by Lucia Franco
“Will you?” Gone was the sugary sweet voice and in its placed was one of worry.
“Now, Di, don’t go getting all upset,” Clark chimed in. “Whatever John decides to do, we’ll support him either way,” he said patting her thigh.
“I know, I just worry is all. I’m allowed to, I’m his mother after all.”
John smiled to himself. He had a lot to contemplate, but he was sure about one thing—joining the US Marine Corps was the right move. He had a passion burning inside of him now, a reason to keep going. Despite the mental exhaustion during the three months of hell that he went through, John saw things more clearly now. He never realized how proud he was to be an American, to fight for a cause, but now he did. And he had the Marines to thank for that. He wanted to be a better person because of it. As much as he was glad to be home, he was itching to go back already.
Once they were home, John needed to go for a run. It was something he had come to actually enjoy at camp as it helped him blow off steam and stress. Changing into running shorts a navy blue shirt with “Marine” printed on the front, John grabbed his sneakers and went downstairs.
“Heading out already?”
“I’m going for a run. I’ll be back in a bit.”
“Your brother is coming over with Livy later to see you for dinner.”
A grin stretched across John’s face. “Looking forward to seeing them.”
As he was bending down to tie his shoe, Clark asked, “Are you going to see anyone while you’re back? Ford … maybe Alyssa?”
John’s head popped up. “Actually, I planned to see them.”
Clark scratched his head. “Huh.”
“What’s up?” John straightened.
“You didn’t happen to tell anyone that you were leaving, did you?”
John shook his head. “No, why?”
“Oh, it’s nothing … only that I know Ford called and Alyssa stopped by one day. She looked like she’d been crying, her eyes were nearly bloodshot and her nose was all red. When we told her where you’d gone, she looked about ready to crumble to the floor. She turned around and left after that.” Clark paused. “I’m thinking you should’ve told your friends.”
“You’re right, I should have, but I wasn’t in the right frame of mind at the time, pops. I did what I could.”
“I understand, son. Sometimes we do what we have to and live with the repercussions.”
John nodded in agreement. “I’ll take care of it. I’ll see you in a little while.”
There was nothing like running. It freed his mind and released endorphins. It was a huge stress reliever. John felt impervious as he pumped his legs down the dirt road with nothing surrounding him but the wind at his back and the trees on the side of the road. God, he loved Georgia. South Fork might be a little hole in the wall town that didn’t show up on a map, but it was his home. He loved the simplicity, the old dirt roads, and the land between the houses. He could see why Luke was always coming back. There was nothing like home.
Breathe in, breathe out. Running was the ideal medication for mending a broken heart. During boot camp the recruits were forced to run miles and miles each day, so he had built up a pretty good stamina.
Turning the corner to the next street, John took the long way to Alyssa’s house. Which meant he had to pass Jace’s accident site. He learned to pace himself while running, but nothing could prepare him for the fake white flowers in the distance, or the cutout heart with scalloped edges. His heart began beating feverously against his ribs, tears prickled at his eyes, but he pushed them back. Jace’s death was still fresh and it hurt like hell.
Striding forward, John crossed the street to Jace’s memorial spot. Bending over, he placed his hands on his knees, breathing deeply trying to catch his breath. When he finally did, John tipped his head up slightly and peered through his eyelashes at the bold, block letters in front of him.
DRIVE SAFELY
IN LOVING MEMORY OF
Jace McConnell
Five months later and it still hurt like it was only yesterday that it happened. This was all that was left of Jace.
John took a deep breath and released it as he stood up. Placing a hand over his heart trying to rub away the ache, he said, “Miss ya, man.”
Turning around, John picked up his knees and booked it toward Alyssa’s house.
The burn from running nonstop was just settling in his thighs, but John pushed past it and kept going. As he ran, he thought about what he would say to Alyssa. Would she talk to him? Or would she turn him away for the pain he caused her? He was unsure of what to do because the way he saw it, he fucked up royally. Where did they stand friendship wise?
