Hold up. I ordered myself. I had no business thinking about Dylan that way. Never had.
“Well. That’s good for him.” I finally managed. I didn’t know what else to say.
“Yeah. He’s all goody goody now. No smoking. Has a house and a dog.” Jax rolled his eyes at me, clearly trying to make me smile. I did, grateful that he was giving me a moment to compose myself before I turned back to my friends.
“Hello, hottie.” Maddy suddenly whispered. I jolted, startled, as she nudged me in the ribcage—I hadn’t heard her approach. “Tell me you know him. And that he’s single.”
Chill bumps broke out over my skin before melting away in a wash of steam.
I’d been back in town for two days, but I was already completely attuned to Dylan’s presence.
Slowly, I turned around, found him standing just inside the open garage door. Though he was turned as if he was going to speak to Jax, his eyes were fastened on me.
“Ladies.” Just the one syllable, then he turned his attention to Jax—or to an outsider, it would seem that he had.
He was still oriented towards me, or maybe it was me to him.
“Hi, Dylan.” My face flushed and I looked down at my toes. The green varnish was chipped, not the norm for me. I liked to be groomed and polished, to show something shiny and perfect to the outside world.
“Oh.”Beside me Maddy and Serena exhaled their comprehension in unison. I looked away from my toes to glare at them. They gave me wide eyed stares of innocence in return, but I knew that they’d put two and two together.
I silently willed them to behave. Dylan wasn’t just some hot guy from my home town. No, there was so much more between us than that.
So much, and yet it could all fall away into nothing.
“That part for my bike come in, Jax?” Dylan extracted a small paper bag from the pocket of his battered jacket, then slid the garment down his shoulders. Beneath it he was wearing a short sleeved T-shirt that showed only half of his tattoo and a lot of sinewy muscle.
The tattoo involved flames of some kind. Now it made sense.
From the corner of my eye I saw Maddy’s eyebrow lift in appreciation. I felt a snaking tendril of... not jealousy, not exactly. Possessiveness, even though I knew she’d never make a move on someone that I had any kind of connection with. Neither would Serena, even if she wasn’t crazy in love with her own guy.
All I could think of was the way his bare torso had looked only hours ago, when he’d stripped off his T-shirt so that I could be warm. The way the early morning sunlight had played over the golden skin that stretched tightly over those muscles, muscles that had only been a promise that last time I’d seen them.
The way his lips had looked when he’d pulled me towards him like he had a right. When he’d almost kissed me.
It was better than it had been before. And that was saying something.
“Yep, it’s on the bench there.” Jax rubbed his hand over his nose, leaving a smear of engine grease behind. I saw his eyes flick back and forth between me and Dylan, but I swallowed hard and shoved it back.
“Awesome. What do I owe you?” Before grabbing the part, he tossed the small paper bag my way, not even looking to see if I caught it, which I did, after a fumble.
The guys’ voices became background noise as, curious, I opened the small bag. Inside was a pile of small dark rectangles—the unmistakeable scent hit my senses like a sucker punch, and I felt my insides go as soft and gooey as the contents of the bag.
Licorice. He’d brought me a bag full of black licorice.
I looked up, caught his gaze. He winked at me once, solemnly, before turning his attention back to Jax.
“Oh, shit.” I whispered to myself. I was a goner.
“I take it you and Joel are off again?” Serena elbowed me discreetly, whispering as she adjusted the elastic on her ponytail.
I noted distractedly that she rarely hid behind the long curtain of her hair anymore, like she had for years, but then her words sank in and my mouth went dry.
Yes, Joel and I were off again. Forever off. But that didn’t mean that there was anything between me and Dylan.
And that was a bald faced lie. There was something between us, absolutely. But more than that were the things that would keep us apart.
“We should get going.” Pasting a bright smile on my lips, I turned to Maddy and Serena, stuffing the offensive bag of licorice into my right pocket as I did. It would be a big gooey mass by the time I pulled it out, but I couldn’t handle the sight, the smell of it, the reminder of Dylan.
