“Then why did you ask me out?” she asks with a snarl to her voice.
“Because you have texted me, instant messaged me, and called my phone a lot since we met at that meeting.” I watch her dark brown eyes grow large.
“Are you saying I was annoying you?” Her hand goes to her chest and I can tell I’ve offended her.
“No. I’m saying, I wasn’t up to dating and your insistence on it may be bad timing. I think we have a lot of common interests. I like your idea of fun. I do. The timing is off, I think. That’s all.” I pick up my wine glass and suddenly feel like I need something much stronger.
I wave our waitress down and order a gin and tonic to which Lana adds a Cosmopolitan.
Seems we both need something stronger than the wine!
“You have someone you’re pining after. I can see it in your eyes, Reed. But if this woman is daft enough to leave you hanging, I assure you she’s not worth your time.”
The drinks arrive and I take a nice long drink of mine. I hold up a finger telling the waitress to bring me one more and she leaves us to do that.
When I pull the glass from my lips, I say, “Lana, you don’t understand. I don’t care to discuss this with anyone. And I won’t. Because it involves too much information on a party who is not present and it might hurt her if she ever found out I spilled her secrets. But the fact is I am holding out for a certain woman.”
“Where is this dumb woman?” Lana takes a drink and places it back on the table and I can see she’s getting ready to make a case for me to move on.
“Working and taking the time I told her to take to figure out who it is she loves.” I find my leg shaking as I hate having to discuss this with anyone.
“She loves more than just you then?” she asks with a smirk. “Who would the other man be? My God, you’re the catch of the century! Who else could she be in love with?”
I shake my head as there is no way I’m going to tell her that she loves my grease monkey, ass whipping brother too.
Who the fuck would understand that?
“Lana, this has been great, but I got to go. Maybe we can do this sometime later. I’m sorry about this. I just wasn’t ready. You’re a great girl.” I get up and walk away, leaving her at the table, glaring after me.
I don’t look back. I keep walking until I’m out the door and catch the first cab I see.
The lights flash through the window as he drives me home and I call my mother to see how her day went. “Reed!” she answers.
“Hi, Mom. How are you this evening?”
“I got back home yesterday and I am loving it! I just got off the phone with Jenna to talk to you and was telling her how great it is to be in my own home after what seems like an eternity in the rehab facility.”
“How is she?” I ask as I run my fingertips over the window and pretend it’s her face.
“She’s doing great over there in Tempe. They’ve offered her a teaching job there, and she’s still dating that principal,” she says.
I stop her. “Still?”
“Yes. She says he’s nice and has this ten-year plan to become the superintendent there. He sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders. I think he’s very good for her,” Mom says and my heart is thumping hard in my chest.
“Oh.” That’s all I can say.
My head hurts, my heart hurts, my whole body hurts.
Mom’s voice goes soft. “You know, Reed, I think you and your brother are better off without her. Rod’s doing great. He’s just working and going home. Staying out of the bars and away from skanky women.”
“Glad to hear that.” I look out the window at the dark night and feel so alone. “I’m glad he’s doing well. I am, Mom.”
Wish I was…
“He’s calling me, Reed. Do you mind if I get off here?” she asks.
“No, bye, Mom.”
I end the call and look at my phone and wish like hell Jenna would fucking call me.
After five minutes of thinking that, I press the buttons that take me to Lana. “Hi,” she says.
“Lana, I think I’d like to tell you I’m sorry for my previous behavior.”
“Not a problem, Reed. I accept your apology. Why don’t you come to my place and we can talk some or do whatever you want to?”
“What’s your address, Lana. I think I need to crawl into someone else’s bed for a while,” I say and feel very numb inside.
But knowing Jenna is dating someone Mom says is good for her has me very full of nothing. No hope, no feelings, and no more wanting to wait.
“Hand the phone to the cab driver, Reed,” she says.
I hand him the phone and sit back and close my eyes.
Will I be able to take it if Jenna has moved on?
* * *
Chapter 35
JENNA
Though I’ve told no one about the deadline Reed and Rod gave me, I am asking my mother about how Rod really seems to be doing as Sue is always talking so positive about Reed and Rod that it’s hard it’s believe.
I have a month and a half to make my decision. My heart has hung on to Reed but if his family is better off without me around then I’ll leave him alone. But I know Steven is not the guy for me.
I’m still dating him but not even once a week do I go out with him. It’s mostly a thing at school. We eat lunch together and all the other teachers leave him alone. I kind of think he’s hanging on to me just to keep the other single women away from him.
They seem to bother him for some reason.
“I see Rod about once a week when we go into Prescott to get groceries,” Mom tells me.
“Do you talk to him?”
“Your father and I have on a couple of occasions. I know what Sue says, but she’s here in Jerome and he’s off in that city and the fact is he still rides that motorcycle and his beard is still long and the man still looks like trouble.”
“How about Reed? Have you seen him around?” I ask.
“I saw the two of them with a boat one day a while back. Guess they were going on a fishing trip together. They seemed like they were getting along well.”
“That’s what Sue says too,” I say as I drum my fingers on the countertop I’m leaning on in my little kitchen.
