by Taryn Plendl
I know I’m not completely forthcoming. My dad is still very much alive—rotting in prison right where he should be—but he is dead to me, and if I had my way, he would stay there forever without parole.
“I’m feeling much better now, Garrett. You don’t have to stay,” I snapped, slightly more snarky than intended.
“Shit, Payton, I’m sorry. Don’t pull away from me now. We don’t have to talk about it, okay?” He pleaded with me. He furrowed his eyebrows like he was in pain.
“I don’t know if I can do this, Garrett.” I put my head in my hands. I couldn’t look at him. If I did, I would buckle.
“Payton, look at me.” Garrett wasn’t sitting across from me anymore, he was now right in front of me. I shook my head. I couldn’t look at him. I didn’t want to feel vulnerable.
“Please, Payton.” I allowed myself to look up at him. “We need to stop pushing each other away. If we are going to make a go of this, we have to talk.” He pulled me up and into his arms.
“A go of what Garrett? As of last week you were completely ignoring me!” I pushed him back, struggling to free myself from his arms. I felt like we were playing a game here, and I didn’t know the rules.
“Damn it, Payton! I’m trying to figure this out, too. I don’t know what is going on with us. All I know is that I like being around you, and as much as I love that feeling, it scares the hell out of me.”
“Garrett, you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into. I’m a freaking mess!” I could feel myself starting to shake. Too many of my emotions were coming to the surface. I hadn’t thought about or allowed myself to feel anything like this for years, and it scared the ever loving shit out of me.
“Payton, I bet the skeletons in my closet could kick the shit out of the skeletons in yours.” I looked up at him and started laughing. He smiled and kissed me on the head. I seriously doubted it.
“It’s been a long day, and you still need to rest.” Before I could protest, he pulled me down the hallway to my room. He pulled back my covers, and I climbed in.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” He ran his finger down the side of my cheek, and it gave me chills. I watched him turn and leave. I held my breath until I heard the door close.
What was I doing?
***
I woke up on Sunday morning feeling so much better. I had a very restless sleep worrying about what Garrett and me were getting into. He had no idea what an emotional mess I was. I had so much mental and physical baggage, I wasn’t sure if I would even be capable of having a normal relationship—not after all the crazy shit I’d been through.
I hopped into the shower, enjoying how wonderful the hot water felt on my skin—washing away the sick that I felt the last two days. I wrapped myself in my robe and ran my fingers through my towel-dried hair. Coffee. I needed a cup of coffee before I got any further.
I had just taken my first sip when the doorbell rang. I opened it to a smiling Garrett. “Good morning, Payton.”
“Come in.” I smiled as he walked in the door. I couldn’t help but admire him. He was gorgeous standing there in my living room. His hair was short, but still slightly messy, and his eyes were just amazing—brown and warm—rich like chocolate and caramel. I was drawn to his lips that were in a slightly crooked smile, and I wondered what it would be like to kiss them. All of that was exquisite, but his body took the cake. I could see his strong biceps under the sleeves of his Henley shirt. His waist was firm and defined, and his jeans sat low on his hips. I could seriously look at him all day.
“Payton?” I snapped my head up at the sound of my name.
“I asked how you were feeling.” His smile was huge, and I knew I’d been caught ogling.
“Oh, sorry. I am feeling so much better.” Not only was I gawking at him, I realized that I was standing in front of him in my bathrobe. “Give me a minute, I’m going to go change.” I turned down the hallway. “I just made coffee, help yourself,” I hollered over my shoulder.
I grabbed my panties and bra and started to dress. I pulled out my favorite jeans and shimmied them up as I stood there staring in my packed closet trying to figure out what top to wear, finally deciding on a blue v-neck sweater. I pulled on some boots and walked out the bedroom door. I slipped around the corner to the kitchen and found Garrett sitting at the table. He glanced up and smiled when he saw me.
“You look nice.” He was staring at me.
