Seasons of Sorrow

by C. C. Wood

“Our fathers were best friends and business partners. We grew up together. I always thought we were friends. Hell, until college, I considered him like a brother.”

  He paused and drank some of his coffee. Charlotte realized that he really didn’t want to talk about this, but he was going to because she wanted to know.

  “When we got to college, he started to let the mask slide. I realized that he and I were never friends at all. What I saw as friendly competition was an obsession to him. He had to be the best at everything, to have the best of everything. As far as Derek was concerned, anything that I wanted, he wanted, and he would have it first if there was any way he could.” Greg rubbed his forehead with the tips of his fingers as though the memory made his head ache. “It was like a sickness and I had no idea until it was too late.”

  “Then why have you stayed around for so long?” she asked. “If he did so much to make you miserable, why did you remain a friend?”

  Greg stared at her for a moment in surprise. “I’m not his friend, Charlotte. I’m yours.”

  Now it was Charlotte’s turn to be surprised. “What?”

  “When, in the ten years since you met Derek, have I gone out with him for beers or lunch?”

  Charlotte sifted through her memories. “There were several times Derek said he was going out with you.”

  Greg shook his head. “He was lying. Since the night he decided to make a play for you, we haven’t been friends. I nearly took his head off the night he took you on your first date.”

  Charlotte winced. “You fought over me?” A memory reared its head. “The night of our second date, Derek had a bruise on his face. That was from you?”

  Greg nodded. “Yes. I wanted to warn you away from him, to tell you that it was all a lie. But every time I brought it up, you seemed to get upset.”

  “He said that he had dated a lot of women, that everyone thought he was a player. He said, with me, things were different. He told me that I would hear things about him and that some of them were true.”

  He laughed, but the sound was without true humor. “He would say that. Derek always did seem to know how to twist the truth so that it didn’t seem like such a bad thing.”

  Charlotte picked at the pieces of her bagel. She had to do something with her hands. It hurt to find out that a man she had once loved had used her to hurt someone else that she cared a great deal about. The pain was a double edged sword, slicing both ways. All the things Derek had done to her cut deeply, but she hated knowing his motivation had been to cause Greg pain as well.

  “Where does that leave us?” Charlotte asked.

  “What do you mean?

  Charlotte stared down at the plate that held her mangled bagel. “I guess what I mean, is why didn’t you move on with your life, get married, have kids?”

  Greg’s jaw tightened. “I tried. It never felt right. Every time I’ve ever dated someone, it hasn’t worked out.” He paused. “None of those women were you.”

  Charlotte’s insides quivered. There was a look in his eyes she’d never seen before. “I can’t, uh, I mean, I’m not sure how I feel about you, Greg. You have been one of my two best friends for the last ten years. I know I love you, but I’m not in love with you. I’m just not sure I have more than platonic feelings for you. And I am definitely not ready for anything more right now.” The memory of the kiss they shared on New Year’s Eve popped into her mind. It had been ten years ago, but the ghost of that moment haunted her as though it happened just yesterday, making her doubt the words she had just spoken.

  His face relaxed slightly. “I will always be your friend, Charlotte, and there is no way in hell I’m going to pressure you into anything that you aren’t ready for. I just want to spend time with you, the same way that we have for years, having bagels in the morning sometimes or chill out and eat dinner or watch movies here or at my place.”

  Charlotte nodded. “I would like that.”

  Everything he described sounded great. Still, she felt the subtle shift in their relationship. Even if he didn’t pressure her, Charlotte knew how he felt and what he wanted. That knowledge always hover in the background when they were together.

  She still had so many questions, but Charlotte wasn’t sure she could handle any more honesty. It was frightening to think that so much of her life for the last decade had been based on Derek’s need to hurt Greg.

  “Okay,” she said, “I don’t think I can handle any more honesty for today unless there’s something you absolutely have to say to me.”

  Greg smiled. “I don’t think so.”

  “Then let’s eat.” Charlotte glanced down at her massacred bagel and winced. “I think I need a new bagel.”

  Greg laughed and handed her the paper bag holding the extra bagels. “The next time we have an awkward conversation, we’ll do it before we eat.”

  She smiled back at him and felt the cracks in her heart shrink slightly. Her life may have taken a detour into hell the last six months, but she would forever be grateful that she had people in it to help her get through to the other side.

  Later that day, after Greg had left and Charlotte was alone again, she wandered up to Adam’s room. She still liked to rock in the glider, surrounded by his things. It helped her feel close to him. Now that she was working full-time, she only had time to go to his grave on the weekends or if she managed to leave the office by five, which was rare.

  She hugged one of the larger stuffed animals she had bought for him as she thought about everything that happened the last few days. Guilt swamped her as she realized that she was planning her life, her future, and her baby was gone. He wouldn’t have tomorrow. Somehow it didn’t seem right that she should be thinking of what she wanted for herself.

  Charlotte took a slow deep breath and tried to let go of the guilt. Her life was moving forward, even if she wanted to fight it tooth and nail. She would take her time and deal with each day as it came. It was all she could do. The guilt would eventually fade because the logically side of her knew that it was an irrational response, even if her heart didn’t agree. It was something she discussed with her grief counselor constantly.

