Delaney follows me as I push through the front door. “Where are you going?”
“Don’t know, don’t care.”
She grabs my wrist and gives me a concerned look. “Do you want me to come with you?”
I shake my head. “You’re in the running for valedictorian. Don’t let me ruin that. I’ll be okay. You go.”
Sighing, she wraps her arms around me and gives me a tight hug. “Text me if you need me.”
“I will.”
SITTING IN THE COLD in only my school uniform, I should be uncomfortable, but I can’t feel anything besides the pain of my heart breaking. I swing back and forth as I ignore the world around me. How could I have been so stupid? From the second he came back here, he made it clear that he wanted to hurt me. The anger that radiated from him was paralyzing, but his smile was infectious.
Maybe this was his plan all along. To get me to fall for him then rip it away. Perhaps ruining my social status wasn’t enough for him, so he left it to someone else while he focused on what would hurt more. He took everything—my virginity, my heart, my hope. Claiming it all for himself, he took from me until the only thing I had left was the blood in my veins. If he could, I’m sure he’d take that too.
“There you are.” Brady says, coming up and wrapping his coat around me. “I’ve been looking for you for hours. You must be freezing.”
“I’m fine.” My voice is like stone, completely void of any emotion.
He sighs. “Well, you can’t get sick. We need you this weekend.” Gently prying my hand from the swing, he takes it in his. “Come on.”
“It hurts, Brady. It hurts so bad.”
“I know. We’re going to go make it better.”
I GIGGLE, APPLAUDING AS he throws a cheeseball up in the air and catches it in his mouth. The thirty-six that he missed lie scattered across the studio floor. After finding me at the park, Brady brought me back here and called for reinforcements. Twenty minutes later, we had all the junk food Jacob could grab in a quick trip to the grocery store, and the most comfortable sweats I’ve ever worn in my life.
“All right, turn the music up,” I tell him, watching as he grabs the remote and raises the volume.
The sounds of “Haunted” by Taylor Swift fill the room, the perfect melody for what I’m feeling right now. It’s loud and irate, exactly the feelings I need. I start a pirouette and spin until I’m dizzy. The moves are messy but firm as I take out my anger, and by the time I’m done, my labored breathing feels like healing.
Brady switches the song to Shake It Off, and the two of us dance around the room like idiots, laughing hysterically and not giving a shit if people are watching through the window. Sometimes, what you need is just to let go for a bit, and a friend to let go with.
WE’RE JUST FINISHING OUR duet to Señorita when Brady shuts off the music and turns to me. The look in his eyes shows he’s in “big brother knows best” mode instead of the supportive friend mode he just spent half the day in.
“All right, Sav. Time to go,” he tells me.
My brows furrow. “What do you mean? Go where?”
“It’s Monday. You have cheer practice.”
With my jaw practically on the floor, all the air leaves my lungs. “Have you lost your ever-living mind? I can’t go there.”
He sighs and grabs his sweatshirt. “You have to. If you don’t, it’s like you’re handing over captain to Kinsley without putting up a fight.”
“They’re going to vote me out anyway.”
“Then they vote you out,” he counters. “At least then you know you didn’t just give it to her.”
A low whine emits from my throat. “Haven’t I been humiliated enough for one week?”
“Almost.” Brady jokes. “Let’s go, you’ll thank me later.”
AS I WALK INTO the gymnasium, all eyes focus on me. Kinsley is running them through stunts that are far more dangerous than their skill level allows, but when she realizes they’ve all stopped, she turns around to see what they’re looking at.
“What the hell are you doing here?” she sneers.
I look around at my team, finding only Emma staring back at me with something other than disgust on her face. It’s obvious where I stand, but Brady was right, I can’t just hand it over.
“Last time I checked, I’m still captain.”
The irritating laugh she lets out goes right through me. “Weren’t you listening this morning? No one wants you here.”
I stand strong and square my shoulders, refusing to let her get to me. “I really don’t care what you say, Kinsley. You can’t just waltz in here and demand captain. That’s not how it works.”
She narrows her eyes at me before smirking. “Fine, we’ll put it to a vote then.” Turning to the rest of the team, my chest tightens. “All those in favor of overthrowing Savannah and making me captain?” Everyone raises their hand except Emma, and Kinsley focuses back on me with a devilish grin on her face. “There, now it’s settled, and the first action I’m taking as captain is kicking your fake ass off this team.”
It’s a very formative experience, seeing everyone I thought was my friend turn against me so easily—though I brought this on myself. I give them a sad smile before nodding once. If I didn’t think it would make me look worse, I’d smack the smug look right off Kinsley’s face.
“Now let’s go,” she announces. “Practice is ending early today. I have plans with my boyfriend.”
The word doesn’t fail to sting, and I know that was her intention. As they all walk toward the locker room, Emma stands there, watching me sadly.
“Em, come on, or you can join her,” Kinsley calls.
Mouthing a silent apology, she goes with them. I don’t blame her. Cheer is that girl’s whole life, and she’s good at it. No part of me would want her to give that up.
