There had been a few other small focus groups that had produced comparable results, but those were often pandered by other medical professionals as being slanted due to their number of subjects or the company sponsoring the trial. That wouldn’t be the case this time. She had been sure to secure an impartial sponsor in Traxx Labs and had not only used extremely controlled samples, but had chosen from a wide range of participants from various sports. When all was said and done, Kara planned to submit a paper for publication to the Journal of Manipulative and Physiological Techniques. If accepted, she would earn the opportunity to tout the benefits of chiropractic to other medical professionals through speaking engagements. She couldn’t be any more excited about the possibilities ahead.
The ringing of her office phone broke the silence of the room, but not her focus. Kara’s eyes continued to skim the page undeterred as she answered the phone with perfect professionalism, “Hello, this is Doctor Davies.”
“Whatcha doin’, Kara?”
It wasn’t as much a question as it was an accusation. Kara had been on the receiving end of Nicole’s little talks enough times to know the difference, only this time, she didn’t know what she’d done to warrant a call. Kara’s brows knitted and she set the page down, slightly annoyed by the interruption. “What do you mean, Nicole?” she asked with a touch of irritation.
“You know what I mean.”
Actually, she didn’t. Kara had a one-track mind and currently that track was on proving spinal manipulation could improve performance. “I’ve been busy comparing results from the experiment.” A smile broke out as she glanced back down at the page on her desk. “I think I have enough to submit to J.M.P.T.”
“That’s great to hear,” Nicole replied, though her voice lacked any signs of enthusiasm. “I’d love another chiropractic paper in the journal, but what you need to be busy with is the warm body that’s head over heels for you and afraid she’s done something to scare you off.”
Kara’s eyes snapped up at the mention of Sierra. “What do you mean? Sierra and I are fine. I just have a lot on my plate right now.”
“Oh Kara,” Nicole blew out a tired sigh. “Do I need a sledgehammer to drive this point home yet again?” When silence followed her question, she continued, “She’s not Jamie. She’s not Rachel. She’s definitely not Bianca. You don’t need to hide. You feel it with Sierra. You said so yourself. So, why are you trying to sabotage this relationship?”
Now that the light had been shed on the reason for Nicole’s call, Kara still failed to see the problem. “I don’t know what you mean. This is who I am. Sierra knows that and so do you. And it’s not like we haven’t seen one another. She was here Monday for her session.”
“Seriously, Kara?”
Taking offense to the remark, Kara fired back, “Why? Did she say something? If she has a problem, she should speak to me instead.” She would be pissed if Sierra had complained to her best friend.
“Not directly, no, but I could tell when we spoke the other day that something was off. Sierra is usually a bundle of energy when we talk racing. If you’re reverting to your old patterns, which I suspect is the case, then she hasn’t been able to speak to you, because you haven’t been available for days. Tell me if I’m wrong, Kara.”
Looking at the calendar, Kara frowned and shook her head. She couldn’t believe that it had been nearly a week since she and Sierra had done anything more than exchange texts, besides their one business-related research session. She exhaled and ran her fingers through her hair, accepting defeat. “Noted. I’ll talk to her tomorrow. Was there something else you needed?”
“You’ll talk to her tonight.”
“Nic-”
“I’m serious, Kara. You’ll hate yourself if you screw this one up and I will remind you of it for the rest of your life.”
“Fine,” she relented with a huff, exhausted from the conversation. Nicole was right though, as usual. She needed to see Sierra and make up for the cancelled dates and disappearing act.
“And for goodness sake, Kara, eat something. You probably haven’t eaten all day.”
“All right, mom. Jeeze. Anything else?”
“Not really. We had nine new patients this week and I have some meetings set up from Sierra’s wish list.”
“Nice. You’re a rock star, Nic.”
“Mhm. I know. Maybe I’ll make a weekend trip over for a visit. We haven’t had a girl’s night in a long time and I’d love to spend some time with you guys.”
“That would be nice. And Nicole? Thank you for always looking out for me.”
