Why? For a million reasons, but only one thing came out of her mouth. “I’m in love with you,” she whispered.
Shane stopped stroking her head, but his grip got tighter. “You’re… you’re in love… with me?” She nodded and sobbed out a wail. He squeezed her tight like he didn’t know what the hell else to do. “It’s ok. It’s ok. We’ll… we’ll work it out.” Shane did his best to soothe her with kisses and murmurs of comfort, and eventually her tears began to dry. “Feel better?” She nodded against him. “Good.” He kissed her head again and she relaxed into him. “Babe?”
“Mm hmm?” she said, rubbing her face on his shirt just to absorb the smell and security of him.
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’ve got to ask… Why does being in love with me make you cry?”
“Because it’s complicated and terrifying and overwhelming and… I don’t know, Shay, I… I have so much more to lose now and I don’t how the hell I’m going to keep it together.”
Ginger damned him for asking because her eyes began to heat again. Except before her tears could start again he took her head to tip it back so he could graze his lips on hers. “You’re not going to lose a damn thing, my precious wife. This is just the beginning,” he whispered on her and kissed her again. “I know what will make you feel better. I know what to do now.”
What to do? He linked their fingers and led her through her bedroom and into the bathroom where Cam was laughing and splashing both his soaked uncles who were hunkered down on opposite sides of the tub. Owen and Murphy had their arms in the soapy water up to their shoulders and neither had ever looked so frazzled.
“Oh, Cam, Angel, what did you do to your uncles?” she asked, rushing past Shane to get to her son.
“Your kid’s a maniac,” Murphy said just as Cam launched a duck at him and got him square in the middle of his forehead.
“Cam, no throwing things at Uncle Murphy,” Ginger said, urging Murphy aside to stroke Cam’s head. “What is it about you that makes my angel want to throw things at you?”
“He can take it,” Shane said and clapped his hands. “Right, uncles out, mommy needs some Cam time.”
“Have you been crying?” Owen asked her, reaching over the tub to touch her chin with a wet hand.
“Yeah,” Shane said. “ ‘Cause us bastards let this beauty cook and walked out without doing the clean-up. Move, both of you, we’re going to make this place sparkle.”
Murphy went toward Shane and Owen kissed his nephew. Shane stepped back to hold the door. “Shay,” she said, “wait with me a sec.”
Murphy stopped in the door. “Oh, hey, nu-uh, bro, you’re not sending us down to clean up while you stay up here to have fun with the ball and chain,” Murphy said, shoving Shane’s shoulder.
Ginger took over holding Cam so Owen could join the others. “Just a sec, Murph,” she said, “I promise I’ll send him down in just a minute.”
Murphy drew an unimpressed, but comical, eye off both of them as Owen nudged him out the door. “What’s up, Bit?” Shane asked when they had left the bedroom.
“Hold Cam for me,” she said.
“Oh-kay…”
Although his eyes went one way as his body went the other, displaying his confusion, Shane came over and bounced into a crouch to take over supporting Cam. Making a face at his son earned him a laugh and Cam held up a duck to his father for a kiss, for some reason that one was special.
True to her word, Ginger was going to send Shane down to help the others, so she leaped to her feet and pulled off her top. It didn’t take Shane long to notice that she was stripping down, but she wasn’t doing it to be seductive, she just needed someone to hold Cam because she didn’t want to take him out the water just to put him back in when she joined him.
But as Shane held a supporting hand around Cam’s back, his eyes travelled up to watch her taking off her clothes. “Thank you,” she said, and lifted a leg to slide it into the water at Cam’s back. “Can you grab Raa and toss him in the crib for me? He’s downstairs on the couch I think.”
Her baby didn’t seem to notice her at first then she lifted him to sit on her and he squawked when he dropped his duck. Ginger soothed him and scooped water up over his hair while examining his wound to see how it was healing. Thankfully, it looked good.
“If I split whatever we have in the bank down the middle and transfer it to our brothers,” Shane said. “Will you let me get in that water with you two instead of going down to help clean up?”
