by Maren Smith
“Yack!” she explained.
“You haven’t tried it yet. You can tell me it’s yack once you’ve tried it.” Bradley didn’t move the spoon.
“Yack!” she repeated. She didn’t want to try something that looked so orange and gloopy.
“You like carrots,” Bradley reminded her. Chloe did like carrots, she conceded, but she’d never had the other two vegetables, and they sounded weird. She tried to push the spoon away but Bradley caught her hand with his other hand.
“Chloe, either open your mouth and try the food right now, or you’re getting a spanking.”
Chloe pressed her lips together more tightly. A spanking over a diaper wouldn’t hurt, she decided.
“It’s a spanking for my little madam, then, isn’t it?” Bradley put the spoon back in the bowl and lifted Chloe out of her high-chair. He sat on a kitchen chair and unfastened her diaper. Chloe widened her eyes as she realized he was really going to give her a proper spanking!
“Eat!” she said, wanting to eat the food now she knew he was going to spank her bare bottom. “Eat!”
“No, you had plenty of time to choose to do the right thing. You wouldn’t even try your food, so you get spanked.” Bradley arranged her over his knee, so her bottom was in the air and her legs and shoulders were dangling from his lap. Chloe tried to squirm out of his grasp but he held her firmly. She didn’t want to get spanked!
His hand was hard and landed on her bottom in a flurry of swift swats, making her wriggle and kick to try and get away from him. He had tucked his free arm around her tightly and she couldn’t avoid his spanking hand. Soon, she was crying as he continued to land hard spanks on her bottom. As she lay there, she realized she’d been quite mean. He’d made her a special baby food and she wouldn’t even try it. She started to cry harder, feeling bad for what she did. Not very long after, he stopped spanking her and let her stay over his knee until she cried herself out while he rubbed her back with the flat of his hand.
“Are you going to try your food now, little one?” he asked.
“Yeah.” She wasn’t sure if he could see that she had nodded her head for emphasis.
“That’s better.” Bradley lifted her up and tilted her upright as he put her back in the high- chair. He cleaned her face with some tissue and reheated her food, then lifted the spoon to her lips again. This time, she opened her mouth without hesitation. She screwed up her eyes in case it tasted bad, while she was trying to see if she liked it or not. It was actually pretty tasty, she decided. When he brought another spoonful to her mouth she ate it readily, although she couldn’t stop herself trying to chew it before she swallowed the puree.
“Well done; you’re being a good girl now, princess. Do you like your dinner?” Bradley asked.
“Yeah.”
“Good. I’m going to give you a couple more spoons, then I’m going to eat some of my own food.”
“Yours?” Chloe wondered what he was having. Was he going to eat Christmas dinner every day for twelve days? She hadn’t noticed what he’d eaten the day before.
“I’m having grown-up food.” Once he’d gotten her to eat, he took something out of the oven, and Chloe watched with interest as he put it on a plate. When he brought it to the table and sat down, she finally realized what it was.
“Chicken!” she identified. “Tato!” she pointed to the potatoes. “Carrot!” she added, then reached for her own spoon.
“That’s right; that’s exactly what I’m having for dinner. Do you think you can be a clever girl and feed yourself while Daddy eats?” Bradley asked. Chloe nodded. She picked up her spoon and started eating the mashed-up food while Bradley ate his roast chicken. It was so nice sitting at this high-chair, feeling like she had her own special place for food.
After dinner, Bradley put on a second film; Chloe missed what it was called, but all her favorite Winnie the Pooh characters were doing something special for Christmas. Every time Winnie came on screen, she squeezed Razdar tightly and kissed his nose. Bears were her favorite, especially squishy cuddly teddy bears. One day, she wanted to become an explorer and go to the North Pole and make friends with all the polar bears, but when she thought about how cold it was outside she decided she’d wait until summertime. The polar bears had to be in the North Pole in the summer, too, didn’t they? She resolved to ask her daddy when she was allowed to talk in sentences longer than one word.