“Thanks.” My cheeks heated a bit from his compliment.
“Do you feel like getting out of the apartment today?” he asked while his eyes followed me around the kitchen.
“What did you have in mind?” I refreshed my coffee cup and sat across from him.
“Something low key, I don’t want you relapsing now that you’re feeling better. How about lunch and a movie?”
“That sounds good to me. Do you mind waiting while I blow-dry my hair?” I asked.
“Nope, take your time.” He sat back and sipped his coffee.
I walked to the bathroom, feeling slightly giddy with anticipation of spending the entire day with him. It was silly, but this was actually my first date, if you would call it that. I had been so focused in high school, trying to get good grades so I could get into college that I missed out on most of the typical teen years. It was pretty pathetic.
Twenty minutes later my hair was dry and pulled back into a loose ponytail. I put on some light makeup and brushed my teeth. When I walked out Garrett was standing by the window. He looked deep in thought.
“Ready?” I asked and smiled as he jumped. He obviously hadn’t heard me approach. “Sorry.” I giggled.
He walked right up, stopping in front of me and standing so close that I could feel the heat from his body. I looked up at him and smiled as he tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ears. His touch was almost electrifying to me, sending chills through my body. Part of me wanted to just lean up and kiss him on those soft lips, and the other part wanted to run away. I did neither. I just stood there instead.
“Let’s go.” He took my hand and led me to the door.
Chapter 10
Lunch was great. I took Payton to a small diner across town away from the college. It was one of my favorite places, and it was so nice to relax without anyone we knew around—just the two of us. I was so curious about her background, but after seeing how much she pulled away with the mention of her family the other day, I didn’t even want to risk it. She didn’t ask about my family either, and even though I wasn’t purposefully avoiding questions, I was glad that she didn’t.
I still hadn’t figured out what to do about the situation with Jackson. I knew there was a chance it would come out, and when it did, I was pretty sure Payton wouldn’t want anything to do with me, so my own selfish motivation kept me quiet.
“What movie do you want to see?” We stood underneath the box office looking at the show times.
“Well, the only one that is starting soon is the House at the End of the Street,” she said as she scrunched her nose.
“Don’t you like horror flicks?” I laughed at her expression.
“I’m a big chicken. I tend to plug my ears or close my eyes.” She laughed back.
“Come on, I’ll protect you.” I grabbed her hand and bought our tickets, liking the idea that I would have an excuse to keep her close now. We stopped and got some drinks and found our seats. As soon as the lights went down, I set my hand on the arm rest with my palm up. Without a second guess, she placed her hand on mine, entwining our fingers. The innocent move sent shivers through me. Just having her touch me, sit close to me—it was more than enough for me, and that in itself was shocking. It’s not like I was a sex-crazed fool, but I certainly enjoyed sexual intimacy. I couldn’t remember ever taking something with a woman as slow as I was with Payton, but for some reason, I just wanted to cherish her.
It was crazy. It wasn’t like I hadn’t been with other girls. I had more girlfriends and hook ups than I’d care to admit. I had never pursued
a girl as hard as I was doing with Payton. Part of her was so strong and stubborn, and then I would see a side of her that seemed so fragile, that I wanted nothing more than to wrap her in my arms and hold her and protect her.
Her hands were so small compared to mine, and her skin was soft. I slowly rubbed my thumb over the top of hers. I was pretty sure that I didn’t even see half of the movie—I was so busy basking in the feeling of just touching her. Man, I was completely whipped!
“You’re missing the movie,” she whispered without even looking at me. I laughed at the small smirk on her face.
I did my best to watch the movie, but it was hard. Every time something scary would happen, Payton would jump and squeeze my hand. It was killing me to not touch her any more than I already was.
“So, what did you think?” she asked as we left the movie theatre and walked into the parking lot.
“I liked it.” Not the movie, just being with you.
She smiled at me. “Yeah, me too.” I could see that she wasn’t really talking about the movie either, and it warmed my heart.
