by Jane Tesh
He laughed harshly. “That old bag! She was pissed because the cream I gave her didn’t work on her! Nothing would work on her ancient skin! She threatened me, held that threat over me, said she’d go to the media. Turns out I have her to thank.”
I saw the stack of BeautiQueen boxes in the corner. “Thank for what? Are you working on a BeautiQueen knock-off?”
George’s skin flushed red under the streaks of makeup. “Ha! Better than that! You don’t know anything! Even if you did, it’s too late! I’ve already put the wrong formula into the cream.”
“Using all the stuff you stole?”
He laughed. “All I had to do was increase the ingredient that had irritated wrinkly old Viola. BeautiQueen is finished! Thousands of women will burn their faces! Then they’ll come crawling to me for the remedy!”
I held George in a hammerlock with one arm, so I had a hand free to call 911. “I’m sure Folly can stop the shipment of the cream.”
George grinned like a shark. “It’s already gone out. BeautiQueen is finished, I tell you.”
I was half-listening as I gave the police the address. “Yeah, yeah. You ever hear of product recall?”
“Women have it now.” He collapsed into laughter. “It’s too late for a recall.”
“Now?”
“I’ve already delivered the boxes to the auditorium. The boxes look so much alike, no one will guess that some of them have my special cream, especially Miss Perfecto Face, Amelia Tilley. She was a fool to turn me down. I could’ve given her everything. I could’ve made her company number one in the country. We’ll see how she likes my version of Age-Defying Extra Whip Moisturizing Deluxe Formula Face Cream.”
Realization hit me so hard, I almost dropped my phone. The auditorium. My God. The pageant.
Camden’s eyes widened. “Go! I can hold him here.”
To make sure George didn’t try anything, I gave him another punch that sent him sailing across the room to crash into the wall. Then I ran out of the house and jumped into the car. It took me three tries to fumble the key in the ignition. For once, the Fury sputtered to life without hiccupping. A spray of gravel flew as I jackknifed down the driveway and onto the street. I didn’t know the number for the auditorium, so I called 911 again and kept speeding back to town. I’m not sure how many stop signs and stop lights I ran. Everything flew by in a blur of lights and angry faces.
The Fury shrieked to a stop in front of the auditorium. I yanked open the door and dashed around to the stage entrance, pushing past stage hands and bowling over startled chaperones. As concerned as I was for Kary, I didn’t even savor one of my childhood fantasies, bursting into a dressing room full of half-naked beauty queens.
“Don’t put on any makeup! It’s been tampered with! It’ll burn you!”
There were screams and shrieks and frantic face scrubbing.
“Kary!” I couldn’t see her. Please, God, don’t let her have already put that stuff on her face!
Kary sat further down the row of lighted mirrors, motionless, a jar of BeautiQueen Age-Defying Extra Whip Moisturizing Deluxe Formula in her right hand, her left hand poised to scoop out a glob.
I leaped for the jar, batting it out of her hand to smash against the wall. She sat, wide-eyed, her face as white as the splattered cream. I bent over her, anxiously searching her perfect complexion. “Are you okay? You didn’t put any of that on your face, did you?”
All around us, the other women shrieked and babbled, tossing cream jars into the trash, crying and trying to cover up exposed skin, but my eyes were solely on Kary’s face. It was all right, skin still smooth and fine, color finally returning.
“It would have burned you,” I said. “Some bad stuff got in by mistake.”
She whirled to see. “Is everyone all right?”
I looked through the long room. Several seats over was Amelia Tilley, her beautiful caramel complexion unmarred. She frowned at the jar of cream on the counter in front of her, not touching it, before turning to study my face, then Kary’s.
“I think so.”
I wanted to stay, to check for myself that everything was all right, that the jars were being gathered up, but the chaperones hauled me off into the hallway where I was met by a scowling Ellin Belton.
“You must stay up nights planning your raids, Randall.”
“You’d rather the girls lose their faces?”
“What are you talking about?”