During the second half of the film, Bradley fed Chloe a bottle of warm cherry juice, and she drank it down while she snuggled up with him and Razdar on the sofa. She fell asleep before the end of the film, and only stirred slightly when she felt her daddy gently and slowly carrying her upstairs to her cot, where he tucked her in. Then, she was asleep again, dreaming about living in Hundred-Acre Wood with Winnie the Pooh and his friends.
CHAPTER THREE
BABY’S THIRD CHRISTMAS
Chloe woke up when it was still dark outside. The night light still glowed, and it did a swell job at keeping her safe from the monsters living in her wardrobe. She guessed she was roleplaying a three-year-old today, so she decided to get a head start. She climbed out of her cot, over the side of the barrier, and landed on the bedroom floor with a slight thud.
She went to the big light and turned it on, so the whole room was suddenly much brighter, then she went to her wardrobe to look at what clothes she could wear. There was a tutu and leotard dangling tantalizingly on a hanger, so she pulled them down and put the tutu on over her footie pajamas. She didn’t think the leotard would fit over her diaper, so she discarded it on the floor. Opening the bedroom door, she walked to the door of her daddy’s room and turned the handle. She went inside, where he was fast asleep still. Grown-ups got so tired during their days! She decided to climb into his bed for a snuggle, so she carefully turned the comforter back and got in with him. She snuggled up against his flannel pajamas and fell back asleep in minutes.
“What have we here, then?” he rumbled. Chloe opened her eyes when she heard Bradley’s voice. It was light outside, now and he was awake. She looked at him and smiled.
“Missed you!” she explained. He snuggled her up and kissed her on the top of her head.
“Should you have gotten out of bed on your own?” Bradley kept snuggling her, and Chloe didn’t feel like she was in trouble, but she reflected that she shouldn’t have climbed out of her cot on her own like that.
“Sorry.” She snuggled up against her daddy, her bottom touching his middle, and she felt a solid, hard mass pressing against her.
“Now we’re awake, we should get up.” Bradley checked his phone. “Five-thirty. You’re really being a three-year-old today, aren’t you?”
“Yep. Kissmiss!” Chloe told him; it was Christmas, so she had to get up early. The presents wouldn’t open themselves, and there were Christmas movies to watch, snuggles to have, games to play, and sippy cups of fruit juice to drink... the universe was full of exciting things, just waiting to be discovered and played with. After two days of Christmas, she started getting into the spirit of things.
“All right, little one, let’s go and get breakfast.” Bradley got out of bed and undressed Chloe, then held out a cotton dress for her to wear. She put her arms into it and let him fasten the buttons for her. She skipped downstairs ahead of him and sat on the sofa while he made breakfast.
When he called Chloe into the kitchen, she saw that he’d put a little plate of food and a sippy cup on the table. She went to take a seat, but he shook his head.
“Not so fast, princess; you need to sit in your high-chair.”
“But I’m too old!” Chloe protested.
“No arguments, Chloe, you are sitting in your high-chair and that’s final.”
“But it’s for babies!” Chloe complained.
“You like your high-chair; it’s your princess throne. Let Daddy sit you in your special chair so you can be a princess.” When Bradley said that, Chloe couldn’t help but let him lift her up and put her in her high-chair. Once she
was in, he put her food on the plastic tray; she had waffles with chocolate sauce. Chloe picked up her pink plastic fork and stabbed it into one of the waffles. Not having anything to cut the waffle with, she picked up the entire waffle on the end of her fork and bit one side of it. When Bradley saw what she was doing, he shook his head.
“That’s not how we eat food, is it?” He leaned over and took the fork from her hand, carefully placing the waffle back on the plate. Chloe watched him use his own knife to cut a piece of waffle for her, then he lifted her fork to her mouth. She opened and let him feed her. It was tasty, and Chloe enjoyed chewing her waffle before swallowing it, ready to eat the next piece, which was waiting for her on her fork. Bradley kept cutting up the pieces of waffle and putting them into her mouth. Chloe loved when her daddy helped her eat. When her mouth started to get dry from eating so many chocolatey pieces of waffle, she reached for her sippy cup and took a long drink. It was tasty cherry juice.
“Be sure to hold the cup in both hands so you don’t drop it,” Bradley warned her.
