“I dropped my whip coming back from the trail and I was just coming down to get it when I saw you. River, I have never seen anything so beautiful; you should have seen the two of you…and bareback!”
“Yeah, this guy can jump,” River grinned, unable to hide his pride over his horse.
“How can you possibly have the courage to jump bareback, and you only have a halter on him,” Katrina exclaimed.
River shrugged, but he was pleased by her gushing praise. “They’re not very big jumps.”
“Still…”
“Please don’t tell Tess,” he asked conspiratorially. “She gets mad when I ride bareback.”
“No, I won’t, but where’s your helmet?”
“I just sort of got on him without thinking,” River admitted. “Don’t tell her that either; you know I always ride with a helmet.”
“You could have been hurt,” Katrina chastised him with a genuine look of concern on her face. She walked with him and Cory back to the stable, chatting away, mostly in words that emphasized her admiration of him.
River thought it was quite nice having someone look up to him and want to be with him; kind of how it used to be with Sierra.
*****
Corazón truly loved to jump; and when he did, he jumped big and bold. River (using bridle and saddle), started jumping him once or twice a week in the outdoor arena or over a few field jumps. He started with low heights in easy combinations, but Corazón exhibited so much enthusiasm and natural ability, that River gave in to the temptation to challenge him with bigger fences, tricky combinations, and tight turns. Cory’s eagerness matched that of his rider as he boldly faced each new obstacle with what appeared to be little effort.
Anyone at the stable when River jumped Corazón, found themselves drawn to stand at the rail and watch in awe; for the horse’s natural ability seemed dauntless.
“I never would have believed it the day you brought that animal here,” Tess said; her eyes bright, thinking of the possibilities. “Did you know he could jump?”
“No, I just saw the potential,” River stated proudly.
After that, Tess pushed River to try Cory’s limits and see how high and wide he could jump.
“Give him time, he’s only around six years old,” River replied, and refused to jump him more than three feet for the first month, even though Cory cleared three feet as effortlessly as most other horses cleared a foot.
But River was curious as well, and one afternoon, relented when Tess offered to set jumps for him to challenge Corazón to higher heights. She and one of her adult students set up a course of four jumps with two even strides between obstacles; simple cross-rails for the first two, a narrow oxer, and a final cross-rail. She set the cross-rails and the first rail of the oxer to start at two-foot-six, and the second rail of the oxer at three feet.
After twenty minutes of dressage exercises to warm him up, River took Cory through the line. As expected, he cleared them easily. Then Tess raised the height of each rail by four inches.
An audience drifted over to the arena to watch; Sierra, Katrina, and another boarder. It was the afternoon of Dean and Caroline’s lessons, and they had just arrived. As Caroline got out of the BMW, she saw Corazón take the four jumps in a clean go.
Tess had just raised the highest rail to four-foot-six.
“Who is that?” Caroline, who rarely noticed anyone at Pegasus, hissed at her brother.
Dean looked askance at his sister and his brow creased into a frown at the admiration in her expression. “That’s my competition, sister dear,” he said with a sneer.
Instead of going directly to the trailer where the family groom waited with her horse saddled and ready for her lesson, she strode over to join the group of spectators. Dean reluctantly followed, but he wanted to see just how good this horse was as well.
“This time will be five feet,” Tess called out as she and her student raised the rails another four inches.
River trotted a circle with the reins long, encouraging Cory to stretch his neck in between jumping rounds. “Okay, but this will be the last go.” He picked up the reins and signaled for canter. Cory snorted and lifted his head. “Tired?” River spoke to his horse and relaxed his aids to test his eagerness to continue. Cory maintained his energetic gait, pricking his ears toward the row of obstacles. “Okay.” The pair turned down the line and jumped as easily as the last round.
The spectators clapped and cheered, and Tess grinned broadly. “Just one more round,” she called out. “Let’s just see if he can go over five feet.”
