by Lucia Franco
When the anniversary of Jace’s death came, it was a rough few days for John. Just as he’d been there for her, Alyssa stepped up and became his rock during that difficult time. He held his emotions in as he was forced to relive the tragic day. It was so fresh and real. John had driven down to South Fork to visit Maryanne and Ford while Alyssa and Brooke stayed with Diane. That night when he returned, Alyssa had never seen him so drained. She ran to him with opened arms and he nearly collapsed into her. He was suffering, the anguish in his eyes evident. It consumed her entire being, rocking her to the core.
Alyssa stared at herself in the mirror. Curls cascaded down her back and she wore a smoky eye look with nude lipstick. A black satin, rouched dress with lace high heels and she was ready to go. The eye makeup and black dress made her blue eyes pop. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt this beautiful.
Today was Olivia and Luke’s wedding day and she was attending it with John. Luke proposed soon after that day he teased her at Diane and Clark’s house. From what she was told, Olivia wanted more time to plan her wedding, but Luke wanted to marry her as soon as possible, so he hired wedding planners to get the ball rolling. When Alyssa asked Olivia how the proposal happened, she smiled dreamily and said, “It’s a story for another day.”
The bathroom door opened and John sauntered in looking more attractive than ever before. Her heart speedup and her lips parted as she scanned the length of his body, desire hitting her hard. He sure knew how to clean up well. A form fitted tux with one hand in his pocket, coupled with that grin, and she was done for. She remembered the first day she met him covered in dirt and riding a four wheeler with Jace by his side. Alyssa smiled. A lot had happened since then.
“What are you smiling about?” he asked, bending over to kiss her forehead.
“Just thinking about the first day we met.”
John grinned. “You were so reluctant to get dirty that I made it my mission to get you as filthy as I could.”
“I knew you did!” she laughed. Standing up, she slapped his chest playfully. “I guess your persistence paid off.”
John grabbed her waist and pulled her in close so they were inches apart. “Not yet. You’re still not mine completely …”
Alyssa puckered her lips. “All in time, Johnny.” John’s hand skimmed her backside and cupped her. He pressed his hips into her and groaned. “You’re not allowed to wear this dress.”
“What? Why?”
“Because you look so damn good I could eat you.” John wiggled his eyebrows and grinned. “Turn around so I can see how you look.”
Alyssa spun around slowly and John whistled in approval. “Yeah … I’m going to need you to change, babe. You look too damn good and I don’t want to fight anyone who puts their hands on you. Hell, I don’t want anyone to even glance at you. You look stunning.”
Alyssa just looked at him. She flattened her hands on the lapel and said, “Johnny, whose bed am I in at the end of the night?”
He grinned. “Mine.”
“And who’s the most amazing father my daughter could have?”
“Me.”
“Who’s my best friend … with benefits?” she chuckled.
He lifted a brow and yanked her to him. “It better be just me, baby” he muttered against her lips.
“Who has the ability to render me speechless with just a kiss, make me forget everything around me?”
This time John’s dimples appeared with his grin. “I do?”
“Sure do. Each time.”
“Is that so,” he said before pressing a kiss to her. He cupped her face and lapped at her lips lovingly. Thanks to her high heels, Alyssa wrapped her arms around John’s neck with ease, feeling the passion just as much as he was.
Breaking the kiss, he said, “As much as I would love to continue, we need to get going.”
“You’re right. Thank you for inviting me to your brother’s wedding. I’ve never been to a wedding before and I’m excited to go.”
“I wouldn’t dream of going with anyone else, honey.”
Alyssa smiled and pressed a quick peck to his mouth before turning to leave.
“Are you swaying those hips on purpose to tease me?” John ran after her. Alyssa giggled when he grabbed her from behind pressing his chest to her back. Alyssa sucked in a breath. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said innocently.
