by M. E. Nesser
I didn’t want to stick around and make small talk with her mom, because I didn’t want to give her the chance to figure out what we were really doing in her kitchen. All I wanted to do was get the hell out of there. So even though we hadn’t done one lick of physics, I said I had to get home for dinner and ran out of there as quickly as possible.
When I got into my car, I practically gasped for air. I must have been holding my breath and not even realizing it. I tried to calm myself—I was so nervous that I was afraid I couldn’t even drive. It wasn’t until I was down the street that my boner finally went completely down. I think it was as scared as I was. No one wants a girl’s mom to see a bulge in his pants. Now that I had kissed Katie, I was sure about my feelings for her. I was crazy about this girl, and I needed to ask her to be my girlfriend before any other guy did.
I didn’t get any homework done that night. I had dinner, took another shower, and hung out on my bed thinking about Katie. I replayed every moment at her kitchen table. Kissing her was so hot. She was all I could think about. Tomorrow seemed really far away. I couldn’t wait to see her again.
11
It was such a nightmare having my mom walk in on us like that. I know we were fully clothed and only kissing, but it was obvious that we were both really embarrassed. I don’t think my mom even noticed, but I couldn’t stop thinking about that incredible hard-on under his jeans. That and his incredibly soft lips. I couldn’t believe how many different ways you could kiss someone. We’d gently teased each other with our lips and tongues. Then we’d sucked at each other with increased intensity. I hadn’t thought kissing would be so erotic.
Fortunately, my mom didn’t say anything to embarrass me after Bryce left our house. She asked if we got a lot of studying done. I lied and said yes. The fact was that we hadn’t was the least of my problems. She asked me if I liked him, and I said, “He’s all right, I guess.” Liar, liar! She commented that he was really cute, and I just coughed a little and said, “I guess so.” C’mon, who was I kidding? He was the hottest guy on the planet!
I couldn’t tell you what we had for dinner, and I definitely didn’t get any homework done that night. I laid in bed for hours, staring at the ceiling and thinking about what had happened over and over again. I kept wondering whether or not he felt the same way about me. He seemed totally into me, but I had no experience with guys, so I wasn’t completely sure. I prayed he wasn’t just another player looking to score with me. That would have been so devastating. No, I had to believe he liked me as much as I liked him.
I also wondered if I’d done a decent job kissing him back. Had I tasted all right? Hopefully the bulge in his pants meant that I had. I knew guys our age were supposedly always horny, so I guess he could have gotten hard kissing anybody. But I was hopeful that it was the act of kissing me that turned him on. I could have kissed him for hours and hours, and it still wouldn’t have been enough. Kissing rocked, and I wanted to do a lot more of it.
I wished my mother had been late. Being interrupted just as we were finding our rhythm was so annoying. I never knew another person’s mouth could be so sexy. There were moments when I was tempted to bite him hard to stake my claim, but I thought he might think that was weird. I kept my bites more on the gentle side so he wouldn’t think I was a freak. I do kind of think he liked it when I nibbled on his lips, because he let out a few moans that were pretty hot when I tried it.
I had a million thoughts going through my head. This was my first real make-out session and it was amazing. I was glad I waited, not only until my senior year, but until I met a guy I was really interested in. Bryce was most definitely worth the wait. I had watched a ton of people kiss on TV, and they never seemed to get as excited as I was. Was I exaggerating, or was it really as spectacular as I thought? Hopefully it would happen again soon so I would have something to compare it to. I really wanted to kiss him for, like, ever!
12
That night, when I got out of the shower, I couldn’t help thinking about every detail of the night. I still couldn’t believe how excited I had been, and how close her mother had come to seeing it. And it’s not like we were naked and touching each other all over the place. All we were doing was kissing. I know I would have totally embarrassed myself if we did anything more. I still couldn’t get over how turned on Katie made me. Driving back from her house that night, I would have done anything to go back and sneak through her bedroom window to finish what we had started. I was a virgin, but I was more than ready to give it up to that beautiful angel that I had left only a few minutes before.
Scott was the only person I talked to about Katie. He knew I had my eyes on her for quite a while. Even though Katie wouldn’t go out with him when he asked her during our junior year, he seemed genuinely excited that I was pursuing her. He mocked me out a lot for being a virgin and not dating anyone. I always made excuses that I was too busy with school and squash. The truth was that Katie was the only girl I was interested in. I always ignored the virgin comments. Sleeping around wasn’t my thing. I was happy making out with girls once in awhile and that was it.
I wondered if Katie had ever kissed another boy the way she’d kissed me. I secretly hoped she hadn’t. Her mouth was the sexiest thing I had ever felt in my life. It kind of seemed like she was experimenting with different ways to kiss me and suck on my tongue, unless that was how she was used to making out. I have to say that I really liked how creative she was. I wouldn’t be surprised if making out was new for her. From the talks we had, it sounded like she was pretty inexperienced. Even the thought of her naïveté was a turn-on. I felt like I would die if I didn’t get to kiss her again. It was time for me, as the guy, to make a plan. I needed to find a time and place to ask her out. I was always a pretty confident guy, but not when it came to Katie. For some reason, my intense feelings for her made me feel insecure. I just wanted her to like me as much as I liked her.
