“So,” Sawyer said. “Have you seen the latest edition of In the Know?”
“In the Know?” Anderson asked, trying to place where he had heard that title before. Then it hit him: it was a celebrity gossip magazine. “No, why?”
Anderson’s voice sounded guarded and he knew it. But when Sawyer brought up a celebrity gossip magazine, Anderson’s stomach had dropped. Sawyer wasn’t in the habit of reading celebrity rags, so there had to be a reason for his asking. Anderson had a pretty good idea that the reason was Lexi. Had more pictures surfaced of her drinking or partying? Had her ex-boyfriend fed more lies to the paparazzi about Lexi’s extracurricular activities? Anderson knew for a fact that any mentions of Lexi partying in recent days would be completely fabricated. Lexi had been busy wrapping up the dance program for the kids, and then dragging bags of dirt around for her garden. And, of course, taking a break to have dinner with him. Then it hit him.
Oh, shit. It wasn’t possible, was it…? Before he could ask the question, Sawyer spoke up and confirmed Anderson’s worst fear.
“Yeah, well, you might want to check it out,” Sawyer said. “You and your friend Lexi, whom you claim not to have a crush on, are featured prominently on the cover. It seems that at least one of the paparazzi is still hanging out in Kodiak to keep an eye on Lexi.”
Sawyer reached into his pilot bag, and pulled out a thin magazine, then handed it over to Anderson. On the front cover the words “Lexi’s Alaskan Man?” were splashed across the page. A collage of several photos of Anderson and Lexi walking into the restaurant for dinner the other night graced the page. One of the photos was taken from an angle that even made it look like Anderson was reaching out to hold Lexi’s hand, although he knew that in actuality he had been reaching out to open the door to the restaurant like a gentleman. Mercifully, Silver had been edited out of all the photos. Anderson had a feeling that this was less so that the magazine could respect the privacy of a child, and more because a six-year-old tagging along on a dinner date probably took down the romance aspect of the story several notches.
Anderson flipped open the magazine and found the page on which the story was located. The actual text of the article was not that substantial. Several more photos that were not that different from the ones on the cover were included in the interior article, along with a picture of him carrying the three bags of potting soil out of the hardware store. That picture looked like it had been taken from a great distance, because it was much grainier than the ones from outside the restaurant. But you could still clearly see that it was indeed Lexi Shaffer standing next to her pickup truck with him, in all her “sweatpants and messy hair” glory, no less. The text of the article read:
Lexi Shaffer, who escaped to Alaska after a string of too much partying in New York City as first reported by In the Know, may have found herself someone new to cozy up to when the cold winter nights start up north. She was spotted spending the day with a tall, muscular Alaskan man. First, the two got domestic by visiting a hardware store for what appears to have been gardening supplies. Then, they shared a romantic dinner at a cozy waterfront restaurant in Kodiak. Has Lexi finally moved on from ex-boyfriend Greg Welch and settled down again? And how will Greg take the news—especially now that supermodel Nicole Yates has broken up with him and left him lonelier than ever? Only time will tell.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Anderson said. Silver’s eyes shot up in her father’s direction, surprised that he used a curse word around her. Anderson tried not to curse most of the time, especially around Silver. But he really had no other way to express the frustration bubbling up inside of him at the article. Silver had stopped her crying long enough to look with interest at what her father was holding in his arms. She could see that it was a magazine, but she couldn’t see the front cover since Anderson had folded it over. And he definitely did NOT want her to see the front cover. The last thing he needed was to add more fuel to the fire of Silver’s insistence that he had a crush on Lexi. If Silver saw a magazine printing that he was Lexi’s love interest, she wouldn’t care that it was a celebrity gossip magazine—she would run with the headline and insist that she had been right.
“Something you want to tell me?” Sawyer asked, drawing Anderson’s attention back to the present moment.
Anderson looked over at his alpha, and rolled his eyes in frustration. “No, there’s nothing I want to tell you. You know these magazines are notorious for printing garbage. I took Lexi out to dinner the other night because I felt bad for her since she has no friends in Kodiak. But it wasn’t a romantic dinner at all. Silver was there too, in fact. But it looks like they Photoshopped her out of all the pictures.”
“Look,” Sawyer said. “I’m not trying to give you a hard time about this. But, first of all, regardless of whether anything is or isn’t going on between you and Lexi, just be careful that you don’t drag paparazzi scum up to Frost Peak. The last thing we need is some celebrity gossip magazine discovering that a clan of grizzly shifters is living up there. Second of all, I’m not convinced that you don’t have feelings for Lexi. You’re getting awfully defensive about her, and you won’t look me in the eye when you say that you don’t like her romantically.”
“Come on, man,” Anderson said. “It’s complicated, okay? I think she’s attractive—you can’t blame me for that. She is a very beautiful woman. But I’m not interested in her on any kind of a serious basis. Like you said, we can’t be dragging paparazzi up to Frost Peak. Besides, I have Silver to think about. I can’t just run off with any woman I find attractive. Dating doesn’t mesh very well with raising a child. Especially long distance dating, which is what this would be, since Lexi lives in Kodiak and I’m in Frost Peak. I don’t think Lexi is interested in moving away from her dance studio after spending so much time remodeling the place and getting it all set up for business.”
