by Moore, E. M.
What kind of messed up world was I brought into?
18
That night, I had nightmares. It was the same old thing. The crunch of the metal, the glass shattering into thousands of tinkling shards, and the scrape of the car frame against pavement. I blinked again and again. Total black. My mom hanging upside down. Total black. Blood-red rivulets dripping from the wound in her head. Black. Red. Black. Red.
I sat straight up in bed, my heart pounding against my chest. My eyes searched the shadows, but it was just me in my small room at The Fort.
My princes had left a couple hours ago. They didn’t want to leave me, but what could we do? Staying at The Fort was my only option. Anything else would be too conspicuous, especially with what was happening in the vampire world right now. The last thing we wanted to do was bring attention to ourselves.
I tore the covers off and set my feet down on the floor. Every time I thought about that poor mother, I wanted to vomit. I understood that she and her vampire lover had broken the law, but that rule was outdated, and just plain wrong. The princes needed to get on that Council and kick some of the older ones out. Change, that was what this world needed, and a healthy dose of it too.
My hand shook at my side, my nerves stretched thin. Tonight had been one of the most difficult in this world yet. The worst was when I actually thought the Ravanas had something to do with The Council’s decision. Sure, it’d only been a split second, but in that tiny fraction of time, my world shook at its core. I wiped a hand over my brow, a cold sweat dotting the clammy skin there. I knew what I needed. It was Sunday and I wouldn’t be getting a run in later. Sunday was the only day we got off at The Fort.
I wrenched my drab, Fort-issued pajamas off and grabbed the same outfit I’d come here in. It was practically the only thing I owned from the other world. It felt good to wear it if only because it was something so unrelated to the vampires. Other than the Ravanas, I was disgusted with this world right now and their ridiculous superiority.
Seething, I grabbed my keys off the dresser, locked the door behind me, and started toward The Fort grounds. Once I was out of the building, the fresh air helped a little. The night was still young. The moon hung high in the sky with a small breeze teasing at my chilled skin. I stretched for a few moments while looking up past the mesh sun-savior that helped the vampires walk around during the day in full blown sunlight. The stars twinkled, some of them almost winking at me from space. I supposed I could’ve calmed down by calling one of the Ravanas, but it felt good to go for a run again like I used to, keeping me grounded to who I was at my core. Whether I knew about the vampire world or not, I was still me.
Stepping forward, I started the jog along the same route Samuel ran us every single morning, making the big loop around campus. Soon, I only thought about my feet hitting the ground and my breathing. I was only vaguely aware that I was coming up on my sixth and last loop. Finally working myself tired, hopefully enough to sleep until morning, I stopped near the tree I’d tried to escape from my first night here. I did a couple of arm stretches while glancing up at the limb I was dead set on walking out over and using as a launch pad to jump across the perimeter wall with. I smiled, realizing how ridiculous that sounded. I never would’ve made it.
Goosebumps spread over me and I turned on my heel. I gasped, recognizing the shadowy figure at the base of the tree. “You’re not out here for that again, are you?”
Startled despite knowing who it was, I clutched at my chest, then moved closer to Christian so I could punch him in the shoulder. “Don’t sneak up on people. It’s not nice.”
He moved out of the shadows, taking my lame punch like a champ, and showed off his perfected smirk. It wasn’t quite as rehearsed as Nicolai’s, but it was still good. As he came closer, my mind started to wander. I was no longer worried about him sneaking up on me as he came into full view. His gray-blue eyes never looked more tantalizing than they did in the moonlight, and once again, his usually dirty blond hair looked closer to Connor’s color out here in the dead of night. “You didn’t answer my question,” he said.
I lifted an eyebrow. “Do I really need to?”
He came closer still. It was easier for me to see now that he was very serious. I thought we were way past that. The intensity in his eyes subsided as a cooler, more unsettled look rearranged his features. He rubbed the back of his neck and gazed into my eyes. “I thought maybe with tonight’s news you’d want to leave. Especially when I said we’d done it.”
“What did you mean by that anyway? You guys didn’t vote. How could it be your fault?”
He shrugged. “Does it matter? We’re all a part of this world. If we don’t condemn it, aren’t we part of the problem?”
Always the serious thinker, I understood now the burden Christian carried with him because of this. So much so that he thought I would bail as soon as I had the chance. My heart hurt for him. “I don’t know what the answer is,” I said honestly. “What could you guys do? What could anyone do?”
“That’s the problem,” he said, his hands clenching to fists at his sides. “There really isn’t anything to do. The decision’s been made. My brothers and I aren’t anybody right now. Sure, we’re princes, but we don’t have any real power. We have to wait to take our Council seats before we can make any change. Do you have any idea how frustrating that is?”
“Hey,” I said, inching closer to him and grabbing his hand. “I don’t have any idea. Not really. I’ve never been in a position like yours.”
He shook his head. “Listen to me. I sound like a child.” His eyes shimmered silver as he gazed down at me. I tried to tell him that was the last thing I thought he was, but he cut me off. “I admire your strength, Ariana. I wish I could be as strong as you.”
Me? I thought. Was he going crazy? The Council’s decision had really messed with him.