“I will, Daddy, sorry.” Chloe carefully grasped the handles of the cup, just to make extra-sure that it didn’t fall.
After breakfast, Chloe went into the den and found the remote. She passed it to her daddy.
“Not just yet, sweetheart. It’s time to open presents first.”
“Presents!” Chloe wiggled in delight when her daddy handed her a box wrapped in pretty paper. She tore it open and found a pair of sparkly purple fairy wings and a wand with a glittery golden star at the top.
“I love fairies!” she exclaimed.
“Hold out your arms and I’ll put the fairy wings on you.” Bradley stretched the elastic on one side of the wings and slid it down Chloe’s arm, to her shoulder, then did the same on the other side. Chloe looked over her shoulder and saw the fairy wings behind her.
“I’m a fairy, Daddy!” She took the wand and ran around the room, touching things with the tip of her wand and imagining they were all transforming into something magical.
They played together for most of the day, then it was time for dinner. Bradley had cooked something that smelled really tasty, and he left Chloe watching The Snowman while he finished making things in the kitchen.
“Dinner time, Chloe! Come and take a seat!” Bradley called from the kitchen, just as the cartoon ended.
Chloe hopped up from the sofa, still wearing her fairy wings, and picked up her wand. When she went into the kitchen, her face broke into a huge smile. Bradley had made a little Christmas dinner for them both, with a roast turkey leg, a big bowl of creamed corn, and some carrots and sweet potatoes. Chloe sat down and let Bradley put food on her plate, then waited for him to fill his own plate, too.
“This looks amazing, Daddy!” She picked up a fork and started to dig into her creamed corn.
“Do you want some cranberry sauce?” Bradley asked, picking up the little glass bowl of red jelly. Chloe stared at it and relived the last time she’d seen cranberry sauce on a table. Her dad had been adamant that the sauce wasn’t served at the correct temperature. He’d thrown it at her mom, glass bowl and all. The bowl had hit the back of the chair and shattered, inches from her mom’s face. Chloe remembered how relieved she’d felt when he stormed out in the dark, and she remembered going with her mom to hospital once they had realized that some of the cranberry sauce on her mom’s arm was blood, and that Chloe couldn’t just patch it up at home, in case there was glass in the cuts. They’d spent the rest of the evening in the emergency room. When her dad had returned, stinking drunk, he’d lost his temper again because nobody had opened the presents he’d got them, so he kicked at them until they were just defeated boxes cowering under shreds of wrapping paper. She couldn’t do this. It was too hard. She didn’t want to be little anymore.
Chloe got up from the table in silence and went back to the den. She curled up under a blanket and hugged her knees, trying to get a handle on her feelings. She startled when a hand touched her shoulder. She looked around and saw Bradley standing beside her, concern etched on his face.
“Tell me about it, princess.” He rubbed her shoulders very gently with his big hands and Chloe crumpled and wept. The pain punctured her chest and she struggled to breathe. When her tears cleared enough for her to speak, she told him about the cranberry sauce, speaking in a detached voice, as if she were narrating something that happened to someone else.
“After he wrecked the presents, I hid under my bed that night so he couldn’t find me. I was too scared to close my eyes in case he got me while I wasn’t looking. I didn’t get any more presents after that, but I was ten, so I was too old, I guess, and I was sorta glad, because it was less for him to wreck.”
Bradley was silent for a long minute, and Chloe wasn’t really that surprised, because it probably wasn’t the sort of thing people should talk about, especially at Christmas.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.” She got up and went upstairs. The huge pile of soft toys was appealing and she really needed to hold onto something so she lay on her side on the carpet and clung to her giant Kermit the Frog, whose soft green velour felt comforting to touch. Bradley came up a few seconds later.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t know what to say. You don’t usually let me in enough to hear what happened when you were a child. Can you come downstairs and eat something?” He sounded sad, and he rubbed her shoulder comfortingly. She sighed, feeling like she’d made a big fuss over nothing.
“I’m sorry that I walked off when you’d gone to all that effort and made a tasty dinner for me to eat,” Chloe said, looking up from her frog. “I shouldn’t have gotten so upset over something so stupid.”