Just like the licorice, he was sweetness hidden beneath a bit of a bitter flavor. And it didn’t matter how much I loved the taste, I wasn’t about to consume more than I should.
“Don’t you want to stay?” Maddy cast a puzzled look from me to Dylan, then back to me. I knew why she was surprised. A gorgeous guy, and Joel and I weren’t currently together. Normally this would be a recipe for me to start playing the hookup game.
A quick glance told me that Dylan was watching me well, his expression infuriatingly calm. I started to shake my head, but before I could even move Jax was grinning at me, wiggling his eyebrows obscenely from behind Dylan’s back.
“Come on ladies, stay. I’m just about to bust open a case of beer.” To prove his point, he opened the door of the battered fridge that sat beside his work bay and pulled out a trio of frosty cans. With enviable aim he tossed them our way, one at a time.
“It’s barely noon, Jax.” I didn’t miss the startled look that passed between Serena and Maddy at my words, or the slight smile from Dylan.
Jax raised his eyebrows at me. “Nothing booked for the rest of the afternoon. And you’re home. I’d say that’s cause for celebration.”
I wavered. Damn it, just being back in Fish Lake was changing me back to the way I was.
“Don’t make me drink alone with this ugly mo fo.” Jax gestured to Dylan with a cock of his head, and I frowned at the insult to Dylan. Jax grinned again, and I knew I’d been caught out.
I could feel the blush sweeping over my skin, the curse of a redhead. Damn it.
In a rush, I made up my mind. “Beer me, then. I’m always up for some fun.”
From the corner of my eye I thought I saw Dylan scowl at my words. My heart stuttered.
Didn’t he like it that I was more fun now than I’d been before? Wasn’t that what he wanted?
Not that what he thought mattered, not when it was what I wanted.
“If that’s an ugly mo fo, then I want one.” Not waiting for me to say anything else, Maddy popped the top on her beer, then lifted it towards Jax with a flirtatious smile. “Thanks for the drink. I’ll owe you one.”
I was a little surprised that his answering smile didn’t hold any flirtation back even on Maddy’s second attempt—at least, anything that packed any punch. Maddy, with her long dark hair and toned back that displayed gorgeous floral tattoos, would have struck me as exactly his type.
Though, come to think of it, I’d never really seen Jax with a girl, so I couldn’t have said what, exactly, his type was.
Dylan accepted a beer from Jax and popped the top. I watched as he lifted it, as his lips closed over the opening, the muscles of cheeks and throat working as he sipped, then swallowed.
A surge of heat flooded down between my legs, embarrassing the hell out of me. I looked away quickly, only to find that Maddy and Serena had settled right in, and were talking with Jax like they’d known him for years.
That left me. And Dylan.
Me and Dylan.
Together.
As if I had no say in the matter, my stare was dragged back to him. Gawd, he was just ridiculously sexy, in those torn jeans and that fitted grey T-shirt, with his hair all messy and that tattoo just peeking out the edge of his sleeve.
He smiled at me then, long and slow, and I shivered. He didn’t have to speak to tell me what he was thinking.
You’re going to be mine.
; Lifting the icy can of beer to my lips, I chugged until my head hurt. The feelings that had tugged us together before I’d left for college were still there, and if anything were stronger than before. I still didn’t understand them.
The kind of girl that Dylan had always gone for was the partier, like Ella had been. Like I was now.
Except now that I’d started to channel my sister, it seemed like he’d gone in the other direction, started to grow up.
I craved Dylan so badly that it hurt, but it didn’t look like we were going to get our acts together anytime soon.
I wasn’t the kind of person who was strong enough to deny myself something that I wanted so much, not anymore. And that told me that I was in for a world of heartbreak.
I’d been back in town for two days... I’d be here for another four months. Already I could hear Ella’s voice in my head, urging me on.
Stop worrying about the right thing to do. You’ve cleaned up enough messes. Take what you want.