River knew his horse could, for he had sensed Corazón judge the height and gather and bunch his muscles just enough as he negotiated and cleared each rail. He was certain his horse had more jump still in him. But he had done enough for today. “Tess, he can,” he told her with finality. “But this is all I’m going to ask of him today.” He brought Cory down from the trot to a walk and let him stretch his neck as he cooled him down, walking along the rail.
“River…” she started to protest, but his back was already to her as he rode off on the black, and she gave in. Nevertheless, she was very pleased.
“What do you think of Corazón?” Sierra asked Dean, who had moved to stand next to her.
“The horse can jump,” he said flatly, watching River through narrowed eyes. “Where did Tess get him?”
“He’s River’s horse; the one he rescued over a year ago.”
“Really,” Dean said, almost to himself and not as a question.
Caroline studied the black horse with an intent expression on her face. Then without speaking, she strode off to the trailer to mount up for her lesson.
“That was amazing!” Katrina called out as River and Cory rounded the top end of the arena and approached the group of onlookers on the rail.
Sierra smiled up at River and their eyes met for a brief flash of understanding. Like parents sharing a moment of love and pride over a child, they shared their love and pride over Corazón.
But then River’s face creased into a frown and Sierra suddenly felt Dean put his arms around her shoulders, and kiss the top of her head. She flinched. A gesture that at any other time would have thrilled her, she instinctively recognized was not a spontaneous moment of affection for her, but aimed at River…to make him jealous? She did not like it and pulled away from him.
“Nice horse,” Dean said.
Okay, he complimented Cory and maybe he just wanted to demonstrate to River that I belong to him (do I belong to him?); sort of a male dominance gesture or whatever. As Dean playfully tugged on one of her braids she found she had already forgiven him.
“What are you doing now?” Dean asked. He kissed the top of her head again.
“I’ve got one more horse to ride and then I’m done for the day,” Sierra answered.
“Take a break and hang out with me until it’s time for my lesson.”
As usual, she readily agreed.
But instead of remaining at the rail to watch Caroline, he said, “Come on.” He grabbed her hand and led her away. They walked past the entrance to the stable and Sierra caught a glimpse of Katrina helping River untack Cory. A pang of remorse momentarily tightened her chest as she realized that Katrina was doing the things with River that she thought of as hers…mine?...ridiculous.
Dean guided her to the hay storage barn. Inside, he pulled her down next to him into a pile of loose hay, surrounded by stacked bales that hid them from anyone who might venture in. He immediately started kissing her face and neck, and then pressed his lips against her mouth, probing with his tongue. His hands roved over her shoulders and back.
He just wants to make out! Well, that’s what she knew most girls at school did with their boyfriends. And she did like it…sort of. She liked feeling his hands touching her, and his warm, velvety lips on her own. But the tongue? ...Not so sure about that. But she did like the passion he obviously felt for her; that she interpreted as affection. Sierra couldn’t imagine such intimacy un
less you were really attracted to the person.
But when Dean pulled her tee-shirt out from where it was tucked into her breeches, she froze and stiffened in his arms.
“It’s okay,” he broke off the kiss and murmured against her cheek. “I’m not going to do anything bad.” He brought his hands up to hold her face as he resumed the kiss, and she relaxed again. But a few moments later, she felt his hand moving up underneath her shirt, touching the bare skin of her abdomen.
“Dean, no,” she pulled away as if she had received an electric jolt.
“I just want to touch you.” He gazed deep into her eyes. “How can it hurt anything? Don’t you like me?”
“I just don’t want you to touch me there,” she insisted. She knew with certainty that she was not ready for this level of intimacy, but she also knew she did not want him to know how flat-chested she was; as if he couldn’t tell just by looking.
Dean sat up and moved away, sighing, and just as he had in his car, acted hurt and a little angry. “I better start warming up my horse.” He stood up and walked away.
