Jon’s head whipped around. “What?”
“Yeah, exactly. Gabby’s resigned.”
“You didn’t accept it? She loves that place. It will fall apart without her.”
“She doesn’t want to have to see you every day.”
The pain in his chest was so real he almost lifted his hands to check for a wound.
“Then I’ll bow out of the partnership,” he said after a long moment.
“As if she’s going to let you do that.”
“You can’t let her go.”
“She’s not my indentured servant, she’s my friend. I don’t want her to go, but if this is what she needs to do, then I won’t try to stop her.”
“You’re nuts. She’s upset, she’s not thinking straight.”
Tyler shrugged. Jon looked around for his car keys. Tyler might not be prepared to talk sense to Gabby, but he was. She might not want him in her life but she’d damned well listen if it killed him.
Too late he remembered he’d left his car in the city. With a bit of luck it would have been towed by now.
“Can you drive me over to Gabby’s place?”
“She’s not there. Dino’s anniversary party, remember?”
“Fine. Take me there.”
Tyler gave him a critical head to toe. “No offense, but you might have a better shot if you didn’t stink like a brewery.”
Jon looked down at his sleep-crumpled clothes.
“Give me five minutes.”
He strode into the bathroom and ripped his clothes off. Two minutes under the shower, deodorant, toothpaste, mouthwash.
He reappeared in the living room, glancing at his brother as he strode to the door.
“I’m driving,” he said.
THE VERY LAST THING GABBY wanted to do was attend a party celebrating the tenth anniversary of someone else’s happy marriage. But Dino and Lucia were her friends, and she had contributed to the weekend for two in Sydney that the company had bought as their gift. She had to go.
Her eyes were still red-rimmed from crying, but she did her best with mascara and eyeliner. She dressed in the skinny black jeans and flowery sleeveless shirt her sister had bought her for her birthday. She added a beaded necklace. There. She looked exactly like a heartbroken thirty-three-year-old woman who had been weeping all night and who was now trying to put on a brave face. Bully for her.
She gathered her phone, purse and keys. Ever since Tyler had left she’d felt numb. Simply…empty. She’d cried and wailed, she’d whined and complained. There was nothing left to do but take action.
In the cold light of the morning after, her decision to leave seemed even more smart and necessary than it had during the heightened angst of the small hours. She could not see Jon every day and not keep loving him. And she refused to flush more of her life away loving a man who was incapable of letting her in.
A pretty simple equation. With only one solution.
She drove to the suburban bistro hosting the party with the intention of staying the absolute bare minimum of time. An hour or two, tops. A noisy restaurant with a highly patronized children’s playground attached was not her idea of joy right now.
She parked near the entrance so she could make a quick getaway and got out of her car. She was collecting her bag from the passenger seat when Tyler’s truck drove past. She lifted her hand in greeting then froze when she saw Jon was behind the wheel, his face like thunder.
A little clutch of panic gripped her. She guessed Tyler had told him about her resignation. She squared her shoulders. So what if Jon didn’t like it? It was nothing to do with him.
She started walking toward the entrance.
“Gabby.”
She considered ignoring him, but figured it was better to get whatever it was he wanted to say out of the way before they went inside. This was a happy occasion after all.
She swiveled to face him as he approached. He stopped a few feet away from her. She was vaguely aware of Tyler hovering, but all her attention was on the angry man looming over her.
“Tyler said you’ve quit. Are you nuts?”
She pretended to think about it. “Don’t think so, no.”
“You love that place.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Yeah, it does. If you’re leaving because of me, don’t. I’ve already spoken to Tyler. I’m backing out of the partnership deal.”
“No.”
“No?”
“I won’t let you do that. You’re good for the business and Tyler needs you.” She eyed him steadily. “And you need it. You need it more than anyone.”
She could see she’d thrown him. All the anger left his face and his shoulders softened.
“Don’t do this.”
“I have to. There’s nothing there for me anymore.”
He looked pained. He took a step toward her. “That’s not true. You know how I feel about you.”
Her treacherous, weak heart ached for the pain in his voice and face. “I thought I did yesterday. But I realized I was wrong.”
“You weren’t wrong. I’ve never felt like this before, Gabby. Believe me. And I’m trying my best to give you what you want but this stuff doesn’t come easily to me.”
“I know. But I don’t want to be some sort of penance you have to endure, Jon. I want you to love me as freely and openly as I love you.”
She smiled as she saw the ripple of reaction across his face. “See? You’re not even comfortable with me saying it, are you? You let me in only so far but no more. You’re so busy protecting yourself there’s no place for me in your life. You don’t trust me with your secrets or your pain or whatever it is, and you don’t trust me with your heart.”
She blinked away tears. Surely she’d cried enough last night. Surely her bloody tear ducts could give her a break for five freaking minutes.
“None of that is true.”
“Isn’t it? Then what happened last night, Jon?”
He looked away.
She gripped the strap on her handbag. “I need to go. Dino and Lucia are expecting me.”
Jon caught her arm. “Don’t go.”
