“Where’s Katrina?” Sierra asked in a weak voice. Could he feel the dampness of her palm in the hand he held?
“She went to the restroom.”
“Does she know you’re..?”
“She told me to dance with you,” River interrupted.
“Oh.” How painful to realize it had not been his idea to dance with her. She had heard the expression of wanting the floor to swallow one up, and that was exactly how she felt. How humiliating that the boy she wanted to dance with more than anyone else, was dancing with her only because his girlfriend, who felt sorry for her, had told him to do it.
In silence, River led her rhythmically to the band’s music, as graceful on his feet as he was in the saddle. Sierra closed her eyes, allowing herself to forget the reason she was in River’s arms; and at least for a few moments enjoy the closeness of him, the exhilarating sensation of moving together in rhythm. It seemed he had pulled her in just a little closer, or did she imagine it?
She opened her eyes, and the brief moment of pleasure ended as the visual impact of reality surrounded her. “How did you learn to dance so well?” she asked in a nervous, high-pitched voice, feeling the silence had become awkward.
“I had to take ballroom dancing like everybody else in eighth grade.”
“So did all the other boys, but they don’t dance as well as you.”
River merely exhaled on a short laugh, and turned her gracefully, back into an eddy of silence.
“I believe that’s my date you’re dancing with.” What timing; Dean had finally arrived! He placed his hand on Sierra’s shoulder and pulled her away from River.
River immediately dropped his hands, scowled sideways at Dean, but did not even look at Sierra as he walked away.
No…how could you finally show up at this moment? Sierra looked up at Dean’s smug expression, and suddenly, his handsome face only looked petty and mean. How could she have ever thought him attractive? She narrowed her eyes at him angrily and turned away, striding purposefully from the dance floor.
“Sierra,” he called as he followed her and when he caught up, grabbed her by the upper arm to slow her down. “I’m sorry. I don’t blame you for being mad.”
“I’m not mad,” she answered truthfully. “I’ve just lost interest in this ridiculous party. I want to go home.” She shrugged her shoulder out from underneath his hand and continued walking.
“Oh…okay, that’s fine. I’ll take you home.” He continued to trail after her. “Sierra, what is wrong?”
Sierra tried to quicken her pace to get away from him, but it was impossible within the swarm of kids. She looked around desperately for Allison and Peter, and finally catching sight of them dancing, pushed her way through to reach them.
“You finally made it,” Peter commented as Sierra came up with Dean on her heels.
“What’s the matter?” Allison asked, immediately noting the fixed, tight expression on Sierra’s face and how she ignored Dean.
“Do you two mind if I call my mother to pick us up now?” Sierra pleaded. She did not want to spoil Allison’s evening, but she simply could not bear spending another moment in Dean’s presence.
“Sierra,” Dean broke in. “I said I’ll take you home. What is the matter? Just tell me.” He caught Allison’s eye and raised his brow in an expression of ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with her’.
Rage suddenly rushed up Sierra’s spine as her mind filled with all the neglect, abuse, and aggressiveness she had endured from Dean, filling her chest with blackness. She pivoted on her heel to face him. “Get away from me!”
“Sierra…” Dean’s eyes flew open in shock; for he had been sure he could sooth her anger and placate her, as he had always done before.
“You heard her,” Allison said, with her own eyes blazing. “Come on, Peter.” She linked her arm with Sierra’s and with Peter following close behind, as if he were a protective shield, they moved out of the ballroom, ignoring the stares and buzz of comments of all those who witnessed the scene.
*****
Safe at home, Sierra sobbed into her pillow. Pam sat on the side of her bed, rubbing her shoulders and smoothing her hair, giving what little comfort she could. Sierra had poured out her emotions and told her all; her infatuation with Dean, her jealously of Katrina, especially when she suddenly realized in an epiphanic moment, how she truly felt about River.
