That’s my wish.
Tips for an Army Girlfriend
While he (or she) is away, it’s most important to hold on to yourself. Of course there are as many ways to do this as there are people, but we thought we’d offer a few suggestions to help you survive, maybe even thrive, during this challenging time. If, as you read through our tips and resources, you realize you have others to share, please visit whilehewasaway.com. Karen will make sure to post your ideas and experiences there.
• Write constantly. Even when you don’t hear back for a while. Be open and honest with your communication, so it’s easier to trust each other.
• Learn to be independent, and be supportive. Try to lift his spirits.
• To help your own spirits, spend time with friends and family and others who have endured separations from those they love. Find those people who know how to listen and who will work to understand.
• Make sure you always have your phone on you…and the volume turned up! You don’t want to miss any opportunity to make a connection.
• Send care packages as often as you can—and enough cookies to feed all his friends! Try spraying your perfume in the box to remind him of home.
• Stay healthy. Continue to eat right and exercise. Exercise is a great way to release endorphins!
• Learn the military acronyms, lingo, and jargon so it’s easier to communicate.
• Keep yourself busy. Volunteer or take up a hobby—just make sure you have something to do with your time besides waiting. You might spend the time you’re apart making something for him. You may discover gifts you never knew you had.
• Above all, be positive. Always.
other resources
• www.dailystrength.org/c/Military-Families An online support group for friends, families, and significant others of military members.
• www.experienceproject.com/groups/Am-A-United-States-Army-Girlfriend/41268 Stories, advice, support, and chat from fellow army girlfriends.
• www.lovingfromadistance.com Advice and support for couples in long distance relationships.
• www.marriedtothearmy.com Information and resources for army families including online support groups for family members.
• www.militaryfamiliesunited.org A group that supports soldiers, veterans, and their families through charities and volunteer work.
• www.militarysos.com Support and resources for military significant others. Includes support groups, answers to frequently asked questions, and advice on topics such as what to send in a care package.
• www.militarytimes.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?180-Military-Girlfriends A community forum within the military news site, Military Times. Includes discussions, advice, and support from other army girlfriends.
Author’s Note
As I wrote While He Was Away, I worked to better understand the experiences and choices of people most immediately affected by the Iraq War. I turned to the art of wounded warriors, books, movies, blogs, websites, and chat rooms. I am particularly grateful for a series of stories featured on NPR’s news show All Things Considered. Reported by Corey Flintoff—who was part of the NPR team covering the Iraq War, embedded within U.S. military units fighting insurgents and hunting roadside bombs—these pieces had titles like “Deadly Concentration: Finding IEDs at Night.” If you have the opportunity to listen to them online, do so. In his reporting Flintoff achieves what radio does best: he makes an experience live through sound. He took me into the lives of people patrolling the streets in Iraq—he gave his voice to the place, and, most importantly, he let those people give their voices to it too.
The work of the Iraqi American artist Wafaa Bilal also influenced me. In his book, Shoot an Iraqi: Art, Life, and Resistance Under the Gun, Bilal remembers growing up in Iraq under Saddam Hussein, the Gulf War bombardment, Sunni-Shi‘a violence, a refugee camp, and his life as an artist in the United States. When Bilal’s brother was killed by an unmanned American drone, Bilal was prompted to create his 2007 interactive performance piece titled “Domestic Tension.” For twenty-four hours every day for a month, Bilal lived in confinement, under constant fire from a chat room–controlled paintball gun. His chronicle of that time found its way into While He Was Away.
Acknowledgments
I never imagined I would write a novel about love and war. I never imagined I would have the courage. Now that I’ve given it my best attempt, I’m finding it almost as hard to find the right words to thank those who inspired and helped me along the way. My fiction pales in comparison to the reality of military service and to the experience of people who love soldiers and wait for them to come home.
