Grinding my jaw, I try my best to hide my anger. “You won't even give me the chance, Onyx! I know you're not the same girl and I'm not the same guy. We are different, but that isn't a bad thing. We still belong together like we always have and always will . . .”
She holds her hand up to stop my words before tugging on her hair in frustration. “You know how easy it would be for me to give in and believe you, right? You and I, it's never been easy and I can't go down that path with you, Hemy. Please, leave me alone. Maybe we can be friends someday, but I can't handle this now.”
“I can’t just be your friend. I’ll always want more with you, and you know you feel the same damn way.”
She must be done listening to me, because she goes for the door handle and quickly pushes it open. “I'm just going to walk home, and please, don't come after me.”
Before I can say anything, she hops out of the truck and slams the door behind her. She takes off walking as if she’s trying to get as far away from me as she can. The thought crushes me and I feel as if I can’t breathe. I want to be pissed at her for being scared, but I can’t. It’s my own damn doing and I need to fix this. I knew going in that there was a possibility she wouldn’t take me back, but it isn’t in me to give up, not this time.
Following her actions, I jump out of the truck and take off after her. I catch up to her quickly, grabbing her arm, and spinning her around to face me. She looks up at me with pained green eyes, before turning away. It’s as if looking at me kills her.
“Don’t walk away from me when all I’ve been trying to do is show you how much you mean to me.” Wrapping my hands in the back of her hair, I pull her closer to me and force her to look into my eyes. “I fucking love you. Do you know how hard that is for me to say to anyone? Sage is the only other person I have ever said that to and she’s fucking gone. You two are the only ones I’ve ever loved and I lost you both. I want us back. I can’t stand to be without you.”
“And you don’t think I’ve lost the one person I ever loved? Huh?” She shoves my chest, but I don’t budge an inch, which pisses her off more. “Dammit, Hemy!” She shoves me again, but I only hold her tighter, letting her know I’m not going anywhere. I’m not giving up and walking away like she did. Fuck that. I refuse. “I don’t love you anymore, okay! I don’t want to go back and try again. I won’t let history repeat itself. There is no starting over, there is no us, and there never will be. So. Let. Me. Go.”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath to calm myself. Her words sting like hell, but I don’t believe her for one second. Her eyes give away the truth and that’s enough to keep me going. She never was a good liar.
I drug her down into my dark, tormented world of demons and hate, slowly killing her day by day, making it hard for her to breathe. I shook the angel in her and now she’s pulling me into her dark, twisted world of hate and revenge, fighting to keep me out, and forcing me to hate her. Well . . . hating her is the last thing I have in store.
“I don’t believe you,” I say through clenched teeth.
Picking her up, I throw her over my shoulder and hold her up by her ass. She instantly starts struggling against me as I walk her back to my truck.
“Damn you, Hemy! Why are you so hard headed?”
I open the door and shove her inside, being careful not to hurt her. She may want to play games, but I’m going to play harder by showing her the man she fell in love with.
I lean in the window and rub my hands through her hair, causing her to look up at me with a pained expression. She always loved it when I did this in the past. It calmed her down. “You can damn me all you want, but the last thing I’m doing is letting you go again.”
Without a word, she swallows and looks away from me. I push back my emotions and walk over to my side of the truck to climb inside. It’s time to take her home with me, where she belongs.
She’s not leaving until she sees how much I love her . . .
Onyx
I hate doing this. I hate trying to push him away when all I really want to do is hold him close and bury my face into his chest. It hurts more than anyone could ever imagine, lying to everyone, even yourself. It’s something I have to do now. At first it was just to guard my heart, but now . . . it’s because I know he’s going to hate me after I tell him what I’ve been keeping from him for a while now. Why let myself get close and let him in when he’ll be hating me soon anyways? I did it for a good reason. I had to.
Hearing him say I love you breaks me down, making me want to run into his arms and scream that I love him back, and that I never stopped. Shit, all that will do is guarantee for me to be crushed again. It broke my heart to lie to him and tell him I don’t love him anymore. I hate it. I hate it.