Squeezing my fingers, he asked, “So, you really weren’t going to make a run for it?”
I tried to mimic his usual demeanor, managing all the seriousness I had into one determined look. “No, and I never will.”
His eyes searched my own for a couple of silent moments before he pulled at my hands and we started back toward the buildings. A weight lifted from me and an easiness settled in. Walking and talking with Christian was as easy as breathing. He bumped into me with his shoulder. “Your running form has improved.”
“You were watching me?” I asked, trying to dampen the alarm in my voice at the same time. I hoped I didn’t do anything embarrassing like pick a wedgie or rearrange my bra while he watched.
“Don’t be mad.”
“I’m not,” I quickly assured him. “I’d just rather you be with me instead of watching me from afar. You could’ve run with me if you wanted. I mean, if you promise not to use your awesome vampire abilities to make me feel bad about myself. What does it feel like to walk? Does it seem like we’re crawling right now?”
He chuckled. “No, it seems perfectly normal, actually. When we kick our vampire abilities in, it actually feels like we’re going that fast.”
Well, that made me feel a little better. I peered to my right, watching Christian’s silhouette. He still had a half smile on his face. That was good. At least I’d accomplished making him smile today. Maybe he’d stop beating himself up about The Council’s decision considering there was nothing he could do about it anyway. “I got thinking earlier,” I said, trying to feel his mood out. After reading the news article and having the princes explain to me how vampires’ ages were calculated, I couldn’t help but wonder how old they really were. The Ravanas looked young, but were they really? He looked at me with nothing but curiosity, so I went for it. “How old are you?”
“Twenty.”
“Plus twenty?” I asked, barely hiding the squeaky panic in my voice. It didn’t really matter to me, but I also didn’t want to feel like I was a newborn compared to them.
“No,” he said. “Plain old twenty. None of us have reached our peak yet. Nicolai i
s twenty-one and Connor and Stephan are nineteen.”
“And when you hit thirty-five, you just…stop?”
I couldn’t keep the anxious curiosity out of my voice and he must’ve picked up on that. “It doesn’t sound as weird as I think you’re making it out to be. When a vampire hits thirty-five, that’s our highest maturity. From that point on, our bodies will never age or deteriorate in any way.”
“So, you will look older than you look like right now? You’re not fully grown?”
“Right. I’ve aged just as I would have were I human and I’ll continue to age until I hit the magic number.”
I pulled him to a stop close to the obstacle course. My mind was full of questions and they were getting the best of me. “Were you turned? Or were your born a vampire?”
“So inquisitive,” he murmured, tugging a stray hair around my ear.
“I can’t help it,” I said. “It’s all new to me.”
“I don’t blame you. I’d be the same way.” He turned toward the obstacle course and nodded. “How about this? If you beat me, I’ll tell you my story.”
“Beat you?” I gasped. That was never going to happen. “Can’t we bet on something else? Something more fair?”
He shook his head.
Fine. If he was going to be that way, I’d give myself any help I could. I reached out and pushed him. I waited until he was stumbling backward before I said, “Go.”
He laughed into the night air, the sound melodic, almost intoxicating. “That’s cheating,” he shouted after me.
I didn’t answer as I threw myself at the monkey bars and then up and over the hay bales. I wasn’t even thinking when I launched myself up the rope climb and rung the bell. I slid down and turned right into Christian. He was like a stiff wall in front of me and I fell back a couple of steps before he reached out and grabbed me, saving me from falling. His eyes lit up. “You climbed the rope.”
I nodded.
“All the way to the top.”
I breathed in deep, letting a smile overtake my face. “I was going to tell you guys when you got back, but then there were a lot of things going on.”
He pulled me into a hug, his strong arms encapsulating me. My head pressed into his shoulder. His chest moved as he laughed into my hair. “They’re going to go nuts. We’re so proud of you.”
I wound my arms around his waist and squeezed back. Easy excitement filled me. I’d done it. I didn’t know if I was happier about making Christian proud or making myself. It was a toss-up.
He pulled me away at arm’s length. “You have to do it again. I’ll take a picture of you at the top. The guys have to see this.”
“Okay.” I turned and made my way up the rope once again. When I hit the top, I turned around with a huge grin. Christian’s phone camera flashed, succeeding in blinding me for a couple seconds. I called down. “Did it come out?”
“It’s perfect,” he said, giving me a thumbs up.
I loosened my grip and slid down until my feet hit the bottom knot. I looked over his shoulder at the text he was sending his brothers. He captioned the picture with “Look what our girl can do”.
“Do they know you’re here?” I asked.
He shook his head. “They’re about to find out.”
“So…” I started as Christian put away his phone. “Does that earn me your vampire story?”
He side-eyed me. “That’s not fair.”
“Isn’t it? Technically, you stopped running. That means you forfeit.”
“What if I was already done and came back just to see how you were doing?”
My jaw dropped, instantly super impressed, my mind trying to calculate how fast he was probably going if he did lap me. “You did?”
He shook his head, a small smile curving his lips. “No. Not at all.”
