It’s Fran who speaks; Chantelle has left me surprised by her words. “It was a great game and our young keeper played exceptionally well in the second half after Logan gave him lots of advice.”
“I’m sure he did. He’s very good at what he does.”
“What the hell does that mean?” I snap.
“Just that he’s a good keeper.” Her eyes run up and down my body before stopping at my stomach. She sniggers. Fuck. If she knows I’m pregnant it’s bound to be common knowledge soon enough. I wrap my hands protectively over my stomach. “Ah, yes. Congratulations on the baby. Let’s hope your pregnancy doesn’t end up like Nikki’s.”
I’m too stunned to speak but I watch on as Jess reacts to her words. It all happens in slow motion. Jess slaps her hard across her face, leaving a red hand print on her cheek. The brunette beside her gasps. I want to laugh because, as far as I’m concerned, she’s had that coming for months.
People around the room stop their conversations and stare in our direction. The lounge door opens and players start coming in, but the room is deadly silent as Chantelle rubs her face. Fletcher and Logan walk toward us; both have concern etched on their faces. She hasn’t seen them yet.
“What the hell was that for?” she yells.
“Are you serious? Un-fucking-unbelievable. You have the cheek to ask.” Fletcher and Logan almost race towards us. “How dare you speak to Lee like that? You have some nerve. That’s been a long time coming your way. Your words are unforgiveable.”
Logan is beside me, wrapping his arm protectively around me, almost shielding my body from her. Fletcher, on the other hand looks on in amusement as Jess lets rip.
“W . . . what?” Chantelle stutters. “I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“Why don’t you just sling your hook and get to f . . .”
“Enough.” It’s Peter’s voice that booms across the room. “You.” He stops in front of Chantelle. “I’m sure you’ve already been told you’re not welcome here.”
“But I came with . . .”
“I don’t care who gave you passes. You aren’t welcome here. All you do is stir up trouble amongst my players. Now, if I were you, I’d run along.” His voice is forceful and commands attention and respect. Fran discreetly smiles when I allow myself to look in her direction.
Chantelle turns on her heel, walking away. Her friend scurries behind her, security following them to make sure they leave.
“Lee, are you okay?” Logan asks.
“Yes. Her words can’t hurt me.” Logan holds onto me tightly as Jess gives him a full run down of the one-sided conversation, resulting in my best friend slapping that bitch. I feel Logan’s body tense.
“I think we’ve had enough drama for one day,” says Fletcher. “I thought the four of us were going out for something to eat? We have a lot to celebrate.”
“Yes, we are,” I say, even though all I want to do is go home.
“Are you sure you’re okay? You look a little pale,” Fran asks as I say goodbye to her.
“I’m tired.”
“Lee . . . maybe you should get Logan to take you to the hospital after earlier. A check-up won’t hurt.”
“Honestly, I’m just tired.”
“Well, if you still look as white as a sheet tomorrow then you need to go. Okay?”
“Yes.”
We say our goodbyes before leaving. I’m hoping wherever we go tonight, there’s no drama, because I can do without it.
Logan
“LOGAN, PLEASE WAKE up.”
I switch on the light and look at the time. Two thirty a.m.
“Logan!”
My eyes widen at her pleading voice and instantly I know there’s something wrong. Her eyes are filled with tears and she looks paler than she did last night.
“Lee, what’s wrong?” I sit up and take her in; she looks in pain.
“I don’t know,” she cries, squeezing her eyes shut tight. “My back and stomach . . . it hurts.” I can hear the panic in her voice and my thoughts go straight to our baby.
There’s a dull ache in my chest; everything feels heavy. I take a few deep breaths because I know I have to be the strong one. She’s upset, sobbing. Her body is trembling next to me and I feel helpless. She’s clutching at her side more than her stomach and I try to take that as a positive. “Lee, can I look at your back?”
