by Lucia Franco
Emotion combined with anxiety coursed through her blood and she wrapped her arms around John’s neck and cried into his shoulder. She was beyond lucky to have someone like John in her life and couldn’t imagine not having him there.
“Don’t make me look at you right now and tell you what I’m about to say, I can’t, John,” she whispered into his neck. “Let me say it like this, please, so you don’t have to look at me.”
Leaning down, John held Alyssa in a tight embrace. He knew this was wreaking havoc on her, he could feel it radiating off her. He wanted to console her and make her feel good, but he also knew she needed to get out what she was about to say so he was going to do as she asked.
John expelled a long breath and wiggled his nose in her hair, pushing it aside. He found her cheek and placed a gentle kiss to her face. His chest ached tight with anxiety knowing how much she was hurting. He kissed her again and when he said, “Go on honey,” he almost didn’t recognize his own voice. It sounded raspy, and rough … broken.
“Ben … He stalked toward me and I got up fast. Too fast because I doubled over in pain to hold my stomach. Ben’s arm flew out, and he backhanded my across the face. I fell again, and then he fisted my hair and yanked me up.”
“Shhh … It’s okay, honey. I’ve got you.”
“He dragged me to the bed and said he was going to show me who the father was over and over so I would never forget. He was … Oh, John! I can’t say anymore. Move! Get off me! Just go!” Alyssa began yelling as she shoved and pushed John away. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t go any further. Just thinking about what Ben did to her made her skin crawl. She felt dirty, soiled. Her body was overheating and she started to sweat. “Move, John! I can’t say anymore. I won’t!”
“Yes, you will. Get it out.”
She squirmed under him, kicking her legs. Bile rose up from her stomach just thinking about that horrible day. Bucking her hips to move him off of her, she said, “No! Get off. Go!”
“I’m not leaving you, Alyssa. I’ve told you that before. When will you realize it?”
She fought against his body while John held her tight. She was no match for his strength, but fighting him felt strangely good. “Johnny, please just go.”
“The more you tell me to leave, the tighter I’m going to hold you. It’s your choice, but I’m not letting go.
“H-He … Ben, he … forced me that day,” she stuttered between tears. “He forced me to have sex so I would never forget who the father was. I begged him to stop, I told him I didn’t want to, but he wouldn’t listen.”
John was no pansy, but he couldn’t stop the tears that dripped from his own eyes. He felt every bit of pain his girl was feeling. How could anyone do that to a woman? No meant no.
“I …” she whispered. “I had to coax myself into it otherwise it would hurt too much. I had to make myself believe I wanted it. It was so hard,” she cried. “Because I didn’t want it. My body didn’t want it, and it hurt.”
Overcome with emotion, John lifted his head from her neck, but Alyssa wouldn’t let go of him. He needed her to see that he wasn’t going anywhere. “Alyssa, let go.”
“I knew it. I knew you would leave after I told you.”
John reared back like he’d been slapped. “You think I’m leaving?”
Slowly Alyssa turned her head to face John. He brought his palms to her face and held her. His thumbs wiped away the tears on her cheeks as he looked directly into her sad eyes and said, “Anyone can make a baby, Alyssa, but it takes a real man to be a father. Ben is scum. Ben is not a man. He isn’t even worth the dirt on my shoes. What he did to you is unacceptable. It’s a despicable act. No real man rapes a woman, ever. And no real man ever raises a hand to a woman, either. Thank fuck he’s in jail because I would gut him if I could. I’d kill that son of a bitch for what he did to you, rip each limb from his body.” John let Alyssa see the rage in his eyes, the anger and determination. His gaze gentled as he continued, “You thought I was going to leave? You’re wrong, honey. I’m yours, and you’re mine. I already know it, it’s just going to take time for you to see. And I’m okay with that. I’ll wait. I’m not going anywhere. You got that?”
All she could do was nod, because once again the tears started. How could she be so blessed with someone like John? “You’re not going to leave knowing what Ben did to me? That’s a lot of baggage,” she asked quietly.