  Tomorrow was Monday. She would need to contact Special Agent Bray about Derek’s phone call. She dreaded that conversation. He would probably want to speak in person and she didn’t know if she was up to another grilling like the one the FBI agents had given her before.

  Charlotte sighed and got to her feet. She placed the stuffed bear back on the shelf with Adam’s other toys and turned out the lights before she left the room. Gently, she shut the door. Sometimes, if she forgot to shut it, the sight of all his things sitting on the shelves and dresser would catch her unawares as she walked through the house and break her heart all over again.

  The sun was almost down when she poured a glass of wine and went to sit on the couch and read a book on her Kindle. Sometimes, like now, when the silence in the house became deafening, she would turn on the television just for the noise. Before Adam died and Derek left, Charlotte usually listened to the radio as she did chores or cooked dinner, but she rarely sat down and on the couch in front of the TV.

  Now, after work, she rarely had anything to do. Cleaning the house once a week only took a couple of hours now that she lived alone. If she remembered to eat, Charlotte would put together something quick and simple for dinner, do the dishes, and then the hours of the evening yawn before her. An only child, solitude never bothered her. She was comfortable being alone, but, with her life in such turmoil, she needed something to keep her occupied.

  It had been years since she had time to read for fun, so Charlotte had purchased a Kindle and bought a few books by authors she enjoyed. It helped her escape the memories and thoughts that plagued her when she was idle.

  Tonight, she was reading a romance novel recommended to her by a woman at work. It was a beautiful love story with a little suspense and twist of adventure, but it was the sex that affected her the most profoundly.

  After Adam was born
, she and Derek had only been intimate a few times. He hadn’t seemed very interested and she was too tired to care. At the time it hadn’t occurred to her that he might be getting his satisfaction elsewhere because she was exhausted. She honestly thought he was trying to be considerate, which, now that she knew the truth, was utterly ironic.

  As she read the sex scenes in the novel, Charlotte felt her body responding to the images they evoked. The scenes were explicit but not in an offensive way. In fact, the author’s description of the hero and heroine making love was incredibly moving and made heat build between her thighs. She hadn’t felt like that it in a long time, if ever. It was as though her body were coming back to life against her will.

  Finally, Charlotte had to put the book down because she was feeling extremely twitchy. Her sex life with Derek had always been okay, nothing as hot as what was in the novel she was reading, but she always thought that it was fine. There was a reason those books were called fiction. While they weren’t tearing each other’s clothes off, she and Derek had made love on a regular basis and, most of the time, it was nice. Just because she didn’t climax every single time didn’t mean that it was horrible. She still enjoyed it in a lot of ways.

  Charlotte threw her Kindle onto the couch next to her and went into the kitchen for a glass of ice water. Her blood felt hot and her skin felt too small for her body. Halfway through her pregnancy, the hormones had made her feel similarly. She had actually begun to initiate sex almost every day. Derek complied for a while but eventually began to turn her down more and more often, claiming that he was worried he would hurt the baby or he was too tired.

  Now that she understood his relationship with Danielle, she wondered if maybe that’s when he had begun his affair with her. That thought helped cool her down slightly. Charlotte drained the glass of ice water, but still felt on edge. She decided to take a walk now that the sun had gone down and the evening was cooling off. Maybe the activity would calm her.

  Half an hour later, she was back home and feeling less twitchy. Her walk had caused a sweat to break out on her skin, so Charlotte decided to take a bath. She went upstairs and ran a lukewarm bath, adding bubbles and bath oil.

  After piling her hair on top of her head and securing it with a clip, she climbed into the tub and sank down into the bubbles. As she soaked, Charlotte couldn’t stop her mind from wandering to the book she had been reading earlier. The throbbing between her thighs returned. She tried to ignore it, but it was impossible. It seemed that now her sexuality had been reawakened and she couldn’t relax.

  Finally, she decided she would have to take care of the problem or she would never get to sleep that night. Though, as turned on as she was, it wouldn’t take much. Slowly she slid her hand down her torso, over her belly, envisioning the scene the book described, only she was the heroine. As her hand crept between her thighs and she began to stroke herself, Charlotte continued to let the scene play out behind her closed eyes, feeling her phantom lover’s lips against the skin of her throat.

  Just as she reached her climax, her imaginary lover’s face lifted from her neck and Charlotte looked up to see Greg’s beautiful grey eyes staring down at her. Her back arched as her orgasm intensified.

  Finally, she came down from the peak, breathing hard. It seemed, even if she wasn’t ready to deal with Greg’s feelings for her, her subconscious didn’t have the same issues. Tears threatened to spill out of her eyes and Charlotte blinked several times until they disappeared.

  She wasn’t sure why she wanted to cry, so she fought the feeling until she gained control. Feeling even more out of sorts than she had earlier, Charlotte washed quickly and started draining the tub. She climbed out of the tub and went directly into the shower stall to rinse off the last of the oil and soap from her skin. She only wished she could wash away the guilt and shame. It couldn’t be right for her body to come back to life this way so soon after Adam’s death. It had only been six months. It was too soon.

