Noah shook his head. “Never going to happen. She makes plans with Chloe all the time that she never keeps.”
“Poor baby.”
“Chloe keeps dreaming that one day her mom will come and get her, and they’ll go on wonderful adventures together.”
“Is that why you don’t want her to dream? Because dreams don’t always come true?”
“Dreams set you up for heartbreak.” He could sense Beth gearing up for an argument, and he was thankful that they’d reached the apartment. He waited while she fished out her key and unlocked the door.
“Thank you for walking me home. You were always such a gentleman. It was one of the things I liked most about you.”
He wanted to ask if there had been other things she liked, but thought better of the idea. “Thank my gram. Any good manners I possess are her doing.”
“Good night, Noah. Be careful walking back to the theater.”
He grinned and held up his arm, flexing the muscle. “Never fear. I can handle it.” That earned him a bright smile. He walked away, acutely aware of Beth’s eyes on his back. He took his time walking down Main Street. Dover at this time of night was quiet and still, and he let the peacefulness ease some of his concerns. The tension between the two of them had been uncomfortable. But like it or not, he’d have to work with her for the next several weeks. He’d given his commitment to helping his gram with her dream, and he wouldn’t let her down.
The hair on the back of his neck tingled and he stopped, cautiously glancing around. Was someone watching him? Slowly he scanned the darkened storefronts, the shadowed paths through the park. He looked behind him and his gaze traveled to the balcony above his office, the one in Beth’s apartment. He saw her, leaning over the iron railing, her head sticking out from behind one of the vine-covered posts. He started to raise his hand, but looked away and started walking again.
Why was she watching him? To make sure he reached the theater safely? Or was there something more?
* * *
Beth took the hand of her older brother, Gil, seated to her right, and the smaller hand of her niece Abby on her left. Closing her eyes, she listened to the soft tone of her mother’s voice as she offered grace over the meal. Her mind filled with a rush of memories of family dinners here in the old house. Back then it had been her father saying the blessing, his deep voice strong and reverent, giving thanks for all they had and for each other. The memory filled her with familiar warmth and a deep, aching sadness. Even after a year, her father’s presence lingered within the walls. It probably always would.
Beth ate in silence, letting the chatter of her family fill the air. Linc and Gil were each happily married to wonderful women. Linc and Gemma were expecting their first child. Beth had bonded with her new sisters-in-law quickly, and she found her new nephew, Evan, a joy. Having her niece, Abby, back in the family was another blessing. Her family had grown in the last year. Everything was changing—in her world, too.
After dinner Beth joined her mother in the kitchen to clean up.
“So, how are things going with you and Noah? Are you getting caught up?”
“Not really. I don’t think he’s interested in catching up.”
“Why?”
She shrugged. “He’s angry with me for not staying in touch, which doesn’t make sense because he didn’t stay in touch with me, either.”
“You did leave suddenly.” She shook her head. “That was a crazy time.”
“Even crazier when I got up there. I remember waking up one day, and it was September and I had no idea where the summer had gone.”
Mom nodded, folding the dish towel slowly. “You went from amateur to professional literally overnight. That’s a huge life change.”
“That’s what I told him, but he was upset that he had to learn about my job with Forsythe from the Dover Dispatch and not me.”
“He was your closest friend. I would have thought you’d have found time to share your good news with him. It’s important to stay in touch with loved ones.”
The melancholy tone in her mom’s voice tugged at her heart. “I stayed in touch. I called. I came home.”
Her mother took a long moment to reply. “It would have been nice to hear from you more often. I understood that your life would be hectic, and I knew you had to devote all your efforts toward succeeding, but your dad and I missed you. We felt a little abandoned at times.”
Beth flipped back through her memory, sorting through the years. She could see now where she’d kept putting off coming home to visit, postponing phone calls. “I didn’t intentionally cut you out of my life, Mom. Honest.”
“I know, but it reached a point where the only time we heard from you was when you told us about your next performance. All I’m saying is that I can understand Noah’s position.”
Why did everyone blame her for not staying in touch? “The phone rings both ways.”
“Yes, it does. I’m sorry if I sounded judgmental. Since your father has been gone, I do a lot of thinking back on things I wish I’d done differently. It’s been a difficult year.”
Beth moved to the window and stared outside, avoiding eye contact with her mother and hoping the subject was closed. The last few years of her life had been difficult for her as well, but she couldn’t share the reasons with her mother. Not yet anyway.
“I’m glad you decided to help with the Christmas show. Now you can stop trying to stay in dancing form and focus on something else. Who knows. It might be the beginning of a whole new career for you.”
Her mother’s comment had stirred a dark pool of anger and grief. “Mom, I know you mean well, but you don’t understand. Dancing has been my life since I was five. It’s what I love. It’s the most important aspect of who I am. You don’t know what it’s like to lose the thing that gives your life meaning and purpose.”
