Tobin leaned Sergio’s way and kept his voice down for Sergio’s ears alone. “Are you okay?”
Sergio barely glanced his way. “Yep. Are you? We can go if you’re tired.”
“I’m fine.” Tobin forced out a chuckle. “You haven’t even gotten your award yet.”
“It’s my job to look out for you. I don’t give a fuck about an award.”
Tobin bit back a sigh. He really had no clue what was going on with Sergio, but he didn’t like it. Worry churned in Tobin’s gut, wearing him down faster than he liked. Truthfully, he was tired and ready to go, but he also wanted to watch Sergio have his moment in the limelight.
“What do you for a living, Tobin?”
A sigh of relief nearly choked Tobin. He was unbelievably happy to have anything to focus on beyond Sergio’s brooding. He focused on Alejandro. “I’m a pastry chef. Mostly I make specialty croissants for a few shops throughout L.A. Well, I did. Hopefully, one day soon, I’ll be back to it. Right now, I’m focusing on my health.”
“Sounds like Sergio is a lucky bastard. I love to eat. We should exchange info. My sister owns a restaurant downtown. Hooking you two up might be a great partnership. Whenever you’re ready to start working again, of course.”
“That would be awesome.”
Tobin swore he felt Sergio’s temper snap. “We should go.”
In a desperate attempt at keeping Sergio calm, Tobin rubbed Sergio’s arm. “It’s okay. I’m feeling surprisingly good tonight. Plus, I want to watch you accept your award.”
“This is the third time he’s won it, so I imagine being player of the year is nothing special to Sergio.”
Tobin ignored Alejandro’s unhelpful interjection.
Sergio never acknowledged Alejandro in any way. “I really think we should get you home.”
“Seriously, Sergio. I’m fine. You don’t have to be so overprotective. I want to stay.”
“Yeah, Sergio. Let your man have a little fun.”
Tobin really wished Alejandro would be quiet. Sergio had something going on. Tobin needed to get to the bottom of things.
Sergio lowered his voice, forcing Tobin to lean closer to hear him. “I’ve spent a lot of time and money on getting you feeling this well. I’m not letting you undo all my hard work just so you can flirt with my teammates.”
For a moment, Tobin’s brain shut down. He didn’t want to accept that Sergio had not only thrown it in his face that he had helped Tobin physically and financially but had also accused Tobin of flirting. The stress of the night and the strain of dealing with Sergio’s weird mood coupled with Sergio’s cruelty finally snapped Tobin. “I need to find the restroom.” Tobin stood and walked away. He kept a tight hold to his phone and mask so no one would see the way his hands shook. Rage pumped through his veins. There had been a thousand reasons he hadn’t wanted Sergio to help as much as he had. Yet he hadn’t once expected Sergio to use everything he had done for Tobin to strike out at him. Had he been flirting? Tobin didn’t think he had, but he wanted to be completely honest with himself before hiring an Uber to come get him. He had been friendly and tried not to embarrass Sergio, but he had no interest in Sergio’s teammates. Tobin hadn’t been flirting. Hell, he had barely spoken to anyone. He hired the car. Tobin didn’t know where he was going, but he didn’t want to stay. Sergio wasn’t being himself, and—honestly—Tobin didn’t like where things were headed. They had just gotten married. In that moment, Tobin felt like he had married a stranger. He felt a little sick. If Tobin was being honest with himself, he had caught flashes of this version of Sergio before. Tobin felt justified in his panic. He had seen what happened when people possessed two distinctly different sides before. Tobin needed to get away and think. In fact, he was on the edge of hyperventilating.
Tobin slipped outside and hid in the shadows until the car arrived. He tried not to think as he headed back to his old apartment. If he started musing over things before he was alone, he might start crying. His phone buzzed and Tobin turned it off without looking. The more distance he put between them, the angrier and more confused Tobin became. He was so, so stupid. Of course Sergio would end up resenting Tobin. Why wouldn’t he? Since they met, Sergio had been taking care of Tobin. What had Tobin given him in return? Nothing. He had been so busy trying to survive that he hadn’t considered he should get out of the way so Sergio could live. Fuck. He had married Sergio. Tobin hadn’t wanted to be a burden to his parents. He didn’t understand why he would let himself become such an albatross around Sergio’s neck.