“George McMillan sabotaged the new face cream. After a few minutes on the skin, it would have started to burn holes.” There were several jars in the hallway where the girls had thrown them. I picked one up and held it out to her. “Here, try some if you don’t believe me. Be my guest, Ellin.”
“Don’t do it, Ms. Belton.” One of the chaperones unwrapped her hand from a towel filled with ice cubes to show us her blistered fingers. “I didn’t believe him, either, until a few minutes ago.”
Ellin winced at the jar as if she expected it to start frothing acid bubbles. “My God. What sort of sick bastard would do something like that?”
“A sick jealous bastard.” I punched Camden’s number on my speed dial. “And one I have to get back to right away.”
Camden answered. “No problem. Jordan’s here. Danger’s calm, the birds are back in their cage, the cats said to tell you thanks, and I can’t find the lizard. One of the patrolmen will give me a ride to the auditorium.”
When Camden arrived, he looked like he’d gone ten rounds with a pack of wolves. The tuxedo was a total loss, ripped and covered with animal hair, scales and little bits of debris clinging to the sleeves.
He brushed parakeet feathers from his hair. “Had to calm everyone.”
“You look like the survivor of a zoo explosion,” I said. “By the way, thanks for the diversion.”
Ellin took one look at Camden and shrieked.
“I know, I know,” he said. “It gave its life for a good cause.”
She walked around him to better assess the damage. “What in the hell are we going to do? It took them forever to get this right! Can you possibly find another tuxedo in time for the wedding?”
“Guess I’ll have to wear my tee shirt.”
“You most certainly will not!”
“It’s okay,” he said. “We’ll think of something.”
She looked at him for a moment and then performed one of those bizarre about-face attitude shifts that were going to make his life a living hell. “Cam.” She threw her arms around him, feathers and all, and delivered a passionate kiss. “I don’t care what you wear. I’m just so happy we’re getting married.”
Kary beamed at her as if she knew Ellin was going to say something sweet. “I got it.”
We all turned to her expectantly.
Kary pointed to the costume room at the other end of the hallway. “I’ll bet they’d let you use your Freddy suit.”
Camden blinked, impressed, and Ellin smiled so brightly, I could almost see why he was in love with her.
“Kary, that’s perfect,” she said.
“The one you wear when you sing ‘On the Street Where You Live,’” Kary said.
“Yes!” Heedless of feathers, scales, and her perfect plans, Ellin hugged Camden close. “That’s the one.”
Chapter Twenty-seven
“On the street where you live…”
I have to say this: It takes more than a deadly face cream to stop a pride of beauty queens. The pageant went on as scheduled, with only a slight delay as the women substituted Perfecto Face products for BeautiQueen.
Kary didn’t win, but so what? She was safe and unblemished and I had rescued her. BeautiQueen recovered from the Miss Parkland fiasco, due in part to their generous payments to all the contestants for their emotional damage and to full-page ads in the Herald. The paper explained that the sabotage was the work of o
ne unstable criminal, who now faced charges for the murders of Viola Mitchell and Edwin Bailey, as well as the attempted murder of Millicent Crotty. Thanks to yours truly, he wouldn’t be a threat to anyone for a long time. I got good publicity out of this case, new clients, and more than one beauty queen slipped me her number or left extremely thankful calls on my machine.
So the next major event was the wedding. Actually, the next major event was Camden’s bachelor party, planned and hosted by Rufus, which was held at the Crow Bar headlining Buddy and his band partner, Eveline, on banjo and hammered dulcimer ripping through the classics. Rufus and Buddy, dressed as Bonnie and Teresa in a send up of the PSN, gave Camden psychic advice on how to handle Ellin. A large plastic kiddie pool filled with Jello encouraged those who wished to go skinny dipping, the requisite strippers and goats danced around, and something Rufus called “Redneck champagne” flowed freely—Mountain Dew mixed with moonshine. Camden wisely avoided the drink, but uptight PSN emcee Reg, to everyone’s surprise, got completely plastered and passed out in the Jello, a photo op that immediately lit up the rounds of social media.
