by Faye Sonja
Minna looked at the smile in his eyes, laced with sadness when he spoke of his father. “He sounds like quite the charming man.”
“He was,” Jake said and excused himself.
She watched him walk away seeing the painful burden of memories weighing on him. “He will never open up to me,” she lamented to Esha who watched her expression change.
“He just needs a bit of coaxing,” Esha said.
“He wants no coaxing from me,” she pointed out. “Didn’t you hear that he turned down my response to his mail order bride ad?”
Esha sighed. “He has turned down every offer he has gotten. I just think he worries he might never make someone happy seeing as he lives in another man’s house and takes care of another man’s business.”
“Well, that surely wouldn’t attract a woman looking to be heading the debutante selection committee in this town,” she said. “But a man who works and enjoys a simple life is someone to treasure for a lifetime.”
Esha smiled at her. “Go tell him that.”
“It is against my culture to approach a man in such a way,” she said blushing and lowering her eyes.
“You left that culture ages ago. If you were so interested in behaving Amish you should have stayed there,” Esha said and walked away.
She stared after the girl in shock wondering if she had really just said that. The point hit home, but for once Esha had not been soft in her response. She sighed and went back to organizing the linen in the house, because at this point in time that was all she felt useful doing and that was all she did for the rest of the day before taking the buggy into town to get more herbs. All around her she watched couples walk about, all the happy smiling faces were a taunt to her loneliness and she was beginning to feel like she lived in perpetual misery. It was as if the universe was taunting her for being lonely and a strange stirring in her begged for such release.
That evening when she returned she avoided dinner and took a bottle of wine to the lawn beneath the starry skies.
“Wine is not food,” his voice sent shivers down her spine as he silently approached, his bare feet relishing the feel of the grass beneath them.
“It will do for tonight,” she said.
He sat beside her. “Are you avoiding me by any chance?”
She smiled. “You should know when someone was avoiding you as you are the master of avoidance.”
“Cut me some slack here,” he said touching her shoulder. “You and I are not so different,” he said then.
His words came out hustled. She could see he was fighting the same feeling that shot through her every time he touched her. The clouds moved away from the moon for the next couple seconds and she looked at the silent plea in his eyes to be understood. She would give him that, for he was a man she felt herself wanting to understand.
“What do you mean?” she asked him as she hopped up on to the elevated rectangular cemented area that stood in the middle of the lawn.
He stood before her staring off into the distant darkness as if he had been transported to another time and place. “I find myself here after years of trying to figure out who I really was and who I wanted to be. I find myself here, seemingly exactly where I am supposed to be. It is relaxing.”
“You said you worked with your town overseer before?” When he nodded she asked. “What was that like? You are so good at this job I find it hard to believe that that job was not for you.”
“I did mostly damage control for him. My best friend Harry and I would deal with all the conflict we had and sometimes it was not always peacefully resolved. The thing is, I never really liked conflict, but because I had lived in the English world for four years, I had knowledge that was beneficial so I applied my skills there. It was good work, but not fulfilling, and then there was the fact that my life there was never the same.”
“So you no longer wanted to be associated with his work?”
“No!” he said refuting her assumption. “I love everything about my town, but I was just not finding what I wanted there. I had to leave. I just knew that I wanted peace and simplicity.”
“I know what you mean,” she said staring up at the sky. “I love this and I also want to do something else someday, but I will always want this life of simplicity.”
“I know,” he smiled at her and brushed the back of his hand across her cheek. “That is why I tell you we are not so different.”
She smiled at him, surprised at the moment of tenderness, and when he reached for her hand she stiffened.
“Don’t be afraid,” he said. “There is something I want to ask you.”
“Go ahead,” she whispered, his mere touch leaving her a little breathless.
“Would you like to date me, Minna?” he asked. “I see in you a woman I could love for life, and I want to know if you feel the same.”
She smiled in shock and fought the stupid tears that were hell bent on trying to embarrass her. “Yes,” she said finally. The smile that creased his lips matched the flutter in her heart and even then she knew that nothing about her life would be the same after that day. She just knew it.
* * *
6
Chapter SIX
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“ I will get her back here … I am going
after her and I will bring her back. ”
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The harvest came and went and for two days they labored side by side, stealing glances, passing smiles and flirting from a distance. He had even kissed her for the first time in the shade of the almond tree. It was heavenly and nothing like she had ever imagined her first kiss would feel like, and just like that she was walking on clouds for the days thereafter. It was something Simon did not miss.
“I see you found romance,” he said when she took a break beside him in the shade of the barn to sip on a cold glass of lemonade.
She blushed. “Was this your plan from the beginning?” she asked him, suspicious of how pleased he looked with himself.