Sawyer still looked skeptical. “Look, buddy. I don’t want to push you. I know I’ve been going a little over the top on the advice lately. But if your heart is telling you something, then don’t ignore it. You’ve done an amazing job of raising Silver, and I have no doubt that you’ll continue to do a great job, regardless of whether you find love again or not. Don’t shortchange yourself your own happiness for your daughter’s sake, because a happier dad makes a happier daughter.”
Anderson’s face remained emotionless as he threw the magazine into his bag. “I am happy. Now let’s go. Come on, Silver.”
Anderson began walking toward the waiting airplane, not bothering to even turn around and see whether Silver and Sawyer were following him. He was such a confused swirl of emotions right now, and he didn’t want to let his alpha or his daughter see him floundering.
* * *
Late that evening, after several hours of catching up on clan work that had been left undone while he had been in Kodiak, Anderson finally sank into his couch for a chance to relax. He popped open the tab on a can of beer and took a long drag, then leaned his head back and closed his eyes for a moment, savoring the silence. Silver was already tucked into bed, and, for once, Anderson was taking a few minutes of the evening to relax instead of madly trying to get a head start on his work for the next day.
He opened his eyes and stared at the oversized, framed photo hanging above the mantle of the fireplace. The photograph showed Silver as a newborn, curled up into an impossibly small little ball the way newborns do. She was lying in a basket, her eyes closed in sleep, and blissfully unaware of the heartache that had heralded her welcome into the world. All she knew in that dreaming state was warmth and comfort. She had no idea of how harsh the world could be, or of how unfairly she had lost her mother before she ever had a chance to meet her.
Anderson sighed and took another sip of his beer. For Silver’s sake, he had done his best to remain upbeat, and to not drown in the pain of losing his wife. And he had done a pretty damn good job of not wallowing in pain. But even though he hadn’t wallowed in it, the pain had never quite left him
. It was always there, like a dull ache in the back of his mind. He had a happy life overall, but something always held him back from being truly joyful. He knew that he would never be able to run freely and happily through life again, the way he used to as a carefree young grizzly. Life had shown him all too soon how harsh it could be. He was a bear bound captive to pain, and unless he found a way to love again and move on, he always would be. His heart was in chains, unable to break free from the shadow of lost love that hung over it.
Anderson frowned and took another sip of his beer. He knew that there was something special about Lexi. He felt the tugging at his heart whenever she was close by, and it scared him. She wasn’t his type. And how could he fall in love with another dancer, anyway? It seemed incredibly disloyal to his first wife—like he was literally just trying to replace her. Anderson knew his first wife would have told him to stop being ridiculous if she could see into his thoughts right now, but he couldn’t help being scared at the very idea of dating again. Dating a dancer would just be too much.
The soft pitter-patter of little feet drew Anderson’s attention to the hallway, where moments later Silver appeared. She looked so small and adorable in her cotton pajamas with little white kittens printed all over them. Her face looked uncertain and scared, as her hair hung in a messy tangle of waves around her face.
“What’s wrong, baby?” he asked. Something told him that she wasn’t just trying to get out of going to sleep. She was really concerned about something, and he wanted her to know that he was here to help her.
“I…I wanted to say sorry,” she said, her lower lip quivering just a bit.
“Sorry? For what, sweetie?” Anderson asked, patting the couch next to him. Silver walked over and sat beside him, curling her small body up against him.
“I’m sorry I’ve been so bad and whined so much. I just wanted to dance so badly. And I really thought you did like Miss Lexi. I didn’t mean to make you mad or sad. I just want you to be happy.”
Anderson kissed the top of her head, and sighed. “Sweetie, I’m very happy. Sometimes I have bad days. We all do. But it doesn’t mean I’m an unhappy person overall. I have you, and I have an amazing clan. Life is good. And I owe you an apology, too. I’ve been keeping you from dancing because of my own selfish worries. That’s not a nice thing to do. I worry about you because I love you, but when you love someone you should help them follow their dreams, even if that feels scary. It feels scary to let you go to Kodiak for tutoring, but I know you are a big girl and can handle it.”
Silver sniffed a bit, obviously fighting back tears. Anderson felt his own heart breaking at the sound, and he made a split-second decision to allow her to go to Kodiak to study dance with Lexi. He knew it would be hard for him to have his daughter far away, and he knew it would be difficult to have Lexi constantly on his mind. But Silver didn’t deserve to suffer because of his own internal hang-ups. She was a talented dancer, and she deserved the chance to shine.
“I tell you what, sweetie. If you want to go to Kodiak to study dance with Miss Lexi, then I will send you there. You’ve worked really hard to improve your dancing, and you deserve the chance to study with someone as talented as her.”
Silver sat up straight and looked at Anderson, her eyes growing wider than he had ever seen them. The hopeful expression in her eyes melted his heart. “Really? You’re going to let me go spend more time in Kodiak.”
