With the word suitable ringing in her ears, it had rubbed her the wrong way, the innuendo was unmistakable.
“Suitable? Oh, I get it. In other words, he could never settle for someone like me, hmmm? Could that be because..oh..I don’t know…because I’m a black?“ she had asked sarcastically.
At least the older woman had had the decency to look ashamed as she said, “Well I would be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about how my son and grandchildren would be treated. The longer you stay the harder it will be for Shawn and Abby, can’t you understand that? I can’t change the way people think and behave, no one can, and you know it. And are you honestly thinking about staying until they’re grown? Just think about how they’ll be treated, Aisha. Think about it…”
With that said, Megan had bid her goodnight and left.
She had honestly been stunned at the woman’s harsh reasoning, but believed she really was just trying to do the best thing for them. She had realized she had been somewhat blind herself…..
Looking back on things, the truth was, as much as she was devastated by the loss of her friend, she had quickly grown accustomed to raising Abby and Shawn, and caring for their father. She hadn’t realized until that moment just how deeply satisfying the whole experience had been. It had scratched an itch that had long been denied, her maternal instincts. She had been walking around with her head in the clouds (for the most part) and the thought had never occurred to her that there could be repercussions for the children later on, if she stayed indefinitely. It was a sad fact of life, but true nonetheless…..
Shaking off the depressing thought for the moment, she focused on preparing the dinner. She set the chocolate cake she had baked on the table, carefully put the icing on, and reached over to the sirus radio and clicked on a pop station.
From the corner of her eye she could see Abby sitting in the doorway watching. She had had a bad night the night before, had woken up in the middle of the night crying for her mother. When she gotten up this morning it was apparent she had remembered the bad dreams, she had been quiet and withdrawn all day.
Not knowing what to say, she put the finishing touches on the frosting and started singing and dancing to the song presently playing on the radio, ’Bossy.“ She smiled to herself as she saw the little girl slowly ease her way into the kitchen.
Connell looked at his watch impatiently. Aisha had told him to come in before six for Jonus’s special dinner. He felt the strange, yet familiar flutter in his heart once again, that ripple of excitement he had been feeling alot lately, every time he was around her. He found his relationship with her (if it could be called that) frustrating at best, and now he found himself constantly going out of his way to spend time with her, and any old excuse would do. But she would always bolt like a bat out of hell if they spent more than five minutes completely alone. He wanted desperately for her to feel at ease around him, but for the life of him couldn’t think of a way how….
Looking at his watch again, he thought, Oh to hell with it! So I’ll be a few minutes early, it’ll take me at least that long to wash up….
“Jonus, let’s call it an early day. See you at the house!“ he called over to him. Jonus, who was fifty yards away and securing the catch-gate for the cattle, waved in acknowledgement.
Connell got up and headed towards the house. Upon arriving he stepped up on the porch where he thoughtfully removed his dirty work boots, mindful of the spotless floor inside. He could hear music coming from inside the kitchen. Opening the door quietly, he stood and watched with a smile on his face.
Aisha was dancing, her back to him, and watching her fluid movements set his body on edge for the hundredth time in two days.
Then he glanced at Abby. The poor little girl was trying her best to copy the older woman’s movements, but instead looked as if she were having convulsions. Her mass of curls were flying to and fro, and her arms and hands were flopping about wildly, thumbs in the air, and she was doing little spastic kicks. It very much reminded him of an episode of “Seinfeld,“ where the character Elaine Benice was being ridiculed for her terrible dancing at parties.
Shawn was sitting up in his playpen, seemingly staring at Abby. He was in full baby-babble mode, and shaking his rattler almost in perfect timing with every spastic movement his sister made.
Suppressing an urge to laugh hysterically, he thought, Why is it that at times like this people never seem to have a camcorder handy?????
As if finally sensing him standing there, Aisha twirled around. She stopped singing immediately, looking completely embarrassed. Just then another song came on, one that was right up his alley, a slow, romantic one.
Without hesitation he stepped inside and walked right up to her as she watched him with wide eyes. “Can I have this dance?”
At a momentary loss for words she looked at Abby, but the little girl just giggled and loudly encouraged her dad to show her he could dance too, that her mother had showed him how.
Connell didn’t give her a chance to make an excuse. Reaching out, he pulled her stiff frame into his embrace. “Relax, don’t you know by now I’m not gonna’ bite you…?“ he whispered, his warm breath on her ear making her shiver. When she didn‘t answer, he said, ”What’s the name of this song, I like it?”
As they began moving slowly she tried to concentrate on his question, instead of how good his strong hands felt resting on her hips, how right it felt. “Uhhh, I think it’s “You and Me.” The song, I mean…“ she answered, and before she realized it, was resting her head on his chest. Her eyelids slid closed as she savored the feeling of his hard body against hers, and swayed to the music.