Sierra felt humiliated and very immature. What was I supposed to do? She jumped up and hurried after him. “Dean…Dean, wait,” she called to his back.
But he didn’t wait or even look around.
*****
24 Cold Weather, Cold Relationship
In training the riding horse no exercise effects a full measure of usefulness unless it be conducive to the ultimate improvement of free forward movement. – Henry Wynmalen, Dressage: A Study of the Finer Points of Riding
*****
The weeks of autumn slipped into winter. Sierra and Katrina helped River and Manuel clip the shaggy coats of the horses so they could continue in work throughout the winter months without sweating and becoming chilled. The horses wore heavy, waterproof blankets for turnout and warm, quilted stable blankets at night. When the temperatures dropped to near freezing or below, the riders used quarter sheets under their saddles when warming up; and often the cold, wet weather forced riding in the confinement of the indoor arena. It was the time of year for breaking the ice in the outside water troughs and wearing rubber boots to lead horses in and out as the many passing hooves churned the lane into mud. The horses received warm bran mashes two to three nights a week.
Happiness for Sierra, something she had taken for granted all her life, now only completely filled her when working directly with or riding a horse.
She forced herself to focus on the lectures at school, and was diligent in completing her homework. At lunch, she discussed with Allison history, English reading assignments, and debated over math problems, as if she cared; laughing at jokes and feigning interest in news and gossip. Whenever Sierra allowed her thoughts to take their own course (which occurred often), she thought of Dean. Then her insides twisted in agony. How she wished she could command herself to forget him, evict all the feelings she felt for him, and return to the trouble-free, happy life she had known pre-Dean.
Allison seemed to be growing more and more fond of Peter; talking about all his good qualities and his quirky habits, and even his faults, in endearing tones. Peter called Allison every night and they spent time together every weekend. Sierra appreciated that Allison at least hadn’t given up their lunch time together to spend it with Peter.
Katrina didn’t seem to be interested in anyone in particular, but many boys were interested in her. She went out almost every weekend but rarely with the same guy. She turned down as many dates as she accepted.
What would it be like to have a boyfriend who called her often, took her out, and wanted to be seen with her? Dean walked her to a few classes and called her maybe once or twice a week, and usually after nine or ten o’clock at night; and pulled her away to make out during Caroline’s lesson. That was the extent of their relationship.
I should break up with him. But how do you break up with someone that you’re not even sure you are going out with?
“Sierra, you don’t have to pretend with me,” Allison said one day in a soft voice after she had asked Sierra when she had last talked to Dean (which had been over a week), and Sierra had answered in a bright tone that she couldn’t remember.
The sympathy of her friend really didn’t help, and Sierra choked back what felt like a sob. I will not cry. Then she admitted, baring her raw feelings, for after all, Allison was her best friend. “Maybe I do have to pretend.”
At one time, she could have confided to her mother all her hurt and confusion. But Pam seemed so happy and somewhat distracted lately, which Sierra blamed on Ron. Blame or not, she didn’t want to infuse her hurt into her mother’s blissful state.
So she continued with the pretense of going out with Dean, because she wanted it to be true. She knew he was playing with her. A smart girl would tell him to leave her alone, would hang up when he called, and would laugh at him when he said all the endearing, affectionate things that made her feel special and like he really did care. But Sierra recognized that she was book smart. She was definitely not boy smart. She felt helplessly and hopelessly in love.
Dean did not call her for two weeks after the incident in the hay barn. For those two weeks, Sierra’s eyes roved the hallways and cafeteria hoping for the sight of him walking toward her with his endearing half-smile. Her heart tumbled into palpitations every time her phone rang, and dropped into despair when it was not him.
But one morning, at the end of that two weeks, she awoke thinking about her ride on Fiel yesterday, and then about her latest homework challenge before she thought of Dean. She walked with Allison and Katrina between classes and her mind did not drift away from their conversation. That night, she shut her phone off completely and moved the charger back to her desk across the room. I’m over him…mostly.