I couldn’t imagine kissing any other girl like I’d kissed Katie tonight, or feeling what I did in that kitchen. I had kissed other girls, but I’d never wanted it to progress any further than just basic lips on lips. I had never sucked a girl’s tongue the way I sucked hers. It had always creeped me out just a little. With Katie, I couldn’t get enough of her mouth or her tongue. When I sucked on her tongue, I fantasized about sucking on her breasts, and between her legs. I knew every part of her would taste amazing. I prayed that someday I’d get the chance to find out.
I’d also never known that kissing a girl could cause my body to get so hard. I knew it had to be something about Katie that made my body respond this way, and I had to have more. I’d inhaled my dinner and hurried up to my room as soon as I got home. The thought of engaging in idle chatter had made me want to scream; I needed time alone to sort out what had just happened. I ate quickly and feigned a headache. Actually, I was telling the truth; I did have a headache—but it wasn’t the head on my shoulders that hurt. I had never experienced such pressure. I felt like I had a migraine between my legs. I had never been so wound up sexually in my entire life.
I don’t even know how long I laid there, staring at the ceiling, but it had to have been hours. I started to rub my cock, and it got hard instantly, but then I had this really strange feeling. I didn’t want to keeping stroking it. I wanted Katie to touch it. I wanted to feel her hand on me. Maybe even her mouth on me, if she was willing. No, getting myself off would have to wait. For some weird reason, I wanted to save it for her. Now I knew something was definitely wrong with me.
I kept replaying the kitchen scene over and over in my head. I had so many questions that only Katie could answer. The biggest question was whether or not I would ever get the nerve to ask her how she felt about kissing, and if she wanted to do it again. Being a teenager can be very confusing.
13
I was a nervous wreck going to school the next day. I hardly slept at all. I couldn’t stop wondering how Bryce felt about the kiss. Certain parts of his body were obviously totally into it, b
ut that didn’t mean he felt more than just a physical connection to me. I had so much doubt. This was my first legitimate crush, and now I knew why we called them that: it was totally and completely crushing me.
As I was walking to my math class, I bumped into Janey in the hallway.
“Hey, where were you after school yesterday,” she asked me. “I thought you were going to help design the sets for the play?”
“Oh crap, I totally spaced. I had a ton of homework to do and forgot all about it,” I told her apologetically.
“Well, we’re meeting again over the weekend if you’re interested,” she told me.
“Yea, that sounds good. Sorry about that Janey. It totally slipped my mind.” The drama group was putting on Fiddler on the Roof and I volunteered to help with the set. I auditioned to be in the chorus, and the director liked my voice. I didn’t want a big part, because it took up too much time. Besides, the kids who did the musicals were way too serious for me. For some of them, the drama club was their life. I was more focused on college…and now Bryce. I liked being behind the scenes. It was fun being in the musicals without all of the stress of being one of the leads.
“You ok Katie? You seem different or distracted or something…” she asked me.
“Yeah, I’m good. Just busy. I have to get to get to class. Call me later?” I asked.
“Yeah, sure. See ya later!”
The last thing I wanted to do was think about Fiddler on the Roof. I was too consumed with thinking about Bryce. His kisses made me feel things in every part of my body. I didn’t know kissing could even do that. My head was still tingling, and concentrating on anything was futile. I couldn’t help obsessing over every detail from the previous night. While we were kissing, my nipples got this weird, hypersensitive feeling. I’m not sure if it felt good or bad, but it was intense. They were hard, and I swear they had turned a different color. Even my actual breasts felt different. They felt swollen and heavy. I swear my blood was on fire, and I could feel it rushing through my veins like Niagara Falls. At one point, while my hands were pulling at his hair, I noticed goose bumps on my arms. For the first time in my life, they weren’t from being cold.
The most dramatic response I felt was the intense, throbbing sensation between my legs. It kind of felt like an insect bite: you can’t resist scratching the itch, but even scratching never makes it feel that much better. I found myself pressing my knees together and rotating them in small circles to quell the throbbing. I had this crazy desire to put my hands between my legs and see if I could make my body get some relief. This was driving me crazy. God, I hope Bryce found our kisses as earth shattering as I did. There’s no way this could have been one-sided.
Physics was in the afternoon, and all of my morning classes lasted for a hundred billion hours. By the time I had to go to physics, I was a total mess. I didn’t even get one glimpse of him all day, and I needed to see him so I could see how he acted toward me. I practically ran to class. I had to get there before he did so I could watch his reaction as he walked through the classroom door and saw me.
I held my breath forever as I watched him walk to his seat. He had this light blue shirt on that hugged every muscle on his torso and matched his incredible blue eyes. I had to admire him from across the room, because the teacher had decided to do assigned seating. She was such a moron! I don’t think she could remember our names, so she made us all sit in a certain seat like we were in kindergarten. We were seniors in high school, for cripes sake. I couldn’t remember the last time a teacher arranged the class to sit in alphabetical order. I was so irritated at being separated from Bryce. Today it felt like the room was longer than a football field. The distance was staggering, and my anxiety was off the charts.