Her mom came and took her hand, pulling her down beside her on the little bench beneath the window. “Bethany, I know better than anyone what you’re going through. I’ve lost the person who gave my life meaning and purpose, the man I shared my life with and the father of my children. We were supposed to grow old together. We were going to travel and do all the things we couldn’t do with five children. Now I’m struggling to learn to live alone, and figure out who I am without him by my side. It’s hard, Bethany. It’s painful. Some days I don’t even want to get out of bed. But I can’t shut down. I have to move forward no matter how difficult it is.”
Beth’s chest ached, and she swiped tears from her face. How could she have been so thoughtless and cruel? She’d been so focused on her own pain, she’d become blind to anyone else’s. “Mama, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” A sob made its way up her throat. “I’m sorry.” Her mother pulled her into her arms before she could move.
“I know. I understand how devastating this situation is for you, but we’ll get through it. Together.” She pulled a napkin from the table and gently dabbed at the tears on Beth’s cheeks. “You’re so much like your father. Strong, determined and fully committed to whatever goal you set. But sometimes that commitment makes it hard for you to see when it’s time to let go.”
“Is that even possible?”
“Not entirely. But when I look around at what the Lord has added to my life after losing your father, I have to be in awe of His blessing. In the last year Gil brought Abby home to us and added Julie to the family. Linc gave me Evan and Gemma.” She brushed the hair off Beth’s forehead. “And I have my little dancer back home again. If you let Him, the Lord will open new paths for you. But you have to let go.”
With her throat tight with remorse and sadness, all she could do was nod. Her mother was right. She had to accept the truth and let go. But she had no idea how to do that. What if she let go, and there was nothing out there to grab hold of?
Chapter Five
Beth took her time walking to rehearsal Thursday night. She’d forgotten how pleasant November could be in Mississippi. She needed only a light jacket to protect from the cool wind. Back in New York, she’d be bundling up and digging out gloves and boots.
Nervous excitement bubbled in her rib cage as she neared the little theater, but her confidence ebbed and flowed. With the aid of videos of the performances Jen had sent her, she’d worked up simple steps and movements that would enhance each number. She hoped the dancers could pick up the changes quickly and wouldn’t find the routines too complicated.
Her nervousness vanished over the next hour when the cast welcomed the additions she’d created. They admitted that Allison’s routines were too simple, and they were eager to learn more to make the show better. After working out a new rehearsal schedule for each cast, she went in search of Noah to discuss her ideas for new props.
Other than a glimpse of him coming and going in the office, she hadn’t seen him since he’d walked her home the other night, and she hadn’t been able to get the incident out of her mind. His concern for her safety had shifted something inside her. She understood he was just being a gentleman, but there’d been something romantic about walking beside him along the dimly lit streets and saying good-night at her door. She groaned inwardly. Hadn’t she learned the hard way that romantic gestures were worthless?
Learning about Noah’s wife had given her insight into his attitude and his heart. Noah was a family man, a man who planted his roots deep into the ground. He’d spoken often about his parents and how someday he wanted to have a family of his own so he could recreate the happy life he’d known before their deaths.
In a way, they were very much alike. She was determined to excel in her career, and Noah was unshakable in his desire to provide a solid foundation for his daughter, even staying in San Francisco in an impossible situation for his daughter’s sake. He’d moved home to help his gram. He was an admirable man, a man who would do anything for those he loved. But if betrayed, he would be a hard man to deal with.
She found Noah in the back of the building, talking with Shorty. He smiled when he saw her. The first genuine smile he’d given her since she’d seen him again. The way his lips tugged to one side when he smiled sent a trickle of warm appreciation along her nerves. His smile hadn’t changed one bit, but the body around it had. Gangly had been a good description of the boy she remembered. Now the only word that came to mind was hunk. Her cheeks flamed, and she glanced down at the sketches in her hands to compose herself.
“What have you got there?” Noah patted Shorty on the shoulder and came toward her.
“Some ideas for new props.”
He took them from her hands. “You didn’t waste any time, did you?”
“There’s no time to waste. Besides, I’m anxious to get started. I think this show can be one of the highlights of the weekend.”
He held her gaze a moment as if reassessing her, then his clear blue eyes warmed, unleashing a sudden uneasiness. She pointed to the first sketch of a full-sized staircase: six steps with railings and a wide landing at the top. She shifted to his side to explain her idea and immediately regretted it. He smelled like he’d just stepped from the shower. The scent of soap and musky aftershave entwined around her senses, making her want to lean in close and inhale the tantalizing scent deep into her lungs.
“I thought a staircase would make that Night Before Christmas scene more homey and highlight the family Christmas theme. Stairs and fireplaces shout family, don’t you think?” She looked up at him and her heart thumped. He was still staring at her. “Anyway, the tricky part is I want it to look like a staircase on this side, but on the other side I want it to be flat so it can be painted to look like a nativity backdrop for the next scene. That way we can simply turn it around, and we won’t need two separate pieces.”
“Clever. I like it.”
“And it needs to be on wheels so we can move it around. Can you do that?”