Hemy doesn’t waste any time driving off, heading in the direction of his street. I can see the fight in him this time. He’s different: stronger, sober, and determined, all the things that I hoped for in the beginning. Now . . . it will be me to fuck things up.
I keep my face toward the window for the rest of the ride, fighting my hardest not to cry. I have been strong for four years and I refuse to let anyone see me cry now, especially Hemy. As long as I pretend that I don’t have feelings, the safer from him I will be.
When we arrive at his house, Hemy turns to me and reaches out his arm. It’s so inviting, making me want to crawl over to him and give into everything I’m fighting. “Come here,” he whispers.
I look at him, but don’t say a word. I can’t or I’ll cry.
“I. Said. Come. Here.” Reaching over, he pulls me into his lap so that my knees are positioned on the outside of his thighs. “Don’t be afraid of me.” He wraps both hands in the back of my hair and looks me in the eyes. My heart skips a beat at the warmth of his touch. “I love you more than anything in this world. I would give my life to make you happy. Please, don’t be afraid of me. It kills me.”
Feeling a tear form in my eye, I try to turn away, but Hemy grabs my face to stop me, his jaw clenching as he watches me.
“Let me see you,” he breathes. “I need to see that you still love me. You may not want to say it . . . but I see it. Just let me see it.”
I let the tear fall freely down my face, followed by a few more that I can’t seem to hold back. Hemy reaches up to wipe my tears away and that’s when I lose it. My whole body shakes as I let it all go. All the pain and hurt I have been keeping inside since the day I walked out his door comes raging out.
My face is flooded with tears now. I can barely see Hemy through the mess, but I can feel him squeezing me closer, telling me to let it all out. A part of me feels relieved.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers, while pressing his forehead against mine. “I promise to show you that you’re the most beautiful woman in the world to me. Do you understand?”
“Hemy,” I cry out. “I need to tell you something. I-”
“Do. You. Understand?” I nod my head, while trying to catch my breath. “I don’t want to talk about your doubts or anything bad tonight. I just want to be with you. Can you do that for me? Please.”
Taking a deep breath, I swallow and wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him as close to me as I can. I love this man so much. He’s my world and has been for ten years. This feeling I have right now, in his arms, him holding me as close as he can, is the best feeling in the world and I never want to lose it again.
I feel Hemy plant a few kisses on the top of my head before he reaches for the door and pushes in open.
“Hemy,” I cry.
He places both hands on my face and looks at me with questioning eyes.
“I really have something important to tell you tomorrow. This can’t wait much longer,” I say nervously. “You might just hate me forever after I tell you. I’m so scared.”
A small smile crosses his face before he playfully sucks in his lip ring and rubs his thumb under my eye. “Nothing could ever keep me from loving my world and you’ve been that for the last ten years.” He hel
ps me out of his lap and out of the truck before hopping out himself. “Let’s go.”
Once inside, Hemy runs a bubble bath and lights the candles while I brush my teeth, watching him in the mirror. I still can’t get enough of him. I see him approaching me from behind, before I feel his arms wrap around me. I can feel the warmth of his breath kissing my neck.
I lean my neck back and moan as he teases me with his lip ring, running it up my neck and stopping under my ear. “Take your clothes off.”
Turning around in his arms, I reach for the bottom of my dress and slowly lift it over my head, with Hemy’s strong hands trailing up my skin behind it. His touch gives me instant goose bumps, hardening my nipples, and making my flesh tingle.
Nothing turns me on more than being naked for this man. The way he handles my body is beautiful and breathtaking. He may have a rough exterior, but once he lets you in, he’s the best lover you could possibly have; although, this is the gentlest I have ever seen him. It only makes me love him more.
I toss my dress aside. Hemy reaches behind me with one hand and unclasps my bra, before kissing his way down my stomach while pushing down my panties and tossing them aside after I step out of them.
He’s standing before me in just his briefs, his muscles flexing as he looks me over. “Undress me, Onyx. This body is yours and yours alone. You’ll never have to worry again. I promise.”
His words cause me to clench at just the thought of all of this beauty being mine. I hate sharing, especially when it comes to him. I never wanted to, but back then I didn’t seem to have a choice.
