by Clare Revell
5
Caitlyn was totally enamored with her new suite. The radiators were hot, permeating the room with glorious heat. There was a four-poster bed with red velvet curtains surrounding it, matching the bedspread. A small sitting room contained a desk, chair, bookcase, and enough light to see to read or sew or whatever she fancied. The window overlooked the vast grounds.
The bathroom contained both bath and shower, with hot water. As tempting as it was to fill the tub to the brim and sit and soak, Caitlyn resisted, instead opting to wander around the house and explore on her own once Mr. Shade left her to go to his study to work.
He’d told her his study was the only room in the house off limits, due to the sensitive nature of the work he kept there. In turn, he would stay out of her suite, unless she invited him in. But he reiterated, after the wedding he would expect her to sleep in his room, unless otherwise instructed.
Caitlyn headed down to the kitchen. She was thirsty, but reluctant to ring the bell and ask someone to fetch her some tea. Not when she was quite capable of boiling a kettle and throwing a tea bag in a cup.
She could almost feel the excited vibes emanating from the kitchen, before she heard the buzz of conversation. Which stopped the instant she stepped over the threshold.
“Can I help you, Miss?” the cook asked.
Caitlyn racked her brains for the woman’s name. It was something fishy…Salmon. That was it. “I came to put the kettle on, save someone running upstairs with a single mug of tea.” She smiled. “You all sound rather excited.”
“Mr. Shade is giving us almost a month off,” one of the maids said, her voice lilting. “That’s never happened before. We leave on Saturday morning and don’t come back until the New Year.”
Surprise filled Caitlyn. “Oh.”
Mrs. Salmon nodded. “He says you’ll be cooking and cleaning. Strange thing to be doing on your honeymoon, but it’s not my place to say otherwise. So, I’d best show you the oven and so on while you’re down here. And tell you about his dietary requirements. There’s a whole list of things he can’t have.”
Caitlyn lifted the kettle to check the water level. “I’m sorry?” She flicked it on. “Is he diabetic or something?”
“I have no idea.” The cook wiped her hands on her apron. “Anyway, the list is here.” She held out a notebook full of handwritten instructions.
Caitlyn shook her head. “It might be easier to tell me what he can eat. When do you all leave?”
“Saturday morning.”
That’s only two days. “Then I’d better get learning.” She set a mug by the kettle. “You can start by showing me where the tea bags are.”
“Mr. Shade only has loose leaf tea. You’ll need a teapot and a strainer.” Mrs. Salmon handed them to her. “The beds are changed on a Monday, towels on a Tuesday, bins on a Wednesday, brass cleaned on a Thursday, grocer and butcher are paid monthly on a Friday. Then there is general cleaning every day. There’s also some shopping each day for bread and milk and so on.”
“I’m sorry?” Had she misheard that?
“Someone walks into town and buys milk and bread each day.”
Not when I’m in charge. That was simply a waste of manpower. “OK. How about I cook tonight? He has to get used to my cooking over the next few weeks anyway and this way you get to show me how everything works.” She glanced down the menu list. “We’ll switch around tonight and tomorrow. Unless you already have the meat out of the freezer?”
Mrs. Salmon shook her head. “There’s only the fish for tonight.”
“Then fish it is.”
“The main thing to remember is proper food. None of what he calls junk—fish fingers, burgers, chips, and so on. Meat or fish, potatoes, and three types of veg. I have sea bream for tonight.”
Caitlyn listened as the woman prattled on. Mr. Shade may be master of the house, but he was way too fussy. Unless there was a genuine reason for his bland, static menu choice, things were changing around here.
She made some tea and grabbed one of the mugs. “I’ll take this up to Mr. Shade and then I’ll be back to start dinner.”
Heading up the back stairs, Caitlyn found herself in the main hall. She strode across to the study door and tapped briskly before entering. “I made you some tea.”
Mr. Shade turned the chair toward her. “Thank you.”