“Sure. It’ll take a little figuring, but it shouldn’t be hard.”
“Good. And about the Christmas tree. It’s in all three acts, but it’s too small. It needs to be twice that size and with more lights, and it has to be on a dolly so we can move it.”
“The dolly I can help you with, but the tree is out of my area of expertise.”
“I’ll talk to Jen about that.”
Noah shook his head, crossed his arms over his chest and looked down at her, making her aware of the muscle he’d acquired. His biceps and broad chest strained the fabric of the cotton shirt he wore. She looked up at him, thinking how the top of her head would nestle perfectly under his chin. She blinked and took a small step back, bracing for some sharp remark.
“I’m not sure bringing you on board was such a good idea.” He leaned toward her. “I remember how you get. You charge forward like a little race car, dragging everyone behind you like tin cans on a string.”
“I get excited.”
“I know. It’s what made being your friend so much fun.” His smile grew tender, then abruptly vanished as if he was regretting the memory. “I have a feeling I’m going to be spending all my free time in the workshop.”
She exhaled. “It’ll keep you out of trouble.”
His eyes suddenly darkened, and he pressed his lips together. “I think it’s too late for that.”
He walked off, calling out over his shoulder as he went. “I’ll get right on this.”
What did he mean about it being too late? Too late for them to repair their relationship? Spinning on her heel, she walked off. How was she supposed to make sense of anything with Noah when he hid behind that wall of resentment all the time? Every now and then he’d peek over the top and reminisce about their past. Then he’d duck down again.
Her mom’s comments pushed into her mind, sending a feeling of shame along her nerves. In chasing her dream, she’d allowed all her relationships to fade away. It hadn’t been a deliberate decision, but friendships hadn’t seemed as important as becoming the best artist in the company. The one relationship she’d succumbed to had ended in disaster, and left her questioning every aspect of her life and career. She’d responded with even more determination and buried herself in her dancing, driving herself mercilessly. And now she was paying the price.
How did you balance the desires of your heart with the dedication to achieve your goal, and still find time to stay connected to those you loved? Was that even possible?
She could balance on the tips of her toes. She could pirouette and execute any number of precise moves with only the smallest part of her shoe touching the floor. But she’d never learned to balance her life.
With effort, she brushed the troublesome thought aside. She had new things to occupy her mind, and she liked it. Teaching the girls and working with the Christmas show provided a measure of satisfaction she hadn’t experienced since her accident. That was a lot to be thankful for.
* * *
Sawdust flew around his head as Noah pushed the two-by-six through the table saw. The workshop behind his grandma’s house had been his grandpa’s domain. It’s where Noah had learned to work with his hands. Gramps had been proud of his grandson’s intellectual acumen, but he’d also wanted him to have a knowledge of basic handyman skills. Gramps had been a real estate developer by profession, but he’d been raised on a farm and worked his way through college as a carpenter. He’d headed the local Habitat for Humanity program in Dover and insisted Noah volunteer as often as possible. Noah had balked at first, preferring to have his nose in a book or a computer, but he soon realized that the special time with his gramps and helping people achieve a home of their own gave him a connection that meant more.
Noah switched off the saw and removed his safety glasses. The woodworking tools hadn’t been touched in the two years since Gramps had passed, and it had taken Noah days to g
et them in order again. He’d resisted getting involved with the little theater when Gram had approached him. Being on the Board of Directors was one thing; getting involved with the actual production was something else. Now it had brought him even closer to Beth, which was the last thing he wanted. The harder he tried to keep his distance, the more they were thrust together.
“It’s good to see this workshop in use again. Your granddad spent a lot of time in here. It was his therapy.”
Noah grinned at his gram as she entered the shop. “I keep expecting him to look over my shoulder and point out my mistakes.”
“He wanted you to do a good job.” She stopped at his side. “What’s this for?”
“Beth wants some new props built.”
“I felt sure she’d bring new life to the show. Allison did her best, but she lacked vision. How is Beth getting along with everyone?”
Noah met her gaze. “Don’t you mean how is she getting along with me?” His gram shrugged, a small smile on her lips.
“I always liked her.”
“I did, too.”
“Past tense?”
He sighed and slid on the safety glasses again. “She’s doing a good job. Everyone likes her, and they like the changes she’s adding. Your production is in good hands.”
Gram patted his back. “Give her whatever she wants.”
Noah sent another board through the saw, then shut it down again. What did Beth want? When he picked up Chloe from dance class, Beth was glowing with delight. At the theater, she vibrated with energy as she worked with the dancers. One thing he’d realized was that Beth’s obsession came from her love of dancing. Yvonne’s obsession sprang from an insatiable need to always be the center of attention. Yet in the back of his mind, he kept hearing her say she’d dance again—in New York. Not Dover.
Could she ever be content in a small town? He shook off the dangerous notion. No matter how strong his resolve to keep his heart protected from her, his heart had other ideas. The more time he spent with her, the more he thought about her. Their lives had become so intertwined that he had little chance to keep his distance.
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