“No, sweetheart. What I’m going to do is make love to you. I’m going to wash away what he did to you with his repulsive body and replace that nightmare with a good memory. I know it’s not possible to ever forget something like that, but I’m going to try my damndest to erase it from your mind. I’m going to show you all night how you’re supposed to be taken. Soft and slow.”
Alyssa shook her head. “I don’t think I’m ready yet. I’m not right inside.”
“Yes, Alyssa, you—“
“I’m not—“
“Shhh … he placed a finger to her lips. “Don’t be scared. You told me to push, so I am. I would never, ever, hurt you. You know this. I’d rather cut my hands off before I ever hurt you.”
John took a deep breath. He needed to make her whole, make her feel wanted, so he was going to take a risk.
“Was this the first time he forced himself on you?”
Alyssa gulped, averting her gaze and John’s mouth dropped.
“It’s not, is it?” his voiced cracked. And when she shook her head, his chest broke in two. How could this have happened?
Quietly she admitted, “A few days before Jace’s funeral was the first time, but I’m not entirely positive since I’d been drinking. I drank a lot that night … I was upset about the condition Jace was in and trying to be there for you, but you weren’t letting me. Ben picked up some Tequila and I figured why the heck not since no one wanted to be around me but him. After a handful of shots, everything got really hazy and they hit me all at once. I’d never had tequila but once at the bonfire and that was only one shot. Ben came on to me but I don’t remember much after that. I just remember waking up with a little pain but didn’t think it anything of it.”
John’s jaw was locked tight, he was struggling to hold it in. If he ever got a hold of Ben, he was going to slaughter him.
“So there’s a chance Brooke was the result of a rape.”
She shook her head again. That wasn’t the first time the thought popped in her brain.
“Why do you keep saying that word?”
“Because it’s what happened.”
Alyssa closed her eyes. “I just don’t know. Would I know? He told me we had sex that night, but I remember nothing and I hate it.”
Sobering, John took a deep breath and said, “Alyssa, you need me, and I need you to feel me with no barrier between us. I’m going to make love to you all night long, without a condom.” Her eyes widened. “I know it’s crazy and wild and reckless and we’re taking a huge risk, but it just feels right and I’m willing to take my chances. Are you?”
Alyssa gulped. He hated seeing the fear in her eyes. “I’ll try.”
“How about we start from the beginning. With a kiss. And go from there. Okay?”
He was going to move slow tonight. Not what he originally wanted to do, but he had to. There was no other way. He was going to make her feel as much pleasure as he could. She deserved it.
John licked his lips, and then grazed over Alyssa’s. Back and forth he moved across her mouth, nibbling and suckling as she held on for dear life. Her fingers dug into his back, her nails probably leaving imprints, but he didn’t care. She needed him, and he was going to give himself to her as she did for him that one night when he lost his best friend.
As John began kissing Alyssa deeper, her arms loosened and her nails were no longer in his back, but drifting across his shoulders. His lips never left hers, his palms held her jaw steady. He needed to kiss her right, because sex all started with a kiss. And if the kiss was sensual and provocative, then the sex would be
off the charts. John put in as much passion as he could until he thought she was ready for more. He kissed her breathless.
“Thank you,” she whispered against his lips.
“For what?”
“Not walking out just now.”
“I would never do that to you. But right now, there’s no more talking.”
Her body softened under his, and her hips began moving.
John grinned before he kissed her again. Reaching down, her breasts were much larger, and while he liked them before when she was thin, he loved them now. They used to be a handful at most, but now they were spilling over and in between his fingers. He was quickly realizing he was a breast man all the way.
“Alyssa, I love how big your tits are now. Fuck …” John groaned.
Heat flamed under her cheeks. “Breasts, Johnny.”
“Tits. And I love them.”
John shimmied down her body and stopped so he was eye level with her tits. He pressed them together and almost came. Fuuuucccck. What a hot picture in front of him. Alyssa sprawled out was a sight to see. John ran his mouth across her nipples, trying to lick them both at the same time. She sighed loudly and pushed his head into her chest. If he didn’t stop, he would finish any second. And he couldn’t allow that—Alyssa needed to finish with him.
