How can this be, she thought. More importantly, what does it mean?
“Did you ever wonder if plants have souls, Al? They do, it’s not as complex as ours, of course, but they do. They have energy. They’re part of life. In this place, they’ve chosen exactly how they want to live.”
Althea eyed the rotting trunk of a tree.
“Yes, they can choose any part of their natural life cycles. This is not a place of judgment. It’s a place of possibility. Here, they get to choose. And so do you.”
Behind the trees, all around them, hundreds of species of birds sang the song that they had chosen to sing. A quote from the movie Trainspotting swam in Althea’s head. “Choose school, choose family, choose life.”
“How do I choose?”
“We’ll get to that, Al, don’t you worry, but for now keep looking. You’re close.”
Althea looked. The people on the path were long gone. The man with the ornate glasses stuck in her mind. On her right, another boulder emerged. She stopped in front of it. On its shiny brass plaque, it said “This mile is donated by Dieter Hoffman.” Hoffman. Yes. She had read about him in the paper. Dieter Hoffman committed fraud and disappeared without a trace.
A place of no judgment.
“That man, these people on the path. They’ve known this place and they’ve made choices.” The bleached-blonde with red lips and dark glasses. Charlotte Wise, the missing psychic.
“Yes. Now you’re getting it.”
She recalled the faces that she saw earlier. She knew them all. Stephen Stalkow — the former business tycoon who killed his family and was executed for it. He was here, with his children. Twins.
“Is this an evil place?”
“That’s such a human question, Al. Evil, no such thing. Its more like a place of free will. Anything can happen here. All of your potential can be tapped. It is not a place of judgment, as I said, though you could say that it’s a place that has consequences. So if someone wished for money, power, that sort of thing, they could get it, but they would also get any outcomes which came with it. Keep looking.”
They walked. His thumb was moving in circles in the palm of her hand. She turned her attention to the right. She spoke slowly, as if each word was being revealed to her one at a time.
“On the left are our choices, on the right are the outcomes. The outcomes are created by the choices. From here, there is no turning back.”
“Well, we are empowered to make choices all the time. It’s a matter of degree. But you’re right about one thing. This place transcends time as you know it. The choices made here are not like the little choices we make each day that grow slowly into enormous consequences. It’s more like making five billion of those small choices at once, and then having time fast forwarded in an instant.”
“Why me?”
“You made a wish, you had the desire to know your truth. And for other reasons as well.”
“Because of Sophie.”
“Despite Sophie.” he chuckled.
On her left, Althea noticed another jewel plaque, this one cinnamon colored garnet. This mile is sponsored by Althea Brecht. They stopped.
“Any more questions?” He smiled at her. “I may not be able to answer them, but gimme a shot.”
“You’re teasing me.”
“Something tells me I’ve been accused of that before.” She gestured to the path, which displayed her name.
“Is this my choice?”
“This? This will lead you to where you will make your choice.”
“What happens after that?”
“That’s also your choice. This gives you a leg up, certainly — a big one. But the outcome, as always, is up to you.”
“How will I know what to choose?”
“You know the answer to that.” Althea looked into the sky, which was blue and clear. A red-winged blackbird perched on the branch of a birch tree suspended in winter. She spoke slowly.
“Trust my intuition. Use my imagination. Discover who I am and who I want to be. Dream my grandest dream.”
“Yes.”
“Create my future.”
“Right. You’re already doing it, we do it all the time. You created this place, Al. You created me. You’re going to be on your own for this leg of the journey because that’s the way you created it.”
“Okay. I’m ready.”
She kissed him and his thumb traced her dimple. His lips felt warm and familiar. She turned away from him toward her place of choice.
A place of no judgment.
chapter 57
THE PATH UPON WHICH Althea now walked her path was a perfect counter-clockwise arch. Just when Althea thought that she should be crossing the place where she started, she entered a clearing, lined by a small lake. On the water’s surface, were rows of twinkling ripples, though there was no hint of wind. She looked across the expansive sky until she found what she was looking for.
“You again,” she whispered.
Though it was daylight, the moon hung suspended over a mulberry sky. She looked at the moon, into it, and it was as mysterious as it had ever been to her, even more now, its hues of soft cream and yellow and grey creating the illusion of a face looking down at her, wrinkled and wise.
In concert with the moon, there was something else about this place, and as soon as the question entered her mind, she received the answer. Circularity came the whisper, everything’s round here, circles upon circles. Like the flow of life. Everything she saw confirmed it, everything she felt. There were no rigid corners here, no hard and fixed lines. From the curve of the clearing, to the rounded waterfront, to the smoothness of the waves as if a storm had just passed, this place was made up of circles and parts of circles, intimate, balanced, and intertwined.
The moon lit her way. Trees emerged shyly from the edge of the clearing. Their leaves blushed an array of greens, oranges and reds so intense, they felt like a magnet. She walked toward them, noticing that she was now barefoot, the sand cool and soft beneath her feet. She left no footprints behind.