“Have you talked to Reed?” she asks.
“No. I haven’t talked to either of them. But I still have it bad for Reed, Mom. But if I’m that much of a problem for their family that I can break it all up then I’ll leave him alone.” I turn and look out the dark window at the night sky.
“What about that new fella you’ve been seeing?” she asks and I hear my father clearing his throat which means he wants to talk to her about something.
“He’s not the one for me. But I hear Dad so I’ll talk to you later.” I hang up and look at the phone long and hard then call Rod.
“Hello,” he says as he answers.
“It’s Jenna,” I say.
“Hi!” I hear something clank and clang and some more racket then a door shuts. “How are you?”
“Not real bad, not real good. How are you?” I ask as I put my head in my hand and don’t know why I’m calling him when it’s Reed I want to talk to.
“I’m good, Jenna. Are you calling me to tell me you’re ready to give us a try before your deadline?”
I hesitate then say, “No, Rod. That’s not why I’m calling you. I’m actually calling to find out how you’d really deal with things if I married Reed? I have to know if you would really do what you said and accept it or not.”
“Oh.” He’s dead silent then I hear him open a beer. “I thought you were seeing some principal.”
“I’ve dated him some. So how would you take it if I went back to Reed?” I hold my breath for his answer.
“Didn’t Mom tell you, Jenna? Reed has another woman. She’s rich like he is. She sells real estate like he does. She drives a helicopter, and they came to Jerome in it a couple of weeks ago. They took Mom and Dad on a ride. I thought Mom would tell you ab
out that. I’m sorry to be the one to break that news to you, Jenna. I really am.”
My legs go weak and I go in slow motion down to the floor where I lay out like I’ve just been shot. “He’s moved on?”
“Yeah, Baby. I’m sorry.” I hear him take a drink of the beer. “But I’m still here, waiting for you, Baby.”
I can’t think. I can’t breathe.
He moved on…
“Baby?” I hear Rod say again.
“I’m here. Um, about you, Rod. I will always have love for you in my heart. I will. We were young and dumb and I forgive you for all we went through together. I do. Honestly. But Rod, I don’t love you like I did back then. It would be a short-lived thing if I came back to you. I don’t want to do that to you or your family. Not that Reed would care, obviously. But I don’t want to do that to you.” I roll over and hold my hand over my eyes to try to hold the tears in which are burning the backs of my eyelids.
His voice cracks as he says, “Let me come visit, Jenna. Give me a shot.”
I lie on the floor and open my eyes and look up at the bright kitchen light with its naked bulb in the center and then close them again. “No.”
“Jenna, I really am sorry and if you could give me a chance I could make it up to you. I know I could,” he says and I can hear the tears in his deep voice.
“I’m not that girl, Rod. I’m so different now. I’m a kindergarten teacher and I love that about myself. You drive old trucks and loud motorcycles and that’s cool. But that’s not me. You can find a woman who likes the things you do. You should do that. I’m not going to have fun riding on your bike or going to bars with you. That’s not me.” I try to get up but can’t so I lay on the floor and let my body just give up.
“I can change,” he croaks out and I know he’s crying pretty badly.
“Why would I even want that, Rod? You’re this dangerous cool guy and a real badass and women love you. Why would I want to make you into something you aren’t, just to please me? And if you did change then how long would that last?”
A long sigh is all I hear before he says, “You’re right. I know you are. You were a Sunday school teacher when I met you. I wanted to change you then, and I tried so hard to. And for a little while, you and I met in the middle. But in the end, it wasn’t enough for either of us. When given the chance, you went back to the good woman you always were, and I went back to the life I yearn for.”
I let the tears flow then as this is the first time he and I have ever been this real with one another. “Rod, you’re not a bad man. You like to live life on the edge and you’re good at it. The things you like, even the sexual things, there are women who like that rough stuff too. Find you one of them. And I swear to you I will only wish happiness for you.”
“You don’t hate me, Jenna?” he asks and I really break down.
“Rod, did I hate you at any time? After anything you did to me, did I ever hate you?”
He waits for a long time. “No. No, you never did. But I have to know this. If you had still been single when I came back would you have given me another shot? If there had never been Reed, would you have tried it again with me?”
I know that answer as it was in my head long before I saw Reed that day at the grocery store in our hometown. “No, Rod. I wouldn’t have. I got myself back, and I was never going down that road again. No one will ever change me again. Not ever. That’s why I have no wish to change you, Rod. Be who you are. You’re a free spirit who loves to fuck hard, play hard, and ride hard. Fucking be that badass mother fucker, Rod!”
He laughs and so do I. “Jenna, you are phenomenal! Can I still call you my friend?”
“You sure as hell better! And I will always call you mine. I love you’re mean ass, Rod Manning! I always will.” The tears dry up and I feel like Rod and I have put the past right where it belongs.
“I love you too, Girl. You know what, I feel better than I ever have, Jenna. I really do. I’ve been beating myself up over what I did to you and now since you’ve forgiven me, I can stop that shit and move on with my life. I do like to fuck hard!” He laughs like a wild man.
