by Aja Cole
Michaela.
And if she’s here, then she’s here with him.
“Hawk?” Rachel questions.
I turn around and go right back to my room, shutting the door and yanking my suitcase onto the bed.
I’ve never made it a point to torture myself too much, and I’m sure as hell not starting now.
23
Mickey
“Hawk?” I read the blonde’s lips and my eyes flash up to the man who’s rushing back up the stairs, and I can’t believe it.
I glance at Liam, and he smiles a little, squeezing my hand.
“Go.”
So I do.
24
Liam
When I realize it’s Hawk going up the stairs, and I see Mickey’s face, I have an idea of what’s about to happen.
And I just have to be there for her, and not freak out that she’s going to choose him now.
We’ve had an amazing time together, and I think we’ve gotten really close in what feels like a crazy short amount of time.
I have to trust that.
I don’t even feel jealousy, just…I wish for her that she didn’t have to hurt so much over what to do.
I saw the unanswered texts to him. I’ve seen a little bit of a shadow in her eyes even when we’ve been together.
We’ve spent almost every night together, but I know she gets up sometimes and sits by the window alone. She eventually cuddles up to me again and sleeps, but for those moments, she looks like a woman waiting for answers that won’t come.
Hawk exists, and she has very real feelings for him that I can’t just ignore.
If it were up to me, I wouldn’t make her choose. She could have both of us. But I don’t know if Hawk will be able to move past who he is for that to even come up.
She gives me a helpless look and I force myself to give her a small smile.
“Go.”
She looks hesitant, but I squeeze her hand again because I want her to know I can handle this.
Then I watch her go.
25
Hawk
“Hawk?” There’s a knock on my door and I ignore it. “Can we please talk?”
What I really want to do is open that door and tell Michaela I’ve missed her. Pull her into my arms and never let her go.
“Okay, well I’ll talk, and you listen again.”
“Are you coming to tell me you’ve figured out what you want?”
There’s silence from the other side of the door and I shake my head.
“Then we don’t have anything to say to each other.”
I expect her to say something else. I want her to say something else. Anything.
Instead, there’s just silence again.
I’ve got everything packed back up when there’s another knock at my door.
“I haven’t changed my mind.” I grit out, but the door opens anyway.
“Rachel seems to think you’re upset about something.” I hear Tara’s voice and I turn to see her walking towards the bed. She sits on the edge and pushes my suitcase away, patting the space next to her. “Sit. Share.”
I open my mouth to tell her everything’s fine, but she gives my suitcase a pointed glance. “Obviously something’s up if you’re bold enough to think Wesley and I are going to let you leave.”
“How’d I know I’d find my girl with you.” Wesley comes in, mock-disapproval on his face.
“You know you’re supposed to knock when I’m with my boy toys.” Wesley only rolls his eyes and sits next to her.
“Did you meet my buddy, Liam? He just got here with his girl. I think you two would get along.”
I don’t even have words. Part of me wants to laugh because this stuff probably doesn’t happen to many people.
“You remember the girl I said it’s complicated with?”
“Yeah.” They both say, and I cross my arms, dropping into the armchair across from them.
“She’s standing in that foyer.”
They look at each other and start laughing. “Yeah, okay man. Whatever you say.” While they try to control their mirth, I unlock my phone and pull up a picture Jasmine took and sent me.
I was saying something to Michaela’s dad, who I found out was her stepfather, and she was looking at me and smiling. I looked down and smiled at her and that’s when Jasmine happened to take the picture.
I pass the phone silently to Tara, who’s still giggling, and slowly her laughter fades away. Wes leans over her. “Oh shit.”
“I can’t make this stuff up.” I sigh, at a loss. “I love you two, but I can’t watch them for a week.”
“What the hell happened? And I’ve never seen Liam date anyone the entire time I’ve known him so maybe it’s just a fling.” Wes winces.
“Yeah, because that would make it better.” Tara shakes her head. “Liam’s a cool guy, but…you two are kind of different.”
“Yeah, I think that’s the problem. She told me she likes both of us, in different ways.”
“Okay, well the fact of the matter is - both of you are in my wedding so I need you two to hash it out because unlike your girl, I’m not choosing between you two.”
“You are such an ass.” Tara punches him in the thigh and he throws his hands up.
“Well, what’s your solution know-it-all?”
You know, she doesn’t have to choose.
I hear Liam’s words in my mind and I grit my teeth, rubbing my hands over my eyes. When I look up, Tara’s looking at me thoughtfully.
“You said she likes both of you the same way?”
“That’s what she said. Said she feels the same pull to both of us, it’s why she couldn’t just commit only to me.”
Tara cocks her head to the side, pulling her lip between her teeth then she looks at Wes, dipping her head again.
“Tara.” He sighs.
“Don’t tell me you weren’t thinking it.”
“Thinking what?” I’m left out of their telepathic loop.