“That’s what best friends do. Besides, you’re more like my sister than my sister by blood.”
“That’s why I love you.”
“Have a nice evening with Sierra. I expect a full report, by the way. Us married folks have to live vicariously through our single friends.”
“Oh boy, I don’t know about that.” Kara leaned back and laughed. “Have a goodnight. Oh, and tell John I said hello.”
“Will do. Goodnight, Kara.”
Kara reached forward to hang up the phone and then leaned back in her chair, her eyes finding great interest in the patterns of the white textured ceiling. Had she alienated Sierra? That hadn’t been her intention, although it had been one of her fears from the start. Work was her passion, so she wouldn’t usually think twice about burying herself beneath a mountain of data, but it had become a convenient crutch and avoidance tactic when her fears and insecurities about relationships made her want to run. But wasn’t Sierra her passion too? Didn’t she deserve more? She suddenly felt extremely guilty for her treatment of Sierra. And it totally sucked.
With her other girlfriends, she had had an excuse—she simply lacked interest. Work was far more stimulating than spending time with them—with most people actually. That wasn’t the case with Sierra, however, but she had been struggling with the whole “being open and spontaneous” since the first days of their relationship. Add in the fear that Sierra would become bored with the “real” Kara and you had one nervous doctor who had unconsciously slipped into the familiar safe space of her office. Putting herself out there was scary—especially when it had never been on her to-do list.
Now cognizant of the fourteen-hour days she had been putting in, Kara’s energy waned. The emotionally exhausting conversation with Nicole had only added to her weariness. It was time to call it a night and do as she’d promised. She reached into her coat pocket and pulled out her cell phone. A missed text from Sierra screamed a reminder of how she’d forgotten to respond to the message earlier this morning regarding dinner tonight.
God, I’m a shitty girlfriend.
A deep breath released as she dragged her palms down her face and massaged her temples. Determined to set things right, she quickly typed out an apology followed by an invite to have dinner at her apartment with Chinese takeout and a movie. Barely a minute had passed before she received an enthusiastic reply. A smile appeared without thought. The butterflies that had been lying dormant since their last date made their presence known with a flutter that brought her a renewed surge of energy.
Wonderful thoughts of Sierra previously repressed by the dangling carrot of research, forced their way to the forefront. Kara had missed her more than she’d realized. She jumped to her feet and quickly packed her things, resisting the temptation to bring any files home with her. Tonight, Sierra would be her sole focus. She was the one person who could excite her as much as work. Added proof she needed to pay more attention to her girlfriend if she had any hope of making their relationship last. Kara couldn’t fathom why Sierra still wanted to be with her after how she had treated her, but tonight, she planned to show her how much she really wanted to make their relationship work.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Two knocks sent Kara rushing to the door. The little time she and Sierra had spent together recently had her feeling as jittery as if this was their first date. Her hand paused mid-reach for the doorknob. Second gu
essing herself, she took a quick step to the foyer mirror and checked her hair. Shaky hands smoothed down the front of her red button down and continued to her tan shorts. Content with her appearance, she opened the door to an uncharacteristically shy-looking Sierra with her dark hair brushed behind her ear, dressed casually in long black shorts and a gold V-neck tee that made her eyes pop. She held a bouquet of yellow lilies and baby’s breath—a gesture that melted Kara’s insides. How appropriate that Sierra would avoid something as customary as roses. Everything about her was unique and unabashedly on her own terms.
“Hello, Sierra.”
“Hi,” Sierra returned, her nervousness giving way to a beaming smile. She held Kara’s gaze for a long moment, then indulged in a quick trip down the length of her body before meeting her eyes once again. Sierra handed over the flowers and leaned in, placing a kiss on Kara’s cheek. “You look great, as always,” she whispered.
