by Hunter Rose
Cool air from outside is a relief on my skin. I lean forward out of the window to let more of it wash over me. I draw in a deep breath to empty my lungs of the stickiness from inside and immediately notice something strange beneath me. There’s a figure standing in the middle of the yard. I gasp, my hands clenching on the sill as I stare down at him.
It’s Talon. He hasn’t moved. A long black jacket ripples slightly in the breeze around black jeans, boots, and a tight t-shirt that blend into the night. His hands in his pockets, he stares up at me without moving, without speaking.
It’s been so long since I’ve seen him. The months have stretched on, creating what seems like tangible space between us. It hurts to look at him. Just staring down at him reminds me of every cut in my heart, every humiliating second in front of those people I thought were my friends. Seeing him there reminds me of how much he betrayed me. But the stronger pain comes from being away from him. My body craves him. My heart strains for him. I can’t do this without him anymore.
I draw in a breath and stand up straight. And the same second, he takes his hands out of his pocket and starts to run toward the front of the house. I take off through my bedroom door and run down the steps to the front door. I throw it open to see an empty driveway beyond. It’s just me and the house, but that won’t last.
Talon comes around the corner and runs up the steps onto the porch. I meet him in the middle, jumping into his arms. His arms wrap firmly around me and scoop me up off my feet. My mouth moves along his neck eagerly, hungrily taking in the taste of his skin and smell of his hair. His hands cup my ass, yanking me hard against him.
He carries me backward into the house and kicks the door closed behind us. I lift my head, and his instantly dips down to kiss along my chest and slip his tongue down between my breasts. He starts to climb the steps, but we tumble down onto them. I land on my back with him on top of me and immediately push his jacket back off his shoulders. Talon sits back on his knees to drop it off and peel away his shirt, and I lift up to cast aside my pajama top.
I didn’t wear a bra to bed, and he captures one breast in his hand, sucking the other nipple into his mouth. I cry out, bucking against him, needing more of him. His mouth finds mine again, and his arm wraps around my waist, lifting me up so he can move me up a few steps. We pause again, kissing hungrily, our hands roving each other to soothe the aching cold of not touching each other for so long. After a few seconds, we scramble up a little further and tumble again.
We leave a trail of clothes along the steps. I’m fully, willingly bare when Talon lifts me to my feet and presses me against the wall, one hand holding my wrists above my head. His other hand trails down the side of my neck and onto my chest. My breasts feel heavy and full as he draws his fingertips down between them and onto my stomach. I squirm with need and anticipation, whimpering his name. His touch reaches the softness of my belly between my hip bones, and he captures my mouth in a deep kiss before trailing his fingers down further.
An instant later, my eyes snap open. I let out a loud gasp. My head drops back against the pillow, and I will my heart to stop pounding and my breath to go back to normal. Around me, the loudest sound is the song of the crickets coming through my open bedroom window. I’m trembling, and I close my eyes hard, squeezing them against the colored sparks of light bursting against the backs of my eyelids. I don’t want to let out the tears. So I force them back into my eyes, creating a stinging sheen over them.
I shake slightly as I climb out of bed and make my way across the cool floor to the window. A breeze from outside makes the curtains dance slightly. Lowering down to my knees, I rest my cheek against the windowsill. The air draws the heat from my face and starts to relax me. Below, the yard is empty.
Across the stretch of grass, Bree’s house is still. Talon isn’t there. He never was.
The dream is still with me when I wake up the next morning. The smell of pancakes and bacon mixed with coffee comes up the steps toward me, and I follow it down to the kitchen. Before they realize I’m there, my father steps up behind my mother, where she stands at the counter and rests a hand to her hip, leaning around her to kiss her cheek. She smiles and leans her head back to kiss him in return.
It makes me feel both happy and even emptier.
Mom catches sight of me and turns with a sunny smile.
“Good morning! Did you get some good sleep last night?” she asks.
I nod, even though I didn’t. Sleep only came in flashes, just like it has for weeks. Exhaustion is my normal. Every part of my body cries out for sleep, but I can’t rest. I’m too used to Talon’s scent, to his hair against my cheek, to the soft touch of his fingers on my shoulder as we drift off together. I can’t sleep without him anymore.
“Are you hungry?” Dad says.
Without waiting for my answer, he sets a plate overflowing with food in front of me. The stack of at least five pancakes, several strips of bacon, and a pool of syrup almost looks fake in how perfect it all is. It’s daunting, and I poke at it with my fork.
“Come on, honey. You have to eat. I feel like I’ve only seen you get a few mouthfuls of food in you since you’ve been home. Is something going on?” Mom asks.
“School is just really stressful,” I tell her.
She nods. “I know how that can be. Your second year can seem so much harder than your first. But I don’t want you to burn yourself out, pushing yourself too hard. This break is going to be good for you. It’s good to see you home.”
I know it hurts their feelings that I barely spent any time here over the summer. I just couldn’t do it. The thought of walking past Bree’s house every day was too much, even if Talon wasn’t going to be there. I spent the first few weeks with Christina, taking advantage of her housesitting a vacation house to get away from everything. After that, I bounced around, piecing together the break with a few days spent in different places, just waiting for the semester to start again.
