walk with her to my vehicle, a shit-eating grin filled with triumph on my face. Our exit is interrupted by Nita, who runs up to my other side and uses my shirt to pull me to a stop.

  “I need a word,” she says, glaring at me with stark reminder in her eyes. I catch her meaning immediately. Her lack of finesse irritates me; however, I know that trying to fob her off will only make things worse.

  “Can you give us a sec?” I ask Maddi.

  She blinks, a crease forming between her eyebrow. My heart jumps into my throat when she glances back at her brothers then nods her agreement. I hope like hell that she’ll continue for my car. It’s dashed in the next moment when she heads back to the crowd.

  “Maddi, wait.” Reaching for her arm, I grind my teeth when she shakes me off without a word. Staring down at Nita, I take my anger out on her. “Are you happy now? Why couldn’t you have stayed away? All my work just went out the window.”

  Nita shrugs and holds out her hand, palm up. “You owe me.”

  I slip the baggie out of my top pocket, slapping it down on her hand as I snap, “Now, fuck off.”

  “Gladly.”

  Nita sashays her ass back to Benji. I search through the group for Maddi. She’s hugging Kyle—a turn of events that I never expected. He holds her longer than he should, not letting go until she pats his shoulders, and even then, he tries to stop her from walking back to me. I take one step in their direction before Maddi shakes her head and pulls away from him.

  She starts to come over to me. As she approaches, I run my gaze over her face to gauge her mood. Has Kyle changed her mind? Is she coming here to tell me she’s going home with her brothers? The poker face that greets me stands up to my scrutiny. I haven’t an idea how to play this.

  Maddi doesn’t stop when she gets to me. She keeps
walking, tossing her next comment over her shoulder with elegant nonchalance. “Are you coming?”

  It puts a spring in my step. I catch up to her and sling my arm over shoulder. Maddi leans into me. Her proximity sets every atom in my body on fire. My dick thickens in my pants and I stifle a grown when Maddi lays her hand on my stomach.

  Forget showing Benji who’s boss by leaving with his sister. Just having Maddi next to me tonight is worth getting my ass kicked. Spending time with her plays havoc on my mind and I’ve found over the past few weeks that leaving her becomes harder the more time I spend with her.

  When I’m with her, I start to forget my end game. It’s when I’m alone that I have to remind myself not to get sucked into her orbit.

  Now that she’s publicly chosen me over them, the potential outcomes of my game have significantly lowered in number.

  Maybe, just maybe, I can give into my baser urges and still win?

  Maybe, just maybe, I can have my revenge on Benji and keep Maddi too?

  NINE

  “Frozen coke?” I say as we pass MacDonald’s.

  “Am I that transparent?” Maddi replies with a laugh.

  “Well, I have noticed that you have a slight caffeine addiction,” I drawl. “I’ve also noticed that hot drinks are for morning and cold are for after 3pm.”

  She slaps her hands over her mouth and lets out one those giggles that I live for. Number four since I started seeing her. “Apparently, I’m more see through than a window.”

  Pulling into the only twenty-four-hour fast food restaurant in our small town—technically the only fast food in town—I place a quick order for two cokes in the drive through. Tonight’s win needs to be consolidated immediately and finding a way to prolong the evening is my best chance of making this happen.

  Our order is fulfilled quickly. I pass Maddi her drink, put my car in gear, and drive off in the direction of my farm. Maddi is slurping away for a few minutes, long enough for me to hit the outskirts of town before she realises I’m not taking her home.