Was it the heat from Sierra’s gaze or her proximity that had caused Kara’s skin to redden and her breath to catch? She couldn’t be sure, but a second later, when Sierra’s shoulder “accidentally” brushed her breasts upon entering her home, a pleasurable tingle zipped down her spine and settled between her thighs. Her body’s response chased away her fears, as was common in Sierra’s presence, leaving her chastising herself for her stupidity in the handling of their relationship.
Sierra had had a such strong effect on her from day one. No one had ever looked at her like Sierra did—like she was the only thing that mattered in the world. Nor had anyone ever made her feel the way Sierra made her feel—excited and nervous, alive and afraid—she was fearless and terrified all at the same time.
Why the hell am I not spending every waking second with this woman?
It had been hard for Kara to comprehend how one woman could make her feel so wonderful yet so frightened, but now she knew why. Sierra was that one force of nature that could unequivocally compete with her other passions—a concept that left her fearing she would lose herself, one way or the other. Silly? Probably. But as Nicole so often reminded her, she could be sharp as a tack in academics, but dim as a foggy new moon night in regards to most anything else.
Kara caught herself staring and broke free of her stupor. Still standing in her open doorway, she shook her head, clearing her mind to focus on a quiet dinner with Sierra. Closing the door, she padded toward the kitchen where Sierra had already seated herself at the island and was waiting patiently—a half-smirk tiptoeing along her lips, seemingly proud of herself for eliciting such a reaction.
She should be proud. She certainly hit her mark.
Unable to do anything but smile, Kara’s eyes locked with Sierra’s and held as she rounded the island. No words were exchanged and Kara’s gaze only deviated for the brief amount of time it took her to pour two glasses of NV Taltarni Brut Rosé Taché—her favorite wine to pair with Chinese food. Returning to the gaze of two alluring golden eyes that were locked on her with laser-like focus, Kara handed over a glass and said, “It’s good to see you again.”
“You too. I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too.”
“Good to hear.”
Though Sierra’s smile was sincere, Kara hadn’t missed the twinge of pain in her reply. She had a lot of ground to make up. The moment was right to break into apology, but she didn’t want to ruin dinner. Besides, she was enjoying the intense eye contact they were currently engaged in. Deciding to wait, she motioned toward the dining room table and asked, “You hungry?”
“Starving,” was Sierra’s quick reply, her eyes darkening.
Kara knew all too well she hadn’t meant food and her body reacted in kind. A deep ache settled low in her belly as her heart rate rocketed. Her eyes were pulled to Sierra’s mouth as she licked away the remnants from her first sip of wine, nearly drawing a groan out of Kara. The burning need to taste those lips again had her head spinning and it wasn’t from the alcohol.
Continuing her admiration southward, she lingered on the swell of Sierra’s breasts prominently displayed by the V-neck tee and the way she had knowingly pressed against the edge of the island. Clearing her throat and squeezing her thighs, Kara’s voice cracked as she said, “Guess we should eat then.”
Smirking again, Sierra stood up and walked slowly to the table, allowing Kara time to appreciate the way the long, form-fitting black shorts hugged Sierra’s muscular thighs and toned backside. It had been four months since Kara had last had sex—a stat that usually meant nothing since work was all consuming. But right now…good lord, right now Sierra was like a cool glass of water in the middle of the desert, taunting her parched body. Kara swallowed hard and took a larger than normal gulp of wine.
Could I skip the apology and take her right here?
No. She shook her head and took a deep breath. She had to do this right. Their first time would not be out of desperate need. First, she had to make up for being such an ass. Properly.
Taking the seat across from Sierra, Kara smiled and opened the three containers. She took a serving of vegetable fried rice as Sierra helped herself to Chicken Lo Mein. Then they switched. Meaningful glances were shared over a comfortable silence and when all the food had been dished out, smiles were exchanged as they piled the first bites into their mouths.
The usual small talk ensued—work, riding, Ronni’s antics, and Sierra’s wish list—all with unexpected ease, which Kara noted and appreciated. As they neared the end of their meal, the time for the big talk had arrived.
Kara set her chop sticks down, wiped her mouth, and waited until Sierra met her eyes before beginning. “I’m sorry for being so absent these past few weeks.”