I send Brady a text and walk out to the football field, sitting on the bleachers as I stare at the empty turf. I spent almost four full years on this field and put all my energy into cheering on the football team. It’s upsetting to know I won’t finish out the season for my senior year.
Memories of the games we’ve played this year flash through my mind. When Jace kicked a field goal from sixty yards away. Hayden intercepting a throw and weaving his way all the way down to score a touchdown. Grayson running a Hail Mary play at the end of a game, and Carter catching in the end zone,—continuing their undefeated streak. It’s all bittersweet.
The ruffling of my hair grabs my attention, and I turn my head to see Wyatt smiling at me. Carter kisses the top of my head while Jace sits down and pulls me into his arms. Even Hayden stands there with his arm around Emma, grinning as he shakes his head at me.
“You don’t hate me?”
Carter sighs, leaning forward to rest his arms on his knees. “It turns out, you’re a pretty hard person to stay mad at.”
Relief floods through me. “I’m so sorry. I never meant for it to get so out of hand.”
“Why did you lie in the first place, though?” Emma asks.
I shrug. “Before I started here, I knew one thing—wealth meant power. What I wanted was to fit in. Then one thing lead to another, and I was the girl everyone idolized. I thought that if people knew the truth, I’d be the laughingstock of the school.”
Carter shakes his head. “We never liked you for your money, princess. It was your bitchy attitude and ability to put people in their place that won us over.”
“And you’re hot, so that helps,” Jace quips as I lean against him.
Using my sleeve, I wipe away the few tears that have managed to escape. “I really do love you guys.”
“We love you, too,” Carter responds. “Now if only we could figure out what the hell is going through Grayson’s mind. Kinsley? Seriously?”
I shake my head. “I don’t want to talk about him.”
He frowns. “Not yet?”
“Not ever.”
I JOG DOWN THE street, running to escape from all my demons. My
father. Kinsley. Grayson. The faster my feet move, the further away they feel.
The music flows through the earbuds and into my ears. It’s therapeutic, really, how a song has the ability to make you feel that much better. The lyrics are like an outlet, not only for the songwriter, but for the listener—kind of like my dancing. It’s always been a way for me to tell a story—to deal with the pain and heartache, and just let it out.
I come to a halt as an idea clicks in my mind. Then I turn around and race back to the studio. I get there in record time and burst into the room. Brady eyes me carefully.
“I want to change our duet.”
He seems unsure. “Okay? What part?”
I shake my head. “All of it. I want to change the dance, the song, everything.”
“Have you gone completely insane? The recital is in four days!”
Standing my ground, I can already picture the dance in my head. “I don’t care. I need to do this.”
23
Grayson
Kinsley sits across from me, ranting about everything under the sun. Can’t she see that I don’t care what color nail polish Becca had on today? She’s making it hard to enjoy my milkshake—which is really something, because this diner has unbeatable shakes. Still, I pretend to listen and nod my head at all the parts I think are important.
Dating her isn’t something I want, but I have to. It’s a necessary move, albeit one that creates more problems for me than it solves. She’s the kind of person I normally can’t stand to be around, but she’s the only one who can accomplish what I need. Making her my girlfriend isn’t to keep me away from Savannah, it’s to keep Savannah away from me.
I know that if she’s standing in front of me, begging for me to talk to her, I won’t stand a chance. I’ll cave in five seconds flat and hand her my heart on a silver fucking platter. No, I can’t let that happen. Keeping her at a distance is what’s best for both of us.
“You should have seen it,” Kinsley smirks. “She looked so stupid standing there all alone as we all walked away.” Giving her a confused look, she can tell I wasn’t paying attention. “Savannah. Focus, Grayson.”
I shake my head. “Don’t. Don’t talk to me about her.”
“Uh, okay,” she says hesitantly, taking a sip of her water. “You know, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you two had something going on.”
“What the fuck did I just say?” I snap. “Do you just not know how to listen? I said don’t talk to me about her.”
She scoffs and rolls her eyes, picking up her phone and scrolling through it. Suddenly, the door swings open, and a livid Delaney comes storming toward me, followed by Tessa, who gives me a warning look.
“Grayson Matthew.”
Wow, I’m in middle-name-level trouble. “Who told you that?”
“It doesn’t matter. I need to speak to you.” With a look at Kinsley, she clarifies. “Alone.”
“Uh, excuse me,” Kinsley sasses. “Rude, much? Can’t you see we’re busy here?”
Laney glares at her. “Do I look like fucking care?”
Both mine and Tessa’s eyes widen. Being a Goody Two-shoes since she was little, Delaney Callahan doesn’t use profanity unless she’s really pissed.
Kinsley pouts as Delaney focuses her attention back on me. “Grayson, now!”
“I’d listen to her,” Tessa advises. “She’s been on the war path all damn day.”
Deciding to appease her, I tell Kinsley I’ll be right back and slip out of the booth. Laney shoots one last dirty look at my girlfriend before following me to the parking lot. As soon as we get outside, she looks like she’s going to hit me.
“What on earth is wrong with you?” She shouts. “How could you do that to Savannah?”
“I didn’t do anything to her,” I defend, but we both know that’s a lie.