When her last sobs subsided and Sierra’s breathing evened out into a soft snore through her stuffed nose, Pam rose and went to her own bed. Her heart ached in sympathy with her daughter’s heartache, and anger filled her soul at the ruthlessness of a good-looking and charming boy who used his gifts to abuse and hurt her daughter. A suppressed memory rose to the surface and for once she did not force it away from her thoughts. A handsome boy, full of charm, wooing her with delicious words that made her feel beautiful and special. The same boy had lured her into his bed, but like a brick wall, had repelled her when she told him about her pregnancy. Somehow his parents found out (not from her), and forced him to marry her; a marriage full of pain as he left her every night to party with his buddies. She had no regrets, and only a little guilt, when his life ended after he crashed his car, drunk and stoned. She had never told Sierra the truth about her father; only that he had died in a car accident, withholding the details of his drunken and selfish lifestyle. The daughter did not need to know the worst of her father. She had maintained a relationship with his parents who were decent enough, although distant, and kept in touch with their granddaughter mostly through birthday and Christmas cards with an occasional small check enclosed.
The night her husband died had freed Pam from her worst nightmare. If Sierra’s experience with Dean had taught her caution, well then, perhaps the pain she suffered now would be for the best; maybe prevent her making a future mistake. But how Pam hated the boy who had stolen her daughter’s innocence.
*****
When Tess learned that River was taking Katrina to a dance, she insisted on loaning her Lexus for the evening. Now River escorted Katrina from the country club’s ballroom to the parking lot, and held the door for her. He watched as she slid gracefully onto the passenger seat, noting her attractive curves outlined by the clingy dress she wore, and the view of her legs as she swung them in – shapely legs, with strong calf muscles; the legs of a girl who rides, he noted appreciatively. He walked around the front of the car, and as he got into the driver’s seat, Katrina smiled at him demurely.
“Every girl at the dance had her eyes on you tonight,” Katrina stated.
“I think it was their partners looking at you,” he countered.
Katrina giggled. “No, their partners were looking at you too; jealous that their dates were watching you.”
River laughed, but he could feel his face heat up at the complement and was glad for the darkness. He had to admit, he liked how Katrina looked at him with admiration in her eyes. It was nice to be sought after. He started the engine and moved the car into the line of exiting partygoers. Katrina chattered almost nonstop; gossiping about everyone there; for she knew everybody and quite a few tidbits about the different relationships. River only half-listened; he wasn’t interested in the others there, until Katrina mentioned Sierra, and then he paid full attention.
“Sierra really let Dean have it tonight. Did you see the look on his face when she walked away from him? Good for Sierra! He’s been taking her for granted and maybe he’ll appreciate her a little better now. I don’t blame her one bit; I mean, he was over two hours late! I’ll bet next time they go out he’ll be on time.”
River hoped there would be no next time.
Then Katrina moved on to gossip about another couple. She sure talks a lot, River observed, her chatter like background noise that allowed him to think his own thoughts; all of which were of Sierra.
She had looked so unhappy and forlorn tonight with a frozen smile on her face, and every few minutes looking toward the ballroom entrance. As much as he hated Dean, he
had found himself wishing the jerk would show up; just to relieve the painful expression on Sierra’s face. He wanted to ask her to dance but didn’t know how he could, since he was with Katrina. His heart warmed toward Katrina when she saw Sierra walking with slumped shoulders, alone, and she had told him to go ask her to dance. He thought that was very kind of Katrina.
Dean had hurt Sierra. He was glad Sierra had the sense to be angry with him, and he had broken out in a smile when he saw her walk away from that jerk. He had felt like cheering. But was Sierra over him? Would she forgive Dean and take him back if he begged her for forgiveness?
He pulled into Katrina’s driveway and shut off the engine. Katrina at last quit talking, and looked up at him sideways with a wistful, expectant look on her face. Should he kiss her now? Her house was dark except for the front porch light. It didn’t appeal to him to walk her to the door and kiss her in that light.