The trees parted, and as she recognized where she was, she giggled. She had entered a playground Created it came the whisper, and it was her childhood fantasy, sparkling with color and light. Soft notes of music played, an otherworldly piano, the ambient keys mingled with voices mounting in a welcoming chorus. Althea clapped and skipped toward the playground with unencumbered glee Permission to be a child again, permission to dance and watched with wide eyes as the rainbow of color surrounding her twinkled and grew.
Althea stood transfixed as a mass of orange and silver swirled and settled into a brilliant teeter-totter. In the place of a wooden plank was an acid green pipe. As she stood watching it winking at her, it moved Come play. She shook her head, staying where she was, until she noticed that behind it, something else was growing, and when she saw what it was, she gasped.
Before her was the grandest slide she had ever seen — two stories high, in the purest cyan, every child’s dream. Like a mutant tuba, it branched in a dozen different directions, curving around and through. The sliding surface was summer yellow, like glowing fiberglass but fiberglass that breathed. As she touched the first rung of the ladder, it glowed and molded into her hand, became softer. The ride of your life, it said that’s what I promise and she shook her head and let the ladder go.
She turned and two ribbons of the richest burgundy stretched from her wrists to an emerald-green pole sunk deep into the earth. She remembered this ride, too. She used to call it the maypole ride. She imagined what it would be like, gliding from her hands with the wind in her hair, in a perfect weightless circle Just like flying until she could see the moon. She touched its surface lovingly, gave it a spin, and it sparked a kaleidoscope that glowed like embers and floated like snowflakes, landing on her shoulders, tickling her skin.
Her attention was diverted when a breath of air lifted her hair. Beside the lake, she noticed an arc of red. As she watched, the maypole ribbons melted off of her hands, and s
he shivered. This is it, she thought. Without a doubt, this is it. She began to walk.
Underneath a raspberry arch, which rose from the sand like an otherworldly gate, was a swing set beside the lake. Hundreds of tight golden spirals, like roses just about to open, cascaded on its surface. The swing itself was made up of two velvet ropes in brilliant gold, anchored by a soft oval seat. As Althea stared, the arch grew and leaned toward her, the flower-spirals opened and stretched, and the potpourri scent that emanated from them tickled her nose. The music rose gently, spare and soft, like Erik Satie meets Alice in Wonderland, blending with the chorus of whispers which echoed.
She was standing just a foot away now, her neck stretching to see the top of the arch, which was changing like the sky during sunset. You control what we become, it whispered to her. We’re your creation, all of us, you know that don’t you?
Her eyes filled with tears, and she felt belonging and acceptance as she took the soft ropes in her hands, and sank into the golden seat, which was like suede but softer, and shaped perfectly for her. She looked up into the moon hanging over the water You know it said You always have, and she realized that she had made her first and easiest choice.
She could feel Him behind her, his body pressed up against hers, his arm around her waist. He held her tight. She leaned into him.
“Are you ready?” he asked.
“Yup, I’m ready.”
His hands pushed her hips as her feet left the ground. She leaned back, arms straight, head back to get some height. At the top of the arc, she stopped in mid-air and changed direction, then her body collapsed into itself, her knees tucked under her as she leaned forward. The air caught her hair, blowing it around her face as she dropped her chin to her chest, and then she felt his hands on the small of her back again, pushing her higher.
This time, she laid full back, her toes pointing up, reaching as high as she could, her head falling back to look at him, feeling like a child, upside down, and there he was, his arms extended protectively, waiting for her to swing back to him. Butterflies flew to the top of her throat as she changed direction, and headed back toward him. This time, she passed him so quickly he couldn’t reach her. He stepped back.
The water and the moon and the green blending together, Althea strained to reach the highest point, higher than the highest branches of the trees that surrounded them, higher than gravity allowed. She threw her head back, toes pointing, and in a flicker, the water grew into an ocean, becoming even bluer than before, the moon glowed pink and she kept going, upside down, over the red arch in a perfect circle, then again, moving faster and faster in a place where the earth’s laws did not exist.
It was the ride that she dreamed of when she was a child, and the one that she dreaded, like riding a roller coaster out of control. As she spun around and around, her eyes were open, and her world blended into white, and then it was as if she was watching herself through the lens of a camera, a pinpoint of black, widening, until she was inside it, part of it, images flying at her, bits and pieces of a whole there for the taking and here she knew that it was all up to her.
She was now free to choose.
They came as flashes, a montage of light and feeling, moving back and forth in time, fragments of intertwining experience, both infinite and precise. She looked for the patterns, the themes, and moved deeply into each feeling them.
Still spinning, she breathed the air which was fragrant and sweet and opened up to the images, her creations, which appeared random, not part of the present or the past, yet a collection of possibilities, each existing simultaneously now and in the future.