She rolls over on her side and I lift the football shirt, the one she loves wearing, to find bruising all around her back, the side, and some on her stomach. The fall. I should’ve insisted on taking her to hospital. But no, we sat through the whole game and then went out last night. “Lee, babe. I think we should go to the hospital.”
She nods. I jump from the bed and quickly throw on a pair of jeans, a T-shirt, and my trainers.
“Logan, there’s leggings in the big bag by the door.” I grab them and help her from the bed; she’s unsteady on her feet. “My head feels fuzzy.”
“It’s okay, babe. I’m here.” I try to sound confident but I can hear my own upset. I don’t want her to worry, although I think it’s too late for that. I help get her dressed. She tries to fight me.
“I can dress myself.”
But she’s too weak. As I fasten her bra, I can’t believe I didn’t notice all this bruising when we came home. We were both too exhausted and she was already in bed when I came out of the bathroom.
“I need to pee before we go anywhere.”
I help her into the bathroom, but she insists I leave her so I stand right outside the door, anxiously waiting. Fear grips me. So many thoughts fly through my mind, past and present. I need to control my emotions.
“Logan!” I push through the bathroom door, hearing her pained scream of my name. “I’m bleeding.” She stares at me.
“Lee.” I take her in my arms, holding her tightly as her body shudders against me. “Everything is going to be okay. I’m here with you.”
I shove myself up from the chair, nerves getting the better of me. My legs feel weak and useless as I pace the floor of this room I’ve been waiting in since we arrived. She shouldn’t be alone, I should be with her. I need to be with her.
I called Jess as soon as the doctors took Lee from me. I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t pick up Lee’s phone and I’ve no contact details for her parents. Jess told me to leave it to her.
I’m terrified for us both. Why won’t someone come and tell me she’s okay? Because that’s what I need to know; that she and our baby will be fine.
“Logan!” It’s not the voice I want to hear, but when I lift my head and see Jess standing before me with Fletcher behind her, I lose it. Everything hurts. My legs, my chest, even my eyes as my tears fall slowly down my face. I can’t speak. Jess looks as upset as me. She steps toward me, wrapping her arms around my waist. I take her in my arms as we both cry. As I hold her, I look at Fletch and I’m sure this is the only time he’d let me have my arms around his woman. He watches on with sadness.
“Jess, come and sit down,” I say. She does, and I sit beside her.
She takes my hand in hers. “I’ve called Lee’s parents. They’re on their way.” I nod, grateful that they will be here soon. “How is she?”
“I don’t know yet. No one has been to see me.”
“Is it from the fall?”
“I think so. There’s bruising on her back, side, and some on her stomach.”
“Oh.” I see the sheer devastation on Jess’s face. I’m trying to hide my own fears. The fear that has been building since Lee woke me up; that this is all my fault. “Are you okay?”
I lean back and think about her question. Am I okay? My body starts to shake, the room spins, and everything around me darkens.
“Logan . . . Logan.” It’s Fletcher calling my name. I know he’s only a few feet away but I can’t see straight. My stomach churns and my throat breaks as I try to speak but nothing comes out. I’m struggling to process the feelings rushing through my body. The reality that all might not be ok
ay with Lee and our baby.
“I . . . I need to go. If I’m not here, they’ll be okay.” The words leave me quickly and I stand. Jess tries to keep hold of my hand, but I push it away.
“Logan!”
“Jess, he needs a minute.”
I walk away, hearing Fletcher’s voice through the doorway, and stop dead in my tracks. I don’t want to leave but, when I’m around, nothing good happens to those I care about. Walking down the corridor, I pause, hearing shoes squeak on the floor. I lift my head and I know it’s Lee’s parents with a nurse. Lee is her mother’s double. Shit. What the hell do I say to them? They will blame me.
They stop in front of me. “Logan, how are you, son?” her father asks, looking at me with concern. Lee’s mum looks as though she’s been crying and I hate the thought that all of this could’ve been prevented if only I wasn’t in Lee’s life.
I shrug my shoulders, unsure of what to say to either of them.