“River,” Katrina spoke barely above a whisper. “Thank you…”
Okay, here in the car. He leaned in and cradled her cheek with one hand as he gently kissed her open mouth, and pleased when she kissed him back. She emitted a sound of pleasure and shifted closer to him; clearly an invitation. He put his arms around her and she immediately reached up with her own arms to encircle his shoulders with her hand at the back of his neck and her fingers playing in his hair. They kissed, long and passionately.
It felt good to kiss a girl again and his body stirred with yearning as her soft lips, slightly parted, pressed against his own, and he could feel her breasts rising against his chest with each inhalation. His own fingers caught in her hair and with his other hand he caressed her shoulder and neck, moving his fingers to trace down her lovely throat and across her collarbone…and then daringly across her breasts. Katrina murmured a soft sound, and it seemed her breasts rose to meet his touch.
Katrina broke away from their kiss to ask, “Do you want to go somewhere?”
“Like where?”
“Anywhere that we can park and be alone. My parents don’t wait up for me.”
River sensed that she would not protest if he tried to make love to her…in fact, seemed to be asking him to. And he certainly wanted to…sort of…physically, he definitely wanted her. It had been quite awhile since the last time with Laila, and it would be so lovely to undress this beautiful girl, run his hands over her smooth, bare skin, and kiss her all over, starting with the tip of her nose to her chin, down her throat, to…
But there was innocence in Katrina that he had never sensed in Laila. Laila had made all the first moves and had made it very clear that she wanted pleasure from him but nothing more. They had both taken equal pleasure in their lovemaking; Laila took as much as she gave.
Katrina was different. She seemed to like him very much; maybe loved him? He cared for Katrina, and he had already admitted that it felt good to have her like him; a bit of balm in his lonely life. But he was not in love with Katrina. He instinctively knew it would be wrong to make love to her unless he shared her feelings. He did not want to take advantage of her.
He leaned in and kissed her again. “Not tonight,” he said, and with genuine regret in his tone. He moved away and got out of the car. He opened her door and held out his hand to help her out, and then with his arm affectionately around her shoulder, walked her to her door.
“Thank you,” she whispered and she reached up to take his face between her hands, and kissed him softly. “I had the best evening of my life.”
*****
27 The Bet
Through the days of love and celebration and joy, and through the dark days of mourning – the faithful horse has been with us always. – Elizabeth Cotton
*****
The morning after, Sierra had the hardest time dragging herself out of bed that she could ever remember. Her head throbbed and her eyes were still puffy from crying herself to sleep. Pam suggested she call the stable and tell them she was sick today. Sierra considered it, but decided getting out would be the best remedy. “I think it would be worse to lie around. If ever I needed to be around horses, it’s today,” she explained, but she did consent to her mother’s offer to drive her to the stable.
Now her entire body dragged through the morning chores. With each heart beat, her head throbbed and seemed to echo in her brain, lub, dub; lub, dub; lit-tle-fool-girl. She knew River watched her from the corner of his eye, as if he heard her thoughts.
Half way through mucking the first aisle of stalls, he asked, “Are you okay?” in a gentle tone without spite.
Sierra had expected, ‘I told you so’. She was prepared to admit her mistake and take whatever River chose to dish out. She knew how much he despised Dean and what an idiot he must think she was. Well, she had been a total idiot. She gulped down her humiliation and decided to make a full confession.
She halted her pitchfork action and leaned on its handle for support. Looking up to meet his eyes that she found filled with concern; it was a little easier to swallow her pride as she admitted, “Actually, I’m not okay. I’ve been very stupid and blind. Dean has been playing games with me and I was too infatuated to figure it out. Last night was the last straw and I suddenly saw the real Dean.” She tried to keep her voice matter-of-fact. Nevertheless, she couldn’t prevent a slight quaver to her last few words.
River listened, sensing her inner struggle to hide her emotional state. For a fleeting moment he felt triumphant, but then his heart wrenched in his chest at the look of dejection she tried to hide from her face and the heavy slump to her shoulders. He wanted to toss his pitchfork aside and rush to her side, take her in his arms. Should I..?