“Hey, man!” I looked one aisle over and saw Ryan, Ethan, and Lucas walking toward us.
“Hey,” I said as they approached. Payton let go of my hand when Ryan looked at us and started laughing.
“Holy shit, man, are you on a date?” I flexed my fists at my sides. Ryan could be a real ass sometimes. “This is a first. I’m not sure you’ve ever had to ‘wine and dine’ anyone first.” He shook his head as I lunged at him, knocking him to the ground. I think I was just about as shocked as he was.
“Shit!” Lucas pulled me off as Ethan grabbed Ryan.
“What the fuck, Garrett?” Ryan yelled as he stood up, brushing himself off.
“Don’t …” I shrugged Lucas off and walked closer to Ryan. “Don’t say another word, Ryan. It’s not like that,” I growled with my teeth clenched. We stood there looking at each other for about a minute before I turned and grabbed Payton’s hand and walked to the car. She pulled her hand free and looked at me, shocked.
“Take me home please.” She climbed into the car and shut the door without another word. I tried to grab her hand, but she pulled away. My heart dropped knowing I fucked up. I don’t know why I went after Ryan. He was one of my best friends, but the second he started to belittle what I had with Payton, I couldn’t hold back.
We rode back to Payton’s apartment in silence. By the time I pulled up and parked, she had already hopped out and walked quickly to the door.
“Payton, wait!” I scrambled out of the car, trying to catch her. She had the key in the door by the time I reached her. “Go away, Garrett.”
“Please, Payton, I’m sorry,” I pleaded.
“I guess you are awfully determined when you are set on a conquest, huh?” she snapped at me as she turned the lock. “I could’ve saved you some time and money, Garrett. I’m not sleeping with you.”
She glared at me before opening the door and walking in. I followed before she could shut the door on me. She sighed as her shoulders slumped in defeat. “Please, Garrett, just go.”
“Payton.” I placed my hands gently on her shoulders. “It’s not like that with you. It never was. Honestly, that’s not why I’m here,” I explained.
“Why are you here then, Garrett? You’re wasting your time. I’m obviously not your usual type of girl.” She looked at me with hurt in her eyes. I had hurt her, and it was tearing me up inside.
“That’s exactly why I’m here,” I confessed. “You’re not like anyone I’ve ever met. There is a sweetness about you that is so pure, but then you have no problem putting me or my friends in their place. You’re strong and stubborn, yet delicate all at the same time. I can’t get you out of my head, and believe me I’ve tried. That’s why I stayed away before.” I dropped my hands from her shoulders to my sides. I took a deep breath. “I don’t look at you as a conquest. That’s why I went after Ryan. I didn’t like that he was looking at you like that. That’s not what you are—you’re so much more,” I whispered as I turned to leave.
“Garrett?” I heard her whisper. I turned around, and before I could react, she had her lips pressed to mine. I stood there, shocked, as her lips moved against mine, and when they parted slightly, I answered the invite by pressing my tongue into her mouth. She let out a small moan, and it set me off. I kissed her with unyielding passion like I’d never kissed anyone before. Everything about her was exquisite. Her taste, the way her tongue moved against mine, the way she sucked softly on my bottom lip, the way she pressed her small body into mine.
I pulled her closer to me, letting one hand drift farther down her back until it rested on the waist of her jeans. I held her head in place with my other hand as I ran it through her hair at the top of her neck.
She finally pulled back, looking up at me, out of breath. Her beautiful blue eyes shimmered with tears. “Oh shit, Payton, I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.” I pulled her into my arms, kissing her on the head. I pulled her to the couch and continued to hold her as she cried.
Finally she looked back up at me. “I’m sorry,” she muttered.
“You? I’m the one that’s sorry. Why are you crying?”
She sat back and wiped her tears. “It’s stupid. I’m sorry, I’m being stupid. I don’t know why I’m even reacting this way.” She wiped her tears with the back of her hand.