“Did you know that one of the reasons Wes and I finally got together was because we realized we shared some of the same…kinks.”
“Half the reason I moved into my own place junior year was because you two were terrible at not being loud.” I cross my arms, leaning back into the chair. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“Well, one thing that we both agreed on was that we wouldn’t mind having…guests with us sometimes.”
“Guests?” I echo, wondering if I’ve stepped into some twilight zone.
“Threesomes man, Tara’s a freak,” Wes says, shrugging when Tara gives him a look. “It’s part of why I love her crazy ass.”
“Is everyone just more adventurous than I am?” I’m bewildered. “What is with this sharing stuff? How are you…you love Tara. How are you okay with anyone else touching her?”
“Well, it was just sexual for us. Just some spice and we both like watching. At the end of everything, I was still the constant. They were only there because we allowed them to be. It was a choice that benefitted both of us.”
“We actually considered asking you to join us once, but thought it’d be too weird since we were so close.” Tara throws out, and I’m floored.
“Who are you?”
“Okay look, the only reason I even said anything is because…maybe it can work for you too.”
“Liam is pretty laid-back. We’ve talked about some shit over the years, and if anyone would be able to, it’d be him.”
“Do you know what my family would say?” I lean on my knees. “My mom would have a heart attack, and that’s after she cursed me up and down for living in sin.”
“Didn’t they share in the Bible?” Wes asks and Tara shrugs.
“I dunno baby, I skipped Sunday school a bunch. And what does it matter what your family thinks? You don’t live with them anymore, you can choose what you share.”
She has a point.
Wait, what? This is batshit.
“This is crazy. Real people don
’t have relationships like that. And you said yourself it was only casual for you.”
“Yeah, for us. But there are people who are in long-term relationships. Look, I’m not going to pretend it won’t be an adjustment. But…if you have the option to give her up for good or share her, what would you choose?”
“I’d choose to give her up because anything else is a hoop dream.” I get up, shaking my head. “I know you mean well, but I don’t think it’s going to happen. I’m going to catch the next flight out but I promise I’ll be at everything else.”
“I really wish you wouldn’t leave, man.” Wes stands.
“It’s fine. I’ll be fine. Have fun for me.” We hug and then Tara hugs me.
“Do me one favor before you go though.” She says, peering up at me.
“What?”
“We got some special bottles made for everyone, so just drop by the cellar and get yours. It has your name on it. Go down the back stairs, to the right, and the brown wooden door opens down to it.”
“I will.” I kiss her on the cheek.
“Go now before you forget. I’ll call a car for you.”
“She’s getting pushier the closer it gets to the wedding.” I tease, then I head to the cellar.
Leave it to them to do something so extra like personal bottles.
26
Liam
Mickey came back with the most forlorn look on her face before she smoothed it out for my benefit.
I haven’t seen Hawk at all.
“Liam?” Tara calls, coming down the stairs. “Will you do me a big favor and grab another bottle of red wine from the cellar?”
“Do I look like your maid?” I ask, even as I stand.
“Your hair’s a little shorter.” She sticks her tongue out. “Please?”
“Alright.” I pass her and keep my voice low. “Will you keep Mickey company? I’ll explain later.”
“Yeah.” She says, and there’s something in her voice that makes me pause, but I figure I’m just being weird. “Go straight, take a left, it’s the brown door.”
“Got it. Just one bottle?”
She glances back at the group, and someone’s pulled out twister and cards against humanity. “Maybe two.”
“Cool.” I follow her directions and open the door, feeling my way along the wall down the stairs because there’s no light.
Apparently, that’s only at the top though, because a light’s on when I get to the bottom.
Now to find the red wine.
There are a few rows, and I hear a scuffle and pause.
There better not be any creatures down here.
“Tara, I can—,” Hawk comes around one of the rows and we both freeze. “What the hell are you doing down here?”
“I thought I was grabbing wine.”
If looks could kill, I’d be bleeding out right now. He looks like he wants to smash my face into the wall, and because I’m a stand-up type of guy, I’m going to give him the opportunity to.
Then we need to talk.
“She’s meddling.” He says darkly, face tight.
“If she told you to come down here, I’m betting the door is probably blocked or something until we get some things out in the open.”
“What is there to get out in the open? The woman I was falling for chose you over me. That’s the entire story right there.”
“That’s only part of the story and you know it.”
“It’s the only part that matters.” He sneers, turning around. “Out of all the goddamned people in the world, you had to know my best friend.”
“Funny how things happen isn’t it.” I sit on the bottom of the stairs because if Hawk’s stubbornness is any indication, we’re going to be down here for a while. “I’m glad we get to talk again, actually.”
“Oh, so you can tell me how much I don’t know Michaela again?”
“I might’ve been a little out of line.” I grin, leaning my elbows against the steps.
“You’re pissing me off.” His hands clench at his sides and I roll my eyes. The man is full of tension, so I stand.