“It never was, but I am loving the fact that it worked out this way,” he paused. “I will tell you what I told him just a night ago. To put it simply, love is rare and heart syncing in serendipitous encounters are a magical thing. Do not let your individual ambitions ruin that. You can both achieve what you might want individually while being together. Do you understand what I mean?”
She nodded. She had been thinking the same thing. She looked at Jake’s strong shoulders and the beard he had allowed to grow back, and even the way his hair blew in the wind spoke to something deep inside her. She felt like they were meant for each other. It was a scary and lovely feeling all at the same time, and it kept her on cloud nine for the rest of the day.
She did not get to bed until the wee hours of the morning and did so with a parting first kiss from Jake. It made her light-headed and euphoric and just like that she was sent to bed flying high on a cloud. A cloud she would be rudely shoved off of when the first rays of the sun tried to sneak through the heavy blinds over her window and Esha thought she had slept too long. She had in fact slept too long; it was late afternoon and the guests for the large banquet they had planned were now rolling in.
“Get up or you will miss the party you helped to plan,” Esha said serving her breakfast for dinner and ensuring she got out of bed.
The sound of the soft music being strummed from the violins downstairs filled the air and she felt the music sway her before she even stepped out of her room.
“I was wondering if you were going to stand me up for the ball,” Jake said accosting her as she tried to slip in with the crowd that flooded the great foyer and backyard. “You look lovely.”
She smiled at him, losing herself in the way his tuxedo fell from his shoulders like he had been born to wear it. His hand brushed her cheek as he tried to pin a corsage on her dress and she pulled his head down to hers to steal a kiss before the crowd could swallow
her whole.
“You have a guest,” he said to her as he walked her into the ballroom and she didn’t miss the heads turning to look at her as she entered, but the guest he spoke of was one she had not expected to see anytime soon.
“Joshua,” she whispered his name as it caught in her throat.
“What?” Jake asked following her eyes.
“My guest,” she said letting go of his hand. “His name is Joshua.”
She couldn’t control her reaction but she knew it gave him cause for concern and when Joshua’s eyes fell on her he pushed through the crowd before she could make an escape.
“Are you okay,” Jake asked her.
She nodded her head, unable to find the words to convey the same. “Can you give me a minute please?” she asked as the band struck up a new tune and Joshua made it to her in time to pull her onto the dance floor.
"Hello Minna," he said gripping her to him. “I have searched for you for months.
“Joshua, what are you doing here?”
He smiled. “I found you and I am taking you home.”
She tried to pull away from him as he twirled her on the dance floor. She didn’t miss the fact that he somehow had learned to ballroom dance like an expert. That must have come from his time in the English world. While she had been heartbroken, he had been learning to dance. But amazingly the thought didn’t make her angry; it just didn’t matter anymore.
“I was never lost and I am not going back,” she said to him and tried to pull away. Her heart sunk to the floor and she tried to move away from him, but his grip was like steel. He gave her no room to move and she could see Jake jealously staring at her, but every time she tried to send him a signal with her eyes Joshua twirled her.
"Don't even try and call your English friend over her,” Joshua said. “You ran away from home and left your brother on his knees with grief. You have to come back because he blames me for it all.”
She glared at him. “You are to be blamed, Joshua. You made me fall in love with you then you ran off without so much as a word and then you come back after years away and simply expect me to fall in line with you again? That is not how it works! You are to be blamed for my leaving. Your expectations and people being hopeful that we would get back together was stifling me, and I wanted more out of life so I left!”
It was not until the last words had left her lips that she realized she had been speaking louder than usual.
“What are you saying Minna?” he asked almost tearful and desperate.
“I am saying you should not have come here. My brother knows I am okay because I write to him and I send him money to help out. He knows I am fine and I have met a wonderful man and maybe we will fall in love with each other and maybe we won’t, but for sure he is an awesome man and I will not leave him like you left me.”
“You gave up being Amish, Minna?” he asked her.
“No. I will always be Amish. I will simply not live in an Amish community ever again. I have a wonderful thing going here and I will not leave it,” she said. She looked at him unapologetically and he missed a step, just as Simon himself stepped in and asked her for a dance.
“She is all yours, Sir,” Joshua said and walked away before she could so much as say his name. The subliminal message she had sent however was not missed, and as she was twirled by the heavy girth of her employer, she realized that she had not just accepted a job here, and she was not just simply dating Jake. She had started life anew and even if Joshua couldn’t understand that she was happy and that was a happiness she could not sacrifice.
“Are you okay?” Simon asked her.
She nodded. “Yes, just a little reminder of my past,” she told him looking for Joshua in the crowd and not finding him.