I grew up hearing war stories, or hearing the resounding silence that served to muffle the trauma. My father served in multiple theaters during World War II. My mother lost her first husband there as well. So I’ll begin at the beginning and thank my parents for sharing with me a glimpse of what they survived.
I am deeply indebted to the men and women who allowed me to interview them regarding their experience, serving and loving through wartime. They include Victor J. Garcia, an Iraq War veteran, Joan Halvorsen (who always gives), and also the incredible collective of Gold Star Wives who responded through their website to my questions. My friends Engineman First Class Horatio Chavez and Jen Chavez were exceedingly generous in their insights and in their affirmation of this project. Gail Schultz Ravitts allowed me to read her evocative memoir, They’re Playing Our Song. It helped me not only remember the details of the 1940s but also brought me into the realities of a young woman at that time. In the last weeks of revision, Mr. Carl Francik and Captain Carl R. Weimer, United States Army, helped me by sharing details of their experiences in Iraq. And Master Sergeant Mark Hayes, Senior Military Science Instructor at Wheaton College, patiently answered all my phone calls and relayed the nuances of deployment. What I have written is the tip of the iceberg compared to what I have learned from these generous people.
This novel went through numerous drafts and great, gutting revisions. Laura Ruby, Cecelia Downs, and Gina Frangello asked the right questions at the right times. I am also grateful for the gentle scrutiny of Kathleen Leid, a true believer in books, who helped me see possibilities. Jennifer Grant blessed my efforts from the beginning and always asked for more of Penna and David. Thanks to the members of Redbud Writers Guild, champs at championing the soul’s path. And to Lynn Wollstadt and Danna Gross, who really know their ink. And a special grazie to Carmela Martino, writer, teacher, collaborator, and friend, who met with me at a coffee shop over a period of months, hashing out the what ifs of While He Was Away and helping me discover the answers.
Without the support of the Van Kampen Boyer Molinari Charitable Foundation, I would not have had the time and resources I needed to finish the final draft. On a personal level, Randi and Mark Woodworth have been true and loyal friends all through this process. They loaned me a room of my own—one with a window that looked out onto a tree, which held a nest with a robin that brooded over her eggs as I brooded over the last pages of this book.
Many, many thanks to my agent, Sara Crowe, who waited with fortitude and sweet good humor for each evolving draft. She dexterously steered me along the circuitous path of publication and continues to gracefully support me along the way. And my heartfelt gratitude to my editor, Leah Hultenschmidt, and her colleagues at Sourcebooks, who chose this book, gave it a home, and helped it grow up and move out into the world. Along with Aubrey Poole, Kelly Barrales-Saylor, Kristin Zelazko, Lisa Novak, and Derry Wilkens, Leah has provided all the wisdom, insight, humor, and independent vision that I, as a writer, could ever want or need.
Finally, my husband, photographer Greg Halvorsen Schreck, was the first person reading and believing from the beginning through the middle to the end. Without him, and my children, Magdalena and Teo, I would not be who I am, and this book simply would not be. Thank you, dear family, for time, space, respect, comfort, and—forever and always—thank you for your love.
&
nbsp; About the Author
Karen Schreck is the author of the young adult novel Dream Journal and the children’s book Lucy’s Family Tree, as well as various award-winning short stories, one of which earned a Pushcart Prize. She received her doctorate in creative writing and enjoys writing and teaching for a living. She also enjoys music, movies, cross-country skiing, yoga, traveling, and eating good food with friends. Karen once had lunch with the queen of Holland. There were many forks. Perhaps this inspired Karen’s (failed) attempts at waitressing. She now lives outside Chicago with her husband and two children. You may visit her at karenschreck.com/blog, whilehewasaway.com, or on Facebook. If you’d like Karen to visit you (either virtually or in person) at your school, library, or gathering, please contact her. She’d be delighted to discuss the possibilities.
Table of Contents
Front Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Tips for an Army Girlfriend
Author’s Note
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Back Cover
While He Was Away Page 23