As Kaajal walked back home, she felt acutely aware that she was being followed. She looked down at her Anokhi skirt and her full sleeve shirt. There was not a single inch of skin showing. Oh how she hated Delhi for this reason. Boys on bikes.
They passed by her and whistled.
She ignored them. She kept walking, her head held high.
Then she saw them take a U-turn and head back.
Her heart started pounding. She hadn’t carried her purse. She didn’t have a mobile either. She had simply walked out of the door with Vansh and a set of house keys.
The boys were coming back towards her.
Blood throbbed in her veins. Her head felt light. The sun was still out. They wouldn’t do anything. Would they?
She looked around. There was no one else around on this street.
The bike got closer. The boys were laughing. They had a plan.
Kaajal was scared. She knew she was defenceless. She had no pepper spray. She didn’t have a weapon. And there were two of them. Generally in such situations one goads the other. It was always about power with boys. They didn’t think about anything else at that time.
She didn’t know whether to scare them, as she had read once. Or should she just surrender so they would let her go? What did that article say? Why couldn’t you think of the correct thing when the time came. I had a lot of information but I was stupid enough not to protect myself before coming out of the house!
The boys came close and slowed down. Kaajal did what came naturally.
‘Kya hai?! Kya chahiye?’ Suddenly she found confidence. She was carrying a set of keys. She knew she could at least use that to gouge out their eyes if she got the chance. Boys always thought women would be weak. Women Intersection would never harm a man if it came down to it. Yes, they were taught to ram their knee into the penis or poke their fingers into the boy’s eyes for self-defence but they were taught to be ‘good girls’. And that moment of split-second doubt was what allowed men to overpower women.
She ground her teeth and made her face red with anger. She showed them she was ready. And boys don’t generally like a fight. If they know a woman is strong and they’ll have to put up a fight, most often they’ll let the woman go.
The boys drove off, laughing and talking about her.
Well, bitching about me is better than anything else, Kaajal thought as she ran back home and locked the door behind her. She had seen the faces of the boys. She would report them to the police so they wouldn’t harass anyone else.
She first called Tarini, ‘Hey. Let’s chuck the evening plans. What are you doing now? I need you to come with me to the police station. We need to put some goons away.’
INTERSECTION
27
‘Bhaiyaji! Bhaiyaji! Yeh kya hai?’
‘Madam, this is an enchilada.’
‘Inch ki ma ki?’ Simran asked as she looked at the dish in front of her.
Naina turned to her and said, ‘Simi, we’ve come to a Spanish restaurant. This is Spanish food.’
‘Rabba! Tum log bhi na. Kahan kahan se jagah dhoondh lete ho. Simple butter chicken nahin kha sakte kahin pe bhi? Bhaiyaji please take this back. What is this green thing? Yeh toh bilkul disgusting lag rahi hai mujhe.’
The waiter stood with his hands folded. ‘Sorry Ma’am, we can’t take it back unless you tell us what the problem is.’
‘The problem is ki mujhe nahin khana yeh vahyaat cheez!’ Simran’s voice became louder while Naina tried to solve the situation. ‘How about you try my paella?’
Simran and Naina exchanged dishes as usual and Simran still didn’t like it. ‘Yeh bohat bland hai.’
Naina told the waiter, ‘Can I have a dish of this chicken? Yes, please can you get that fast? This will go well with the paella. And please can I have two long island ice teas? Simran and I need them!’
Simran smiled at her friend, ‘Tu kitni badmaash hai. Drinking in the middle of the afternoon!’
‘I can’t believe she is having an affair!’ another friend piped in louder making Naina’s head turn towards the other end of the table.
Naina was at her monthly kitty party. It was a social group she had made when she put Shonali in school. Shonali, her firstborn, was just two years old then. She left her in play school the first day and stood outside the school the entire time. She howled as Shonali went into class. And soon enough she saw many mothers through the course of the week who howled alongside her. They became friends and started meeting once a week for a cup of coffee after dropping the kids. It eased their pain. They would discuss children and husbands and recipes. None of them were working then.