Rounding the corner to the next street, John squinted his eyes watching long blonde hair blow in the wind. For a minute, he thought it was Alyssa, but that wasn’t Alyssa’s house so it couldn’t be her.
It was Ben’s.
John kicked his legs harder, ignoring the blaze of heat running through him. The closer he got, John was beginning to think it really was Alyssa. But what was she doing at Ben’s house? It looked just like her from her pale legs to her light as white blonde hair. And when she closed the door to the mailbox and turned, she brushed a piece of hair away from her face as she flipped through the mail. John’s legs slowed at their own accord when she picked up her head.
It was Alyssa.
… And she was pregnant? That can’t be possible. Surely she would’ve told him she was pregnant, right?
No.
John must be seeing things or the heat was getting to him because there was no way she was pregnant.
Pregnant? He kept repeating the word in his head. Her eyes were huge, wide blue circles as she watched him close the distance. She looked shocked, as if she seen a ghost. She pressed the mail to her chest with her mouth slightly open. John ran his eyes the length of her body. There was no way she gained weight in the past five months only in her stomach and not in her legs. She noticed his gaze and wrapped a protective arm around her belly, pursing her lips together. As if he would do anything to hurt her?
Alyssa was pregnant with his baby.
This wasn’t something he was expecting in a million years to come home to. How did he start a conversation now? He couldn’t, especially with the worried and startled look in her eyes. She was breathing heavily, her chest rising up and down fast. And yet, she still looked so beautiful to him.
Instead of saying anything, he dropped to his knees so he was eye level with her baby bump. She drew in an audible breath. Carefully, he brought his hands to her stomach and gently placed them on the sides of her growing belly. His child was growing inside of her.
He was going to be a father.
Glancing up, Alyssa’s teeth were digging into her bottom lip. Unshed tears were about to spill over. “Can I touch your belly?” John asked softly.
Alyssa nodded her head and a burst of air exploded from her lungs. She wasn’t expecting John to want to touch her. She expected anger. She expected resentment. She expected everything except his hoarse voice and trembling hands asking for permission. The tears she struggled to keep in slowly streamed down her cheeks as his calloused hands rested ever so gently on the sides of her stomach. She watched as John stared at her stomach in shock. Then, surprising her, he leaned forward and rested his forehead onto her belly, his breathing becoming deeper, his broad shoulder rising up and down. This was a lot for him to take it, she knew it. Hell, it was still a lot for her to take in.
John hands slid around her back and wrapped them around her. He shifted on his knees, drawing closer and then turned his head to the right, laying it on her stomach. He stared at the opened land, the vibrant green trees swaying in the breeze as the sun shined down. John didn’t move; he couldn’t. All he could do was hold Alyssa. His child was growing inside of her. His baby. He wanted to be pissed, he wanted to be fucking mad as hell and yell at her for her not telling him, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to be anything at the
moment except blissfully happy.
Alyssa flinched and John felt a sudden movement in her stomach. Quickly, he pulled back and looked into her pink rimmed eyes. “Did I hurt you?”
“No,” she whispered, shaking her head.
He lifted the seam of her shirt. “Can I see?”
Puzzled, she asked. “You want to see?”
John nodded his head like it was a no brainer. “Hell yeah I do. Why wouldn’t I?”
Alyssa was self-conscious when it came to her growing belly, thanks to Ben. But she sucked it up and lifted her shirt.
John’s mouth parted, a breath escaping him. Her soft skin appeared tight and her belly button popped out. Even though they hadn’t seen each other in months, this was his child. He knew it with every bone in his body. So he leaned down and gently pressed his lips to her stomach and placed a kiss to her belly.
Standing up, John towered over Alyssa and got right to the point. “We have a lot to talk about.” She nodded and he wiped her tears. “I don’t know why you’re with Ben or care to know, but get rid of him. We’ll figure things out. That’s my son growing in your belly. I don’t want some other guy trying to claim him as his. He’s mine, and I plan to be there for him. Got it?”