By the time Tobin reached his apartment, he was barely holding his shit together. There was a pressure in his chest. Tobin’s limbs felt heavy as he climbed the stairs. As he reached the top, he realized he didn’t have his keys. Everything he owned beyond his phone and wallet was at Sergio’s place. He stood on the tips of his toes and tried to feel around the door frame. Being short sucked almost always. He wasn’t tall enough for this bullshit. Tobin tried hopping up and down to quickly feel around each inch of the doorframe. The door opened and a guy wearing nothing except workout shorts stared out at Tobin.
“What are you doing out here?”
Tobin blinked. He recognized Lucky as one of Damon’s regulars, but they had never spoken. “What are you doing in my apartment?” He tried not to drop his gaze and eye Lucky’s body. Lucky did some modeling and looked the part. He had abs that definitely drew the eye. It was hard, but Tobin kept his gaze locked on Lucky’s stare.
“You moved out.”
Fuck. Tobin’s shoulders fell. Damon had given his apartment away. If he had been thinking, he should have realized that was a possibility. It seemed he really had been too wrapped up in himself lately. He hadn’t realized he was making Sergio resent him or that Damon would need a tenant. Damon couldn’t go forever without the rent.
“Sorry to have bothered you.” Tobin turned away.
Lucky stepped out. “Wait. Would you like to come in for a few minutes?”
Tobin cast a longing look toward the open door behind Lucky. This had been his home for nearly six years. He had started his business here. Tobin had completely abandoned his life for Sergio. It looked like he would have to start over with nothing now.
“No, thank you. Like I said, I’m sorry I bothered you.”
“You’d be doing me a favor,” Lucky said, keeping Tobin from running away. “I can’t figure out your stove.”
Tobin tried not to show how beat down he felt. “It’s your stove now, but yeah, it’s tricky.” He let Lucky lead him inside.
Lucky spoke over his shoulder as he headed for the kitchen. “I imagine, if you’re ready to move back, that it’s still your kitchen. Damon just offered this place to me as a place to crash for a while. I’m definitely not his first choice to live here. In fact, he made it pretty clear this is your place.”
Walking away from Sergio turned out to be the final straw for Tobin. It seemed life had officially broken him, because Tobin gave no fucks about himself at the moment. “No. I thought to crash here tonight, but it’s no big deal.” Tobin’s voice gave out on the last word and he had to clear his throat. Lucky eyed him a little too closely for Tobin’s comfort while he explained how to use the complicated professional oven that he had bought with his first month’s salary. The shock was slowly wearing off and the truth was setting in. Tobin knew he would fall apart soon. He didn’t want any witnesses when it happened.
“Rich guys suck.”
Tobin blinked at Lucky’s seemingly from nowhere statement. Then he caught sight of the clock. He realized he had been standing there, saying nothing and staring at nothing for several minutes. “I’m sorry. I guess I zoned out.”
“Stop apologizing.”
Lucky braced his palms on the countertop behind him and pushed, using his perfect muscles to easily lift himself up onto the counter—like he wasn’t mostly undressed. Tobin tried hard not to stare at Lucky’s body.
“The rich ones are always disappointing. They always t
hink they’ve bought you. The moment you don’t fall in line.” Lucky slashed his hand across his throat. “Cut you down to size, so you don’t forget your place.”
Tobin wanted to say that wasn’t his story, but he wasn’t so sure that was true. He did feel like Sergio had been reminding him of his place. After all, that was why Tobin left.
“I feel really, really stupid.” Tobin didn’t know where the confession came from, but the words simply slipped from his lips. A tear slid down Tobin’s cheek. He quickly swiped it away. He refused to fall apart. “I should let you get back to whatever you were doing.”
Lucky slipped from his spot on the counter and padded over to the sink. He grabbed a few paper towels and wet them. As Tobin looked on, Lucky swiped the paper towel over his eyes, removing makeup Tobin never would have guessed was there. That wasn’t what held Tobin frozen in place. As the makeup disappeared, the bruises it kept hidden appeared.
Lucky tossed the paper towels in the trash. “You’re not stupid. You should stay. At least until you figure out where you’re going for the night.”