Reaching past Cam, Ginger gathered up his ducks. “The water’s starting to cool,” she said, and Cam yawned before putting a beak in his mouth. “We’ll only be in a few minutes.”
Ginger took the duck from Cam’s mouth and noticed that Shane didn’t seem to be going anywhere. “It would be worth it for thirty seconds,” he said, resting his forearms along the edge of the bath and lowering his chin to them.
Turning Cam, she lifted him. “Give Daddy a goodnight kiss, Angel,” she said and the boys both did as told.
Keeping hold of Cam with an arm around his torso, she slid toward the middle of the bath and curved an arm around Shane’s neck to pull him in for a kiss of her own. “Will I see you again before bed?” he asked. “Or is Mommy giving me her goodnight kiss too?”
Sometimes when it had been a long day, she just locked her door and stayed in her room to read before going to sleep early. “Depends how long it takes you to clean up downstairs,” she said.
Cam began to wriggle and complain as he set his sights on one specific duck. Ginger moved him through the water to let him get it. “I could just watch,” Shane said.
Laughing, she gave him a shove. “Get downstairs! Stop slacking.”
“Right,” he said, standing up to straighten his jeans. “Clean up… that’s so what I want to be doing now.”
Bending over, Shane curled a finger under her chin to kiss her again, then kissed the top of Cam’s head. Shane went toward the door, but stopped to look back at them. “Perfect,” he said and departed.
How could Cam be so oblivious to what they had? Ginger rubbed her face in her baby’s wet hair and just breathed him in. Life wasn’t supposed to turn out this way for them. They were supposed to be married to Calvin by now and living a life that was opposite to this one in many ways.
Shane hadn’t just found her when he walked into the church to stop the wedding, he’d rediscovered their family and now they just had to find a way to hold it together.
23
Holding it together was going to be easier said than done because she was starting to freak out. Cam had been sleeping for less than an hour and Ginger felt like she was going insane already. What had she been thinking telling Calvin that their relationship was over, just like that? And Shane, what about him? She’d just slid her rings back on her finger like accepting a role as his wife wasn’t the biggest decision she’d ever made in her whole life… that she remembered.
And what had Calvin meant about them being sorry? What was he going to do? Was he desperate? She shouldn’t have acted on impulse, she should’ve been more thorough because arguing and upsetting him could lead to someone getting hurt and now it was hanging over their heads, all this emotion, no resolution, just… anger.
Needing to take control, she’d marched into Shane’s bedroom and begun to pack his things into the suitcase she found in his closet.
“Am I going somewhere?”
Ginger spun around to see Shane standing in his bedroom doorway. “Uh…” she said, glancing at the suitcase she had open on the end of his bed. “I… uh…”
“Babe?” he asked, coming inside and closing the bedroom door. He put a hand on the bathroom door handle as if he planned to close that door too, but she leaped forward.
“No,” she called and saw how her panic intrigued him. Tucking her hair behind her ear, she tried to play it cool. “Cam is sleeping… I won’t hear him if you close the door.”
“Our boy has a healthy set of lungs,�
�� he said. “But if it will make you feel better, I’ll get his monitor.”
“No,” she said and this time she dashed forward to catch his wrist to stop him.
Shit. He was looking right through her again and there was more than intrigue in his eyes now, he was downright worried. “Bit, what’s going on?”
“Nothing, I… Just go sit with him, will you? I’ll be done in a minute.”
“Packing my things?” Shane asked, glancing from the open dresser drawer to the half-full suitcase on the bed.
Ginger couldn’t stand under his scrutiny any longer. So she busied herself by going to the terrace door to check that it was locked, even though she’d already checked it twice. Now that Shane was here, she could lock his bedroom door, so she went past him to do just that.
Taking a deep breath, she spun around to sink against the door. “I want you to move in with Cam and I,” she said.
His face went black. “I’m sorry, did you just say you were fulfilling my ultimate fantasy?”