“Right,” he drawled against her neck. “As much as I’m looking forward to my brother’s wedding, I cannot wait to be alone with you tonight. The things I’m going to do to you …”
Alyssa shivered. She could only imagine what he planned to do. “You have to work for it.”
“That’s nothing new. It just gives me incentive to win since I know the prize will be worth it.”
“I want a love like that,” Alyssa whispered as she watched Luke and Olivia dance to their wedding song. He held her close and focused solely on her. Two hearts beating as one. It was a beautiful moment between them that she almost felt like she was intruding on. It was bone deep love that even she could feel all the way where she was standing.
“Me too.” John looked at Alyssa.
She was lost in the moment that she didn’t know what John was talking about. “What?”
Softly cupping her cheek, he looked at her mouth and almost bent down to kiss her, but he held himself back. Biting his lip, he repeated what she said. “You said you want a love like that,” he looked her in the eyes. “I said, me too.”
“I said that out loud? Oh my God …”
“Dance with me.”
Alyssa looked down trying to suppress her grin. John? Dancing? “Johnny …”
“Come on. Take my hand. The bridal party is going up there, and since you’re my date I want to dance with you.”
“Go,” Diane said when Alyssa looked over her shoulder at a sleeping Brooke in her stroller. “I’ll watch Brooke sleep.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive. Go dance, sweetie.”
Before she had a chance to respond, John pulled her on to the dance floor and spun her around to his chest. Closing his eyes, he wrapped an arm around her lower back and embraced her intimately, chest to chest, cheek to cheek. He let out a satisfied breath, and they began swaying slowly to the music in the background. She fit perfectly against him. John’s heart hammered in his chest that he couldn’t stop the emotions pouring out of him. He pulled her a little closer to him.
He loved this girl.
No, he really loved her hard.
Life is too short and unpredictable. He had to take what was thrown at him and work with it the best he could. It hasn’t been easy keeping his head above the water, but he did what he could to survive so he wouldn’t drown. John learned the hard way, but now he was going to live each day with people he loved and would make sure they knew it. Jace went away unexpectedly, and if something ever happened to Alyssa and she didn’t know the depth of his love for her, he would never forgive himself.
He dipped his chin and got closer to her ear. “I love you, Alyssa,” he breathed as they swayed. At the word love, Alyssa squeezed his shoulder. The quick brushing of her eyelashes against his cheek had John wondering what was going through her mind. “I love you so much. You’re my heart, so is Brooke. You both are. There isn’t a minute that goes by when I don’t think of both of you. I love waking up next to you on the weekends.” John sighed. His chest ached with the weight of his words and prayed they wouldn’t backfire on him. “I just needed you to know this. After tonight, after watching my brother and Livy, I won’t push you anymore. I’ve tried to show you how much I care, but I don’t know if I can do it anymore. I told you I would always be here for you and Brooke, and I will, I’m not leaving, but I don’t know how much more my heart can take knowing you’re not fully mine. I’m no sap, but sometimes this love thing hurts. After Jace died, it forced things into perspective for me. I want us. You’re what I want. You and Brooke Elyse, but I don’t think I’m what
you want in the end. And that’s okay because I’ll still be here regardless until you’re ready to be on your own.”
The hammering in his chest was back and beating harder than ever. The pounding beat against the tightness, breaking him open. It was a risky move, but he had to. John had to tell her how he felt.
He closed his eyes, savoring the feel of her and kissed the edge of her jaw. “I needed you to know this.” Then he turned and fled the dance floor leaving Alyssa by herself.
John had to get out of there, he needed fresh air. Exposing himself felt more like he was suffocating.
But it was a chance he was willing to take.
He left her. He left her on the dance floor, alone, and cold. The absence of his body was felt and she shivered. Alyssa glanced around at the happy couples, smiling and enjoying themselves, and here she was alone. She locked eyes with Diane, and she couldn’t help but pour her pain into her. A sad smile plagued Diane’s face and then she nodded her head to the side.