“Good morning,” a cheerful voice called out and moments later, Katrina walked into view, smiling brightly. “Hi, Sierra.” She waved to her as she passed the stall where Sierra stood, and then walked confidently up to River, stepped into his stall, and gave him a kiss.
He kissed her back…I saw it. Sierra turned away so that she could fight back her tears, and returned to mucking with more vigor than she had exhibited all morning.
Grabbing another pitchfork, Katrina hung around to help, chatting almost nonstop and oblivious to the fact that neither Sierra nor River said more than the occasional ‘uh huh’.
With chores finished, Sierra and Katrina saddled Fiel and Calliope for their usual Saturday morning lesson. Sierra focused all her attention on River’s instructions, and realized that she really hadn’t been concentrating the way she should have for the past few weeks, her mind always drifting to thoughts of Dean.
“Leave the reins alone,” River called out to her, just a slight tone of annoyance in his voice. “All you need to do is weight your inside stirrup and let that turn your hip slightly. You should feel him under your inside seat bone. Try that to turn him onto a small circle. You can squeeze a little with the outside rein, just to help him keep his balance.”
It was hard not to press on the inside rein and reach with it to the inside, but Sierra tried closing her eyes and then consciously repeated River’s instructions in her mind. She pushed down on her inside seat bone and stirrup, and to her delight, felt Fiel’s inside hind leg move underneath him as he bent his body onto the circle. She opened her eyes and kept the aids to complete the circle; with only a squeeze of the outside rein!
“Beautiful,” River complimented.
A grin of accomplishment split her face and she looked over at River, who smiled back as their eyes connected.
After the lesson, and as she and Katrina talked about what they had each learned and what they were still struggling with, Sierra suddenly realized she had not once thought of Dean; not since she had focused all her attention on Fiel during the lesson. She stroked her horse’s neck in gratitude for his gentleness, patience, and consistently forgiving nature. She almost felt happy and was glad she had not stayed at home feeling sorry for herself. Her emotions still felt painfully raw and exposed, but Fiel and the other horses would provide the perfect medicine to help her heal.
&nbs
p; “Sierra,” River walked up to the crossties, frowning. “Tess is here and wants to meet with us in the office.”
“I’ll be there as soon as I put Fiel away.”
*****
“How old are you now?” Tess asked as she leaned back in her chair and scrutinized Sierra sitting next to River.
“Fifteen.”
“Hmm, good; you’re old enough to ride preliminary, and you have enough qualifying rides at training level to move up this year.
“She’s not ready for preliminary,” River interjected.
Tess glared at him. “Let me finish. It’s simply something to keep in mind.” She turned her attention back to Sierra. “Gloria has found a new horse and he should be coming in a few days. She is not interested in continuing to ride Silver, so I would like you to compete on him at training level to keep him active and give him exposure until he sells. It should help find a buyer.”
“Okay,” Sierra agreed after glancing at River and not noticing any signs of disapproval.
“If he sells, we will then look at another horse for you to compete…at training level,” she finished, glaring at River before he could protest.
Glancing at a list, Tess continued, “Moose’s owner is very excited to see him go intermediate this season. You need one more qualifying read at preliminary, and then I don’t see any reason why he shouldn’t move up. Do you?”
“No, I guess not. He might have a hard time with the dressage.”
“It will give you something to work on,” she said sarcastically.
Sierra glanced sideways at River, trying not to smile. Conversations between him and Tess were always laced with static.
“Mrs. Galensburg asked if we would be showing Pendragon at Prix St. Georges this year, and I assured her that was the plan.” Noting his frown, she snapped at him, “River, part of running a business is diplomacy. I made no promises, but I don’t want to dash her hopes either. If you show him at all three of the fourth level tests, we might be able to try him at Prix St. Georges at the end of the season. You earn your scores and then there is no reason not to move up.”
The Boy Who Loves Horses (Pegasus Equestrian Center Series) Page 28