Except it couldn’t have been Ella’s voice, because she would have screamed at the thought of me with her best friend.
Damn it.
How long was I going to be able to hold out?
***
One beer had turned into three. Music was blasting, a song by Muse, which I liked and that made me want to dance. Several of Jax’s other mechanics had shown up, and Maddy was flirting with one of them, a teddy bear of a guy with arms the size of my head.
I wouldn’t be surprised if she wound up at his place for the night. I’d already given her the thumbs up—I couldn’t remember the guy’s name, but he’d been a few years ahead of me in school, had worked for Jax for years, and had never gotten into any kind of trouble.
If he had, I’d know. Fish Lake was just that kind of town.
Serena was in a corner, clutching her beer and giggling at something Jax was telling her. He wasn’t hitting on her, and I wasn’t surprised—she all but had ‘taken’ tattooed on her forehead.
I had taken my eyes off of Dylan for a couple of minutes, trying hard not to be stalker creepy. But he’d disappeared.
Disappointment was heavy, weighing me down. I wanted to be around him, wanted to be with him, even if I wasn’t about to admit that to anyone but myself.
I was the worst sister in the world. Being with Dylan, even just for that single kiss, had been the biggest mistake of my life. Why was I looking to repeat it?
“You look sad.”
I jumped and screeched when the words, spoken in that low, whiskey rough voice whispered against my ear. Beer sloshed from the can onto my hand, an icy cold against the sudden flush of heat.
“Don’t sneak up on me like that.” I pushed as much irritation as I could into the words, but I was feeling anything but.
My body was chanting yes yes yes, urging me to press myself against that rock solid frame.
No. Bad Kaylee.
“It’s not sneaking if I wasn’t trying to be quiet.” He watched me, his expression bemused. “Not my fault you weren’t paying attention.”
I opened my mouth, then closed it again when I could come up with nothing to say.
“So.” Dylan took a step towards me; I backed away. One more step and my back was pressed against one of the workbenches, the sharp edge of the counter digging into the tender flesh just below my spine.
He’d trapped me with two steps and a devilish smile. I could slip to the side to free myself, but wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing how nervous he made me.
“So.” I echoed, narrowing my eyes at him. I didn’t like being cornered, feeling trapped.
It reminded me of how I’d felt for most of my life, trapped in that house, that family, stuck in the role of the good daughter.
“What are we going to do about this, Kaylee?”
My mouth fell open. Surely he wasn’t talking about... well... this.
I eyed him. He regarded me calmly.
This was exactly what he was talking about—about us. Trust Dylan to lay it all out on the table, while I did my best to make it go away.
“We’re not going to have this conversation, Dylan.” At that point I did try to slip to the side, away from him.
Suddenly his arms were on either side of my ribcage, pinning me in. My heart raced as that long, hard body pressed up against me, and at the same time anger flashed, hot and fast, that he would dare do it.
“Let me go, Dylan.” I glared.
The look would have been a lot more convincing, I knew, if the flush of arousal wasn’t painting my skin pink.
“There’s something between us still, Kaylee. Are you just going to ignore it?”
Hell no, my body screamed, urging me to rub myself all over him. Oh yes—that was my brain, reminding me of all the bad things that had happened the last time I’d let Dylan McKay put those rough, amazing hands on me.
“Yes.” My brain won out. “And you should, too. It’s the smart thing to do.”
“So the old Kaylee is still in there somewhere, buried under the sexy red bikini, huh?” He chuckled when I glared up at him, infuriated by his words. “But you’re all feisty now. I like it.”
I slapped my hands onto his chest. He gently, gently covered them with his own.
My heart throbbed.
“Kaylee, I understand.” His voice was dark and layered with something that didn’t belong in this game of heat and desire.
Something kind. Something in as much pain as I was in.
I didn’t respond. No matter how close he and Ella had been—and I found that I didn’t really want to dwell on that fact—no one who wasn’t a twin could understand a loss like mine.