“Are you sure you would not rather go back with him?” he asked her.
She shook her head and smiled. “I miss home, but I will never be happy there again and I will not leave Jake.”
“Good,” Simon said to her. “I chose you because I know you have the heart, finesse and backbone to be the kind of feminine support and touch this place needs, and I know I am not wrong. It will get easier.”
When the song was finished and Simon was taken by another woman for a twirl to the next musical selection, she made her way off the dance floor.
“What’s wrong?” Jake pulled her to him as she rounded the corner.
“That man, who just commandeered a dance with me, he was the man I had loved before I left my Amish life behind.” Jake’s jaws clenched in response and his angry eyes scoped out the dance floor for the subject of his ire.
“Did he hurt you?” he asked looking at her like she was a fragile porcelain doll about to be broken.
“Yes,” she confessed. “He broke my heart when he ran off for years, but now I am okay. Even better with you. He wanted me to go back but I made it clear that my life was here and I wouldn’t leave.”
Jake looked at her with admiration, before pecking her on the lips. It was an unspoken apology for doubting she would be okay. “I am sorry.”
“It is not your fault. It is life. I am beginning to understand that.”
“Then please do not run away. I would be at loss without your company.”
She smiled and nodded her head, her unease slipping away with his touch.
He lifted the back of her palm to his lips. “Back to your party then,” he said and led her back to the festivities. “This time you stay close by me,” he ordered protectively.
That was exactly what she did for the rest of the evening. She stuck by his side refusing to move even in the least. When he felt her getting tired, they slipped away from the party to her quarters where he had Esha bring them two plates of food. When she was done he gave her a kiss and rubbed his nose against hers then told her he would be right back.
She was drifting in and out of sleep by the time he came back, but he woke her with a kiss to the cheek as he pulled her closer to him and stared out the window at the moonlit sky.
“I really like you,” he said easing to his side to look at her.
She turned her face to his wanting to say something but not finding the words
“You are beautiful,” she whispered, trailing her fingers across his lips and behind his head to bring him in for a kiss.
“You are precious,” he whispered back.
She rubbed her nose against his, wondering again how they got there, but chose to respond differently. “Yes, I am.”
He kissed her laughing into her mouth, “Will you marry me Minna?” he asked, and his question stole her breath away.
She bolted upright. “What?”
Smiling he took her hands back in his. “I can see myself loving you for a lifetime and we can build a life together. I would be the luckiest man alive if you said yes.”
A tear she could not control slipped down her face. “Yes,” she whispered.
He slipped a ring from his pocket and onto her finger, sealing the promise with a kiss. There was no further need for words as the sleep soon took over and she gave into it thinking my, how dreams can come true. When he pulled her into him and they snuggled on the couch, she thought this must be what heaven is like.
“Sweet dreams,” he whispered as he kissed the top of her head and gently rubbed her back. She slowly drifted off to rest from a rather eventful day.
* * *
Epilogue
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Seven months later
“You have a letter,” Esha said to her as she waddled to the porch. The child growing inside her was getting heavier every day and her aching legs needed a rest after just a couple minutes of walking.
“Who is it from?” she asked her.
“A Joshua Ashon,” Esha said.
“Breathe,” Jake said from beside her and her baby kicked as if reminding her of the same. “Do you want me to throw it out or put it away until later?”
She shook her head. “If it is news from home I want to read it,” she said resting a calming
hand on her stomach.
Ever the understanding one Jake kissed her forehead. “I will give you some privacy. If you need me I will be in the foyer reading.”
He bent to kiss her protruding stomach and she ran her fingers through his hair. “I love you,” she said.
“I love you too,” he whispered against her cheek before walking off.
Dreading there might be some dreadful news awaiting her; she took a deep breath and opened the letter.
Dear Minna,
I have thought long and hard about writing you this letter and have eventually decided to. Let me first tell you that all is well here back home. Farmer Messai died of old age, Jim from the stable ran off to the English world, a couple of our friends got married and I left again.
I left because it was not the same without you and I felt maybe I could find the joy you did elsewhere. So often we return to places that haunt us with the memories of what was and the thoughts of what could have been, and we forget who we are.
And so this letter is to say I am sorry.
When I ran off the first time it was because I was young and afraid that I was committing to something that I was not yet ready for. I left and for the three years I was away, my thoughts were filled with a longing for you and your gorgeous smile. Then I came back and realized the girl I had left heartbroken, had grown into a beautiful woman and she now had a mind of her own. I am sorry for imposing my unspoken expectations on you and your space and I hope you can forgive me.
I am sorry for showing up to your home and demanding you return as if you were prized cattle. I am sorry and I hope you will someday forgive me.