  After she had dried off and dressed in pajama pants and a t-shirt, Charlotte retrieved her Kindle from the living and went back upstairs to get ready for bed. She lay under the covers, not bothering to read the words on the screen in front of her.

  Instead thoughts of Greg filled her mind. And, when she finally managed to drift off to sleep, he filled her dreams as well.

  Chapter Sixteen

  The next morning, Charlotte awoke later than usual. She had forgotten to set her alarm the night before. She had felt so thrown by the strength of her physical reactions that it completely slipped her mind. She was glad she had bathed before bed when she realized she overslept by half an hour.

  After she grabbed a cup of coffee to combat the bleariness, Charlotte threw herself together quickly. Within a half hour she had her hair slicked back into a low ponytail at the base of her neck and she was dressed in a lavender sheath. For the first time in month she actually went through her jewelry and chose a diamond pendant that had belonged to her mother and a pair of diamond studs that had been a gift from Derek when she found out she was pregnant.

  She put the necklace around her neck, but she just stared at the studs cupped in her palm. Slowly she placed them back in the jewelry box with several other pieces that Derek had given her. Charlotte couldn’t help but wonder if he gave a pair to Danielle.

  She shook herself out of the trance and grabbed a pair of white gold hoops that had been a gift for her birthday from Brandy and Greg. Those, at least, held good memories. After she put them on, she ran into the closet and slipped her feet into a pair of nude pumps. She dashed downstairs and grabbed a travel mug full of coffee and a banana.

  Charlotte was in her car and on her way to work only ten minutes later than usual. She relaxed slightly because she was usually fifteen minutes early to work, so the ten minute difference wouldn’t make her late. Rushing around like a madwoman in the morning made it difficult for her to focus for the first hour or more, so Charlotte tried to avoid running behind.

  She realized as she walked into the office building that she hadn’t called Special Agent Bray. It would have to wait. Charlotte had a meeting with her boss that morning and she needed to spend the next couple of hour preparing for it. She would call the FBI agent at lunch.

  The morning was packed solid with meetings, conference calls, and emails that needed to be returned. When Charlotte finally emerged from her office for air at noon, she told her assistant that she would be unavailable for the next hour. Then she went back into her office and found Agent Bray’s business card. Charlotte sat at her desk and studied it for a moment.

  After she took a deep breath, she picked up her phone and dialed the number on the front.

  “Special Agent George Bray.”

  Her throat closed up at the sound of his voice, so Charlotte cleared it before she was able to speak.

  “Agent Bray, this is Charlotte Fallon.”

  “Hello, Mrs. Fallon. What can I do for you?”

  She sucked in another deep breath before she could continue. There was pressure on her chest and she felt like oxygen wasn’t getting into her lungs.

  “Derek called me in the middle of the night on Friday,” she replied softly.

  There was a moment of silence and Charlotte heard a loud squeak and rustling papers.

  “What did he want to discuss?” he asked. “And why didn’t you call me Saturday with this information?”

  Charlotte flinched at the tone of his voice. He sounded suspicious.

  “Saturday was the six month anniversary of the death of my son, Adam. It was an extremely trying and emotional day. It never occurred to me to call you.”

  Agent Bray’s response was less brusque. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Fallon. I understand, but you need to call me immediately if he does contact you again. This sort of information can help us tremendously in our investigation. If you wait a day or two, you are likely to forget details that may lead us to his whereabouts.”

  “Okay,” she said shakily.

  “No
w, how much of the conversation do you remember?” he asked.

  Charlotte took a sip of the water bottle on her desk. “Most of it.” That was a lie. She remembered every single detail. A conversation that painful and eye-opening was practically unforgettable.

  “Okay, let’s go through everything that he said,” Agent Bray stated. “Start from the beginning.”

  Charlotte told him all the details she could remember. Even though it humiliated her to tell him about the numerous affairs and that her husband had never truly loved her, she did it. She revealed all the dirty details.

  After she finished, Agent Bray was silent again for a moment. “I know that must have been difficult, Mrs. Fallon, and I’m sorry, but I will need to meet with you in person to go through all this again and have you sign a statement.”

  Charlotte suspected that would be the case. “When?” she asked tiredly. She did not feel like driving toward downtown Dallas on a Monday afternoon.

  “Tomorrow afternoon would be fine,” he replied.

  “What time?”

  “Sometime after lunch. Maybe two?” he asked.

  “Make it two-thirty and I should be able to rearrange my schedule.”

  “I will see you then.” Agent Bray paused before he said, “Thank you for calling, Mrs. Fallon. I realize this is not easy for you.”

  Charlotte stared at the blotter on her desk without really seeing it. It surprised her that he suddenly seemed to believe that she was not involved with the embezzlement.

  “This is a walk in the park compared to losing a child, Agent Bray. Derek deserves whatever he gets. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  With that, Charlotte disconnected the call and placed the handset back in the base. She sat perfectly still at her desk, breathing deep and slow, until the urge sweep her arm across her desk and throw papers and her computer to the floor passed. When she knew she could move without destroying her office, Charlotte stood and walked out of the office to the ladies’ room. Her movements were stiff and slow.