Getting on my knees, I grip the top of his briefs in my hands and slowly peel them down his muscular body, watching as his cock springs free. Damn, those piercings get me every time. I didn’t think it was possible for Hemy to get any more beautiful, but somehow, he has. Everything about his body: his muscles, his tattoos, his piercings, even the way he moves leaves me breathless.
Once I toss his briefs aside, Hemy lifts me up and wraps my legs around his waist, me latching on as he holds me. “Remember what I said to you the last time we were in this tub?”
I nod my head and bite my bottom lip as Hemy steps into the tub and slowly lowers us into the water with me straddling his lap. I have to admit, there is nothing I want more than to have Hemy make love to me. I’ve wanted it for as long as I can remember and as scared as I am, I need this. I need it so bad.
Gently gripping my waist, he lifts me up before slowly setting me down on his erection, his lips pressed against my neck. We both moan as he eases into me, pushing inside of me as deep as he can fit. Our bodies are plastered together, the both of us holding on for dear life, and it feels so damn good, too good.
Kissing my neck, he whispers, “I love you.” He pushes into me while bringing me down to meet his thrust, before whispering again, sending chills up my spine. “Let me hear you say it, Onyx.”
He pushes in deeper and wraps me in his arms as tightly as he can. I hold on for dear life, wrapping my legs and arms around him, unable to get close enough. My love for this man is so strong right now that I can barely breathe. I can’t hide it anymore. It hurts too damn much.
“I love you, Hemy.” He quickens his thrusts, causing me to moan out and grip his hair. “I’ve never stopped. I can’t. I love you so damn much.”
He smiles against my lips before crushing his lips against mine and making love to me. Not the rough, crazy sex that I’m used to with him. No, him holding me tenderly and thrusting into me, our bodies both working as one. It’s the most intimate moment I have ever shared with Hemy, and it breaks my heart to know that it will probably never happen again.
Tomorrow, I’m going to tear his world apart . . . and mine.
Chapter Fourteen
Hemy
Waking up to Onyx in my bed is the best thing that has happened to me in four years. Seeing her here, naked, and wrapped up in my arms is almost enough to make me forget all the bad shit in the world. Almost . . . but not quite. There is still something that’s holding me down and as much as I still try to hide the pain, it’s always there threatening to surface. I just hope she understands that and tries to be patient. I’ve grown a lot since four years ago, but I will never be one hundred percent whole.
She stirs in my arms, gripping me tighter as I kiss her on the top of the head. I’ve been awake for the last hour, but haven’t wanted to move in fear of waking her. I’m afraid of what’s to come today. She said she had something important to tell me. I have to be honest, it makes me wonder if maybe she has a child with someone that she is afraid to tell me about. I can’t stand the thought of that. It kills me.
When I look back down at Onyx, she’s looking up at me with a small smile. It makes my heart burst with happiness. Damn, I love this woman. That smile is the best thing to ever happen to me.
“Morning,” she whispers. “What time is it?”
I grip a handful of her hair and lean down to crush my lips against hers. She lets out a small moan before smiling against my lips. “It’s noon,” I respond. “I wanted to let you sleep.”
She sits up with a yawn before reaching for her phone. “Crap! I should probably text Ash and let her know that I’m okay. She’s probably wondering why I didn’t come home last night.”
Kissing her one more time, I stand up and reach for my briefs. “Alright. I’ll go make us breakfast.” I turn back to look at her and smile as she throws on one of my shirts. “Damn, you’re sexy as hell in my shirt.”
She places her hand on her hip and bites her bottom lip. “You can show me after breakfast.”
“Fuck yeah,” I growl, while backing away from her and turning into the hallway. Shit, that woman is going to be the death of me.
Opening the fridge, I pull out the eggs and bacon, setting them on the counter. Just as I’m about to reach in the cabinet for some pans, the front door opens. That could only be one person: fucking Stone.
“Don’t you fucking knock, asswipe?” I grab out the pans and set them on the stove. This idiot is just lucky that I’m in a good mood for once.
