Anjie welcomed Shauna into the family straight away, as she always did with any of the kids’ friends. Danny wasn’t bothered, mainly because he was usually out with his mates, but Becky, who was twelve at the time and just recovering from her struggle with anorexia, saw Shauna as a potential friend.
I could tell Becky looked up to Shauna, and hoped to win her over. Problem was, Shauna didn’t seem to want to be friends with someone so much younger, and she could be quite dismissive. But the more cool and indifferent Shauna was to Becky, the more eager Becky was to make friends with her. We often saw this in her. She kept pursuing people she wanted to be friends with even when they were horrible to her. We suspected it might have been something to do with the disruption of her early months in foster care.
Once Becky had conquered her eating disorder, she discovered fashion. I gave her a monthly clothes allowance, but she preferred to buy her clothes online because she didn’t have the confidence to go into shops. Boohoo.com was her favourite site. The only drawback to buying clothes online was that she couldn’t try them on first, so she would often order a top or shoes only to find when they arrived that they didn’t fit or she didn’t like them. Frustratingly, she wouldn’t send them back for a refund. Instead, she would offer them to Shauna.
‘Would you like these?’ I heard her ask once, holding out a pair of jeans. ‘They don’t really look right on me. You can have them if you want.’
Shauna snatched the jeans away from Becky and inspected them before throwing them on the sofa next to her handbag. ‘I’ll take them off your hands, if you like,’ she replied coolly.
I was gobsmacked that someone who was so polite to Anjie and me could be so ungrateful when she was given a gift. On that occasion I bit my tongue, and I hoped that Becky had learnt her lesson.
But she hadn’t. A few weeks later, I had just come home from work and chucked my bag on the floor near the door when I overheard Becky talking to Shauna in the kitchen.
‘I’ve got this leather coat you can have if you like, Shauna,’ Becky said.
I drew in my breath sharply and listened. I wasn’t going to tolerate Shauna being rude to Becky again.
‘OK, I’ll have it – but only because I’m doing you a favour,’ Shauna replied.
I barged through the kitchen door to see Shauna holding the coat in her hands.
‘I heard that,’ I said. ‘Bex, take that coat back upstairs. It’s not Shauna’s. I paid for it and you aren’t giving it away.’
Becky looked embarrassed as she took the coat back, and Shauna just glared at me.
‘If you’re going to look at me like that, Shauna, you can get out of my house,’ I snapped. ‘You’ve got five seconds. Go on – get out.’
Nathan and Shauna stormed out of the house, and Anjie came into the kitchen to see what was going on. I turned to Becky.
‘Bex, you have to stop giving things away,’ I said. ‘Shauna’s so ungrateful, she never even thanks you. She’s getting all this stuff from you and she’s being a right cow about it.’
Becky shrugged. ‘I just wanted us to get on,’ she replied. ‘I want her to be my friend.’
It broke my heart to hear Becky talking like that. Her desperation for friends really upset me. I glanced at Anjie, who was clearly thinking the same as me as she wrapped her arm around Becky’s shoulder affectionately.
‘Come on, Bex,’ she said. ‘Let’s go and watch a film together.’
We didn’t see Nathan and Shauna for about a week, and I was a lot cooler with her after that, once I’d seen how offhand she could be towards Becky. Around this time, I was largely preoccupied with looking after Anjie as her legs were getting weaker and she was struggling to cope around the house, but I did start to notice a change in the relationship between Nathan and Shauna. He started becoming snappy with her, and I could tell he was jealous of any time she spent with her friends – especially if they were male. It reminded me of the way he used to be with his first girlfriend, back when he was eighteen. I think Shauna made him feel insecure, and she played on his jealous nature, teasing him by telling him that she was going out without him, and flirting with other men in front of him. I thought it was yet another sign of her immaturity.
As a result of all this, Nathan started becoming possessive and controlling. He wanted to be in control of her smoking, ordering her to give him money whenever she had a cigarette because he claimed he was helping her to quit. He also controlled her money – not that they had any between them. He became stroppy and negative when she was around, and we never saw him on his own any more; wherever he went, Shauna was there too, like a shadow.