Soon they started having lunches, scouting new places to eat every Monday afternoon. From Hauz Khas restaurants to the latest theme cuisine at Khan market, Naina loved roaming with them. After she won Masterchef, she invited her group of eight girls home and cooked a lavish meal for them. But after that she got so busy that she had to stop going for weekly luncheon encounters and stick to meeting them once a month. You could either be social or be sensational. You couldn’t achieve success with both! So she decided to give it up. She took the occasional cooking class but the rest of the time she wanted to be a housewife. And she loved it.
Naina was meeting her gang after a long time. They had stuck together for eight long years. From raising children, to criticizing husbands, diets to disorders, miscarriages to mother-in-laws, renovating houses to plastic surgery, they did everything together and talked about everything. Everything except how bad their marriages actually were. Or how lonely they were, if at all. Those were things you didn’t discuss at happy lunches.
Once one of them had confided that her husband was having an affair and Naina had counseled her to go to a marriage therapist. There was no further conversation after that. That woman stopped coming to the group and shifted to a house far away. Naina wondered why women needed to be tough all the time. Why they needed to show this great pretence to each other that they were super women. Would vulnerability be such a bad thing? Would it come back to bite them?
‘Anjali, is that a new Louis Vuitton bag?’ one woman asked.
Anjali nodded. ‘I was getting tired of the old one. It was too big. I wanted something for just a few things, you know. I got it this time when we took our annual vacation to New York.’
They were all sitting in a new place started by Ritu Dalmia, Cordon Bleu Chef. It had lovely décor and the food was exceptional. Except for Simran, who didn’t like anything to eat anywhere, all the girls were enjoying themselves.
‘I’m watching my weight. I’ll have the grilled chicken please. No wine,’ Anjali told the waiter. But all the girls protested, ‘Oh please yaar. One glass of red wine is good for the heart. It has less calories than your bread in the morning.’
‘Yes but I need my bread. I don’t need wine,’ Anjali spat back.
‘Actually you don’t need any grains,’ Nandita remarked. ‘Our bodies are meant to eat everything raw.’ Nandita was a staunch believer in wholesome food. ‘I ferment everything. Vegetables, bread. It’s so healthy.’
‘I love fermented grapes!’ Naina said as she sipped on her wine, inciting giggles all around. ‘I’m not eating. At all. I’m on a diet. Only salads and soups!’
‘Grilled chicken is healthy yaar! Come on. It’s not as if you’re going to be an actress and all,’ Anjali chided Naina.
‘Arrey but she was on TV no?’
‘She looked lovely the way she was. Our own Indian Nigella Lawson,’ Anjali said as she winked at Naina.
‘Well she’s not on TV now. She can easily eat. As it is she doesn’t meet us no? So when she does, she should just enjoy herself.’
Naina smiled as she looked at all of them. This was her own group. Chatting and making sure the other person ate as much as the next woman so the guilt wouldn’t come down heavily at night. ‘You all have such bad relationships with food. We must treat it with respect.’
‘You want me to pray to it now? Is that al
so going in your new book?’ Anisha piped in as they all laughed.
‘No it’s just that when we know we’ll have enough tomorrow, we will stop overeating today.’
‘Arrey bhaiya kya bol rahi hai!’ Simran remarked with a wave of her hand and a slight nasal twang. ‘If I die tomorrow I shouldn’t feel I didn’t eat what I wanted. I want to be happy today. Not starving!’
‘If you die tomorrow, how will you know if you didn’t eat something? You’ll be dead na?’ Naina asked with a smile as wide as a Cheshire cat’s.
‘Hai Rabba! What you talk! Such nonsense, Naina. Like you want me to die. Chal katti,’ Simran said and didn’t mean a single word as a platter of deep-fried mozzarella sticks was passed around and they all took a helping, ignoring their diet and conversation completely.
Naina came back to the gossip, ‘So who was having an affair?’
Anjali said, ‘Apparently there is a girl called Kaajal, Kara, Karia, something like that. She works at this law firm. I don’t remember the name. She was caught sleeping with her boss and the partners have threatened to fire her. How come all women are blamed for such things? Wasn’t it the man’s fault as well? Why aren’t the men getting fired?’