If it wasn’t for Anthony’s wedding coming up, I would have spent fall break in the dorm, too. We changed rooms for this year, giving me a fresh start without memories or entanglements. I don’t need any of those. I brought plenty of my own.
46
Talon
It feels stranger to be back at Bree’s house than I expected it to. Even when I first moved here, she made sure I felt at home as soon as I could. Coming back here should feel like coming home. I should be able to walk through the door and feel like I’m walking back into my day-to-day life. Instead, it almost feels like I’m entering a borrowed world. I have to get used to it all again.
I climb the stairs to my bedroom at the top of the house and toss my bag to the foot of the bed. The blackout curtains are still in place over the windows. When I go downstairs, Bree is at the kitchen table, sifting through an assortment of papers almost frantically. She occasionally scribbles something, then compares others. She glances up when I come into the room.
“Hey, honey. Settled in okay?” she asks.
“Yeah,” I nod.
“Good. Are you hungry? I don’t have a ton in the kitchen. I’m sorry. I’ve just been so wrapped up in all these last-minute wedding details I haven’t been to the grocery store for a full shopping trip in… I don’t remember.”
I laugh. “I’m fine. Is there anything I could help you with?”
“No, it’s coming together pretty well. Just seating charts and details for the caterer. Song lists. That sort of thing. You know.”
I shake my head. “Actually, I don’t.”
“That’s true. Turns out there are all these things about planning a wedding you never think about. Even if you’re like me and have gone to approximately fifty billion weddings in your lifetime, you don’t think about having to put together all the details for your own. I just want to make sure everything is in place and ready to go on Saturday. I don’t want to have to think about anything or worry about anything. I just want to think about Anthony and be happy.”
“And yo
u should. Why don’t you let me go to the grocery store for you? You can’t keep living off takeout and whatever you can scavenge from the cabinets. Besides, you might be jetting off for a honeymoon after the wedding, but if I stick around here, I’m going to need something to eat.”
I smile at her, meaning it as a light-hearted tease, but she looks at me with eyes filled with hope.
“Are you really going to stay?” she asks.
“Maybe,” I shrug. “At least for a couple of days. Let me go to the store for you. I’ll stock up the kitchen, and tonight we can have snacks and a movie marathon.”
She lets out a long breath. “That sounds amazing.”
I grab my wallet and head outside. As much as I would like to climb on the back of my motorcycle, if I’m going grocery shopping, I’m going to need the convenience of a backseat. There are only so many grocery bags I can hang from my handlebars.
Ten minutes later, I’ve tossed a few bags of essential movie snacks into my cart, and I’m turning around a corner when I see Wren ahead of me in the aisle.
She’s looking down at the list in her hand, but it doesn’t take long for her to feel me looking at her. Her eyes lift away from the paper and meet mine. A slight smile comes to my lips, and I walk the few paces to her.
“It looks like you just can’t stay away from me,” I start. “Try as you might, you’re always going to come back.”
Her eyes darken, and the expression on her face gets even more tense. Her hands clench around the handle of the grocery cart.
“I’m so glad you have such a high opinion of yourself,” she says. “It definitely helps to balance out your reading of current company. Why don’t you take some of that cockiness and self-confidence and lure in somebody who can actually tolerate it?”
She turns down the nearest aisle and starts away from me. I take a few long steps to quickly close the space between us and reach out for her.
“Wren, stop,” I say. “I just want to talk to you.”
“Isn’t that what you just did?” she asks.
“I told you I’m sorry,” I say. “I wish there was another way I could say it or other words I could use to make you understand.”
“I don’t need you to make me understand anything,” she frowns. “Everything was made perfectly clear. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get back to my house.”
“Can I come talk to you there? Hear me out. Let me explain exactly what happened. No bullshit, no excuses.”
“No, Talon. Frankly, I’ve talked about it and heard about it and thought about it way more than I ever would have wanted to. I just want it behind me. We might have to be in the same town for this wedding. But we don’t have to associate with each other. Let’s just keep our distance. Please.”
Saturday is finally here, which means the wedding is almost over. Soon it will be done, and I can go back to my normal life. Whatever that will look like when it’s time to find it again. For now, my focus is making sure today is the happiest it can possibly be for Bree.
I knock on the door of the bridal suite and wait to hear my aunt call out to me.
“Tal?” she calls.
“It’s me,” I tell her.
“Come on in. But be fast and careful,” she says.
I open the door and slip inside, closing it behind me quickly.
“Is something wrong?” I ask.
She laughs through a light sheen of tears appearing in her eyes and waves her handkerchief at me.
“No. It’s just Anthony. He’s been doing everything he can to sneak a peek at the wedding dress before the ceremony. I told him it was bad luck and wasn’t going to let him see it, but he is determined. Just like a man. I bet he’s never been interested in a dress in his life, but the second I tell him he can’t see it, it’s all he thinks about.”