The morning of the wedding was calm, but Camden reported that folks in the Belton household were running around frantically taking care of last minute details. Charlie phoned to say that he and Taffy were heading over to Visions Studio for another recording session but would be finished in time for the ceremony.
“That’s great,” I said. “Congratulations.”
“Taffy is one happy gal.”
“So it was worth it?”
“Oh, yes.”
“Did you kiss and make up?”
“Many times. We’ll see you at the wedding.”
***
Around one o’clock, we all dressed up and went to Parkland Methodist Church. Kary looked amazing in a light pink dress with fancy lace. Camden appeared as neat as possible in the borrowed Edwardian gray suit and striped tie. He wasn’t at all nervous, and no objects went flying in all directions. When we got to the church, mother of the bride Jean had Caroline and Sandra rearranging the candelabra and redoing all the bows on the pews because they didn’t suit her. Ellin’s sisters were on their best behavior and elegant in their bridesmaid dresses. No puffy sleeves or strange designs. The short, light-green dresses flattered them.
“Hope you have the ring, David,” Caroline winked.
I patted my suit pocket. “Right here.”
“Ready to go, Cam? Where’s your tux?”
He adjusted his boutonniere. “It’s a long story.”
“Well, you look great. Very distinctive and dashing.”
Jean motioned to her daughters. “Girls, quickly get in place.”
“See you later.” Sandra waved. “David, don’t forget to walk us out.”
“Looking forward to it.” Because Camden had so many friends and didn’t want to leave anyone out, he’d decided to have just a best man, so it was my duty to escort the sisters down the aisle when the ceremony was over.
Camden and I met the pastor back in his study for a few more encouraging words before coming out for the ceremony to start. Ellin’s side of church did look properly polished and bejeweled. Camden’s side had come to party. Kary, Rufus, and Angie shared a pew with Buddy and Eveline. Rufus and Buddy were sober and grinning like goats eating briars. They had slicked their hair down with God knows what and squeezed uncomfortably into suits. Lily, Camden’s spacey little neighbor who believed she was an alien abductee, sat behind them in spangly purple and a huge hat decorated with peacock feathers. There was a whole row of people next to her I didn’t recognize at first until I realized it was the entire Super Hero Society in their Sunday clothes instead of their costumes. In the next pew were Janice and Steve from the hot dog restaurant, Jordan and his wife Marie, our cab driver friend Toad with his niece Evangeline, Charlie and Taffy and the rest of the Hot Six. Members of the Parkland Chorale, the Little Theater, the Magic Club, and Bonnie, Teresa, and Reg from the PSN filled the rest of the church. Reg had pulled himself together, but was still glassy-eyed.
Ellin had chosen yellow roses, green and white lilies, and a blue flower I didn’t recognize. The sweet smells of the lilies mingled with the faint vanilla aroma of the candles. Parkland Methodist is a huge church with massive stained glass windows reaching from floor to ceiling. Rather than scenes from the Bible, the windows are swirls of patterns meant to represent the heavens. These whorls of yellow suns and silver stars in radiant blue skies spilled across the pews and aisle. Easy to imagine we were floating in space, an appropriate setting for Camden.
The string quartet had finished their opening selections, and the musicians turned pages in their books to begin the processional. Right before the music started, one of the ushers escorted a woman to the back pew. I couldn’t see over Lily’s hat, but Camden took a strange little breath and whispered, “It’s Daisy.”
Camden’s foster sister had helped me in my search for his birth mother. Since his foster parents were dead, she was the last connection he had with the family that had taken him in. “Good.”
“She needs to be up front.”
He walked down the aisle and escorted Daisy, moving slowly to match her steps. She looked the same as I remembered, a large round woman, her gray hair in an untidy bun. She’d done her best to dress up in a flowered dress with a wide lace collar and a small straw hat with faded flowers. She carried a white purse and wore lace gloves. Camden placed her in the front pew and gave her a kiss.
“I’m so glad you came.”
“I couldn’t miss it.” She patted his hand.
He’d gotten back beside me when he said, “And there’s Sophia.”
“What?”
My mother came in, waved, and sat down.
“She needs to be up here, too.”