“I need some fresh air,” I tell them, before walking away.
I need more than fresh air. I walk out of the main entrance and look around. It’s cold and dark and I can’t remember where I parked my bloody car. I slump to the ground and close my eyes. Lee looked so heartbroken at the house. I don’t get it. One minute everything is fine and the next it’s not. Why is life so fucking cruel?
I should’ve insisted that she come here after the fall to get checked over. Maybe if I had, everything would be fine now, and she would still be in my arms in my bed where she belongs.
I want to run, but something is stopping me. Maybe I’ll scream or punch someone; I want to lash out. I need to do something to ease this fucking ache in my chest and churning in my stomach. I’m going crazy.
“Logan!”
The voice of my friend echoes loudly. I open my eyes and lift my head to find him standing over me. “Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”
How can I tell him when it all seems so fucking jumbled up? It’s all going around and around, making me dizzy.
“I can’t, because if I say the words out loud then this all becomes real. And I can’t live through the pain again. I can’t live with knowing it’s my fault. Not again.”
“Hold on. Stop right there. This is not the same.”
“You don’t know that.” I pull myself to my feet until I’m standing beside him. “But I know it. This is my fault. It’s happening all over again.”
I turn my back to him, taking several steps away from him.
“Don’t you dare walk away! She needs you, regardless of what happens.”
“I can’t stay knowing all I do is cause others pain. Something bad happens to everyone I care about.”
“Get a fucking grip, Logan. You know what? Look at me; I’m still here. Still in your life. Yes, I’ve had some tough times, really fucking tough times. I didn’t know my dad because he was murdered before I was born. I was stuck with an alcoholic as a mum, who never gave a shit about me and eventually took her own life. All of which I’ve blamed myself for at times. But you, you’ve always been the one to help me through. You haven’t caused them. So, right now, stop blaming yourself and get back inside because you are going to be the one she asks for. It’s your hand she’ll want to hold, good or bad news. It’s your arms she’ll want to hold her tight.”
“I can’t.”
“You can and you will because you love Lee and, when you love someone so much it hurts, you’ll do anything for them. Anything to take their pain away.”
With a deep breath, I nod, because I know he’s right.
Lee
I HATE THESE bloody rooms; they all look the same. Someone should tell them they have to decorate, make them less depressing. It’s bad enough feeling like shit without having to stare at the clinical white walls with a smallish window and dated curtains framing it. I swear my wee granny, God rest her soul, had a pair like that in her living room. Flowery with a shitty colour.
There’s nothing here to focus on. At least when I go to the dentist and lie back in the chair, I have a nice beach picture to stare at. I know this is a hospital, but something nice to look at would help.
“I want Logan here with me,” I say to the nurse who has been tending to me since I arrived. She smiles, nodding, and exits the room, leaving me alone with doctor. I need Logan with me when they give me the results and tell me what I’m not prepared to hear. So many tests in such a short time. My body aches and all I want to do is sleep.
They’ve given me some medication for the pain and it seems to be helping because it’s easing off from the sharpness of earlier to the dull ache I feel now. The doctor hasn’t said much to me. He examined me while the nurse took blood and checked my blood pressure, which I’ve been told is high. The nurse gasped when she saw my bruising, which isn’t even that bad. I’ve seen worse on Jess.
Everything seems clearer now, as opposed to at Logan’s when everything was hazy, and now I’m scared to see him. He didn’t hesitate when I woke him up, but now I know he’s had to sit on his own and dwell on things. I know he’s going to blame himself because it’s what he does, but if I’m going to lose our baby, this isn’t his fault. It’s more mine for not watching what was going on around me.
If I had been careful, I would’ve seen the lad running and moved out of his way in time to avoid the collision. Then maybe I would be home in Logan’s arms without a care in the world.
I won’t let Logan shoulder the blame when it’s all my fault for being so careless.
The door opens and there stands Logan, looking as shattered as I feel. He’s carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders and I disintegrate as I see the pain in his eyes. The floodgates open and the dam bursts.