Alyssa cracked a small, sad smile. “How do you know it’s a boy?” she asked quietly.
“Wishful thinking, I guess? Every man wants a son first, then a daughter so the brother can protect his sister.” His smile vanished. “I mean it Alyssa. Get rid of him.”
Alyssa swallowed. “It’s not that easy. I can’t just get rid of him, Johnny. He thinks it’s his. He’s been there for me since the beginning when you …” she trailed off. She didn’t want to tell John that she was scared of breaking up with Ben. She’d seen his anger a few times and it was something she never wanted to witness again.
John’s eyes bore into Alyssa. “Why does he think it’s his, Alyssa?”
She shrugged nervously and chewed her lip.
“You told him it was his, didn’t you?”
“I may have …”
“You may have? What does that mean?” he retorted through gritted teeth. He was struggling to remain calm and collective. Why would she lie to Ben about a child?
Unless …
“You slept with him.” The stark knowledge that she slept with Ben was like a knife to his heart. That was the only answer.
Alyssa averted her eyes from John’s question and stared at the ground. She was embarrassed to look at him. She’d slept with Ben, but was she still? John could feel the certainty in his gut and it made him sick.
John stepped back. “Why?” his voice cracked. “When?”
“Around the time you started calling me a white trash piece of shit.” She said it with no remorse, looking John dead in the eyes. Her heart broke when he called her that.
Five months ago, John tore her down with words that could not be taken back. He remembered those nights like they were yesterday. It was the days leading up to Jace’s funeral … and she’d been in Ben’s arms that night. Bile rose to his throat.
“How could you?” he whispered. Devastation hit John hard. He was suffocating as he put the pieces together. When he needed her the most, she’d been there for him every step of the way.
Or so he thought.
“So you slept with him to get back at me on the day of Jace’s funeral?” In that moment, he was absolutely disgusted with her. “Of all days, Alyssa, that day?” John shook his head with disappointment. “So it’s possible that he’s not even my baby.”
“It wasn’t that day …”
His chest tightened, aching with the sudden loss that there was a chance he wasn’t going to be a father. He was upset. Let down. Hurt. Mad as fuck. It was a strange feeling. One second he was happy, the next it was ripped from him.
No, he knew in his gut that baby was his. They’d been together first.
“How far along are you?”
“I’m a little over five months.” John was doing the calculations in his head.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuuucccckkkk.
Godammit all to hell. He was a father for all of three minutes.
“Fuck,” he muttered. “I’m not home for long, but we need to talk before I leave. I’ll stop by your house after dinner.”
“Um, I don’t live with my mother anymore …”
This just gets better and better. “So I leave and you fucking play house with Ben? Seriously Alyssa?”
“You up and left, Johnny. I had no idea you joined the Marines. I thought you were done with me. You closed off and pushed me away. What was I supposed to do?”
He could never be done with her.
John went off. “My best friend is dead. He fucking died, Alyssa! You were not supposed to run and fuck Ben! You were supposed to be there for me! In my fucking arms. Jesus Christ! Jace wrapped his truck around a fucking tree. Have a modicum of sympathy for me, will ya? I lost my best friend,” his voice shook, his eyes starting to water. “That night was the worst night of my life. The weeks following were dark and full of misery. I was suffering inside. I made a few mistakes and then one night everything was put into perspective for me. I needed to make a change, so I did.”
“I know …” she whispered. “I was with you when it happened, remember?” He remembered everything. Some days it was what got him through to the next.
“Yeah, I do, so you should understand what I’m dealing with. But fuck. You run to Ben?” he spat.
Alyssa fought back the tears. “It wasn’t planned … I had no choice.”
“Nothing in life is planned and we always have a choice, Alyssa. We make our choices. No one can hold us responsible for them but ourselves.”