When Nathan was seventeen he was forced to leave his electrician apprenticeship because the firm closed down, but he kept himself busy with various takeaway-delivery jobs. He didn’t look for another full-time job, as he complained about having a bad back. He went to the doctors, where he was eventually diagnosed with fibromyalgia. This is a disease in which abnormal levels of certain chemicals in the brain cause the nervous system to trigger pain signals all over the body. Nathan claimed he’d had pains during his school days, but now it had got so bad that he was unable to work.
I was disappointed about this and, to be honest, a bit sceptical, because it seemed to me he’d been doing fine until Shauna came along. Previously, Nathan had always been on the right track with his attitude to work and earning his own money, but soon he was doing next to nothing. Once he was no longer in full-time work, I had to lend him money now and again to help him out. I never begrudged it if he needed it, but I noticed that his attitude started to change for the worse. The less he had to do, the less he wanted to do.
Nathan and Shauna seemed to be at our house all the time, and more often than not we would have to feed them. I was working from 7 a.m. until 7 p.m. just to make ends meet, so I started to feel that they were taking advantage of us. Now and again, I’d mention it to Nathan, but he never seemed bothered.
‘Why don’t you go out and get a proper job, Nath?’ I asked him. ‘That way, you can afford food to feed yourself and your girlfriend, instead of mooching from me and your mum all the time.’
‘I can’t work, Dar. I’ve got a bad back,’ he moaned.
I was astounded. Within months, Nathan had gone from being a hard-working lad with the world at his feet to a lazy, useless lump who was living off other people. He stopped shaving, and sometimes he looked (and smelled) as if he hadn’t washed or changed his clothes for days. The difference in him was unreal. Becky often joined in my criticism, calling him a lazy scrounger, and that didn’t go down too well. I suspected that the real reason he didn’t want to go out and work was that he didn’t want to let Shauna out of his sight, but I had no way of proving it.
Nathan also got ruder and more arrogant every time I saw him – even to his own mother. He had always adored Anjie, so this change in attitude to her, at a time when she was struggling to cope with her MS, was a real worry.
Once, when I was in the next room, I overheard him telling Shauna that Anjie was ‘a fucking idiot’. It made my blood boil so I charged in, all guns blazing, to tackle him about it.
‘How can you say that about your mum, who has always been kind to you, who’s always bent over backwards to help you? What on earth has happened to you, Nath?’
He shrugged, with a sneer on his face like he didn’t give a damn what I said. I felt as if Anjie and I were losing touch with the boy we had been so proud of.
They didn’t often stay over with us. Mostly, they slept at Shauna’s mum’s house, as she had a granny annexe on the side of the house where they could have some privacy. Then Shauna got pregnant, and they went on the list for council accommodation. When they told us the news, my attitude towards her changed. She was expecting my grandchild, which meant she was part of my family. No matter what I had thought of her previously, I was determined to help and support the pair of them as much as I could.
I hoped that becoming a father would force Nathan t
o grow up and find regular work before the baby arrived, but as usual he didn’t seem interested. It was disappointing that he failed to recognise the big responsibility he was going to have once he was a parent, but I just had to hope he would realise it eventually – perhaps when he saw his little one for the first time and experienced that huge rush of love I had felt when I saw Danny and Becky as newborns.
Anjie and I looked forward to becoming grandparents, and Becky was delighted when we told her she was going to be an auntie. However, Nathan’s attitude towards Becky was becoming more and more aggressive. He didn’t seem to be able to tolerate her at all. Once, when Becky was excitedly talking to Anjie about the baby, Nathan suddenly turned on her.
‘You,’ he snarled, pointing at her, ‘are not going anywhere near our baby.’
We were all stunned into silence, and Becky’s eyes filled with tears. I felt my heart hammer in my chest, and I couldn’t stop myself from reacting. I yanked him up by the collar and dragged him into the kitchen.