Once again, I couldn’t tell you one thing that the teacher talked about during that forty-minute period. This liking a guy thing was really screwing up my ability to focus. Since I had a hard time concentrating on the material the teacher was talking about during the class, I knew I would be forced to do extra work at home to catch up. I could not have cared less. All I could think about was when I was going to get the chance to talk to Bryce. I had no idea what I could possible say to him that wouldn’t make me sound like a complete imbecile. I just knew that I had to talk to him so I could make some kind of sense about what had happened between us.
Luckily, he walked over to me as soon as the class ended. He had a small smile on his face and was staring at me intently. I stood up and waited for him to approach my table. I wasn’t sure I could have moved toward him if I’d tried. My knees actually felt wobbly. My heart was beating so fast I think you could see it pounding through my sweater. He stood so close to me that I could smell his familiar scent. He smelled amazing. At first, he didn’t say anything. He looked deep into my eyes. After thoroughly examining my face, he pushed a strand of hair behind my ear (which sent shivers through my entire body, in case you were wondering) and whispered “thank you for letting me kiss you yesterday.” For about the hundredth time since I’d first seen Bryce, I went mute. I turned beet red and stopped breathing. Next thing I knew, he was turning away from me and walking briskly through the door to his next class.
14
All night I dreamed about what I was going to say to Katie. Everything sounded so wrong. I didn’t want to scare her, but I needed her to know how magical kissing her had been for me. When I finally decided what I was going to say to her, I practiced it over and over again so it would sound natural and I wouldn’t screw it up or embarrass myself. My biggest fear was that it didn’t mean as much to her as it did to me. I think I knew deep in my heart, however, that she was into me as much as I was into her.
I stole glances at her through the entire class and didn’t hear one word the teacher said. When the bell finally rang, I couldn’t get to her fast enough. I wanted to whisper in her ear so no one else heard me, but when I approached her, I noticed that she had this delicate strand of hair in the way. I can’t explain it, but I felt compelled to put that piece of hair behind her ear before I said what I had practiced a million times. I approached her cautiously and gently tucked it behind her ear before I said anything. It felt good to touch her. Touching her was surreal. Her face and her hair were so incredibly soft. I knew that every part of her had to be just as soft. I had vowed the night before to make sure she became my girl.
I didn’t want to sound like a complete idiot, but I had to be honest with her. She needed to know how I felt. If nothing else, my admission would come from the heart. After I told her what I needed to say, the next step was up to her. After I whispered in her ear, I ran out of the room like I was late for something. By the time I got to my next class, I regretted running away from her. My heart was racing, and my palms were sweaty. I was so nervous. I hoped she didn’t think I was a coward. I hadn’t even given her the chance to say anything back to me. I just took off. I had never run away from a challenge in my life until now. What the hell was wrong with me?
Now I would have to wait until lab to judge what she’d thought of my confession. I was just praying that she was charmed by my honesty. The next couple of periods dragged on. I couldn’t concentrate on anything. I just needed to see Katie and see what she was feeling. I couldn’t tell if I was more scared or excited. There were just too many emotions to deal with, and I didn’t have a clue how to deal with any of them. This kind of thing was definitely something they don’t teach you in high school. The prospect of being in a relationship was so confusing. The idea of being in love was so overwhelming. Hell, the act of making love sounded terrifying! It totally felt like my head was going to explode.
When I walked into the lab a few minutes before ninth period, I saw her sitting at our usual workstation. Just the sight of her took my breath away. She had an off-white sweater on that clung to her body. It showed off her curves perfectly. Her hair was pulled back, and I could see her neck. I wanted to kiss that neck. I stood there just staring at her until she must have sensed me. She raised he
r eyes to me slowly and gave me the most beautiful smile I had ever seen.
I walked slowly toward her, trying not to break the intense eye contact we had established. As I got closer to her, her smile just kept getting bigger. As soon as I sat down, she said, “I wish you wouldn’t have run away earlier. I wanted to thank you for kissing me, too. It was amazing.” It was at this exact moment that I fell in love with Katie Donovan.
15
I purposely went to lab early; I needed to see the expression on Bryce’s face when he walked into the classroom. The nervous, strained expression on his face was not what I expected to see. He had always seemed like the epitome of a confident athlete, but the person in front of me right now was different. This boy looked nervous, and it was obvious he was anxiously searching for me. When our eyes locked, I knew he was as tangled up inside as I was. I smiled. I don’t even remember what I said to him, but the tension left his face, and he smiled back. I think I actually heard him exhale, like he had been holding his breath. It was such a sweet and defining moment. That was when I knew I was in love with Bryce Collins.
We managed to get through the lab, stealing flirtatious glances and subtle touches. It was exciting, nerve-wracking and magical—all rolled up in one. He told me that he had practice after school but wanted to arrange a time and place to meet after he finished. He said he wanted to take me out for a burger so we could get to know each other better. The plan was that he would pick me up at my house after practice and take me out to the diner around the corner from where I lived.