“Like hell you didn’t. I was there Friday night, picking up the broken pieces you left her in!” She pauses for a second but doesn’t let me get a word in before she continues. “And then you run right to Kinsley? Seriously, Grayson? Kinsley?”
I throw my hands in the air. “I had to, okay? I fucking had to!” Rubbing my hands over my face, I walk over to sit on the step. “I can’t care about her. Not the way she wants me to.”
“You already do. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have told me where she lives,” she retorts. “You knew damn well I was going to keep her secret. So, don’t even try playing like you were hoping I’d do your dirty work.”
“It doesn’t matter. The past can’t be rewritten, and she can’t undo what she did. We will never be a thing.”
Her brows furrow. “Okay, we’ll pretend like I know what that means.” She runs her fingers through her hair and sighs. “I just don’t want to see you two throw away something that’s been thirteen years in the making. When we were little, you two were the one thing I was sure of.”
I smile sadly. “Things were different then, Laney. So much has changed.”
“Except for the fact that you’re still crazy about each other,” Tessa chimes in, but as soon as I look at her, she raises her hands in surrender. “Sorry, I’ll shut up now.”
“No!” Delaney argues. “Tess is right. I saw it myself, the way you two have been with each other the past few weeks. The way she’s talked about you.” She sighs. “It’s everything you hope to find, and you’re throwing that away.”
A groan rumbles from deep in my throat. “What the hell do you want from me?”
“I want you to admit that you’re in love with her!”
“Of course I’m in love with her!” I laugh dryly. “I have been since I was fucking nine years old.”
She calms her tone, as if she feels like she’s getting through to me. “Then tell her that. Whatever it is, you two can get through it.”
I shake my head. “We can’t. Not with this.” Standing up, I pull my keys from my pocket. “I’m sorry, Laney. Tell Kinsley something came up and I’ll pay her back for the bill.”
“Grayson—” she calls as I go to walk away. I turn back to glance at her, and she looks just as defeated as I feel. “If you change your mind, I have a spare ticket to Savannah’s recital on Friday night. I think you should come.”
With no true intentions of taking her up on that, I nod once and head for my car. It was naive to think I could handle staying around here. The wounds are too fresh for us to coexist right now—too deep for us to avoid causing the other more pain. I need to leave, at least for a little while.
DRIBBLING THE BASKETBALL, TYSON charges at me but he lacks the coordination I have. I spin, going around him and shooting it—nothing but net. The air feels hot in the oversized gym as I fan myself with my shirt. Ty grabs the ball and checks it to me before trying to make it to the hoop. He goes to take the shot, but while he might be two years older, he’s a good six inches shorter. I reach my hand up and block it, laughing as he scowls.
“You’re a little shit, Grayson.”
I give him a knowing look and smile. “I’m not sure you’re really in the place to call someone a little anything.”
He rolls his eyes. “Fuck off. Are you done running from your problems yet? You’ve missed what, three days of school already?”
“Since when do you give a shit how much school I miss?” I steal the ball and take it outside the three-point line.
“Since I promised your mom I’d look out for you.”
Just as I shoot, my phone starts ringing on the bench. I walk over, seeing Kinsley’s name and vomit-inducing picture on the screen. Hitting ignore, I go back to playing the game.
“That’s like the eighth time she’s called today.” He looks down at his watch. “And it’s only noon.”
“What’s your point?”
He chuckles. “I don’t have one. I just never expected you to change your noncommittal ways for some overly obsessive trust fund baby who won’t hop off your dick for five minutes.” He stands against my side as he tries to block me. “I honestly thought
you’d end up dating Savannah.”
I shove my elbow into his stomach, barreling my whole body into his and knocking him over before shooting the perfect three-pointer, but I’m not about to celebrate.
He narrows his eyes at me and pushes himself up off the floor. “What the hell, man?”
“Why the fuck does everyone insist on talking to me about her?” I shout.
“I don’t know, maybe because we can all see what you’re not willing to admit.”
Getting up in his face, I’m ready to deck him. The only reason I haven’t is because he’s my cousin. “Yeah? And what’s that?”
He squares his shoulders and mirrors my glare. “That you’re less of a person without her. You’re angry and irrational. You walk around acting like the world screwed you over, and you’ll stop at nothing until you burn the whole damn thing to the ground.” His frustration is evident as he shoves past me and heads toward the door. “Your father may have wanted a lot of things for you, but I don’t think any part of him wanted this.”
Alone to drown in my own destruction, I lie down on the gymnasium floor and stare at the ceiling. Every part of me knew better than to get involved with her. The plan was simple—find her weakness, her Achilles’ heel, and destroy her with it. It couldn’t have been any more straightforward, but it all went to hell the moment I kissed her. That one taste of what things could have been derailed me in an instant.
Standing there, watching as Trey revealed her secret to everyone, I felt conflicted. One on hand, I was pissed. That information was mine, the only thing I had that could cause her pain. On the other, I was relieved. She got what was coming to her, but my hands remained clean, or at least as clean as they could be with everything I’d already done. Seeing her break down, however, hit me with a feeling I never expected—sympathy.
The Sinner: A High School Bully Romance (Haven Grace Prep Book 1) Page 19