“I don’t think he’s thinking about the dress, Aunt Bree,” I offer. “He just wants to make sure you’re actually in it and are going it to be at the ceremony when the music finishes up. Nobody could blame him, though. You look beautiful.”
She opens her arms to me, and I hug her.
“Thank you,” she whispers. “I’m so glad you’re here with me.”
“Where else would I be?” I ask.
Considering I’ve spent the last few months traipsing aimlessly around the country, that question might be more meaningful than I actually intended. But she doesn’t mention that. She steps back and turns to the mirror to dab her handkerchief under her eyes and catch droplets of mascara before they can streak the rest of her makeup.
“I’m just so happy,” she says. “I don’t look like it right at this moment, but I am. I just need to convince myself to stop crying, so my makeup isn’t completely destroyed when the ceremony starts.”
“He wouldn’t care if you washed your face completely. All that matters is you’re there. He loves you,” I tell her.
“You sure know all the right things to say,” she smiles.
I shrug. “I know a few things. I’m really happy for you. You deserve this.”
“How about you, Tal? When are you going to be happy again? I know that’s a lot to ask since you have the whole dark and brooding thing happening for you in general. But this is me. I know you. When am I going to see the light in your eyes again?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m fine.”
“Again, Tal. This is me. I know you. What’s been going on?”
“Today is about you, Bree. Not me,” I insist.
“Anything that has to do with you does have to do with me. Does this have to do with Wren?”
I’m stunned by the question. It takes a few seconds for me to properly form an answer.
“Why would it have anything to do with her?” I ask.
“Talon Vance, I know you really want to think anyone over the age of thirty is completely disconnected and can’t possibly understand anything you’re going through. But that’s not actually true. I saw the way you looked at her and how you talked about her. She wasn’t just our next-door neighbor or a girl you went to class with. I could see how much she meant to you.”
“It doesn’t really matter,” I mutter. “She doesn’t want anything to do with me. Not anymore. I screwed up. Really bad. She won’t even give me a chance to talk to her.”
“So, you’re going to give up?” she asks. “Just like that?”
“It isn’t just like that. I’ve tried. I’ve been trying for months.”
“Then try again. What she means to you, you owe it to yourself and to her to make sure she knows. I know you’ve always struggled to let people in. Even me. And that’s a struggle that won’t go away, even if she does forgive you. But what you need to do is try. You need to lay it all out there and let her know exactly what’s in that big dumb heart of yours.”
“You really think it will work?”
She lets out a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sigh. “I don’t know, Tal. But it’s worth a shot. Even if her answer is no, at least she’ll be able to carry with her that somewhere in the world, there’s someone who she’s that important to.”
47
Wren
The wedding was beautiful. The ceremony was perfect down to the last detail. It was obvious how much time and thought Bree and Anthony put into creating a ceremony ideal for the two of them. From the songs they chose to the readings friends and family did, everything was a pure celebration of them and the love they found for each other. I’ve never seen my uncle as happy as when he stood up there at the altar and gazed at his bride. It could have just been the two of them, no one else there, and it would have been just as magical for him.
That’s the look. It’s the perfect look every girl dreams about getting from her groom when she’s a bride. And Bree stares back at him with just as much adoration. She’s everything I would have ever wanted for my uncle. He has waited his entire life for someone to love and who will love him, and when I see the two of them together, I know the wait wa
s well worth it.
I only wish I could feel some of the warmth radiating off of them. Usually I love weddings. Anytime someone I know is getting married; I’m the first to ask about colors and dress designs. I want to know about the flowers and the music. I gush over centerpieces and tear up at the vows. I love watching them have their first dance and imagining all the dances they’ll have together into the future.
Not today. Of all the weddings I’ve been to, this one should be the one I focus on the most, but I can’t bring myself to feel like a part of the revelers.
The reception is in full swing, and I’m on the outside edge looking in. Rather than being out dancing or sampling from the buffet, I’m sitting at my table, rolling the blue satin ribbon on my favor between my fingers. This is my favorite detail of Uncle Anthony and Bree’s wedding.
At the very beginning, when they first started planning, they couldn’t come up with any of the details or agree on exactly what they wanted. But there was never a question about the favor they would give out to all their guests. At each setting, tucked thoughtfully in a tiny organza bag tied with a narrow satin ribbon in their choice of vibrant royal blue, is a little pie bird in honor of the moment Anthony first saw her with pie crust clinging to her fingers.
The music quiets down, and the robust voice of the emcee comes over the microphone.
“If everyone will please go ahead and take your seats, we’re going to have some toasts in honor of the special couple.”
Guests filter off the dance floor and away from the buffet to settle back down at linen-draped tables. They’re all arranged facing a platform where Anthony and Bree have their own sweetheart table. Two waiters scurry around the room, making sure everyone’s glasses are full of either champagne or sparkling grape juice, readying them for the string of toasts to come. I accept the drink and hold the stem of the glass between my thumb and fingers, prepared to participate even if I feel like I’m at such a distance from everything happening around me.