Tobin’s eyes fell closed. His heart sank and reality set in. Life was so much harder for everyone than it needed to be, and Tobin was an idiot for thinking for a single second that he was in the same category as Lucky. Sergio needed him for reasons he hadn’t yet articulated, but he had definitely deserved better from Tobin than Tobin had shown tonight. He had to fix it.
Air wouldn’t inflate his lungs like it should. Sergio worried his heart might stop if he didn’t find Tobin soon. After searching the country club high and low, texting Tobin nonstop, and having a complete meltdown, Sergio headed home. Tobin wasn’t there. The instant those dumbass words had left his lips earlier, he had regretted them. Tobin’s expression. Goddamn. He had looked devastated—like Sergio had punched him in the face. Sergio admitted he may as well have. He knew Tobin carried a lot of guilt over Sergio taking care of him the last six months. Tobin talked nonstop about getting back to work and paying Sergio back. That was ridiculous, of course. Not only had Sergio felt no financial burden whatsoever, Tobin was his heart and husband. It was Sergio’s job to take care of him. There was no excuse for using that to lash out when he had lost his patience.
Sergio wanted to make Tobin understand, if he could. Anything he said wouldn’t excuse what he had done, but Sergio had to try. First, Sergio had to find Tobin. He had never been more terrified in his life, and that was saying a lot.
After searching the house, Sergio tried to decide where to go next. He didn’t think Tobin would go to his parents’. If he hadn’t leaned on them through cancer, he wouldn’t go to them because of Sergio. Reid was out because he was married to Valor. If Tobin ran to anyone, it would be Damon, which was really a relationship dynamic Sergio didn’t understand. Unlike Sergio, Tobin had parents. Tobin didn’t need a substitute parent. Yet Tobin never shut Damon out the way he did everyone else. It was odd because Reid was Tobin’s best friend. If anyone should be Tobin’s protector after what Sergio had done, it should be Reid. But no, Tobin would go to Damon. Sergio felt that in his gut. He opened the back door to head back out. Tobin stood on the other side.
The air left Sergio’s lungs. Tobin looked a mess. His eyes were bloodshot, and his face was pale. Sergio didn’t hesitate. His heart needed Tobin to be okay. He swept Tobin into his arms and kicked the door closed. Tobin silently let it happen. He clung to Sergio’s neck as Sergio headed for their bedroom. They never should have gone to the awards tonight. Not only had Sergio known it was a bad idea, Tobin wasn’t up to this much drama.
At the edge of the bed, Sergio set Tobin on the mattress and started undressing him. He worked in silence. It didn’t matter why Tobin had decided to come home. Tobin’s health came first. To that end, Tobin deserved an apology and an explanation. So Sergio just picked a place and started talking while he pulled off Tobin’s shoes.
“Before we started dating, I was with this guy Lee for about a year. I wasn’t in love with him or anything, but I thought he was pretty fucking perfect. He had me thinking I might like to settle down. Then, not long before I met you, I found out he was sleeping with half the guys on my team.” Sergio’s chest hurt. He hated this, but he kept talking. Tobin deserved better from him. “I know you weren’t flirting with Alejandro, and I never should’ve said that. Alejandro is still dating Lee, which I don’t care about, but he was trying to rile me with you. I just...” Sergio’s shoulders fell as he worked on unbuttoning Tobin’s shirt. “I can’t lose you. You always have my back and I guess I didn’t feel like you did tonight. That’s not your fault. I get that I don’t talk to you about work, but also no one wants to hear about anyone’s exes. It was just the idea of you with anyone else, much less one of those assholes, made me lash out. You didn’t deserve it. I wish I could take it back. I don’t expect you to understand or forgive me. It’s too late for that, I know. I just wanted to explain and apologize. You have no idea how sorry I am that I ruined us. I love you and I’m devastated that I didn’t act like it when it mattered.” Sergio bit his tongue to stop talking.
Down to just his pants, Tobin settled onto his side and patted the bed, inviting Sergio to join him. Sergio didn’t hesitate to strip down to his pants and crawl into bed next to Tobin. Tobin snuggled into Sergio’s arms with his head on Sergio’s chest. He took an audible breath. The sound squeezed Sergio’s heart. He wanted to kick his own ass for exhausting Tobin. Sergio truly hated himself in that moment. He wished Tobin would scream at him, but he also didn’t want Tobin to waste any more energy on him. Tobin’s silence was killing him.