“I’d like to try to understand. Please talk to me, Payton.” The last thing I wanted was for her to start second guessing that kiss. It was certainly a kiss I don’t think I would ever forget.
“Garrett.” She took a deep breath. “I wasn’t lying when I said I was a mess. There are a lot of things about me that I’m not ready to share with you, but I will say that I have never kissed anyone like that before, and I think it just scared me a bit.”
“If you didn’t like it, Payton, we don’t have to do it again, okay?” I was serious. It would kill me, but I didn’t want her upset again.
She started laughing.
“Why are you laughing?” I was confused as I pulled back, watching her face.
“It didn’t scare me because I didn’t like it, silly. It scared me because I liked it way too much.” She looked up at me through her eyelashes, and my heart almost jumped out of my chest.
“Well, in that case, we can do that as much as you like.” I laughed at her shocked face.
I pulled her against my chest and kissed her head. I was falling hard for this girl.
“So, was that your first kiss?” I asked, trying to figure out what she meant when she’d said she had never kissed anyone like that before.
“No.” She didn’t move her head as she answered, and I didn’t like the way her voice sounded when she said it—almost hurt—guarded. “But it was the first time I’ve ever kissed someone because I wanted to.”
I put my finger under her chin and pulled her face up so I could see her eyes. “Payton, please tell me what you mean by that, ‘cause I don’t like where my mind is taking this.” My heart was beating fast now. I was trying really hard not to react to her statement, but the idea of someone kissing her against her will made me crazy.
“I can’t.” She shook her head.
I sighed. “Okay.” I didn’t want to press her. We were finally making headway, and I didn’t want her shutting me out. I pulled her back down against my chest and pressed my face against her hair, trying to calm myself. “But, if you ever want to, please know that I won’t judge you. Okay?” She nodded without looking up at me.
We sat there for quite awhile, neither of us making a move to separate. I knew I needed to get over to the guys’ house. I made a mess of things today by letting my temper get the best of me. I had to work things out with Ryan.
“Hey,” I said as I kissed her head. “I need to go. I need to talk to Ryan—explain why I lost it on him.”
“Okay.” She stood up and walked to the door with me. “Thanks for a nice day.” She smiled at me. I leaned down and touched my lips to hers
. I felt her tongue touch my lip so lightly, but it caused a yearning in me so deep that I had to work hard at not scooping her up and taking her back to the couch. She deepened the kiss, and this time I moaned. I felt her smile against my lips before she sucked my bottom lip into her mouth and then gave me one more soft kiss before pulling back.
“Wow,” she gasped.
“Yeah,” I groaned.
“Let me see your phone.” She held her hand out, taking it and entering her number before handing it back. “Now you have no excuse for ignoring me.”
“Trust me, Payton, there is no way in hell I’ll ever be ignoring you again.” I kissed her quickly and walked out the door.
***
I walked in the door stopping when I saw Ethan sitting in the front room watching TV. “Hey.” I took a seat on the couch.
“What the hell was that all about today?” Ethan asked, muting the TV and looking at me.
“Shit, man. I lost it. I’m sorry to do that to you guys.” I was sincere in my apology. These guys were like family to me. Ethan nodded.
“Where’s Ryan?” I asked.
“He’s out back with Lucas.”
“Thanks.” I stood up and walked to the back door.
“Hey.” I walked over and took a seat on the lawn furniture with them, looking at my feet as I tried to figure out what to say.
“I’m going inside.” Lucas stood and smacked me on the shoulder as he walked by.
“Hey, Ryan, listen … I’m sorry about earlier.”
“Nah, man, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I did in front of Payton like that. You know me, that whole lack of a filter sometimes.” He sat back and took a pull from his beer. “So what’s the deal with her?”
I sat back, “I don’t know, man, but I like her. Really like her. I know I don’t do the dating thing usually, but she’s different.” I didn’t know how to explain it, so I just left it at that.