Connell closed his eyes, savoring the close contact and listening to the lyrics as they flowed over him. He was unaware that Helen, Ben, Jonus and Megan had all arrived, and were standing on the porch looking at them through the screen door.
Ben was amazed to see Connell was actually dancing, the only woman he had ever seen his friend dance with was Jenny. He was even more shocked that his friend was actually enjoying anything other than hardcore country music.
The couple spun around, and they spotted the four of them standing there, each wearing a different expression on their face. Ben looked stunned, Helen looked pleasantly surprised, Jonus looked as if he was embarrassed at interrupting them, and Megan, predictably, was frowning in disapproval.
I’m sure she’ll give me an earful later…Connell thought, then peevishly pulled Aisha even closer.
Aisha pulled away from him awkwardly and switched off the radio. “Oh, hey everyone, …we got a little carried away. Come on in.” she said, hoping no one would detect the tremor in her voice, or notice the fact that her nipples were painfully taught against the fabric of her shirt. Willing herself to not glance down at them self-consciously, she turned to Abby and told her to go wash up.
Connell excused himself to go get cleaned up. Even though he knew the moment was lost, he was reluctant to leave, but left anyway because he knew Aisha was embarrassed.
Ben and Jonus grabbed beers from the refrigerator and went in the living room to watch television, leaving the kitchen to the women.
“I’ll go wash Shawn up.” Megan snapped, and picked him up out of the playpen and left.
Aisha sighed and closed her eyes.
The awkwardness of the moment not lost on her, Helen did her best to act nonchalant. “Soooo, what’s going on?”
Aisha started to speak, but Helen held her hand up. With a knowing, woman-to-woman smile, she said in a low voice, “Girl don’t you stand there and even TRY to tell me nothing was going on, because I have never, ever seen him behave this way.“
Aisha picked up the cake that had been sitting on the table and put it on the counter, covered it, then switched on the coffee pot, trying to compose herself. She turned to look at Helen, trying to make light of what her friend had said. “You know dear, tact isn’t exactly your strong suit.” she said with a faint smile. But when her friend merely stood there
staring at her expectantly, she knew she was locked on course and wouldn’t let up until her curiosity was satisfied. “We were just kidding around, trying to get Abby in a better mood, that‘s all…..” she said, knowing the excuse was lame, but unable to think of a better one on short notice.
“Uh huh, looked like more than that to me. But hey, if you want to tap-dance around doing the denial thing, go ahead. The only one you’re fooling is yourself…”
Denial? Is it THAT obvious…? she thought, a little frightened at the thoughts and feelings that were still struggling to reach the surface. Have I been living in denial for YEARS??? She wondered, the thought terrifying and suffocating her.
“Hey hey, calm down hon, I’m just teasing you…” Helen said as she put her hand on her arm, suddenly concerned because her friend looked ill.
“I’ve….gotta’ go wash up. Could you please warm up the country fried steaks and the gravy?“ Aisha said as she rushed from the room. She needed to calm down, fast, and she needed to cool off. She could still feel the burning touch of his hands on her….
Megan walked in a short time later, and spoke as she put Shawn in his highchair. “Did you see what was going on? Can you believe how she’s making him act?”
In an even tone, Helen said, “Well, what I saw was your granddaughter singing and dancing, happy. So was Shawn. And Connell. Megan, Connell is a grown man, and how he chooses to act in his house is his business, not ours or anyone else‘s.”
Looking at her, Megan blinked in surprise, taken aback by the woman’s bluntness. What has that woman done to all of them? Can’t they see the trouble this could cause? she thought.
Grabbing her purse, she said, “Tell Connell I have a headache, and feel I should get home. Not that he will care….” she muttered, then left.
Amazed, Helen watched her leave. Shaking her head reproachfully, she suspected that her problem was due to appearances. And the fact that when Jenny was alive she had had a lot more say about what went on in this house. Megan had always had a say in the way Jenny ran the house, and the care of her children. There were times she had become overbearing, but Jenny had allowed it because she had had such a sweet, passive nature about her. But when it came to Aisha, Megan didn’t have that same control.
Going over to Shawn she picked him up, thinking about Aisha’s earlier reaction to her question. She cooed at the baby as she said, “How long do you think she’ll fight it? Knowing your dad the way I do, big fella’, he won’t give up till’ he gets her. She don’t know what she’s in for, does she?“
The little boy smiled up at her like he understood every word.
********************************************************
Connell stood in the hot shower, willing his body back under control. Following Jenny’s death he had thought he would never feel this way about a woman again, but something was different this time. He almost felt consumed by Aisha. Briefly, he wondered if it wasn’t just a physical need, but dismissed the notion quickly. He’d been finding himself wanting to just be near her all the time.
********************************************************
Aisha showered quickly, her mind racing a hundred miles a minute. This is NOT me! What’s wrong with me? I’m playing some damn June Cleaver domestic role, and I swore to myself when I left my family I wouldn’t let anyone or anything tie me down to this degree…
The thought occurred to her that she was afraid to even admit she was afraid….