Now I went down the aisle. I still wasn’t used to seeing my mother in her new stylish clothes and red hair. She wore a bright red suit with leopard print buttons. The skirt had a not so-modest-slit, and her high heels were decorated with sparkly feathers. “Mom, I thought you were in Greece or something.”
“I decided this was more important.”
I escorted her down the aisle and sat her next to Daisy. “Daisy, this is my mother, Sophia. Mom, this is Daisy, Camden’s sister.”
I’m not sure what the rest of the guests thought of this last minute seating, but Camden looked happier than I’d ever seen him.
Jean entered, wearing a jeweled dress that probably cost as much as the entire wedding. She was escorted by one of her relatives. Then Caroline walked down the aisle, looking deceptively demure, followed by Sandra, who gave me a wink. A fanfare announced the entrance of the bride, and the congregation stood. I have to admit Ellin looked like a princess. Not just any princess. A fairy princess, which I did not expect. Her gown was flowing and strapless, soft layers of filmy white fabric and shiny white ribbons gathered the top and streaming down as she walked, revealing a formfitting skirt below. She carried a bouquet of yellow roses and green lilies. Instead of a veil, she wore a white ribbon braided through her gold curls and held in place with a jeweled clip in the shape of a star. Her father looked relieved to give her away, but that might have been my imagination.
As far as I could tell, Camden and Ellin might as well have been on the planet Camden believes is his real home. They spoke their vows and exchanged rings, all the while gazing at each other and smiling as if no one else existed. When the pastor announced they were husband and wife and Camden could kiss his bride, he and Ellin gave a little start and came back to the real world. They shared a perfectly respectful church kiss, and everyone applauded as they walked down the aisle.
With Caroline on one arm and Sandra on the other, I followed. Then I went back for Daisy and my mother.
Mom scooped up her little leopard patterned purse and gave my arm a squeeze. “What a lovely wedding.”
“Such a beautiful girl,” Daisy said. “Looks like a real sweetheart. Will she make him happy, David?”
“She already has.”
All problems regarding the reception hall had been solved, so the wedding party enjoyed a huge room glittering with crystal chandeliers and ornamental trees covered in little white lights and strung with fancy paper lanterns in yellow and green. I knew Jean had made certain all the white tablecloths were immaculate and all the candles and flower arrangements perfect and extremely expensive. More flowers surrounded the wedding cake on its own table, a towering culinary structure covered with spun sugar stars. Waiters served glasses of champagne. In the corner, the string quartet played soft classical melodies.
Mom and I watched Camden give Daisy a big hug and introduced her to everyone. “I’m really glad she was able to come,” I said.
“Did you go get her?”
“No, she came on her own.”
“Even better.”
I gave her a hug, too. “I’m really glad you came on your own. With Daisy and you here, Camden can say he has two mothers.”
Kary tapped my shoulder. “Make that three.”
I turned. There stood a trim woman with dark curly hair and dark eyes, in a light blue dress and flowered jacket. Denise Baker Rice, Camden’s birth mother, was the woman I’d found who told me that part of her life was over and she’d rather not see him. I couldn’t interpret her expression, which was hesitant, fearful, and glad all at once.
“Mrs. Rice. This is a surprise.” I hadn’t contacted her, and I was certain Camden hadn’t.
“I gave Denise a call,” Kary murmured.
Denise Rice’s eyes were on Camden. “Ever since your visit, Mr. Randall, I couldn’t stop thinking about what you said. I don’t even know if I should be here, if it might be too much of a shock, or if I should leave…” her voice trailed off.
Camden stopped and turned toward her as if she’d called his name. He stood still for so long I’m sure Ellin thought he was having a strong vision, and she touched his arm. He smiled, patted her hand and whispered. Ellin’s eyes went wide, and she responded, probably along the lines of, “Are you kidding?” They crossed the room to Denise, who tensed, not knowing what to expect. Maybe she thought Camden and his new wife would ask angry demanding questions or throw her out. But Camden would never do that, and Denise had to be able to tell by the light in his eyes that she made the right decision to come.