She put her hand on his and squeezed it, looking into his eyes, willing him to understand. “Give me one good reason to stay. Tell me what your dream was about last night.”
His expression immediately became shuttered. “None of that stuff matters.”
Everything in her went cold as she watched him retreat. This man was so precious to her, but what kind of a life would they have without trust?
“It matters to me. And I think it means everything to you.”
She pushed his hand from her arm and turned toward the entrance.
“Gabby.”
But he didn’t try to stop her this time. Her legs were shaking and she felt as though she was going to be sick as she entered the foyer. Ally popped up from a chair near the coat check, her face showing concern. Gabby guessed she’d been waiting for Tyler, since Tyler had come with Jon.
“Gabby. Are you all right?”
“N-no.” She was doing her damnedest not to cry, but tears were still leaking out of her eyes.
Ally looked around. “Come on, in here.”
The coatroom was unattended and Ally pulled Gabby inside and shut the door.
“This is about Jon.”
“Yes.”
“And your resignation.”
“Yes.”
“You know that Tyler and I love you too much to let you go, don’t you?”
Gabby gave up the fight to stop the tears. “I have to go, Ally, I have to. I can’t love another man who can’t love me back.”
Ally’s face was creased with sympathetic understanding. “Jon isn’t Tyler.”
“Oh, I know. It never hurt this much with Tyler. Not even close. I guess that should have told me something, huh?”
“Jon cares for you a lot.”
“I know. But how am I supposed to build a life with someone who quarantines parts of himself awa
y from me, Ally? What if we had children? How would we ever discuss anything real?” Gabby threw her hands in the air. “Listen to me, talking as though any of that was ever really a possibility. As if Jon would ever have let me get close enough for any of that to happen.”
Ally reached out and captured both of Gabby’s hands in hers, squeezing them earnestly. “I think you’re wrong. I love you and Jon too much to give up on this. Give him a chance, Gabby. I know you want to protect yourself—I know how powerful that instinct is. But you don’t get the good stuff without risking the bad. And he is worth it. When you first meet him he seems so closed off and unapproachable, but inside he’s sweet and so incredibly fiercely protective of people he cares about—”
“You don’t have to sell him to me. I love him.”
“Did you know he hassled Tyler about hiring an assistant for you? And that he came over to our place the other night beside himself because he thought he’d hurt you?”
Gabby shook her head.
“Stay. Take back that stupid resignation, and fight for him.”
Ally made it sound so easy.
“You’re worth it. He’s worth it, too,” Ally said.
She pulled Gabby into a hug. Gabby let her head rest on her friend’s shoulder for long moments.
“You know, when Tyler first told me about you I thought I’d hate you,” she said, sniffing.
Ally laughed. “I know. I should probably have hated you, too—the gorgeous, sexy ex still working with my man. But I didn’t.”
“Me, either.”
Ally kissed her cheek. “I’m going to back off now, put away my Dear Gertrude hat and leave you to it. But think about what I said, okay?”
Gabby nodded. “I will.”
“You might want to hit the bathroom before you join the rest of the gang,” Ally advised with a small smile.
“Mascara?”
“Oh, yeah.”
They exchanged one last hug before Ally slipped out of the room. Gabby took a couple of deep breaths and tried to work out what to do. She wanted so much to believe what Ally was saying. But the memory of Jon’s rejection was lodged like a splinter in her mind. And minutes ago she’d given him a second chance to offer her something—anything—she could latch on to, and he still hadn’t been able to get past his own defenses.
And yet…
She loved him. She wanted this so badly.
Her head spinning, she decided that maybe a cloakroom wasn’t the best place to make the most important decision of her life. Certainly she couldn’t make it alone. She owed Jon and herself at least that much: a conversation that wasn’t muddled by fear in the middle of the night or conducted publicly in a parking lot.
First, she needed to fix her face. She went in search of the bathroom.
JON STARED AT THE BEER SOMEONE had put in front of him. Last night he couldn’t get enough of the stuff and now he couldn’t even muster enough interest to lift the glass to his mouth. Carl and Kelly were swapping jokes next to him, cracking each other up as usual. Jon didn’t have it in him to pretend to be anything other than what he was right now, which was shattered.
He was more messed-up than he knew. Gabby had offered him a second chance—a third chance, really—and he still couldn’t come to the party.
I want you to love me as freely and openly as I love you.
That was what she’d said. She’d boldly told him that she loved him—and he hadn’t been able to come even close to articulating his own feelings for her.
She should run a mile. She should run and keep on running from a screw-up like you.
But she wasn’t. He’d thought he’d blown it last night but he’d realized he still had a chance with Gabby. If he was man enough to take it.
She wanted the truth? He’d give it to her. Tell her about all the times he’d cowered to one side and let his father beat the living crap out of Tyler. How he’d said nothing while his little brother got kicked or whipped or punched. How he’d abandoned his brother the second it was legal for him to bail on school and leave home and make his own way in the world, never once looking back. How he hated himself for being such a coward, for never standing up to the old man. And how even at the very end he hadn’t been able to stand up to him. Because that was why he’d left it so late—too late—to come home. Because he didn’t know how to face Robert. Because he’d been afraid his father would take one look at him and know how much of a hold he still had over Jon’s life.