Some of her tension ebbed as she exhaled a laugh. “Not for sex,” Ginger said, as she struggled to figure out how she could be part of anyone’s fantasy. “It’s about safety in numbers.”
“Safety?” he said and lost his edge of teasing to rush to her. “You’re worried about your safety?” But he didn’t let her answer. “Pack everything and we can be back in California before sunrise.”
Damn, now she’d scared him. “No,” she said, moving forward to put her arms around him. “Doctor Guinness is in his room, we shouldn’t disturb him, he requested the night off.”
“Sorry, Bit, but I don’t give a fuck about the doctor. If you feel unsafe here, we’re leaving, it’s as simple as that.”
No, it wasn’t, they had responsibilities to think of… and she wasn’t ready to leave here yet. Rather, she wasn’t ready to be in California yet. “Cam is sleeping,” she said. “If we wake him up, he’ll be scared.”
“He won’t be scared, not with us, he knows we protect him. Besides, I’ll bring the truck down the hill, right to the door, and if I lift him carefully, he won’t wake up.”
Admitting this was part of her illness, Ginger tried to control her paranoia. “Shay,” she sighed. “This is just me freaking out… I don’t like knowing that Calvin is out there upset.”
“You think he might try to hurt you? That’s why you’re checking the locks?”
“I’m just being paranoid,” she said. Just having his body against hers was starting to relax her. “You’re right, forget it, you can stay here.”
“No, no way,” he said, “you can’t take it back now, you already asked me.”
Pushing her back to the door, Shane bent his knees to line his mouth up with hers. “You never answered,” she said, gasping for oxygen as she freed herself from their kiss. “I can withdraw the offer before it’s been accepted.”
“Not with me, wife. I accept,” he said, kissing her left, then right. Pressing his palms into hers, he threaded their fingers together and raised her hands to press them into the door. His eyes flicked to the side and he smiled. “You’re wearing your wedding ring.”
“I put them back on downstairs,” she said. The pulse of her blood was stretching her veins and she did her best to push onto her tiptoes. It wasn’t fair that he was constantly coming down to her level, but she didn’t want to part her mouth from his. “I’m thinking maybe I was premature.”
“No,” he said, dismissing her with a scowl and sliding his tongue into her mouth. “You said you loved me.”
Tracing his lips along her jaw, Shane let them descend over the fading bruise he’d put on her skin. “But I’m not sure I’m ready… that I’m prepared to be your wife.”
“Prepared?” he asked. “You are my wife, that’s all the preparation you need. And you are all I need, Bit. You and Cam, that’s it.”
His next kiss brought him lower still and when his lips made contact with her throat, he slid his hands beneath her ass and lifted her up. Ginger wrapped her arms around him and let him carry her over to his bed. Because of the case, they couldn’t lie the right way, so he put her on her back parallel to the headboard in the middle of the bed. The reassuring weight of his body pressing her down made her feel safer straight away.
The glide of his hands on her thighs reminded her that she was only wearing her satin jammies, shorts with a lace-trimmed vest in smooth grey fabric. He adjusted the angle of her pelvis so he could rock against her, stimulating them both with the ridge in his jeans.
As his need grew, so did the pressure of his hips and when he skimmed his hands up her sides to stretch her arms up high above her head, he kept her at his mercy, but it was interesting to have her wrists stacked, locked inside the grip of one of his large hands as the other slid back down her body, over her breast and… oh… she gasped when he pushed his hand under the waistband of her shorts to cup her sex.
“Where do you want me, baby?” he asked, toying with her clit as he kissed her lips with the most delicate pressure that she almost forgot to breath. “Do you want me inside you?”
“I…” she inhaled, elevating her head for another kiss. “I’m not ready for…”
“Not my dick,” he said, “like this.”
Extending his fingers, he caressed the circumference of her opening and then pushed his digit inside. Her mouth opened wide, but she forgot to inhale and instead just squeaked as her eyes fixed on his that were heavy and enamored.