“Why did you feel the need to do that?”
Taking a deep breath, she dipped her head in shame. “It’s no lie that I’m swamped right now, but the truth of it is…I got scared.”
“Scared of what?” Sierra asked without judgement. Her expression supportive, almost sympathetic.
“I…” Kara looked to the ceiling for answers. Finding none, she settled her gaze back on Sierra, the one place where her truth always seemed to make itself known. She spoke from the heart, “I don’t know how to do this...relationships. What I know how to do is analyze and measure and calculate. I know how to piece together the puzzle of a patient’s complaint and come up with a diagnosis and plan of care.”
She rubbed her temples and continued, “Relaxed, spontaneous, concerned for another’s opinions and feelings about my actions, escapes me. Jamie tried to change my habits, to drag me away from the office and research. I won’t do that. I can’t do that—not to the degree she wanted at least. She even texted me yesterday to see if I had alienated you yet, saying no one would ever be able to compete with my love of work. I had dismissed her as being jealous. I truly believed I was doing better, that I was making an effort, but after speaking with Nicole today, I realized I had done exactly what Jamie had accused me of. All I think about is work. Call it habit, self-preservation, avoidance…whatever. The result is the same.”
Sierra’s brow furrowed and she looked away as she asked, “Was I just work for you? Was it all about a contract?”
“What? No! Of course not!” Kara was shocked at the question and moved to quickly dispel any doubts. “I’m not rich, but I am financially comfortable. So is Nicole. Yes, the clinic does benefit from using your name and endorsement. We want to grow our business, spread the word about chiropractic, and help more people live a healthy lifestyle. If it means we can help you too, then we are extremely happy about it. We both think you have a bright future and that the right partnership would help all of us, but if you feel I’ve manipulated you in any way, then say the word and I’ll tell Nicole to shred the contract.”
“No,” Sierra was quick to reply. “No,” she reiterated, shaking her head for emphasis. “It was a stupid question. I…never mind.” Her eyes cast down in shame, but she regrouped to address the problem at hand. “Look…I’m not asking you to change or t
o stop work. That big old brain of yours is one of my favorite things about you. All I ask is that you make some time for us and be open with me. This is new to me too. Sometimes I feel like you’re holding back and I don’t know why. That scares the shit out of me.”
A brief pause followed where Sierra seemed to collect her thoughts, then she smiled brightly and added, “I know we haven’t known one another long, but I love that you can ramble on with fancy words one moment and then shock me in leather on a Ducati the next. I look forward to learning about all the different parts of Kara Davies, because no one makes me feel the way you do.”
The heartfelt words hit Kara right in the chest, causing her eyes to sting. She never thought she’d hear such adoration directed at her and it made her want to do everything in her power to give them a real shot.
“Sierra, I promise I will try. You are the only person who has ever made me want to try. It may not seem like it, but I’ve been more open with you than anyone else. It’s new to me, okay? Please be patient. I’m afraid to lose myself to these feelings, but I don’t want to lose you either. I feel different when I’m with you and that scares me.”
“See? Was that so hard to express?” Sierra asked, chuckling lightly as she took Kara’s hand and pulled it to her lips for a light kiss.
“A little,” she said with a half-hearted laugh. “I guess sometimes my mind takes a while to catch up with my heart. It’s going take some practice, but I am working on it.” Kara’s smile returned and she reached her free hand across the table and placed it atop Sierra’s.
Looking down at their joined hands, the mood lightened and Sierra glanced back up through her lashes as she said, “That’s all I ask.”
Feeling the weight of a thousand elephants step off her chest, Kara took her first full breath in what felt like days. “Let’s finish this up and we can relax on the couch. I’ll even let you pick the movie.”
“Perfect.” Sierra got up and set her dishes in the sink before heading to the pile of DVD’s. She sorted through and when she settled on one, she popped it into the player, set her flip flops aside, and claimed a spot on the couch.
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