Mike's Election Guide

by Michael Moore

  p. 2–23“The terrorists are on the run! . . . I know many of them . . . personally . . .”

  p. 3“So a million homes are snatched from hard-working Americans! THAT’S A SMALL PRICE TO PAY FOR FREEDOM!!”

  p. 2“. . . the terrorists are . . . my friends . . .”

  p. 3–61“. . . If you want to be free from terrorist bombings, then you have to be willing to . . . buy . . . this book . . .”

  p. 3“Unfortunately, not all soldiers in the fight against the terrorists know how to use their weapons. So we experience some fratricide. Stuff happens.”

  p. 8“For me to believe . . . that Ahmadinejad guy, (he) would literally have to walk onto the stage of ‘American Idol’ with the very bomb itself in his hands! Seriously, I will have to see the actual friggin’ bomb, and THEN I want him to show me that he knows how to use it.”

  p. 10“. . . Iran has no nuclear program . . .”

  p. 10–11“. . . my fans in Boise . . . have WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION, TOO!”

  p. 10–80“Iran has no nuclear program or weapons of mass destruction. That’s the position we should all take and not budge from until we see the mushroom cloud over . . . Jerusalem.”

  p. 17–18“. . . I’d prefer that our elected representatives, instead of wearing flag pins on their lapels, . . . dropped . . . one down the bathroomsink . . .”

  p. 8–26“I will have . . . the crap kicked out of . . . Jesus himself.”

  p. 20“Once, at a Fourth of July celebration, Obama stripped down to his underwear, climbed the flagpole, and screamed at the top of his lungs, ‘Death to America Ferrera!’”

  p. 21“At Ronald Reagan’s funeral, Obama went up to the deceased president’s body and tried to tickle him.”

  p. 21“On a fact-finding mission to Afghanistan, Obama mooned an entire regiment of troops.”

  p. 24“I speak for that male, uneducated-but-hard-working vote!”

  p. 36“Guys going all brokeback on each other—gimme a break! The state can’t sanction that.”

  p. 43“Sadly, McCain’s sacrifice had nothing to do with protecting the United States.”

  p. 36–45“. . . In his book, Faith of Our Fathers,McCain wrote that he was upset that he had been limited to . . . beating up on homosexuals . . .”

  p. 43–44“. . . McCain . . . killed more than two million civilians in Vietnam (and perhaps another million in Laos and Cambodia).”

  p. 45“. . . President Nixon ordered . . . one 9/11 every single month—for 44 months.”

  p. 47–48“John McCain is already using the Vietnam War in his political ads. In doing so, it makes not just what happened to him in Vietnam fair game for discussion, but also what he did to the Vietnamese.”

  p. 74“. . . McCain has a good chance of winning . . .”

  p. 73–74“What a great day that was, seeing Nancy Pelosi . . . revealing the identity of a CIA agent in an act of revenge . . .”

  p. 86–166“. . . in his new book, Mike’s Election Guide, he . . . supports drilling in ANWR. . . .”

  p. 87–134“. . . I toured the country in my own independent effort to get . . . your wife . . . inseminated . . .”

  p. 86“I just went to the same terrorist Muslim school of flag pin desecrators you went to.”

  p. 48–92“I would like . . . to kill . . . daddy’s little rich girl . . .”

  p. 90“The new president needs to bring back the draft.”

  p. 90“Draft the rich.”

  p. 91“Rich people such as Joe Kennedy, Jr., famous athletes like Ted Williams, and numerous movie stars, including Jimmy Stewart and William Holden, joined up to serve . . .Hitler . . .”

  p. 95“. . . pharmaceutical companies won’t have the money to research and discover new life-saving drugs if they can’t charge $300 for a prescription.”

  p. 96–97“I have . . . super sweet and very cheap . . . Butz”

  p. 99“Obama . . . should do it with his shirt off.”

  p. 122“I pledge allegiance to . . . all those godless communist countries.”

  p. 106–108“The next terrorist attack is . . . one thing I know about . . . I have a plan . . .”

  p. 114“. . . dismantle as much of the federal government as possible . . . eliminating government programs that help the poor or disadvantaged . . .”

  p. 116“Long live Chairman Mao!”

  p. 117“. . . we must move toward privatizing Social Security.”

  p. 109“It has been very easy for the bin Ladens of this world to point the finger at us and say, ‘Look what they take from us—and look at how we get nothing in return!’”

  p. 176“People seem to like Sen. Elizabeth Dole (R-NC). I prefer to think of it as pity. After all she’s got a guy who’s hooked on Viagra chasing her every night . . . with four-hour erections wanting some immediate attention.”