Getting out of the shower she dried herself off quickly and dressed in black jeans with a lavender button up shirt. She pulled her locks up and put lip-gloss on, then took a deep breath and went downstairs to join the rest of the family.
************************************************
Dinner was fun and filling, and afterwards they all sat around the table for awhile joking, laughing, telling tall tales, and gossiping as they shared dessert and coffee. Although no one would say it, in the back of their minds everyone knew the evening had been so relaxing and enjoyable because Megan had taken her sour disposition with her when she left.
Jonus finally yawned and rose to his feet. He thanked everyone kindly, especially Aisha and Connell, for making him feel so welcome on the farm. Rising to her feet Aisha hugged him, then insisted she pack some leftovers in Tupperware for him, in case he felt like having a midnight snack later.
Helen and Ben left shortly afterwards, and as soon as they were seated in their recently repaired Chevy pickup Ben’s curiosity got the best of him. He was already questioning Helen even as he reached for the ignition. “Well, what’s going on with those two?”
Shrugging, Helen said, “Well, SHE said nothing was going on, but did you see the way he was looking at her during dinner? And the way she couldn’t look at him during dinner? Need I say more?”
“Yeah, I knew it wasn’t my imagination. Well, I can tell you this. I’ve known him since we were in first grade together, and if he wants something, he’ll get it, eventually. Trust me.“
“Yeah. You know, maybe we should offer to keep the kids next weekend, give them some time alone…“ she answered with a thoughtful look on her face.
“Yeah, maybe. But if we do, I’ll have to play hide-and-seek again.“
“What on earth are you babbling about?“ Helen asked, mystified.
“Well, you know how I had to hide the axe a short while back? I’ll have to hide the keys to her Explorer this time, keep her from running away.“ he explained as Helen burst into laughter.
********************************************************
Aisha looked up in the night air, tucking her legs under her. Even though it was cool she was enjoying the peace of the night, and was thankful Connell had volunteered to put the children to bed.
“They’re both out like a light, Abby was asleep before her head hit the pillow.” Connell said as he stepped out onto the porch and took a set beside her.
Her pulse quickened, as she was acutely aware of how close he was sitting to her. She willed herself to not slide away, and said, “I know, Jonus loves playing with them, that was what wore them out. He’ll make a great dad one day, I can see it, he’s alot like you.” she finished, then looked at him.
Connell smiled. ”Kinda like me? You mean a knuckle-dragging ape?” he teased. He felt some of the tension melt as she laughed, remembering the insult.
“No, silly, I mean he’ll be a good father, and husband one day, like you. Like you were. I‘m sorry, I mean you’re still a good father now….if you ever get married again you‘ll be…oh, just shut up Aisha!” she stammered.
He shifted slightly, turning his body sideways so that he was looking directly at her, and asked, “What about you? Don’t you want a family, children one day?”
Looking away, she replied, “I really don’t think it’s in the cards for me. And marriage is definitely not for me, Max proved that.”
“Maybe he wasn’t the one for you, have you ever considered that?
Without bothering to answer she quickly got to her feet, but before she could take a step he amazed her at how quickly a man his size could move as he got up and grabbed her arm in a gentle, yet iron-like grasp. In a futile effort she tugged her arm a couple of times, but couldn’t budge.
“Listen,” he said softly, “don‘t run. When are you going to realize I‘m not gonna’ hurt you?”
“Please,“ she said, her voice sounding desperate. “I’m not running, I want to go to bed….”
Gently and slowly, but with the strength of a bull, Connell pulled her close as she tried to dig her heels in the floor and resist. “Its alright, you can go to bed. After I give you this.”
“Wha…? was all she could manage as his mouth descended on hers.
She felt her legs begin to tremble and her stomach fluttered as his tongue invaded her mouth and he pulled her so close she felt as if she were only an ounce of pressure away from being crushed. In a haze she heard herself whimper as she felt herself getting wet,
and suddenly her arms were reaching up and her hands caressing the back of his head before her fingers locked in his hair. Her tongue sought his with equal passion.
Connell felt like his body had been struck by lighting as felt her arms wrapped around him, her tongue responding to his, demanding. He wanted nothing more than to take it to the next level, but feared her response, not knowing if she would run away for good. He feared what he himself would do if they embraced a moment longer, he sensed things would reach the point of no return.
Reluctantly he ended the kiss and pulled back. “You go on up to bed, I think I‘ll go for a walk. I just wanted to express how I‘m…feeling. You don‘t have to say anything,” he said as she looked up at him, panting. He brushed his lips lightly across hers, then turned and left, walking towards the pasture.
Aisha did something she had never done in all her time of knowing him, she did as he asked, and went straight to bed, still fully aroused. And as she had done so often over the years, began fantasizing about him.
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