“No, little one, that’s what these Christmases are for. You’re not in trouble; you’re safe here. I’m only worried about you. Come and eat. Do you want me to get rid of the cranberry sauce? I think you should make new memories of times when you’ve enjoyed eating it, but if this is too hard I’ll hide it out of sight.” He kissed her on the forehead and she felt cared for. The burning combination of sorrow and resentment at her father’s behavior began subsiding in the wake of Bradley’s reassurance.
“No, I think you’re right. I should come down. I feel so stupid. It’s such a silly thing, isn’t it? Who gets upset like that over cranberry sauce?”
“I’m glad I forgot to make some for Thanksgiving now. Don’t feel stupid. You need to get it all out in the open, little one.” Bradley held out a hand and led Chloe down to the table. They had only been gone for a few minutes, and everything was still warm. Bradley sat beside Chloe and cut up her food for her, then tucked into his own plate.
“The turkey looks amazing.” Chloe took a bite of it and found it was just as nice as it looked. Chloe hadn’t ever really liked turkey all that much, but Bradley had a knack for cooking it and making sure it was succulent and tasty. She wished they could eat it more often during the year. After a couple of mouthfuls, she wondered what it would taste like with the cranberry sauce. Reaching out a hand tentatively, she picked up the little glass bowl and spooned the red jelly onto her plate. Bradley looked at her in surprise.
“I wondered what it might taste like,” she explained.
“Haven’t you ever had it?” Bradley stared at her plate.
“Probably. Not that I remember, though.” Chloe got a forkful of turkey and dipped it in the cranberry sauce, causing Bradley to laugh. “What’s so funny?” she asked.
“You, treating that like ketchup.”
“How else am I supposed to get it on the turkey?” She felt confused; she didn’t really know what the big deal was.
“Most people would drizzle it over the top, but you can eat it any way you like, princess. Tasty?”
“Yeah. It goes together pretty well.” Chloe speared another piece of turkey onto her fork and dipped it in the sauce. She decided she actually liked it. She was glad that he’d let her roleplay slide while she got a handle on the cranberry sauce, but liked i
t even more when she got to spend the rest of the day being snuggled by her daddy while they watched princess movies.
CHAPTER FOUR
BABY’S FOURTH CHRISTMAS
When Bradley got out of bed, Chloe was sat at the breakfast table, stuffing handfuls of Frosties into her mouth. The vision before him was even more adorable because she was also feeding her cuddly bunny.
“Someone has broken into my kitchen, and is eating all my food, and they haven’t left anything for their daddy!” he said playfully. “Which little rascal did that?”
Chloe giggled, sounding like a little girl, then she shook her head.
“Wasn’t me!” she declared, stuffing another handful of Frosties into her mouth.
“The tickle lie detector is coming,” Bradley said, wriggling his fingers, “and anyone who isn’t being truthful is gonna get tickled!” He stepped toward her and she shrieked with laughter.
“Okay, okay! I got myself out of bed!” she admitted.
He tickled her under her arms a little then kissed the crown of her head.
“And is my little princess ready for her fourth Christmas?” he asked. She nodded and wriggled in her seat.
Bradley reached up to a box on top of the fridge and took down something he thought Chloe might enjoy. He held it out for her. She stared at it. It wasn’t the reaction he was hoping for.
“It’s a Christmas cracker,” he told her. “We both hold the ends and pull it, and there’s a prize in the middle for the person who gets the bigger half.”
“I know that; I don’t want it near me,” she said in her adult voice. Bradley frowned.
“What’s wrong with crackers?” he asked. She gave him a withering glare, then picked up the box of Frosties and left the room.
Baffled, Bradley went after her. It was clearly another of her traumas, but he hadn’t heard her mention crackers before; he couldn’t help her if he didn’t know what was wrong.
She sat on the floor in front of the TV, eating Frosties out of the box still, and staring at the blank screen. Bradley’s heart lurched. He sat down beside her and wondered whether he should hug her or let her come to him. She was pushing him away, but often she did that when she needed him the most.