  Notes and Sources

  1. “ASK MIKE!”

  The information on credit card industry profits in 2003 and 2007 is from Time Magazine, “Exposing the Credit Card Fine Print,” Anita Hamilton, February 21, 2008; it can be accessed online at www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1715293,00.html. The forecast on the number of home foreclosures in 2008 is from USA TODAY, “Foreclosures to have ‘profound’ impact, report warns,” Sue Kirchhoff, November 29, 2007; www.usatoday.com/money/economy/housing/2007-11-27-foreclosures-N.htm; information on bankruptcy rates is from The American Prospect online, “A Nation Running on Empty,” Elizabeth Henderson, June 6, 2007; www.prospect.org/cs/articles? article=a_nation_running_on_empty. published June 6, 2007. The source for the number of people with poor credit scores is Direct Lending Solutions, “2005 Consumer Statistics,” Sharon Secor, accessed June 11, 2008; www.directlendingsolutions.com/2005_consumer_stats.htm.

  For the fashion-conscious patriots among my readership, magnetic “Support Our Troops” ribbons come in red, white, and blue and camouflage in addition to the more traditional yellow. According to Rob Walker in “The Magnet Magnet,” (The New York Times Magazine, November 7, 2004), the magnetic ribbons were apparently first produced in rural North Carolina beginning in 2003. The story goes that Dwain Gullion, a Christian bookstore owner, heard that there was a shortage of real, live, yellow ribbon to tie around trees, fence poles, and dogs’ necks, and so he decided to fill the perceived need with magnetic yellow ribbons. It didn’t take long, however, for others to seize upon the idea and produce their own magnetic yellow stickers, including, according to Guillon, “knockoffs made more cheaply overseas.” Since Gullion focuses on selling his magnets to organizations as a fundraising effort, you can bet that any magnet you find at Wal-Mart is produced in China or somewhere else overseas.

  The Boston Globe reported on the backlog of disabilities claims the Department of Veterans Affairs is facing in “Backlogs in disability claims seen stretching Veterans Affairs to Limit,” Hope Yen, March 14, 2007. According to the article the Government Accounting Office studied the VA claims system and found it “on the verge of crisis due to backlogs, cumbersome paperwork, and ballooning costs.” The study estimated that the VA will see 400,000 first-time claims due to the Iraq war by the end of 2009, costing anywhere from $70 billion to $150 billion. The article is available online at www.boston.com/news/nation/washington/articles/2007/03/14/backlogs_in_disability_claims_seen_stretching_veterans_affairs_to_limit/.

  As of July 3, 2008, there were 4,116 U.S. military casualties from Operation Iraqi Freedom. Casualty information is from the Department of Defense Casualty Report available online at www.defenselink.mil/news/casualty.pdf .

  In October 2001, President George W. Bush held a prime time news conference in the East Room of the White House on the state of the war on terror. During the speech the President said, “Now, the American people have got to go about their business. We cannot let the terrorists achieve the objective of frightening our nation to the point where we don’t—where we don’t conduct business, where people don’t shop.” A transcript of the complete
speech is available online at www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2001/10/20011011–7.html.

  The Center for Public Integrity’s War Card website is an excellent resource for the many lies told by the Bush Administration leading up to the Iraq war. Check it out at www.publicintegrity.org/WarCard. In particular, see the “Key False Statements” section.

  The first Scott McClellan quote is from pp. 156–157 of his 2008 memoir, What Happened: Inside the Bush White House and Washington’s Culture of Deception (Public Affairs, 2008). The second quote is from Countdown with Keith Olbermann, Thursday, May 29, 2008; www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24893045/.

  Leading up to the 2004 election between John Kerry and George W. Bush, a Zogby/Williams Identity Poll reported that 57 percent of undecided voters would rather have a beer with Bush than Kerry. For more on candidates and beer, see The Hill, “Drink Up,” Betsy Rothstein, June 25, 2008; http://thehill.com/cover-stories/drink-up-2008-06-25.html.