‘So true. So unfair no?’ Naina said, shocked at such behaviour. In London there would be one policy and it would apply to both genders. Her mind raced back to when she was working as a chef and a manager had hit on her. She had immediately threatened to go to HR or sue the hotel. She was loyal to Kaushik. The manager had backed off and had been made to quit by the hotel. Even though she was much lower in the ranks, the organization had taken her word against his.
‘Hey Naina, tera pati bhi wahin pe kaam karta hain na?’ Simran asked and made her return from her reverie.
Anisha laughed at Simran. ‘There are so many law firms in this world, Simran! As if her husband will be in the same one.’
Simran instantly corrected herself. ‘Yes. But wouldn’t it be better if we got more gossip? Naina, ask your husband if this K woman is in his law firm. Give us some gossip on her.’
‘Arrey but who is she? Why are we so concerned about her?’ Naina asked, getting slightly perturbed that Kaushik could be working in a firm where such immoral activities were taking place.
‘She’s my sister-in-law,’ said Ishita suddenly. She called the waiter for another glass of water. ‘My brother is married to Kaajal’s sister.’
Naina was befuddled at the venom. ‘But why are you gossiping about your sister-in-law?!’
‘Because I just don’t like her. She has never gotten along with me. She makes fun of my accent and is jealous of everything I have. The new Michael course bag I got?’
‘Kors, yes,’ Anjali corrected her and asked her to continue. They always looked out for each other and a little correction about pronunciation never mattered. If it was coming from Kaajal it would be an insult; Kaajal looked down at her and laughed at her whenever she made a mistake.
‘Well, she said mine was a fake. From Bangkok! The little bitch. I can afford to buy original stuff.’
‘But I thought you liked your sister-in-law?’ Naina asked as she cleaned her hands in her finger bowl. They were all done with their meal.
‘I like my other sister-in-law. My brother’s wife, Kavita. She is so sweet to me. She gives me a free checkup anytime I want and she gives me important information, like which pill to take to delay my period if I’m going on a vacation to Monte Carlo. Kaajal is her sister. She is good for nothing. So old and still living with all of them.’
‘Girls, chalein? The kids will be waiting for us,’ Simran said as she looked at her watch.
‘Oh is that a new Dior watch?’ Anjali noticed.
‘No. No. Very old. You’ve not seen it? I only wear this.’
‘No you were wearing your Omega the last time we met?’ Anjali asked.
The chatter continued as they all dispersed from the restaurant and got into different cars.
‘Chal,’ Naina said as she air kissed all the girls on both cheeks, never touching her lips to their faces, ‘I’m headed home. I’ll catch you guys soon. My kids come home in a bus.’
‘Bye Naina. Now don’t be a stranger huh? Next Monday we’re going to Shamrock. It’s a new Irish pub. Maybe we’ll see some Irish men!’ Simran giggled.
‘Ab tum Irish khana khaogi?’ Naina was surprised.
‘Oh ho. Next time you only order for me. We’ll have fun. Come, come.’
Ishita said, ‘I’ll be back in Jaipur but I’ll see you next month, Naina. You know I can come only month mein ek baar. Because I do all my legal work here with my lawyer.’
Naina suddenly put two and two together, ‘Which law firm is it?’
‘Mukherjee,’ Ishita said. ‘That’s how I know Kaajal got thrown out. Her boss is in trouble now. Okay bye. Love you.’
As Naina got into her car, she dialed Kaushik’s number and he disconnected. She was dying to know who Kaajal worked for. Kaushik would tell her all the details in the evening. She couldn’t wait to find out all the gossip. And then tell her friends next Monday. Maybe meeting her friends was a good idea after all; it had kept her mood light and engaged her time. Friends really made her world go round.
28
Kavita was finally in a wholesome relationship. She met Sara at her hotel and spent two days with her. Now she knew what true love was. It was a feeling of being complete, of wanting to spend time with someone, of knowing and respecting each other’s silences, of having the same hopes and dreams, of sharing ideas and encouraging each other. And it had nothing to do with age, or gender. The thought blew her mind.
‘So where do you want to take me?’ Sara asked as Kavita got into her car.