“That you do!” I laugh along with him. “And some woman is going to love that shit and beg you to spank her ass and you and she will fall madly in love and have those rugrats you wanted and you better introduce me to that bad bitch when you find her contrary ass!”
His laugh goes up a few notches and mine goes right along with his. I feel free. Really free for the first time since I can recall.
I take in a deep breath to regain my composure and feel very happy it’s from laughing and not crying. “So, are we good, Rod?”
“We’re good, Jenna. Love you, Girl. I’m going out and shooting some pool and being okay with who the fuck I am. Thanks to you, I finally feel okay about that guy,” he says.
“Go! Have fun. Love you too, Rod. Bye.”
“Bye, Jenna.”
I hang up and laugh a little as I pull my ass off the kitchen floor and go to my bedroom.
As I fall on top of my bed I think about the Manning boys moving on and I think it’s a good thing. Reed has found him a woman much like himself it sounds like. A good thing, I think.
Rod will definitely find a woman who loves him for the bad boy he is. And then there’s me.
Well, I could have this principal. He is interested in the things I am. I suppose he would make a great husband. He has his plans and one day will be a bigwig in the education industry here in Tempe.
I get up and pull my clothes off and get under the blankets naked. I haven’t done that since I moved here. But I like sleeping naked and I am. From now on.
So what if Steve thinks its unsanitary!
Who am I kidding? Steven Johnson is not the man for me.
I love Reed. I do. No matter if he’s moved on or not, it’s going to take me a while.
Taking my phone off the nightstand I open the photo album and scroll through the pictures of he and I. There’s the one where we were coming back from visiting Catalina Island.
We’d made all the plans, and he paid the manager for the whole island for our wedding. We chartered twenty yachts to bring the guests out to the island for the occasion.
In the picture we have on the sunglasses he got us that match and we’re wearing matching white shorts and blue shirts like a couple of sailors.
Man, we look so fucking cute!
Now tell me how it’s not us who are meant to be together! How is it that he found someone more compatible than we are?
We have magic between us. How did he find that with another woman as well?
It makes no sense. Or is the fact I didn’t stand up for our love the problem?
I walked away so easily. Too easily. It made him lose faith in me.
He must’ve lost faith that I would pick him in the end.
And now he’s moved on. And I’m alone.
How can I keep on going?
The time was right at hand that I was about to end this all and call Reed and tell him he’s the one I want. It really has always been him. From the first time he ever touched me, I knew he was the one.
And now I’ve blown it all. Waited too long.
My Reed is in another woman’s arms. A woman every bit his equal.
I’m just a kindergarten teacher with a limited income base. I’ll never be his equal in the earning's department.
I suppose he’s better off. They’ll be super rich and powerful, I guess.
And the Manning family will go back to their happy lives and I’ll…
Well, I figure something out. But right now, it seems I have to cry because the tears are pouring out and I’m helpless to stop them.
Why did I wait so fucking long?
* * *
Chapter 36
REED
Jenna’s deadline is one month to the date away and I’m back visiting my parents for the Easter weekend. Dad’s outside putting the meat on the pit as they invited the usual crowd for the party this afte
rnoon.
I keep hoping Jenna will walk through the door unexpectedly and make my world come alive again. This waiting is killing me.
I’ve ended up in Lana’s bed three times and not one of them have been memorable. She’s just a semi-warm body to try to help me find some comfort at times when I get to feeling very low and lose hope that Jenna will return to me at the end of May.
Lying on the sofa in the living room has me sitting up as the front door flies open and in walks Rod with a woman on his arm. I stare at him as I have no idea what the hell this means.
Is he out of the running for Jenna?
“Hey, little bro,” Rod says as he brings this new woman with long blonde hair toward me. “Meet, Ashley. She’s my new old lady.”
I get up and extend my hand. “I’m Reed, Ashley, nice to meet you.” My eyes move back to my brother and he looks very happy as he takes a drink from the tall brown bottle of beer in his hand.
Her eyes are blue and her hair is blonde, and she’s roughly the same height as Jenna. But this young woman has an edge to her, Jenna doesn’t.
She looks straight into my eyes and seems to have little fear of new situations. Her tight leather clothes show she’s not very shy at all. “Nice to meet you too, Reed,” she says then looks back at Rod. “So on to your parents then, Baby?”
He nods and spins her around and pops her ass as she walks in front of him and she makes a little growling sound. Rod looks back at me and winks.
I follow along behind them as I have to see what the hell is going on with this man. Waiting patiently for him to introduce her to our parents, I pull him to the side as Mom takes Ashley off to show her around.
“Okay, what’s up?” I ask him.
He smiles. “Jenna and I talked a couple of weeks ago.”
I find myself very hurt that she’s talked to him and not me and it hits me like a baseball bat to the stomach.
“And what did she say that has you with another woman?” I ask as I take a couple of steps back and sit in a chair by the pool so I don’t fall down.
“She said she didn’t want me to wait for her. She wasn’t coming back to me. But it’s all good. We ended on very good terms. She hasn’t called you then?” He takes a drink of his beer.
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