She set it down. “You’re welcome. Can I ask about this list of foods the cook has for you? It’s…are you really that fussy? I mean, the same thing every week day. Chicken on Monday, pork on Tuesday and so on. No variation. No take away. It’s boring.”
“And what would you suggest?”
“A change. Are you allergic to anything?”
“Only annoying people who ask too many questions,” he shot back. “What about you?”
She scowled. “Rude people who hide in the shadows.” She paused. “The servants leave on Saturday so apparently, you want me to cook for you.”
He inclined his head. “Can you manage?”
“Run this place on my own?” She scoffed. “Easy.”
“We’ll see. And to answer your question, Miss Hosier, the only thing I am allergic to is nuts. That’s why I insist on homemade dishes.”
She nodded. “Fair enough. My friend, Meredith, had a close call with a sticky toffee pudding a few weeks back. It didn’t even contain nuts, just came into contact with them in the factory.” She headed to the door. “Will you be around for lunch?”
He shook his head. “No. I need to work through to dinner.”
“Then I shall see you then.”
Hayden fastened his bow tie and checked his appearance in the mirror. He’d never bothered with a bow tie before, no point just for the servants and dining alone. The shirt and tie he’d worn all day sufficed. But this would be his first dinner with Caitlyn and he wanted to make an impression. He adjusted the mask, making sure it was secure, before pulling the hood over his head, hiding his face from view.
Caitlyn was already seated in the dining room when he reached it. More candles than usual lit the room. Dressed in the yellow satin she’d tried on first that morning, she resembled an angel. Her short, blonde hair had some kind of adornment to one side.
Hayden inhaled deeply. A light floral fragrance filled the air. He assumed it was her perfume. Once again her presence affected him deeply. “Good evening.”
“Hi.” She studied him as he stood in the doorway. “You don’t mind the extra candles, do you? I like to see what I’m eating.”
He inclined his head in the affirmative, leaning on the cane as he crossed the room. At least his side of the table was shrouded in its usual darkness. He sat and leaned the cane against his chair. “You look exquisite.”
“Thank you. I wasn’t sure if this was too much.”
Hayden shook his head. “You can never overdress, dear.” He studied his own outfit. “I, on the other hand…”
Caitlyn laughed slightly. “Yeah, a cloak indoors is slightly overkill, but it adds to your allure. A man of mystery.” She paused. “And one who is very aptly named.”
“Oh?” He leaned back as the servants arrived with the plates of food.
“Shade means shadow and you live in them.”
Steam rose from the plates, and he chose not to respond. Instead, as the servants left, he took hold of Caitlyn’s hands and prayed over the food.
“Do you have any decorations?” she asked, as he let go. “The place is so bare for this time of year.”
“As I already said, no.” Hayden shook out his serviette and offered her the water pitcher. She shook her head and he filled his glass instead.
“Can we at least get a tree?”
“No!” Shivers of fear shot through him, making his reply short, sharp and fierce.
“Why?” Consternation crossed Caitlyn’s face. Fear tinged her eyes and voice.
Hayden pulled back his emotions, battening them down tightly. “I have my reasons.”
“Care to share them?” She tucked into the fish with an appetite.
“Not particularly.” He shuddered, hoping she hadn’t noticed.
She cut into the fish, letting the knife and fork chink loudly on the plate. “You are not making this easy. I’m trying here.”
Hayden grumped. He picked at the fish and pushed what appeared to be chips across the plate. He’d have to remind Mrs. Salmon about the no junk food part of the rules.
“Is something wrong with your meal?” Caitlyn asked.
“No.” He stabbed a chip and glared at it.
She rolled her eyes, obviously hoping he wouldn’t notice. But he did.
“What?” he demanded.
“It’s called a chip.” Caitlyn tilted her head. “A homemade one, to be precise. Par-boiled potatoes, cut into long, fat slices, then oven baked in a smidgen of vegetable oil. And don’t go blaming Mrs. Salmon either. I cooked tonight. And I fancied chips. Before you ask, they haven’t been near a single nut.” She turned back to her dinner.