‘What is wrong with you, boy?’ I shouted. ‘What are you doing speaking to Becky like that? She hasn’t done anything to you. She’s just a kid.’
Nathan just glared at me in response. I looked at his sullen face and realised I had no idea what demon had got into his head. He was a far cry from the boy I had raised. Something in him had changed, and I didn’t know what to do to fix it. I just had to hope that the lessons we had drummed into him when he was younger would win over in the end, and he’d go back to being a decent person again.
Shauna went into labour, and the first thing Nathan did when her waters broke was drive her to our house. Anjie and I had just finished our breakfast when he burst through the front door, and as soon as we saw his panic-stricken face we knew it was time.
‘She’s in labour,’ he said, panting.
Anjie went to check on Shauna while I called my boss and told him I wouldn’t be coming in to work that day because my grandchild was being born.
Shauna was having contractions every ten minutes; we timed each one.
‘You’ve got ages yet, love,’ I said soothingly. ‘There’s no rush.’
Shauna nodded, accepting that I knew what I was talking about, but Nathan glared at me.
‘How the hell do you know we don’t need to rush?’ he demanded. The pressure was clearly getting to him. He looked frantic.
‘Because it’s her first baby, you idiot,’ I replied. ‘Relax, will you? I’ve had kids of my own, you know. Trust me – she’s got loads of time.’
We timed the contractions all day until the evening, and when she was down to just four minutes between each contraction I drove Anjie, Nathan and Shauna to Bristol Royal Infirmary. Anjie held Shauna’s hand during the six-hour-long delivery, after which I got to look at my grandchild for the first time. Because of subsequent events, I can’t name the baby here or give any details such as gender or appearance, but obviously it was a very precious time for Anjie and me. Nathan looked absolutely stunned. I hoped that meant that the reality of his new role as a father was starting to dawn on him.
Two days later, Shauna and the baby were allowed to come home from the hospital. She looked absolutely knackered when I went to pick her up, but she did thank me politely for coming, saying that Anjie and I were like the family she’d never had.
‘Not to worry, my love,’ I said. ‘You get in – you’ve done your work.’ I felt warm towards her at that moment, I must admit. She had handled the labour and birth really well, showing a lot of courage for one so young.
That day was filled with joy as everyone welcomed the new arrival. We all stayed indoors, passing the baby around and making cooing noises. Becoming a grandfather was like becoming a dad all over again. The love I felt for Nathan and Shauna’s child hit me like a tidal wave, and seeing my family happy together filled me with contentment.
From then on, Shauna was one of us and, much to my surprise, Nathan settled nicely into being a father. It seemed to give him a bit more of a purpose to his life. He completely doted on his new baby and spent a lot of time dressing, feeding and playing with the child. During the pregnancy the council had given them a house in Barton Hill, not far from where we lived, and I helped them kit it out, giving them a sofa, a bed, and lots of other essentials.
Nathan and Shauna having a baby made me think more about the importance of family, and about how much I wanted Anjie to be my wife. For years we had planned to get hitched, but financial restraints, plus the fact that we had always been so busy raising the children, meant that the right time had never come along. When she got ill, the chances seemed even more remote, but I really wanted to throw an event to get the whole family together, including Danny, Becky, Nathan and Shauna.
In August 2013 I decided that I was going to make it happen. I sold all three of my motorbikes and banked six months of overtime wages, then I paid a visit to the local church – St Ambrose – and asked the vicar for the first date he had available. When he told me they had a cancellation at the end of the month, I was thrilled – but nervous as well. I hadn’t told Anjie of my plans, and now I had just three weeks to plan a wedding. I handed him a cheque to save the date, and pegged it back to the house as quickly as I could.
When I got in, the first person I saw was Becky.
‘Bex, I’ve got some exciting news,’ I said, grinning at her. ‘Anjie and I are getting married in three weeks – but she doesn’t know it yet.’
Becky opened her eyes in shock and beamed at me. ‘That is brilliant news! Well done, Dad,’ she said. ‘What can I do to help? I’ve got some brilliant ideas for colour schemes.’