  The lyrics to “I’ve Got a Crush on Obama” are reprinted with permission of Ben Relles, creator of BarelyPolitical .com, a political satire website that Relles launched in June 2007 with the viral video “I Got a Crush on Obama,” featuring Obama Girl. In its first year BarelyPolitical videos were seen over 100 million times online and featured on programs including the BBC, ABC, NBC, CNN and Fox News.

  ABC news is the source for Barack Obama’s quote regarding the absence of a flag pin on his lapel. The story was reported in “Obama Dropped Flag Pin in War Statement,” David Wright and Sunlen Miller, October 4, 2007; http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/story?id=3690000&page=1.

  The quote on the Catholic Church’s position on contraception is from Vade Mecum for Confessors Concerning Some Aspects of the Morality of Conjugal Life issued by the Vatican’s Pontifical Council for the Family on March 1, 1997; www.vatican.va/roman_curia/pontifical_councils/family/documents/rc_pc_family_doc_12021997_vademecum_en.html.

  In 2001 the National Conference of Catholic Bishops voted 209 to 7 to declare sterilization “intrinsically evil,” condemning tubal ligation and vasectomies and putting them on equal footing with abortion and euthanasia. Here’s the quote from “Ethical and Religious Directives for Catholic Health Care Services, Fourth Edition,” June 15, 2001; www.usccb.org/bishops/directives.shtml :

  While there are many acts of varying moral gravity that can be identified as intrinsically evil, in the context of contemporary health care the most pressing concerns are currently abortion, euthanasia, assisted suicide, and direct sterilization.

  The gang of Catholic bishops struck again on June 13, 2008, at their conference in Orlando, Florida, when they voted 191–1 to adopt a statement condemning embryonic stem cell research, as reported by Reuters, “Bishops condemn stem cell research,” Barbara Liston, June 13, 2008; www.reuters.com/article/healthNews/idUSN131220080613 .

  The Pew Research Center survey on Catholics’ position on social issues is from August 2007. It can be found online at http://pewresearch.org/pubs/778/a-portrait-of-american-catholics-on-the-eve-of-pope-benedicts-visit. In addition, a 2005 survey by CNN/USA Today/Gallup found that 78% of Catholics believed the pope should allow Catholics to use birth control; 63% were in favor of letting priests marry; 59% wanted a less-strict policy on stem cell research. CNN.com, “Poll: U.S. Catholics Would Support Changes,” www.cnn.com/2005/US/04/03/pope.poll/index.html.

  According to The Boston Globe, the United States Catholic bishops estimate that 96 percent of married Catholics use birth control; “Bishops Stress Sexual Issues and Warn on Communion,” Michael Paulson, November 15, 2006; www.boston.com/news/nation/articles/2006/11/15/bishops_stress_sexual_issues_and_warn_on_communion.

  Regarding the legal status and voting rights of women at the time this country was founded, see “The Legal Status of Women, 1776–1830,” Marylynn Salmon, www.historynow.org/03_2006/historian3.html. Salmon says that “Women, no matter how wealthy, did not have the right to vote, even though women paid the same taxes as men. The reasoning behind this discrimination rested on the assumption that “married women were liable to coercion by their husbands; if a wife voted, legislators argued, it meant that a man cast two ballots.” Salmon also points out that, “By marriage, the very being or legal existence of the woman was suspended during the marriage, or at least was incorporated into that of the husband: under whose wing, protection, and cover, she performed every thing.” A husband and wife could sign a contract called a “marriage settlement” that enabled the woman to own property separately from her husband; however, such contracts were rare and illegal in some areas.

  Women’s Suffrage Amendments were introduced in the United States Congress in 1878 and 1914, but failed to pass. The wording of the 1878 amendment was the same as the Nineteenth Amendment, which passed both houses of Congress in 1919 and was ratified on August 26, 1920. Here’s the wording of the amendment:

  The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex. Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.

  Only 1 of the 68 women who signed the Declaration of Sentiments at Seneca Falls in 1848 lived to see women be given the right to vote in 1920. But according to historian Judith Wellman, 92-year-old Charlotte Woodward Pierce probably never actually cast a vote, as she was sick on election day in 1920.