A few days later, Sierra grabbed her phone on her way out the door to school, barely glancing at it, and was just about to shove it into a pocket of her backpack, when she noted two messages from Dean, both asking: call me, and call me, I need to talk to you. Then a text message: Sierra, I’m sorry. I’ve tried to leave you alone and get you out of my mind. I’m too old for you. But it’s hopeless. I miss you. Please forgive. Meet me at the back door after last period. Please.
I won’t. I’m over him. But she did meet him, telling herself she was just curious as to what excuse he would have. But when he looked into her eyes with his own that seemed sincerely filled with passion, it all began again.
Allison persisted, “Sierra, I’m your best friend, right?”
Sierra nodded agreement, her stomach knotting for she knew what Allison was going to say.
“Forget him. He’s turned out to be the absolute worst creep we’ve ever had in our school.”
“I know, I know. Allison, what can I do? I tell myself every time he calls I’m not going to answer. Sometimes I actually ignore one or two calls, but then I give in. Every time he comes up to me at the stable and looks into my eyes with those beautiful, deep blue eyes of his, that just smolder with his passion, I lose all my resolve. I let him take my hand and we go make out somewhere. I’m such an idiot!” Sierra laughed to keep from crying.
“No you’re not,” Allison said. “You’re someone with the capacity to love true and deep. He’s the idiot.” She hugged her friend sympathetically.
*****
Two weeks before Christmas break, Sierra received an invitation from David Schulman, the boy who had asked her to the spring ball last year, to go with him to the Christmas ball; the last school event before the end of the term. She politely refused, and then fell on her bed to sob silently into her pillow, for she believed his asking meant that nobody assumed she and Dean were going out together…and they weren’t. But it was like a knife probing a raw wound.
“You really should go with him,” Allison encouraged. “It wouldn’t hurt for Dean to have some competition; might even make him jealous.”
“It wouldn’t be fair to David,” Sierra replied.
“Sierra, you don’t have to
be in love with a guy to go out on a date. You like David, don’t you?”
“Sure, he’s a nice guy. I’m just not attracted to him.”
“But you could go with him as a friend and have a good time…get your mind off creepy Dean.”
“I’d be bored and probably make him miserable,” Sierra persisted. When Allison shrugged and rolled her eyes, Sierra changed the subject. “At least Billy Bruber didn’t ask me, now that he has a girlfriend.”
Billy had recently latched onto a new freshman girl, Charlene Pickering, and the couple was the subject of much derisive gossip around school. Charlene was a bit on the simple side; probably just intelligent enough to not attend special needs classes. She was slightly overweight, but had a well-developed figure, and an attractive face. Her wardrobe consisted of bright colored tee-shirts with pictures of cute animals. But she was a happy person who laughed readily at everyone’s jokes, even when the joke was on her. She had a generous nature; always willing to loan out pens, paper, and even money. A sweet girl, Sierra and Allison both agreed.
Allison smiled and said, “I think they’re a cute couple. He is certainly devoted to her.”
Sierra agreed. How nice it would be if Dean treated her half as nice as Billy treated Charlene. Billy’s mother drove the two of them back and forth to school. They arrived together holding hands, Billy waited for her between classes to walk her to her next class, and they sat together at lunch eating from the same tray. Billy gazed at her adoringly, playing with a lock of her hair, giving her a quick kiss, and always holding her hand or had an arm around her.
Dean should take lessons from Billy; well, not that Dean didn’t know how to be nice, Sierra supposed. He simply chose not to.
Over Christmas break, Dean called her only once, and after ten at night. His speech was slurred and Sierra could not doubt that he had been drinking. He suggested they ride together the next day. Sierra wasn’t surprised when he did not show up, and at least she hadn’t wasted time waiting for him.
The Boy Who Loves Horses (Pegasus Equestrian Center Series) Page 25