“I’m giving you one free punch. But I’m warning you, the second one is gonna cost.” For a second, I don’t think he’s going to take me up on it, then he gets this dead-set look in his grey eyes.
“Don’t give me free anything.”
I shrug. “If that’s what you want.” We start circling each other, and I duck when his right fist swings towards me. I throw a low jab that hits him in the gut and he grunts, but now the adrenaline is flowing.
“Come on, I thought you hated my guts.” I laugh a little because I know it’ll push him, though when my head snaps to the side because of his quick hook to my jaw, it still catches me slightly off guard. “Fuck.”
“Keep talking shit.” He growls, and I rush him, sending us both flying to the floor and grappling with each other. I get a good punch to his face, busting his lip and I can feel a little blood on my face, though I’m not sure where it’s coming from.
When we’re both breathing too hard and our vision is too blurry to beat each other’s asses anymore, we sit on the floor heaving. Hawk pulls down a rag that’s sitting on the box we’re leaning against and wipes his face with it, passing it to me.
“Thanks,” I grunt, dabbing the blood and touching my tongue to my swollen lip.
“No problem.” He rests his elbows on his bent knees and hangs his head. “I don’t know if I want another woman. Shit, my jaw hurts.”
“You’re preaching to the choir, man. You were right about me playing fast and loose usually. It didn’t take long for me to realize that’s not where my mind was really at with Mickey.”
“I was gutted when she left that night. Did she…did she go to you?”
I don’t pretend to not know what night he’s talking about. There seems to be tentative respect between us now and I don’t want to fuck it up.
“Yeah, and she was a mess. It was a different experience holding her while she cried over another man, I’ll tell you that much.”
“Is it shitty that it makes me feel better that it wasn’t easy for her?”
“I think it’s human. You care about her, and she cares about you.”
“And you care about her.” He looks at me and I nod slowly.
“Yeah. I do. Which is why I want to bring something up that you might not like.” I stand gingerly because my head’s a little foggy, and pluck a bottle of vodka from the shelf, opening it.
I slide back down next to Hawk and take a swig, passing it to him. He takes a drink and drops his head back against the wood.
“You don’t want to make her choose.”
I glance at him, not completely surprised. “Yeah. Have you been thinking about it?”
“Yes and no. It’s popped up in my mind a few times after what you said at the shoot, but I’ve brushed it off. Tara suggested it earlier though.”
“Oh yeah, she and Wes do something similar.”
“Am I the only one who didn’t know that?” He scowls, tipping the bottle to his mouth again before he passes it back to me.
“Probably.” I laugh. “You do strike me as a little on the traditional side.”
“I was raised by a mother who made my siblings and I believe that if we masturbated, our hands would fall off. Traditional is a hard thing to shake.”
I whistle. “That’s tough. My mom was pretty miserable. I think I would’ve preferred if she said shit like that, would’ve meant she cared a little bit.”
“Well mine is a bit of a narcissist, the forever victim, you know? When Leslie and I moved to New York, she had dizzy spells for weeks. Said we were abandoning who we were and New York is filled with sin. The crazy thing is she’s not even that religious. I think she’s just getting a little crazier as she gets older, but at least she’s visited us a few times now. Are you better with yours?”
“She passed when I was about 17. I haven’t spoken to my dad in a long time and I don’t expect to anytime soon.�
��
He passes me the bottle again silently and I drink from it, thinking about how crazy it is that we’re sitting here shooting the shit now.
“That’s what being able to make connections is for. Building some type of family of your own that you can count on.”
“Definitely. Mickey…for the first time, I can see myself settling down with someone. Having a family. When I was dealing with depression last year, I couldn’t find a future in anything. Now she’s here and I can’t think of anything else.”
“I’ve always been the traditional type. Not into casual sex really, relationships always last more than a year. I think I’m so used to things just working, that it threw me for a loop when things weren’t going the way I expected.”
“So where are you at now? If she was open to trying this thing out, with both of us, would you be able to?”
“How would we do it? What will we tell people?”
I shrug. “I don’t have all the answers, bro. But I think she could pick worse men than you, from what I’ve seen. I’d rather see her loved by both of us than make her choose. If I’m honest, I think if she chose me - she’d always wonder about you.”
“And I think she’d always wonder about you if she chose me.” He says quietly, and then he stands and holds a hand out to me. I take it and he pulls me up, sticking his hand out again.
“I’m willing to try if you are. I don’t think it’ll be easy, I still can’t quite wrap my head around it - but I’ve never felt the way I feel about Michaela for anyone else and I’d hate to lose it when there’s another option.”
I take his hand firmly and shake it, nodding once and meeting his eyes.
“I respect that, man. I think if we just…stay honest and think about her first, we’ll be fine.” I feel my phone buzz and I take it out, turning the screen to Hawk.
It’s Tara asking if we’ve gotten our shit together yet. I text back Yes, and we turn towards the stairs.