This was a different Christian than I’d seen yet. He seemed relaxed, easy going. If I was ever going to get his story out of him, it would probably be tonight. “Yeah,” I said, deciding once and for all. “You owe me the story.”
He nodded. Resignation darkened his features as he gestured back toward the guardian building.
He was so quiet, so lost in his own thought that I was sorry I’d even brought it up. When we were halfway back to the building, I said, “You don’t have to, Christian. I can live with not knowing.”
He put his arm around me and tugged me closer into his side. “It’s not that. I want to tell you. I just don’t want anything you hear to change your mind about this world.”
My stomach twisted into knots, suddenly nervous about the story he would share. We walked into the stone building and through the empty hallway. The fluorescent lighting seemed too harsh after coming in from outside. Christian’s hair went back to being dirty-blond and his eyes that steel blue color that was closer to polished metal. He waited patiently as I unlocked the door and he shut it behind us. It barely made a sound as he clicked it into place and then locked it. The single lamp was on by my bed. I moved to turn on the main light, but his hand covered mine on the switch. “Leave it off. Why don’t you get dressed for bed and I’ll gather my thoughts?”
I nodded, letting out the breath I held in my chest from his touch. I grabbed my ugly pajamas off the floor and hurried into the small bathroom. I changed quickly and then brushed out my hair, leaving it to hang long around my shoulders. I pulled the door open and peeked out the small crack. Christian sat in the middle of the bed, his back against the wall and his feet hanging off the side. As soon as he saw me, he pat the bed.
I walked out, unsure of where to sit. He nodded toward my pillow. “Get in bed, beautiful.”
Walking over, I sat on the edge gingerly. He grabbed my ankles and forced them over his lap, my knees resting on his. I turned toward him, my ankles curving around by his thighs and my thighs coming to rest on his stomach.
He reached out and ran a hand down the length of my hair. “So pretty,” he murmured.
My face swamped with heat. He studied me before he even started talking. I told myself I wouldn’t urge him again. Honestly, right now, I was just content to feel his fingers slide through my hair. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything to him in the first place. I didn’t mean to force it out of him.
“Some of us,” he finally said, “don’t like talking about how we were turned. It’s different for everyone. It’s worse for those who had a life before this though.”
“And you did?” I guessed.
He nodded. “I was turned when I was seven. I don’t remember much from my previous life. That’s different for everyone, too.” He turned away at that, his face filling with an inexplicable sadness. I reached out and touched his elbow. “The turning process is supposed to be a complete redo,” he continued. “If it works the way it should, the vampire shouldn’t remember anything about his or her other life. They just wake up being the age they were turned. Their personalities, mannerisms, special quirks, they all remain the same. They’re inherent in us. It’s only the memories of our previous lives that are wiped, especially important when it’s a vampire couple changing a child to become one of their own. They don’t want us to remember our birth parents or siblings or anything like that. They want to become everything to us.”
It made sense, but I understood the sorrow in Christian’s gaze now. Did he miss his real parents?
“My parents have always been very open about how we were all brought to them.”
“Were they all turned like you?” My head started spinning with images of Nic, Stephan, and Connor. What were their previous lives like? Were they happy? Did they—?
Christian bent down, his elbow propping his head up and his hand coming to rest on my thigh. “I’m not going to tell you my brothers’ stories, Ariana. They can tell you when they’re ready.”
“Of course,” I said. “I’m sorry, I’m just—”
“It’s okay,” he said quickly. “I just know they’ll want to tell you themselves.” He squeezed my thigh and then continued. “As I wa
s saying, my parents aren’t like some of the other vampires. They’re very open with our stories. If we remembered something or even if we didn’t and we just asked, they would tell us. Mine started with a memory and then my parents filled in the blanks from there.”
I sat very still. The deeper Christian got into his own story, the more he looked as if he were far away from me. I didn’t dare move or talk for fear of breaking the spell.
“I kept dreaming about a blue balloon, and at first, I didn’t really understand it. The more I dreamt about it, the more I knew it must’ve meant something, so I asked my mom about it. That’s when she told me my story. They saw me at a zoo with my real parents when they were visiting the vampire clans in California. That’s where I was born a human. My mom immediately fell in love with me. They’d been looking for another child. My parents always wanted a large family. They kept seeing me throughout the day. My mom says I was the most grown up seven-year-old she’d ever met, and she just had to have me. I asked intelligent questions, was well-spoken, and—” He smiled to himself. “—always looked as if I was in deep thought.”
I chuckled with him. That sounded exactly like Christian.
“So, when we were leaving the zoo that day, my parents followed us home. Once they knew where I lived, they petitioned The Council to have me turned. When they approved, my official acclimation into the vampire world began. Mine and my birth parents’ minds were wiped. Theirs specifically of me. Any other family members and friends were also persuaded into believing I was never there. It’s a lot to explain, but it’s impossible for anyone to remember me. For instance, even if my parents went to a grocery store they always frequented with me, no one would ask them about where their young son went. It was as if I never existed at all. Afterward, I was taken to my parents’ home, bitten by my father, and the feeding process began. I don’t even remember what my old life was like. I don’t even really care.”