• • •
SHE SAW HERSELF SITTING alone, surrounded by cool glass. A candle reflection, a phone at her feet, and whispers all around her. A man’s voice, and the energy dipped. No, she thought, not a conscious thought, but a conscious direction and she slipped under the glow of the moon into a place where the sand warmed her feet and where the hiss of the ocean was near. She could see her form hunched, damp in the sand, and with the tide came a flood of tears and the instrument which gently caught them, filling line after line with black ink. Will you do this? the moon asked.
Yes, she breathed and as she spun, she saw felt her naked body tossed by the water, floating, turning, opening. Her tears dried, a hand smoothed her hair, and a heartbeat pumped softly in her ears, so alive. She could see books stacked high on wooden shelves, a ladder extending from each and beyond, the flames rising from within a bowl of silver. Following the image of the fire, she watched herself walking, the polished wooden floor on which she stood carved in circles the flowers of life sectioned into twelve, the symbols ancient. A butterscotch voice that she knew.
Will you do this?
Yes.
As she heard a woman scream, she tensed. She saw anger, fear, danger. She felt a body struggling, the hard ground pushing into their sides, the pain, the blood, the quiet, the remorse. No, she thought, and she was in a room of silence and colored glass, staring into amber brown eyes, red with sorrow, a flood of understanding within her heart, the end of it all. You know. What do I know, she thought, gripping the swing tighter. Is this something you want? The peace that coursed through her body was beyond description.
Yes.
The fingers that had smoothed her hair moved lovingly over her lips. She saw the dust, the fire, the explosion, the frightened eyes, the pain and the comfort of human touch as arms encircled her, the magic as her heart relaxed into moss green with flecks of gold, two hands locked together under a blanket, the warmest lips brushing against hers, four eyes looking out over an expanse of water, rolling hills and ancient stone. Will you do this?
Yes.
Her heart broke open, connecting with the sky, the sun’s rays, the moon’s glow and the dense black of space. Complete the circle, the moon whispered, and she spun faster, the truth laid before her: Feel it. Experience it. Share it. Offer it up. Receive it back. Connect with everything. Attach to nothing. Love yourself. Love others. For both are the same. Your gifts will be received. Even when they are not. It is enough.
Will you do this?
Yes, she breathed. This I know.
She let go.
chapter 58
ALTHEA STOOD NAKED ON the glowing dance floor. She knew this was the place of her dreams. Of the dance. But this time, no one was dancing. Instead of the frenzied pace of before, there was a sense of calm, an unhurriedness. The soft light flowed from the walls, illuminating Althea and everything in the room. Each element received the light, and emanated its own. Today, the vision of her future seemed the brightest of all.
Her dancers, once her demons, sat quietly in a row across from her, their eyes on her. She knew they wanted to reach out to her, that they wanted to dance. She could feel their power, waiting for her, and silently she acknowledged the part of herself that was afraid, that still wanted to walk away.
She walked slowly past them, looking each in the eye. They remained still.
“You belong to me. You belong to me,” she said to each as she passed. When they were behind her, she looked up to find him standing naked in front of her, her love, herself, his alabaster skin glistening and smooth. She took his hands and looked into his eyes, felt his power mixed with her own. Jewel green. She turned her head toward her dancers.
“I created them.”
“Yes. And they helped create you.”
“Will I dance with them again?” she asked.
“Probably, yes. You’ve changed, yet earth is earth, and there you remain a student. But they’ll gain power over you, only if you let them.”
“Can I ask them to leave?”
“No. They’re part of you, they’ve been with you for lifetimes. But if you work with them, they’ll transform. Lose their power. Gain strength in other ways.”
“So it’s all up to me.”
“It always has been.”
“Show yourself.”
“Yes.”
“Now I understand.�
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As Althea spoke, a shining white light extended toward them, pulling them together like a magnet, and his sweet scent rose like a fragrant mist. She looked at their hands, locked together, then into his face. He was smiling at her, and it was the most beautiful smile she’d ever seen.
“What did I choose?”
“Don’t you know?”
“I know what I desired. I don’t know how I’ll get there.”
“That’s perfect.”
She smiled as she moved toward him, and the light engulfed them. She could feel his body, his chest touching her breasts, his thigh on her thigh. She looked into his eyes, calm pools of green ice, and this time there was no pain, just a mysterious recognition and familiarity, and a flood of energy as if a hole was being filled inside of her.
Althea leaned forward until her lips brushed over his, a feather touch enveloped in light. When she pulled back, he could feel his lips curve into a smile.
“Now who’s the tease.”
“Tell me what else I’ve chosen,” she whispered.
“You know I can’t do that.”
“What can you tell me?” She could feel his hands moving down the length of her hair, smoothing it off of her face, moving to her cheek which was beginning to tingle. She looked into the moss green of his eyes.
“That we’ll remember.”
Althea wrapped her naked arms around his neck and kissed him. A white cocoon of light surrounded them. They held each other tightly, their lips locked, tongues intertwined, skin to skin. She could feel herself giving way to him, her skin melting into his skin and the light lifted her as if she was in water. She wrapped her legs around his hips, lowering herself so that he could enter her, smoothly, fully.
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