A few seconds later, Stone appears in the kitchen followed by Ash. My eyes linger on her for a moment as she gives me a worried look. There’s something about the look in her eyes that seems oddly familiar.
“Is Onyx with you? I haven’t heard from her since last night and I didn’t know who to ask,” she questions while looking around the kitchen. “I called Stone and he said she might be here. Is she?”
Pulling my eyes away, I rub my hands over my face really fast and point down the hall just as Onyx appears.
“Okay, I sent her a text . . .” She looks up to see us all standing in the kitchen and freezes. Her eyes linger over to Ash and she turns ghostly white, all the color draining from her face. “Ash! What are you doing here?”
Ash walks past me and over to Onyx. “What the hell? I was worried sick about you. I’m here to make sure that you’re okay.”
Onyx leans her head back before turning to face the other direction and breathing heavily. “Shit! I can’t do this anymore. I’m so sorry, guys. I’m so damn sorry.”
My chest aches from her words. I don’t understand why she’s so worried about Ash coming here and why the hell she’s apologizing to us. I walk towards the girls. “Talk, Onyx. What the hell is-”
I look up and my eyes meet the back of Ash’s neck. My whole fucking world comes crashing down in front of me. I have to turn the other way and clench my hands together to keep from breaking something. “Fuck!” I crouch down and grip my hair in anger. This can’t be happening. Please tell me Onyx has not been keeping this shit from me. “Onyx. What the fuck? You better start talking and now!”
She’s hesitant for a moment, the whole room in a thick silence.
“Ash. I have something to tell you,” she whispers. “I have something to tell both you and Hemy. ”
Taking a few deep breaths, I stand back up and turn around to face Onyx. I want to see her when she fucking cru
shes me and turns my world upside down. “Say it,” I growl out. “Fucking say it, dammit.”
She turns her head away as a tear rolls down her cheek. “God, this is so hard. I never meant to hurt anyone. I just wanted to keep you safe, Ash. Please understand that. I didn’t want you to get hurt like I did. I didn’t want to get your hopes up and then have your world crushed.” She pauses as Ash gives her a confused look. “Back when I met you in that coffee shop in Wisconsin and I saw that scar on the back of your neck . . . I had an idea of who you were.”
Ash’s eyes widen and her nostrils flare as she rubs a hand over the back of her neck. “What are you saying, Onyx? I don’t like where this is going . . .”
Onyx looks over to face the both of us, her face wet with fresh tears. I always hated that look. It fucking hurts. “As soon as you told me you were adopted, I knew you were Hemy’s sister. I knew you were Sage. I’m so damn sorry. You’re probably going to hate me forever but I did it for a good reason. It’s just too bad it’s going to hurt us all in the end. Shit,” she cries.
Ash lets out a soft breath before turning to face me. Her eyes look pained as she takes me in and shakes her head. My heart fucking hurts as I watch her; my baby sister and she’s standing right in front of me.
“That makes no sense. My brother’s name was Tyler. His name wasn’t Hemy.” She looks up at my hair. “And his hair was lighter.” She swallows and looks into my eyes. “Those eyes . . .” She turns away. “Why are you messing with me? Why are you trying to hurt me? Please stop this.”
Out of instinct, I step up beside Sage and touch her scar just like I used to when we were kids. Her bottom lip quivers just like in the past and she sucks in a burst of air. It’s taking everything in me right now not to break down into tears. I’ve searched for ten years; ten fucking years, and now here she is, but on top of it Onyx knew and kept it from me. How could she keep something like this from me? Fuck!
“It’s the truth, Sage. Shit, I can’t believe this is happening.” I pause to catch my breath and pull my hand away. “She’s telling the truth. You were too young to remember, but I went by my middle name when we were growing up. Dad hated mom for naming me Hemy so everyone started calling me Tyler. It’s the only thing you knew me by. That piece of shit. Fuck!” I turn around and punch the wall. “I couldn’t fucking find you. I’ve searched for ten years. I’m so sorry.” My voice cracks as I attempt to keep my composure. It’s proving to be harder than I thought and all I want to do is ruin my parents and then break down.
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