Sweat prickled beneath his arms as he thought about sharing any of his shame with Gabby. She was so straight and strong and brave. He could only imagine what she would think of him, a woman who thought she could take on the world. She thought he was her match, but he wasn’t even close.
Kelly gave him a nudge and gestured toward the outside part of the restaurant with his chin.
“Going outside for a smoke,” he said.
Suddenly a cigarette seemed like a great idea. Jon had taken up smoking again when he’d first learned about his father’s illness and while he’d managed to kick the habit before Christmas, right now he figured he could do with something to calm his nerves while he thought about how to tell Gabby what she wanted to know.
“Mind if I have one?” he asked.
“Yeah. Sure. Didn’t realize you smoked.” Kelly shot him a curious look.
Jon went outside with the guys and made small talk while he sucked nicotine into his lungs. They’d chosen a spot near the playground and he watched the kids run around while he pretended to listen to Carl talk about the weekend’s cricket score.
He would find Gabby, and he would take her out to Tyler’s car and he’d tell her. Lay it all in front of her. If she wanted to walk after she heard what he had to say…well, so be it. He wasn’t going to beg. She had to know what kind of a bargain she was getting.
A little kid dodged around the table near them and tripped over a dip in the concrete. He sprawled at Jon’s feet, his hands stretched out to break the fall. Jon instinctively crouched to check on him.
“Ow, that had to hurt. You okay, little guy?”
The kid scrambled away from him, shooting him a fearful look. Small and scrawny, Jon guessed he was seven, maybe eight.
“You all right there?” Kelly asked. He had two kids of his own, Jon remembered. “Your hands okay?”
The kid nodded, not making eye contact, smoothing his palms down the sides of his jeans. Jon guessed they hurt like hell, but he wasn’t going to admit it. Ducking his head, the kid sidled away from them before breaking into a run again.
Jon stood, staring after him. “You think he’s all right?” he asked the other guys.
Carl shrugged. “You know what kids are like. Made of rubber. You saw the way he bounced back. They don’t know what fear is at that age.”
Jon nodded, even though it had seemed to him that the boy knew plenty about fear. The way he’d looked at Jon…
“Another brewski?” Kelly asked, and Jon saw they were ready to go inside.
“Might stay out here a bit longer.” He wanted to get his head sorted before he saw Gabby again. Wanted to make sure that he had all the things he wanted to say ready to roll. Because she was too important for him to screw this up.
“You want another one?” Kelly offered Jon his cigarette pack.
“I’m good, thanks.”
The guys left. Jon propped his back against the fence around the playground. He closed his eyes and lifted his face to the sun, thinking. Maybe he should simply start at the beginning.
My father was an unhappy man who should never have had children.
The sound of a low, angry voice broke his concentration. He looked toward the noise. At the other end of the area, a burly guy with receding hair was talking to the little boy who had performed the face-plant in front of Jon. The kid stood, head lowered, as his father laid into him.
“I told you not to run off. You think it’s not enough that I have to work all week to put food on the table and clothes on your bac
k without having to run around after you all weekend, too? When I tell you to stay put, you stay put. You hear me?”
The kid said something that Jon couldn’t hear.
“Don’t you lie to me, you little mongrel. You think your old man’s stupid? Huh? You think I don’t know when a runt is trying to pull the wool over my eyes?”
Jon looked around, waiting for someone—security, staff, someone—to step in and tell the guy he couldn’t talk to his kid that way. A couple of other parents were supervising their children. Jon watched as, one by one, they all looked away while the man continued to abuse his child. Nothing to see here, la, la, la. Nobody wanting to make a fuss, make things uncomfortable or awkward.
“Look at me when I’m talking to you. Always sneaking around, hiding in corners. You think I don’t know what you’re up to? Huh?” The man grabbed his son by the arm, gave him a shake. The kid’s head rocked on his neck.
A woman lifted her little girl from a nearby swing and headed for the exit. Jon’s gut was hard with tension, his shoulders cracking with it. Someone needed to intervene. Couldn’t they all see that the kid was in danger? He couldn’t understand why no one was saying anything.
“You know what? That’s it. You’ve ruined it. We’re going home.” The man hustled his son toward the gate. When he tripped his father gave him another hard shake, nearly pulling him off his feet.
“You’re more trouble than you’re worth, you know that?” He started across the parking lot, heading for a late-model sedan, almost dragging the boy.
Everything in Jon went hot, then cold.
He knew what would happen when they got home. He knew exactly what kind of pain was waiting at the end of that drive.
He was moving before he could think twice about it. His stride long, he closed the distance between them.
“Hey!” he bellowed.
The guy looked across at him, scowling. “What’s your problem?”
“You think it’s okay to talk to your kid like that? Drag him around like that?”
The father’s eyes grew hard. “He’s my kid, so why don’t you mind your own business?”
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