Hayden ate the chip. It wasn’t as bad as he’d expected.
“Don’t you have anything else to say?” she asked after a while. “At home we talk over dinner about what we did during the day.”
“We spent the morning together. I worked this afternoon and can’t debate the ins and outs of that with you. You evidently spent the afternoon in the kitchen. There, we have discussed the day.”
Caitlyn dropped her fork to the plate with a resounding clatter. “It’s no wonder you’re alone in this place with only servants for company. They all seem to dread Christmas as much as you do. Can’t even sing carols without being told to stop.”
“Excuse me?” He straightened in his chair. Who did she think she was talking to him like this?
“Everything I say gets dismissed or—”
He held up a hand. “If you can’t be civil or remember to avoid asking about topics I have already banned, then don’t say anything. Or go to your room.”
“Are you sending me to bed?” she asked, flabbergasted.
“If that is where you’d rather be.”
Caitlyn shoved her chair back, letting the legs scrape along the floor. “Better to read a book than sit here trying to talk to someone who doesn’t want to say anything.” She picked up her plate and fork, then flounced from the room.
Hayden shook his head and carried on eating. Was he doing the right thing? His hands trembled and the fork fell to the tablecloth. What if this didn’t work?
Caitlyn stuck her head around. “Sorry,” she said quietly. “I’m tired and when I’m tired I’m extremely short tempered.”
“Apology accepted.”
She offered him a tiny smile. “Good. Oh, and just so you know, we’ll be having chips again sometime. Night.”
“Night.”
Caitlyn left the room, humming quietly.
Hayden tilted his head. It was another carol. For a moment, the words filled his mind. In the bleak mid-winter… He shook his head. He had his reasons for not wanting his house filled with Christmas. Too many unhappy memories and a past he couldn’t forget no matter how much he wanted to. He finished his meal, and then rose. He needed to pray.
The chapel was dark, save a lamp in one corner of the room. Hayden sat beneath it and pulled down his hood. Dark and quiet, the way he liked it. Here, in this chapel with its single stained-glass window, he was alone with his God and Saviour.
“Thank you for Christmas, Lord,” he began aloud, as was his custom in the chapel. “Just because I don’t give into the outward trappings doesn’t make me any less grateful. If there were no Christmas, there would be no Easter, and I would be damned eternally and not only in this life.” He twisted his hands in his lap, his face creasing as salt burned his eyes. Here alone, he could lose control. There were no secrets between him and his Lord.
“Only one cure…true love’s kiss, but there is no such thing. Only in fairy stories, and my life certainly isn’t one of them. Is broken heart syndrome really a thing? Can one cure the other? Or am I doomed to die alone before I reach thirty? Caitlyn may have agreed to marry me, but she might change her mind once she knows the truth about me. If she wants to leave I won’t stop her.”
Tears tracked down his face unchecked. He reached up and removed the mask. His face reflected in the brass plate in front of him. “She’ll never love me. Not when she knows what I really am. The monster. Almost every rumour the villagers share is true. I may have been responsible for Rafe’s death. And I never married. No woman would have me. No one will ever love me.”
A still small voice resounded inside him. I do, My son.
Hayden choked back a sob. Must keep hidden. His only chance of normality with Caitlyn lay in her not knowing. “Forgive me the deception. She must love me for who I am before I can share this with her.” His gaze returned to the plaque and the ruins of his face. Then he replaced the mask. How could she ever love him, when he couldn’t even bear to look at himself?
Caitlyn lay on the bed, gazing up at the curtains that surrounded her. She had spent the evening alone, finally managing to get enough of a signal to call Meredith. The conversation only lasted a few minutes before the signal dropped, but that was long enough for “sisterly” advice. Stick it out. God has His reasons for this. Just trust Him.
She’d heard Mr. Shade come up to bed some time ago. The movement in the next room had ceased a while since. The moon shone through the curtains. The clock in the hallway struck one and still sleep eluded her.