“Go,” Diane mouthed.
Her feet took her out of the doors and down the stairs before she could process what she was doing. What would she say? What would she do? Alyssa had no clue. Her mind was numb to everything, except that she couldn’t let this moment pass. She had to talk to Johnny. What the hell? He didn’t even give her a chance.
She gripped the railing as she sped down the wide, spiraling stairs. She made sure not to fall as she watched each step she took into the lobby. Looking around, she stared down the empty hallway then to the double front doors. He wouldn’t … It was his brother’s wedding. Surely he didn’t leave, right?
Trekking back upstairs, Alyssa stepped outside to the balcony where the cocktail hour was held. The beautiful ivy vines clung to the side of the building, the same place where John didn’t leave her side.
“Where is he,” she mumbled to herself. Following the path to the other side, Alyssa didn’t see him. The slight chill in the fall air blew across her bare arms and she shivered. “Johnny … Where are you?” she asked herself. She checked the other side of the balcony, but he wasn’t there either. Her shoulders dropped and sadness washed over her. He hadn’t even given her a chance on the dance floor.
Maybe he was back in the reception hall? Alyssa stared at the ground as she made her way back to the door, defeat overpowering all her emotions when an arm snaked out and grabbed her. She yelped, and went to go scream but her mouth was covered by another.
What in the …
She knew those lips. That smell. Those hands holding onto her.
Johnny
“I’ll say it again if you need me to, if not, tell me to leave right now and I will. Tell me to take my hands off of you and I will. Tell me to never touch you again and I won’t.” He whispered against her lips. “God, Alyssa, it won’t be easy, but I’ll stop holding you, touching you, and I’ll walk away if that’s what you truly want in here.” He placed his hand over her heart. “Seeing my brother and Livy tonight made me realize that one day I want that with you. I want us and if you can’t do it, if you don’t see more for us, I need to know so I can stop pushing for something that isn’t there for you. I’ll never stop loving you. That, I will not do.”
She nodded.
“Yes?” he pulled back. His heart stopped. Ice cold shock ran through him. His face dropped along with his arms and he stepped back. “Okay. If that’s what you want. I can’t force this on you and I won’t.”
As he stepped to leave, Alyssa stopped him.
“Johnny.” He stopped walking but didn’t turn around to her. “Yes … I meant yes, for you to say it again,” her voice shook in the dark. John turned his head slightly, and then stopped.
Stalking toward her, he slid his hands along her neck and tipped her head back so she could meet his unwavering gaze. Yanking her to him, he pressed his hips into hers with force. His body ached for her. He wanted nothing more than to slide into her and call it a day. His fingers tangled in her soft locks, twisting his finger around.
“Alyssa, I can’t go back and forth with you. I know I said I would, but I just can’t anymore, and I’m sorry for that. I tried … I tried so hard. It’s either you want me, or you don’t. I want all of your heart, not just a fraction of it. Like I said, either way I’ll be there for Brooke. It’s up to you. But once we start this, that’s it. Got it? No more friends with benefits shit. You’re mine and I’m yours.”
“I got it.” She nodded her head feverously.
“So what’s it going to be? You’re making a man wait and it’s hard as hell on me, sweetheart.”
“You. I want you, I want us. I want a man who’s going to love all of me–stretch marks, broken family and all–someone who can love me at my worst, even when I’m being a stubborn bitch. I want a man who will love my daughter as his own … and you do Johnny. You do that and so much more. You’re a father to Brooke, and that means more to me than anything in the world.”
His eyes grew dark, his lips an inch away from hers. “I am her father, Alyssa.”
“You are. You really are.” She choked up. John was Brooke’s father in every sense of the word.
“So, this is it. No going back.” John couldn’t stop the grin on his face. “No going back. Because I don’t know if I could deal with having you, then not again.”
“How can you not hate me after everything?”
John pulled back as if he’d been slapped. “How can I hate you when I love you so much?”