“Do you know how I met Damon?”
Sergio’s brain skipped a beat. He hadn’t expected that to be Tobin’s first words. It seemed an odd change in topic, but Sergio was happy to talk about anything else. “Your dad said he found you broke down on the side of the road.”
He felt Tobin shake his head. “I dated his son.”
Sergio kept a tight hold on Tobin. Anything Tobin wanted to talk about, they would. “I didn’t know Damon had a son. Why do your parents think he found you on the side of the road?”
Tobin shrugged. “Because that’s what I asked Damon to tell my parents after his son punched me in their driveway and then ripped the wiring out of my van so I couldn’t leave.”
Sergio fought a wave of rage. He wanted to find this guy and kill him. It didn’t matter he was Damon’s son and likely matched the behemoth in size. No one touched his husband. Tobin kept talking. He kept Sergio hostage with his words.
“Damon took me home, pretty determined to tell my parents everything and take whatever fallout that came from having a son he couldn’t help. All I wanted was to never see either of them again. So, I begged him to lie and then never speak to me again. I’d had enough of the empty promises to change, the controlling, and the abuse. Mack dictated everything I wore, ate, and did. It took me over a year of dating him behind my parents’ back to realize I wasn’t Mack’s boyfriend. I was his possession. By the time Damon drove me home that day, the skin I kept hidden underneath my clothes was more bruises than skin, but I was done.” Tobin took an audible breath. “Nobody in the world knows any of that except Damon and me. And now you, of course.”
“And Mack,” Sergio said between clenched teeth. All he saw was red. He had never been more enraged.
Tobin stroked his stomach, as if trying to calm Sergio... or himself. “No. Mack committed suicide two days later.” Sergio deflated. There was nowhere to go with his outrage. Before Sergio could ask any questions, Tobin steered the conversation their way, reminding Sergio why he should feel like shit. “Mack left this long note behind about how it wasn’t my fault that he was fucked up, and I realized that it was nobody’s fault. Mental illness is just this ugly beast that eats everything and everyone around it. Some people just don’t adjust to meds and they fight everyone, including themselves. Mack just didn’t want to fight anymore. At the time, I was dealing with a lot too. When I met Mack, I was in the home
stretch of fighting cancer the first time around. My hair was just starting to grow back. He reminded me of those things constantly—that he had fallen in love with me when I was unlovable. It wasn’t love, of course. But when you said what you said at the awards ceremony, it was like I was right back to living that life—like I was being reminded that you own me, and like you were two people. One of which I don’t know at all.”
“Goddamn, bebé. I am so sorry. I don’t own you. You own me. It’s not your fault that I’m—”
Tobin covered Sergio’s mouth with his hand, cutting off his apology. He lifted his chin and met Sergio’s stare. “This isn’t about making you feel guilty. I’m simply explaining why your words took out my knees and sent me running. The point is, neither of us talk about the things that hurt us. You don’t talk about work. I don’t talk about why I’ve always been so determined to face everything alone. We’re married now. I’m your husband. Tell me that your teammates are assholes and you hate them. Tell me you’re miserable playing soccer.”
Sergio’s heart skipped a beat. Everything inside him froze. “How did you know that?”
A sad smile touched Tobin’s lips. “I can see it on your face when you leave for every game and practice, and when you come home. Until tonight, I didn’t really put it all together, but it all makes sense now. I think you tried to tell me after our first night together. In your own way, you’ve been hoping I would notice.” Tobin eyes filled with tears, breaking Sergio’s heart. “You can talk to me.” Tobin’s voice cracked and Sergio thought he might be the one who cried. “You don’t have to carry everything just because I’m sick. I will get better and we will be together for seventy years. You can count on me. I shouldn’t have left tonight. We’re a team. As soon as you said that shit to me—in my heart—I knew you didn’t mean it. I know you’re a good man. We are in this life together. I will put my foot in Alejandro’s ass, if you want, and I will hold your hand while you decide what you want to do. Just talk to me so I know what you need.”
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