‘First things first,’ I chuckled. ‘I suppose I need to ask Anjie.’
When I told Anjie I had booked the church for our wedding, she smiled up at me.
‘I just hope I can walk down the aisle,’ she said, looking down at her wheelchair.
I grabbed both her hands. ‘I don’t care how you get down the aisle, my love,’ I said. ‘I want you to be my wife.’
We decided that Becky, her cousin Brooke, and Shauna should be our bridesmaids, while Nathan and Danny would be the joint best men. Because Nathan and Danny were such different characters, I gave them different responsibilities on the day. Danny was the quieter one, so he would be the ring bearer, while Nathan was more confident, so he would make the speech. Both boys were chuffed when I asked them. It was my way of showing them how important they were to me. We also agreed to have a flower girl and a pageboy as a way of including some of Anjie’s little nieces and nephews.
Since Becky had an eye for fashion, we decided that she would be in charge of choosing Anjie’s wedding dress, the bridesmaids’ outfits, the waistcoats for the men, and the flower girl and pageboy outfits. She also took responsibility for the flowers. She was thrilled and got to work straight away, choosing some beautiful dresses in her favourite colour – baby blue – and ordering garlands made of fresh flowers for the bridesmaids. She also ordered a made-to-measure wedding dress, complete with a little lace jacket, for Anjie. It was stunning, and I was really proud of her eye for detail.
On Saturday, 31 August 2013, Anjie slowly but steadily walked down the aisle in front of 200 guests while holding on to her stepfather Christopher’s arm. I couldn’t help but turn around to take a peek as she made her way towards me and I had a big lump in my throat because she looked absolutely breathtaking.
As we said our vows to each other, I was overcome by emotion. I was amazed that I had managed to make a life with someone as kind-hearted and wonderful as Anjie. We told each other we would always be there for one another, surrounded by our kids and everyone we loved. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Becky beaming at us. It may sound clichéd, but it really was the best moment of my life.
That evening, before the reception, we snuck off home, got out of our formal wedding clothes and slipped on some Shrek and Princess Fiona costumes – complete with bright green body paint. Nobody knew about our plans, so when we got back to t
he hall everyone gasped in shock then burst into shrieks of laughter. I remember thinking that I had never heard so much laughter at a wedding before.
Anjie was in great spirits that day, and she even managed to get up for our first dance. I held her tightly as we danced to ‘How Deep is your Love’ by the Bee Gees, then the DJ played Smash Mouth’s ‘I’m a Believer’ from Shrek, the movie, to go with our costumes. As we danced, I glanced over to the corner of the room, where Becky was sitting with some friends, including Brooke. Nathan, Danny and Shauna were sitting with them too, all in a crowd. It was fantastic to see everyone together and getting along well. You could tell from their faces that they were having a brilliant time, and that meant the world to me. As long as my family were happy, I was happy.
‘This is it now, love,’ I whispered to Anjie, who was also looking over at our brood. ‘My life is complete.’
‘Best day of our lives,’ Anjie smiled back. And it was.
Life settled back to normal pretty quickly after the wedding. Anjie’s condition was not getting any better, so in March 2014 Shauna agreed to become her carer. She couldn’t get a regular job because of the baby, but this way she could help Anjie while I was at work and earn a little bit of money, and she could bring the baby with her. I was finding it tiring to hold down a job and be Anjie’s carer as well, so it seemed like an ideal solution – only it didn’t turn out that way. Shauna did a bit of cleaning and washed a few dishes, but she wasn’t much help to Anjie otherwise. We soon guessed that she was only doing it in order to claim the carer’s allowance.
Nathan’s attitude towards Becky returned to its usual one of sibling rivalry after the wedding. The more confidence she gained, the more he tried to destroy it. I often told him he was far too old to behave like that, but it got more and more extreme.
One of his tactics to wind Becky up was jumping out and scaring her. This started off as a harmless joke, but soon he was jumping out at her constantly. He would also grab her shoulders and scream loudly in her face. Becky complained about it all the time, but I didn’t take it too seriously at first.
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