His hand traveled south and wetness coated his fingers. John began stroking her and working her up. He rubbed her clit in circles and teased her entrance. Alyssa’s hips rose up again, signaling she needed more from him. Slipping a finger in, John opened her up, and then slipped another in. Her walls tightened around his fingers and he stopped.
“Relax, I won’t hurt you,” he said, her nails dug into his shoulders again.
Alyssa expelled a heavy breath. “I know you won’t.”
John leaned up and took her lips in a bruising kiss. He needed to take her mind off his fingers penetrating her and knew by kissing her it would. He felt the walls of her sex loosen a bit, and once they did, his thumb started rubbing her clit in circles again. Her thighs squeezed his waist hard from the pleasure of his touch.
John rose up on his elbows and palmed his cock at her entrance. “I need to you to look at me while I slide in, okay? Don’t look anywhere else except for my eyes. See me, Alyssa. Only me,” he requested, running the head of his cock up and down her opening. Her legs widened and he positioned himself. Pushing in just the tip, Alyssa tensed. He waited a moment and once she relaxed he pushed in a little more, eyes locked together the whole time. A heavy breath rolled of her lips.
John gently pushed in further, and Alyssa went to turn her head away but he wouldn’t allow her to. He grabbed her chin and brought her back to him. She panted, he could feel the pounding of her heart knowing how hard this must be on her. Hell, his dick was nearly suffocating inside of her. She squeezed so tight he was probably loosing blood flow to it.
“Don’t lose focus, Alyssa. Look at me. Look at my face and know it’s Johnny who’s above you.”
She began nodding frantically.
“Don’t do that. Remember, we’ve done this before,” he winked. And just like that, he felt everything she was holding inside of her rush out. A tear dripped from the corner of her eye as she smiled.
“Make love to me, Johnny. Make me forget it all.”
“Don’t gotta ask me twice.”
John pulled out, and then surged back in. Alyssa clenched and he gave her a knowing look. “You know I can feel you do that, right?”
With wide, embarrassed eyes, she said, “You can?”
“Yeah,” he chuckled.
“What does it feel like?”
“Like you’re squeezing me with just the right amount of pressure. It feels incredible.”
John picked up where he left off. With each slide in, Alyssa rolled her hips and moaned. She clenched her thighs, squeezing his cock and almost setting him off. She was wet, slick, coating him for an easy glide which told him she was thoroughly enjoying it. John kissed her mouth the way he was making love to her, slow yet deliberate.
“Johnny … it feels so good.”
“Good,” he muttered against her lips. Picking up the speed, John pushed a little deeper and a little faster with each stroke. She moaned, digging her nails into his back. The blood was going straight to his dick, a sizzling sensation taking over his body. He was close to release but he needed Alyssa to finish with him.
Rising up on his elbows, John grabbed both of her wrists and trapped them above her head. He thrust deeper, rolling his hips as he did, hitting her clit at the same time. Alyssa’s lips parted, her eyes rolling shut. “More,” she begged and he obliged. Leaning down, he drew her nipple into his mouth. Her back arched and she cried out. Seeing her back lift with her breasts in the air got John going even more, so he lapped at each nipple until she was squirming under him.
“Close … so close,” she groaned. “Don’t stop …” Alyssa struggled in his hold, but John never loosened his grip. He made love to her body effectively and efficiently until they reached the peak together.
“You ready?” he breathed against her mouth. She nodded. “Open your eyes and look at me. See only me.” Alyssa’s eyes rolled open, heavy and glossy with arousal. That was all it took for John to know he made her feel good. His hips picked up speed, pushing into her faster. She moaned, back arched, eyes still opened and said, “I’m gonna go … I’m right there …”
“Go,” John kissed her hard. “Go with me.” Panting, heavy breathing, and then, the most intense orgasm she had ever experienced rocked through her core, sending her over and bringing her higher than she ever felt before, all while looking Johnny in the eyes and falling madly in love with him.