“You’re right.”
“I know I’m fucking right. I can’t believe this shit.”
Rubbing her belly, she softly said, “For what it’s worth, I’m ninety-nine percent sure this baby is yours.”
John huffed, shaking his head. “Ninety-nine percent … So obviously I can’t come to your house. Can you come over tonight and we’ll talk? Wait. Why aren’t you living at home anymore?”
Alyssa nervously bit her lip. “That’s a long story …” There was no way she could leave once Ben got home from work. Especially if it was to see John. In fact, she needed to start dinner. Ben liked his dinner hot and ready on a plate when he got home. And if wasn’t ready … well she didn’t want to even go there.
Glancing down at her watch, her heart sped up. She had an hour left. Alyssa needed to get a move on.
“I can’t tonight,” she said with a shaky voice. “Maybe tomorrow I can get away to see you?” Yes, tomorrow would be better for her while Ben was at work.
John’s eyes narrowed at her sudden change in tone. “Fair enough. Can’t imagine Ben would like if you came over to see your ex … whatever anyway. I’ll call you tomorrow—”
“No!” she interrupted John, her heart hammering now. If John called while Ben was still home it wouldn’t be good for her. Then she definitely would not be able to leave.
Swallowing, she said, “I’ll call you when I get up … You still have the same phone number?”
John nodded suspiciously. “What’s going on Alyssa? Everything okay?”
“Yup. Fine,” she replied quickly. “I just need to start dinner.”
John sighed. “Come on, I’ll walk you in.”
“No! No … it’s okay. Bye, Johnny.” Alyssa turned around, waving goodbye as she did. She looked so sad that it killed him to see her like that. The bright blue eyes that once held so much spark was gone and replaced by a dull, sullen blue. That wasn’t the Alyssa he knew.
Alyssa walked up the driveway. Her oversized white shirt looked like one of his undershirts … she was probably wearing Ben’s come to think of it. His gaze traveled the length of her. He’d never guess from behind that she was pregnant. She looked so small and frail actually. The shirt nearly covered her blue shorts. Her thin, pale legs …
What. The. Fuck. Was that big black and blue welt doing across the back of her left thigh?
Pushing open the front door to his parent’s home, it slammed into the wall, leaving a hole from the door knob.
“Whoa!” his father said coming around the corner. “What’s going on, John?”
John was huffing hard, his chest tight with each breath of air. He ran home as fast as he could, not stopping to take a break. He saw red. And Ben’s face. His fists were balled up, ready to strike. All the control he learned over those three months went out the window. Everything made sense now. Now he knew why Alyssa didn’t want him to call, why he couldn’t walk her up to the door, and why she looked so skittish.
“Boys,” he father said to the twins, “Upstairs, now.”
Motherfucking Ben.
But somewhere deep down he prayed it wasn’t true. Prayed that Ben wasn’t using his fists on her. Because so help him God, he would kill him. Consequences be dammed. He would put Ben six feet under if it were true.
“John, what’s troubling you?”
“Alyssa,” he said through gritted teeth. “I saw Alyssa. She’s pregnant and had a huge black and blue bruise across the back of her leg.”
“And?”
“And?” he retorted. “And? And there’s a strong chance that’s my baby she’s carrying. And there’s also a chance that Ben put that bruise on her. She was different … something was off. I can feel it.”
“Whoa. Slow it down, son. What makes you think Ben is hitting her? You can’t just throw heavy words around like that.”
“I don’t know …” he began pacing. “She was fine, calm, even happy to see me, then in the blink of an eye she changed and got all nervous. She had to leave. It was like a different person all of a sudden.”
“So that makes you think Ben is hitting her?”
“How does one get a huge black and blue across the back of their thigh, dad?! The door hit her back there? It only makes sense!” he roared.
“Let’s not jump to conclusions. Talk to her, see what you can find out. Did you see any other marks on her?”