‘I’ll take you to a place that means a lot to me,’ Kavita said as she started driving. She had decided to take Sara to a lovely place she would ordinarily not visit. She figured if Sara understood this part of her life, maybe she could start believing in the possibility of being with this woman.
Kavita drove Sara to the Lotus Temple in Delhi. It was a beautiful place that was peaceful and sacred for those who believed in it.
‘This is beautiful,’ Sara said as they walked up the lawns. Kavita was glad.
As they sat inside in silence, with their eyes closed, Kavita felt a deep sense of peace. The fact that she could share the one thing that was closest to her with another person for the first time in her life meant that she was connected to that person in many different ways. The universe was trying to tell her that she needed to believe in herself. But she felt she still needed to let Sara know a few more things.
In bed that night, Sara asked, ‘Are you committed to me, Kavi?’
Kavita brushed a stray hair from Sara’s face. ‘Yes. I don’t want anything more with anyone else. But I need to go back to my marriage. I’m a mother and a wife. I move in an elite, traditional society. My reputation can get ruined if this comes out.’
Sara let out a sigh. ‘Where do I stand then? Am I just a fling? I need you to be honest with me.’ She paused. ‘I need you to tell me because I’ve fallen for you. I want you in my life, Kavita. To me you are not a fling.’
Kavita understood but right now she couldn’t give more. Her world was tumbling around her. She needed to find a strong footing again. She was questioning her identity.
Sara asked gently, ‘Will you ever leave your husband, Kavita?’
Kavita replied in a grave tone, ‘I cannot leave my husband or child, Sara. My life is in Delhi with them. I’m saying this again, I am reputed in my field and my society knows us too well. My mother would be horrified if I was to tell her I’m leaving with a woman. She’s very traditional in her ways. She supported me with all my decisions and I can’t go against her. She raised me by working two jobs. Knowing her daughter is a bisexual would kill her. So please don’t expect more than what we have right now.’
Sara was crestfallen. How could she tell Kavita that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with her? It had only been
a few days and Kavita was just beginning to understand this. For Sara there was nothing more to understand. She had already experienced love with a woman. She was sure of herself. She knew what she wanted. How could she tell her that she knew love? She knew what it did to you. How it could change you and mislead you. How could she tell her that she had never felt this way about anyone and could see them together for a long time? Kavita herself refused to accept the thoughts about the future. They had only had three days together but they had had the most wonderful time.
Who wouldn’t fall for Sara? She was beautiful beyond words, had a charming smile and lovely eyes that drew you in. She was intelligent, warm and funny. Any man would fall for her. Kavita asked, ‘Have you ever slept with a man?’
‘Yes. I’ve had two men in my life. A very close school friend who I’ve lost touch with now and who asked me to marry him. And one more. A random one night stand just to make sure that I wasn’t heterosexual.’
Kavita almost choked on her juice. ‘You almost got married? You slept with men? But aren’t you a lesbian? How do you not know?’
‘Well my parents didn’t accept that I was a lesbian so I desperately tried to please them. I ended up dating a man for some time. I slept with him but hated it and felt really violated, you know. And I broke up. I didn’t want to do it anymore. Then a whole bunch of girls went on a Bangkok trip and it became awkward. They didn’t know how to be around a lesbian when I told them I was one. So just to make things better, I went and slept with a guy after a really drunken night to show that I was joking. Two times in my life I’ve lied to someone, Kavita. My parents and my friends. To make them happy. It left me bruised and shaken because I couldn’t stand up to who I was. I vowed never to do it again. I don’t want to live like that. I want to be true to myself. Maybe society will judge me and hate me. But at least I won’t hate myself.’
Kavita thought about it. That same society would never accept the fact that she was bisexual. No one even understood it correctly. It wasn’t as if she would be with both men and women at the same time. It simply meant that when she was with one person, male or female, she would be loyal to that person. It was like any other relationship. Except that she was attracted to both genders. So when she was with Gaurav, she enjoyed sex with him. And when she was with Sara, the lovemaking was pleasurable too. Both were different and unique. And she didn’t want the term ‘bisexual’ attached to her identity. In this conservative society she would lose everything. She’d rather say that she was ‘flexible.’
Forbidden Desires Page 14