“And just so you know, when you clenched your pussy—“
Alyssa rolled away from him, holding the sheet to her chest. “Johnny! Stop!”
“What?”
In all seriousness, she said, “You said the p word.”
John pondered for a minute. “The p … Pussy?”
“Stop!” she yelled playfully.
“What do you expect me to say? Vagina? Alyssa, that’s just gross. And not hot.”
“Ugh … No! I don’t know,” she laughed.
“Your heat?” he joked, pulling her back to his side.
“Oh, goodness no.”
“Oh, okay. You want me to say your sex, right?”
“How about … womanhood?”
John made a face like he tasted something sour. “Womanhood? You have got to be joking.”
“Well, your penis is also called ‘manhood’,” she retorted.
“Okay, penis sounds like you’re five and manhood sounds like something from the stone ages. No one says that anymore. How about, I don’t know, cock? Dick even works. You know, more modern usage for my manhood.”
“Cock it is.”
John’s grin had her heating inside. “Pussy is to cock …”
“As womanhood is to manhood. Very funny.”
A roar of laughter ripped through John. He couldn’t believe she had just said that with the look on her face. Brushing the hair from the curve of her neck, he asked gently, “Did I hurt you?”
“Truthfully, it was a little painful at first. It was more my nerves than anything.”
“That’s because you were so damn tight. Once you relaxed a bit, it felt like heaven on earth, didn’t it? All I could think about was working my cock inside of your pussy.”
A blush painted her cheeks. “You’re purposely trying to embarrass me, aren’t you?”
John smiled and the dimple near his chin showed. He missed her laugh. “You look exhausted. Let’s get some sleep.”
Alyssa agreed then turned her back to him. John wrapped his arms around her, held onto her all night long. It was a moment like this that made everything in the past okay.
A faint, little cry woke John. His eyes were dry and tired as he turned over and reached for Alyssa, but she wasn’t there.
Sitting up, John looked around the
dark room but found it empty. Just then, the muffled cry resonated throughout the room again. John looked to his right and saw the monitor light up on Alyssa’s dresser. Each time Brooke whimpered, red lights lit up the baby monitor.
“Shhhh, mamas here, baby. Go back to sleep,” he heard Alyssa say. Glancing at the clock, it read three am. Damn. They had only gone to bed two hours ago. Did Brooke get up like this every night? Rubbing his eyes, he got up and went to find them.
Peeking into the room, Alyssa’s back was to him as she slowly rocked her baby in her arms. She sang to her softly as she tried to lull her back to sleep. Alyssa’s blonde hair was an untamed mess, like she’d been tossing and turning all night and the t-shirt she wore was hanging off one shoulder and down to her knees. Squinting his eyes, he realized that was his shirt. She must’ve put it on when she got up. Watching her rock Brooke sent his heart soaring. Her little arm was wrapped around Alyssa’s side where she fisted his shirt in her tiny hand.
Fuck. What was it about Alyssa that got his blood simmering with wanting her so bad, especially while she mothered her daughter? He didn’t know, but he did know one thing for sure, she did it for him. Everything about her. Her ways, her views, their friendship, her strength to never give up, her love …
And just like that, he knew without a doubt that what he was fighting for was worth it. Every second. He desperately wanted them in his life. He told Alyssa that he would wait for her, and he wasn’t lying. He would wait. His mind was made up.
Not wanting to interrupt them, he retreated to her room where he waited for her.
Lying in Alyssa’s bed, he folded his arms behind his head and starred at the ceiling. He needed to figure out a plan. John wasn’t going to push her, but he wanted to be the one she ran to. Unfortunately, being in the Marines didn’t allow him to just leave at the drop of a hat and see her when he wanted to. He was lucky enough to be stationed state side, but what if something happened and she needed him in an instant?
Hell’s fucking bells. His chest constricted and a sharp tightness spread like wildfire throughout his body. It hurt like a bitch. The reality of it was he couldn’t be there for her. How could he?