Tears filled her eyes and she smiled so big her cheeks hurt. “No going back.” Alyssa stood on her tiptoes and pressed her mouth to his, breathing in his goodness. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she slanted her head and kissed him hard. John rolled his body into hers and lifted her up into his arms. She looked incredible sexy in her black satin dress, but John couldn’t wait to rip it off and make her fully his, heart and all.
Alyssa loosened up into him, and John used the opening to slide his tongue along the seam of her parted lips. His tongue met hers, but this time it was different. The kiss itself was different because they were fully devoted to each other now, heart and soul. No going back. Warmth spread throughout his body and they moaned into each other, their kissing picking up speed as they devoured each other like it was their last night on earth. Alyssa was his, all of his.
“I’m yours, Johnny. Forever. You’re my family now. You and Brooke. It’s us against the world.”
“I love you, honey.”
“And I love you. I should’ve told you the first time you said it to me.”
He angled his head, and she answered. “The night of the accident. We’d just returned from the hospital and were lying in my bed. I regretted never saying it back since that day.”
He kissed her forehead. “Say it again, and you’re forgiven.”
“I love you, Johnny.” Her eyes lit up, finally showing the sparkle he’d been working for.
“Once more for good measure.”
She looked deep in his eyes. “I love you so much.”
He grinned so big she felt his happiness. “We should probably head back into my brother’s wedding.”
Alyssa nodded her head and tried to suppress her grin but failed miserably. John was a sweet talking, rough around the edges, country boy. Who’d ever guess that the city girl in her would fall so hard? “Do you think they’ll notice we’ve been gone so long?”
“Nah. It’s not really about us tonight, so I doubt it.”
But it really was.
Alyssa and John were inseparable for the rest of the night. At times they held Brooke and danced with her, but when it slowed down it was just the two of them. Diane didn’t mind staying back with her daughter while they fell more in love with each other. John never took his eyes off her, proving how much he loved her and how much he wanted her.
He made her whole.
Tonight was a revelation. She had a guy who loved her and her daughter with no reservation. Most men considered babies to be baggage, but John jumped right
on board as if it was meant to be.
And maybe it was.
Yesterday may be gone but tomorrow was a new day. It was her, Brooke, and Johnny, together at last, just like it should have been all along. What had Olivia once told her? Life is a wild and unruly path, there will be bumps and mountains along the way, but having your other half with you makes it easier. No one knew the outcome, everything happens for a reason. And while she never believed that before, she did now.
The drive down to South Fork was quiet and somber this particular day. Brooke had long fallen asleep in the backseat of his truck and Alyssa sat next to John with her feet propped up on the dashboard with the seat laid back. His thumb circled her open palm while her other hand rested on her growing belly, her hair billowing in the wind as she stared at the passing trees.
She was pregnant with his baby, a boy.
Four years since Jace left this world, and not a single day went by that he didn’t miss his friend. His death was still raw and it never completely vanished, only lessened to a dull ache.
John was still holding on after all this time. He found himself visiting Jace’s Facebook page often just to look at old photos and videos and relive the good times they had together. He’d scroll through posts and read each one, sometimes even dropping a line on the page himself. He knew he should stop, but he couldn’t.
Once things settled down, Alyssa went back to college at nights and earned a degree in nursing. It wasn’t something she’d ever thought she’d do career wise, but she’d told John she wanted a job that would always be in demand. He knew her need to have stability in her career rested heavily on her upbringing. After speaking with Olivia many times as what to expect in the nursing filed, Alyssa was set to take her registered nursing licenses in a few months, right before their baby was born.
John let up on the gas a little, his heart slowing as he came up to the place that cost Jace his life. A presence surrounded him, guarding him. It was the same feeling that appeared when he did nine months of deployment in Iraq this past year where an explosion happened just a couple of feet away from him. His life flashed before his eyes—again—that day and knew he’d been spared because of Jace.