I’d shared a womb with my sister. We hadn’t been formed from the same egg, like identical twins were, but still we’d been connected in a way I didn’t imagine we could have been otherwise.
With her gone, it felt like a chunk of my soul had withered up and blown away in the wind. And if I hadn’t given in to my desire for the boy who belonged to my sister, I would have been there to keep her here, where she was supposed to be.
As if he’d read my thoughts, Dylan slowly moved one hand from where it had been playing with my fingers, to take hold of my chin.
I had no choice but to look up into those eyes. I wasn’t sure how I felt about all of things that I saw there.
“You can’t blame yourself.” His words were so quiet that I could barely make them out over the loud thump of the music.
“You did.” I fired back. To his credit, only the briefest hint of emotion flickered over his face before he smoothed it back into that inscrutable expression.
“I never blamed you, Kaylee.”
I remembered the accusing look in his eyes as the lights of an ambulance washed red light over our skin. Remembered the way he’d sworn as he stood over us, the Sawyer girls.
In that moment I’d known that, if one of us had had to die, he wished it would have been me. I didn’t understand what role I played for him, why he’d asked me out despite his friendship with Ella.
But right then, I’d known who it was he cared about. And with my heart already dying along with my sister, I’d crumbled, innocent Kaylee disappearing along with my sister’s soul.
“Not your fault.” He bit out, seeing that I needed to be convinced.
I blanched. He was trying to make me feel better, why, I didn’t know.
I wanted him. I couldn’t deny it. But those words that hadn’t been said as my sister lay lifeless between us had erected a barrier that had driven me across the country and had kept him from following.
“That’s a conversation for another time.” Rough, sexy Dylan was back, and the intimate, vulnerable crack in his toughness sealed back up without any evidence that it had ever existed.
I curled my fingers where they still rested on his chest, letting the nails bite into his flesh just a bit. I wanted to let him know that I was okay with letting it go for now, but that we would finish this conversation later.
“What would you like to talk about, then?” There was some kind of demon inside of me, some kind of demon that didn’t care whose fault it was, if only it meant I could have him.
Shocked at the brazenness of the flirtation in my voice, the tone I’d tried so hard to keep under control.
Heat sparked in his eyes, and his grip on my chin tightened, just a bit.
It sent a thrill of excitement rocketing through me.
“I’d like,” he started, staring right into my eyes, never missing a beat, “to talk about what we’re going to do about this thing between us. And don’t say ignore it,” he warned, giving my chin another small squeeze
I pulled back against the touch, though I didn’t really want to. It was more about making a statement.
“That’s what we should do. Ignore it, I mean.” But how was I supposed to ignore the guy who acted all tough, then bought me licorice? The guy whose kiss had lit sparks inside of me once, the man who set me on flame now?
“Ignoring it won’t make it go away,” he whispered. I searched his face for signs of something, anything that said he was just trying to get in my pants, trying to exact some form of twisted revenge for Ella.
There wasn’t anything there. I’d known there wouldn’t be. Even back in his hell-raising days, Dylan had never been the type to lead a girl on. He’d broken plenty of hearts, certainly, but he’d always been upfront at the start of any liaison about what he wanted, which was nothing serious.
“Have dinner with me.” He leaned in until the sight of him, the smell, overwhelmed my senses. Closing my eyes, I inhaled that scent, trying to burn it into my memory.
When he was this close to me, when I could feel the heat of his skin warming the thin ribbon of space between us, it was impossible to remember what stood between us.
“That’s not a good idea, Dylan.” I forced myself to look up into his eyes, which were narrowed with determination.
“Dinner, Kaylee. You have to eat,” he said. I knew I should have been mad at how hard he was pushing—with any other guy I would have been.
All I wanted to do was agree with him. To do whatever he wanted me to.
“Just dinner,” I finally said, running the tip of my tongue over suddenly dry lips. I knew I’d regret it, but in the moment I could convince myself that a simple meal couldn’t harm anyone.
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