He moves quickly and is by my side in an instant, sitting on the edge of the bed, taking my hand in his. “Hey, what are these for?” He wipes away my tears with his other hand.
I shrug. “I don’t know.”
But I do know. My tears are a continuation of the building pressure I’ve felt since I found out I was pregnant. My tears are for everything I stand to lose; our baby and Logan.
“Lee, come on. Everything is going to be fine. I’m here with you no matter what.”
I sniffle and look at him. There’s sadness in his eyes but also something else. His deep love for me? I do believe him when he says that no matter what he’ll be here with me. Supporting and comforting, but most of all, loving me.
Logan leans forward and places a kiss on my lips. “I love you.”
The nurse comes back into the room with what looks like a portable scanner and my mind fills with dread. The doctor starts to speak but I don’t hear his words. All I see and hear is Logan’s deep breathing as I stare at him.
“Lee, come on. You need to let the doctor check.” His voice is soft and reassuring. He lifts the gown I’m wearing and moves from the bed to the chair beside it and takes my hand again. Our hands shake together.
“I’m sorry. This will be a little cold,” the doctor says. He offers us a smile, but it’s weak. I can tell he’s already expecting the worst. I look at Logan and he’s staring at me, neither of us looking at the screen to the side. My eyes close when the cold jelly hits my stomach. Logan’s grip on me tightens and he rubs his thumb in that soothing way he does so well, but it’s not helping. When I feel the jelly being smeared across my stomach, my whole body trembles as I wait for the doctor to utter the words I’m not ready to hear.
“Miss MacKay, please. I need you to open your eyes.” It’s the voice of the nurse. “Lee, please open your eyes.”
Slowly, I open my eyes and see Logan’s are filled with unshed tears. I can’t do this.
“Lee, look.” Logan urges me to look at the screen with a small smile.
I turn my head and watch on as the doctor adjusts the volume and, not only do I see it, but I hear our baby’s heartbeat. My body sags in the bed and my tears fall silently down my face as the doctor explains that our baby is healthy and that everythi
ng looks as it should. Emotions overtake me. Happiness fills my heart instead of grief.
Logan asks about my bleeding and the doctor explains that a lot of women bleed on and off through their pregnancies. Sometimes it can be a warning, and sometimes it’s nothing to be concerned about.
He goes on to say that, because of my accident, I should have bed rest for the next few days and I listen on as Logan tells him that he will ensure I do nothing.
“When will I be able to go home?” I ask.
“In a few hours. I want to see if your blood pressure comes back down and ensure I get you the right medication for the pain and discomfort you were feeling when you first came in. You are a lucky lady,” the doctor tells me before he and the nurse leave the room, leaving me alone with Logan.
“I’m so sorry.” I say the words in a rush. He wraps his arms around me, sitting back on the bed beside me.
“You have nothing to apologise for. But you do realise I want to wrap you up in cotton wool and keep you safe now until March?”
I laugh through my tears because I don’t doubt his words, but he’ll have a job keeping me still long enough to do it. “If you’re feeling up to it, your parents, and Jess and Fletcher, are here. I’m sure they need to see you.”
“Oh!”
“I couldn’t not phone anyone, especially your parents. I just wish I was better prepared for meeting them for the first time.”
“They’ll love you, but can I have a few moments with just you?”
“Of course.” He inches closer to me, holding me close, making me feel safe, and places the softest of kisses on my forehead.
We don’t get to stay this close for as long as I’d like. The door bursts open and in walk my parents, with Jess and Fletcher behind them. My mum looks torn in two as her eyes dance between me and Logan, but whatever is on her mind, she chooses not to speak up.
“Sweetheart, I’ve been so worried about you,” she says, kissing my cheek. Logan tries to move, but I hold onto him tighter. I need him beside me. “Stay where you are, Logan,” Mum says with a warm smile.
“I’m fine, Mum. We’re all fine.”
Saving the Game Page 13