She turned onto her side and flicked on the light. Perhaps reading would help. She reached for her Bible, pausing as a sound came from the next room. A cross between a cry and a howl, or perhaps a sob. She swung her legs over the side of the bed and sat up, waiting in case the sound came again. When it did, she rose and crossed to the connecting door. The handle didn’t move. He must have made good on his promise to lock it.
The sound resumed, louder and more distressed than before.
What should she do?
Caitlyn knocked on the door. “Are you all right?”
The cry came again.
She knocked harder. “Mr. Shade? Is everything OK?”
Something fell to the floor with a crash. As she was about to run around the long way, the bed creaked.
“I’m fine, thank you, Miss Hosier.”
Fine? How could a person who made that heart-rending shriek be fine? “OK, I wanted to make sure. Can I call someone for you?”
“No. I’m sorry to have woken you.”
“I wasn’t sleeping.” She paused. “I’ll go back to bed then.”
“You do that.” His voice sounded pained, yet clearly he wanted no help. “Good night.”
Caitlyn crossed the room and jumped into bed. She pulled the covers tightly around her and picked up her Bible again.
Her thoughts returned to the man in the next room. The man she was to marry. She wished she knew his secret…why he felt it necessary to hide in the shadows all the time. Whatever it was affected his temper and behaviour. Maybe that was why God put her in this situation. To help him. And if marrying him was the way to do it, then that’s what she’d do.
Caitlyn ate alone in the huge dining room as Mr. Shade didn’t appear. There was no explanation, so she assumed he’d either overslept or was already in his study, working. In which case, she’d go out for the morning. When Torrance appeared to clear away her dishes, she glanced at him. “Can you tell me where the nearest bus stop is, please?”
“There isn’t one, Miss.”
“Oh. I needed to go into town this morning, run a few errands. Guess I’m walking then.”
“Jones can take you in the car. Mr. Shade has no need of him this morning.”
Caitlyn rose. “That would be wonderful. I’ll meet him outside in five minutes. Can you let Mr. Shade know I’ll be back for lunch?”
Torrance inclined his head. “Of course, Miss.”
>
She ran to her room to grab her bag and coat.
The butler opened the front door for her and Caitlyn shivered as she stepped outside. Vapour filled the air with every breath. She snuggled deep into her coat as she surveyed the frost covering the ground. For a long moment she considered running back inside for jeans. She’d deliberately worn one of her new dresses, as that’s what Mr. Shade had asked her to do.
The car appeared and Jones stepped out to open the door for her. “Where to, Miss?”
“Turningdale. I need to go shopping, and then I have a meeting at the church.”
He frowned. “Church?”
“Ladies meeting. We study a Bible passage, pray, some weeks we do a craft or have a speaker. I’ll be done by twelve. There’s no need to wait. If you drop me off in town and pick me up from the Baptist Church on Straight Street about half past twelve, that would be great.”
She climbed into the car, setting her bag on the seat behind her. Whether this would be approved of or not wasn’t something she wanted to consider. As the car pulled away she did wonder if she should have at least told Mr. Shade herself. Still it wasn’t like there was a rule that said he had to be consulted. At least not that she was aware of.
Shopping took longer expected, and she slipped into the church as the ladies Bible study began. She sat next to Meredith. “Hi.”
“Didn’t think you’d make it,” Meredith whispered back. “You’re late.”
“Too much fun shopping. Forgot the time.”
The meeting was led by Pastor Nolan who spoke on Mary and Joseph’s reaction to the impending birth of Jesus, and how what could have been a disaster turned into a blessing the whole world shared in.
Afterwards, Meredith turned to Caitlyn. “So, what’s he like?”
“Honestly, I have no idea. He keeps to the shadows and wears this cloak with the hood shielding his face. But he’s nothing like I imagined.”
“Are you sure about this? I mean, living with him?”
Caitlyn elbowed her, longing to tell her the truth. She needed to do some digging into his past at some point. “I have my own suite of rooms.”