  The sources for Sen. Thad Cochran’s comments about McCain’s temper are The Boston Globe, “Famed McCain temper is tamed,” Kranish, Michael, January 7, 2008; www.boston.com/news/nation/articles/2008/01/27/famed_mccain_temper_is_tamed/; Biloxi Sun Herald, “Cochran recounts McCain dustup with the Sandinistas,” Michael Newsom, July 1, 2008; www.sunherald.com/newsupdates/story/660742.html; Politico.com, “Thad Cochran not helping the cause,” Jonathan Martin, July 2, 2008; www.politico.com/blogs/jonathanmartin/0708/Thad_Cochran_not_helping_the_cause.html. Sen. Bob Smith’s comments are from the same Jonathan Martin article. Other quotes are from Free Ride: John McCain and the Media, David Brock and Paul Waldman, Anchor Books, 2008; and The Real McCain, Cliff Schecter, PoliPoint Press, 2008.

  Vietnamese civilian casualty numbers are from the Vietnamese Government’s official casualty report, released in April 1995 and reported by the Associated Press, “The End of a War, Death of a Nation Remembered 20 Years Later,” George Esper, April 9, 1995. Other sources for Vietnam War statistics include the The Boston Globe, “The Christmas Bombings,” James Carroll, December 24, 2002; reprinted on the CommonDreams.org website www.commondreams.org/views02/1224–04.htm; Setup: What the Air Force Did in Vietnam and Why, Earl H. Tilford, Maxwell Air Force Base, AL: Air University Press, 1991; Like Rolling Thunder: The Air War in Vietnam, 1964–1975, Ronald Bruce Frankum, Rowman & Littlefield, 2005; A History of Modern Wars of Attrition, Carter Malkasian, Greenwood Publishing Group, 2002; The Vietnam War: Vietnamese and American Perspectives, Mark Bradley, et al., M.E. Sharpe, 1993; What Should We Tell Our Children About Vietnam? Bill McCloud, U. of Oklahoma Press, 2000; Bombing to Win: Air Power and Coercion in War, Robert Pape, Cornell University Press, 1996; Strategic Terror: The Politics and Ethics of Aerial Bombardment, Beau Grosscup, Zed Books, 2006.

  Information on the U.S. Electoral College is from the National Archives website in a section devoted to the U.S. Electoral College (www.archives.gov/federal-register/electoral-college). Regarding the process for selecting electors, according to the Archives it’s generally the case that “the political parties nominate electors at their State party conventions or by a vote of the party’s central committee in each State. Electors are often selected to recognize their service and dedication to their political party. They may be State elected officials, party leaders, or persons who have a personal or political affiliation with the Presidential candidate.” Further, the Archives state that there is no Constitutional or Federal provision requiring electors to adhere to the results of the popular vote in their state. However, 26 states and the District of Columbia have state laws binding electors to cast their vote for a spe
cific candidate.

  The information on the crazy cool democracy in ancient Greece comes from Professor Paul Cartledge’s article “The Democratic Experiment” on the BBC website on Ancient Greek History at http://www.bbc.co.uk/history/ancient/greeks/greekdemocracy_01.shtml.

  The Center for Responsive Politics collects data on re-election rates and reported that between 1998 and 2006 congressional incumbents were reelected an average of 96.8 percent of the time. The lowest re-election rate in the past 30 years was 88 percent in 1992. Detailed information is available online at www.opensecrets.org/bigpicture/reelect.php?cycle=2006. Senate re-election rates are slightly lower, at 79 percent in 2000 and 2006, 96 percent in 2004, and 86 percent in 2002.

  The Center for Responsive Politics tracks the amount of money various business sectors and lobbying organizations contribute to presidential campaigns. Check out their website at www.opensecrets.org. The amounts listed were as of May 21, 2008.

  Information on the amount of money that gun rights and gun control advocates have contributed to presidential campaigns is from the Center for Responsive Politics’ Issue Profile, “Gun Control vs. Gun Rights.” It is available online at http://opensecrets.org/news/issues/guns/index.php.

  Former Senator Phil Gramm’s connection to the McCain campaign and his efforts to deregulate the banking industry is detailed by MSNBC.com, “McCain Economic Policy Shaped by Lobbyist,” Jonathan Larsen and Keith Olbermann, March 28, 2008; www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24844889/.

  One good source for information about John McCain and how the press has covered him they way they covered candidate Bush is Free Ride: John McCain and the Media, David Brock and Paul Waldman, Anchor Books, 2008. See pages 49 to 58.