Anderson smiled. “Yes, really. I’m going to miss you like crazy, but I know you’ll be in good hands. And you were right a few days ago when you pointed out that I’m always working. It’s not fair for me to always be at work but still not let you go dance. We have to make sure you can transfer to the schools in Kodiak for the semester though. Just because you’ll be dancing doesn’t mean you can skip out on school.”
Silver nodded solemnly, and then her face broke out into a huge grin. She threw her arms around Anderson’s neck, and hugged him with a strength that was surprising for a six-year-old.
“Thank you, Daddy! I promise I’ll be good. This is the best day of my life.”
Anderson chuckled. “Well, that’s good. I’m happy to hear. Do you know what the best day of my life was?”
Silver leaned back and gave him a quizzical look. “No,” she said. “What was it?”
“The day I met you,” he said, leaning in to kiss her forehead. Silver giggled, and Anderson relished the sound of her happiness. It was true. The day he had met Silver had been extraordinary, even though he had lost his wife the same day. Nothing compared to holding the tiny fingers of a tiny little being that was created from your DNA. Anderson would never forget the first time Silver had opened her little eyes and looked up at him fuzzily, blinking in confusion.
“So, do you really not like Miss Lexi?” Silver asked. Anderson wanted to laugh and roll his eyes all at the same time. His daughter could get so fixated on an idea sometimes.
“Adult relationships are complicated, Silver,” he said with a sigh. “Don’t worry about who I like or don’t right now. Just enjoy the chance to dance. You’re so good at it already. I can’t wait to see how much you learn from a teacher as good as Miss Lexi.”
Silver nodded, thankfully content to let the discussion about Lexi drop for the moment. She kissed her father goodnight, and scampered back to her room, leaving Anderson alone with his beer once more.
Anderson rubbed his forehead and took one long, last swig of his beer. He knew that, if he was honest with himself, he would have to admit that he did like Lexi. He liked her a lot. But that didn’t change the fact that adult relationships were complicated, and the complications of a romance with Lexi were too many to make pursuing her worthwhile.
He would let his daughter continue her dance lessons, but he would force himself to keep his own mind on his work here in Frost Peak. Some things just weren’t meant to be.
Chapter Nine
Lexi checked the latch on Silver’s small suitcase one more time, making sure that it was securely fastened before lifting it to help carry it down the stairs. Silver walked ahead of her, carrying her small backpack that was ready for the flight back to Frost Peak. Lexi couldn’t believe that it was the middle of December already, and that Silver was heading home for Christmas. Time, which had seemed to stand still when she first moved to Alaska and spent long days alone, now seemed to fly by at an impossibly rapid speed. Lexi’s small dance studio had gained quite a waiting list of students after the success of her first program. Parents from all over Alaska—and beyond—were lining up to let their children take lessons with Lexi. With the exception of Silver, Lexi was only tutoring local Kodiak students at the moment. She had decided to limit the live-in dance programs to the summer, but she had already told Silver’s father she would take the girl on for lessons before that decision had been made. She hadn’t wanted to go back on her word, so she’d made an exception and let Silver live and study with her for the last three and half months.
And she was so glad that she had. Having Silver around had turned out to be a dream come true. Silver loved to help with the classes for the preschoolers. She often acted as a little teacher’s assistant for Lexi, showing the youngest students how to correctly strike different poses. And she had the best manners of any six-year-old Lexi had ever met. She always said please and thank you, and she kept her room clean and cleaned up after herself in the kitchen and dining room. Not to mention, Silver’s dancing continued to improve by leaps and bounds. Lexi felt privileged to have the opportunity to teach her.
Lexi had actually been quite surprised when Anderson called to ask if Lexi would still be interested in teaching Silver. After In the Know published photos claiming that Lexi and Anderson were dating, Lexi had been sure he would never want to talk to her again. But he had, and had been surprisingly unfazed by the article. He had simply told Lexi that he now understood better than ever that the stuff those magazines printed wasn’t true, and he had left it at that. Lexi had been all too happy to let the issue drop.
>
She still hadn’t made many close friends, but she at least had some adult interaction with the parents’ of her students. She knew her lack of friends was partially her fault. She was worried about lingering paparazzi, and so she tended to stay home and decline the occasional invitation to go out. The idea of seeing her face on the cover of yet another gossip magazine made her stomach turn. Surely, they would give up at some point and leave her alone for good, wouldn’t they?
It had been nearly four months now since the magazine cover came out claiming that Lexi was dating Anderson. The week after the magazine came out, Lexi had seen several paparazzi stalking her. But, soon, the photographers realized there wasn’t much to see in Kodiak, and they went back to New York or California, leaving Lexi to finally live in peace. She knew her star was beginning to fade in the celebrity world, and she couldn’t have been happier about that. Greg had moved on to yet another girlfriend, and finally seemed to have forgotten all about Lexi. She should have been hurt that someone who had meant so much to her acted like she didn’t even exist anymore, but all Lexi felt was relief. Greg had turned out to be pretty much the opposite of Prince Charming, and Lexi was thankful to have him gone from her life. Still, she proceeded cautiously whenever leaving her house. She still had a hard time believing that she could freely roam the streets of Kodiak without being hounded by paparazzi.
Grizzly Flying Free (Air Bear Shifters Book 2) Page 6