“Boo,” she managed to murmur.
“I love it when you forget to breathe like that,” he said, nuzzling her cheek. “Tells me I’ve got you right where I want you.” His finger moved deeper and he wiggled it, testing the limits of her passage. This was the most intimate she remembered ever getting with any man and it felt more than good, it was… sublime. “I’m going to take your shorts off, ok, Bit? My mouth is going to feel so good on your pussy. You’re going to—”
“You… you can’t do that,” she said, the panic and arousal were fighting to take over her heartbeat, but that only made her pulse skyrocket.
“I won’t hurt you. I want to make you feel good.”
“You do,” she said, trying to find his mouth, but he chose to nibble and suck on her neck instead. Damn, why did he do that? When he did that she wanted to sign herself over to him heart and soul. “Do you have condoms?”
Shane rose to look into her eyes. His finger slid free of her body, but stayed in her folds. “What?” he asked. “No, I said to you—”
She sagged. “We can’t have sex without a condom. I’m not on birth control, breast feeding works as a natural contraceptive, kind of, but it’s not reliable. My cycle is back to normal and if my math is right, I’m ripe right now. We can’t have sex without birth control or you’ll knock me up.” He grinned. “No.” Even though she used her stern mommy voice, she wasn’t sure he heard her. “We’re being patient, Boo. We’re not rushing things.”
“Are you saying…? Are you saying you’re ready to have sex?”
Was she? No, not exactly. When she could think clearly, Ginger knew it was a bad idea to rush into having sex with her husband. God, that sounded so dumb. He was her husband. If she was going to rush into sex with anyone, he was the best bet.
“Maybe,” she admitted. “I don’t know. I just know that when you touch me and kiss me… it feels good. So if something were to happen naturally, you know, without any pressure… I might be ok with that.”
It was like his whole body clenched. He was like a teenager trying to contain his excitement in front of his friends. But Shane wasn’t very good at playing it cool not when she was talking about sex. “We’ll get you on the pill. I can have it couriered here tomorrow and—”
“Great, but I have to take it for seven days before it works,” she said because at least if they both knew the boundaries, they could respect them. “So we’ll have to hold off for seven days.”
He thought about this for a second. “I can go ask Murphy, see if he h
as any rubbers.”
She laughed and tugged on her arms. “Try explaining that one to him.”
“We’ll just tell him the truth… it’s not like I’d be using them with anyone except you,” he asked, moving onto his side, though his hips didn’t go far. His long, strong legs stayed between hers, pinning one down and scooping the other over the top of his knees. “They probably have them in the lodge—”
“What’s the urgency?” she asked, teasing while at the same time wishing she hadn’t been so honest about her availability.
“For sex?” he asked, and she was horrified to see him touch his fingertips to his lips. The fingers that had been playing with her. “I believe the word you used was ‘ripe.’ Since I heard that, I feel it’s my duty to—”
“No, it’s not,” she said, pulling his hand away from his mouth as he was about to slide his fingers past his lips. “Don’t do that.”
“Your sweet taste is mine now,” he said and tried to lean forward, but she called out and pulled harder, while throwing herself onto him. “Do you want some?” He made contact with her lips. “We can share.”
“Shane!” she said, trying to push his hand down.
“Ah, you want me to finish,” he said, taking their playfulness to a new level. “Open wide for me.”
Somehow, he managed to scoop both hands into her inner thighs and open her legs wide as he rolled onto his back and pulled her on top of him. “I don’t—”She battled with his playful hands as they tried to creep into her shorts. “I didn’t—Shane! Stop!”
Her face hurt with the breadth of her smile and her chest ached as she gasped for breath through her laughter. He was persisting, trying to get his way, but he wasn’t really fighting her or using his full strength. If he wanted to force her to submit, he could, he’d had her pinned down just a minute ago. As it was, she was on top of him, so technically, to get him to stop, all she had to do was stand up and leave him on the bed.
Remember When... Page 30