by Shea Malloy
I hate this feeling pressing on my chest. This weight on my shoulders. The guilt, the fear, the fragile hope that can be so easily crushed under the boot heel of cruel fate. The constant thought circling in my head is that I don’t believe I can withstand another loss of someone I value in my life.
“Don’t you dare croak on me, Tess,” I tell her with a lump in my throat. I smooth a hand over her forehead. Her skin is at a regular temperature now. “I swear to the goddess I will find you, dad and Jogen and kick your asses for me leaving me if you do.”
With Tess asleep, I just sit there not knowing what to do. When I begin to feel restless, I get up and pace the den. It’s not made of the gleaming glass and metal like I’m accustomed to at the Andrak, but it is large and comfortable. Much more so than the cramped quarters I had to share with the others while we were all still slaves.
Smoothing my hand along the stone wall, I’m amazed that this big mountain holds a community of people. I turn, intending to have a look outside when I see a pale child bending at the waist, peering at Tes. A huge, snow-white creature that’s as tall as my chest stands beside him.
Alarmed, I’m about to ask him what he’s doing, but he straightens and turns a curious gaze in my direction. As young as he is, he’s a handsome male. No doubt when he grows older, he’ll literally freeze hearts by just a look from his silver-eyed stare.
“Is she dead?” he asks.
“No.”
“I’m glad. I thought the monster got her.”
“A monster did get her. That’s why she’s hurt.”
He frowns. “But she isn’t dead. The monster always makes sure you’re dead. It takes your blood.”
OK. Clearly we’re not talking about the same thing.
“What kind of monster is that?”
Seriously. What kind of creatures roam the north? In Andrasar, the biggest threats to us were dragons.
I approach him but come to an abrupt halt when the snow-white beast turns sharp blue eyes on me. It looks like a cat that has grown several times its normal size. I have an absurd desire to pet it. Bet I’d lose my hand in the process, though.
He shrugs. “Nobody knows. It only comes for drakila. I guess it wouldn’t come for her.” Then he squares his slim shoulders. “But my rah is strong. He is a warrior. He will kill the monster when he finds it. When I’m older I will be a warrior too.”
“I don’t think you need to if you’ve got that on your side.” I point at the big cat. “It’ll scare all your enemies away for you without you lifting a finger.”
He grins and comes forward. So does the cat. I try not to take a step back in fear. I don’t know much about large, predatory animals, but I’ve heard stories. Most of them can smell fear and most will attack because of it. Maybe that’s what happened to Tess.
“I’m Zavi and this is Lim.” He pets the cat’s head. “She likes you.”
I raise an eyebrow. The cat’s bright blue eyes are focused intently on me. I’m still not brave enough to hold its stare.
“I’m Xia,” I tell Zavi. “How do you know she likes me?”
“She hasn’t tried to eat you.”
“That’s… comforting.”
“I like you too,” he says forthrightly. “You are nice to look at even though you are not a draki. Maybe that is why rah brought you here.”
“You’re Adan’s brother?”
“The youngest one. My other brother, Dwen, is dead.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
I remember Adan’s story about his brother as he was digging around in the cuhi’s stomach. Like before, a bit of excitement races through me to learn more about Adan.
“Do you want to see the top of Vyaka?” Zavi asks.
I look to Tess’ prone form. She’s still fast asleep. I suppose a quick bit of sight-seeing won’t hurt.
“Sure, but I can’t stay away long. I need to be close for when my friend wakes up. She might need me.”
Zavi nods in understanding and turns to leave with Lim.
Kneeling beside Tess to make sure she’s comfortable, I’m surprised to find her eyes are open.
“Hey, you,” I say smiling. “How are you feeling?”
“Like I’m more dead than alive,” she says hoarsely, wincing.
“At one point you were, but I know you’re too stubborn to die.”
She laughs softly, the sound scratchy and weak.
“I’m glad you’re alive, Xia,” she says. “I’m sorry for what I said before I left.”
“I’m sorry for being a bitch.” I grimace. “You’re right that I’ve been taking out my anger—”
Without warning, Tess reaches a hand around the back of my head and pulls me down into a kiss. My eyes wide with shock, I briefly acknowledge her lips are soft against mine before I pull away from her hastily.
“What the hell, Tess?” I splutter, pressing my fingers to my mouth. “Why did you… what was that?”
“Something I’ve always wanted to do. Just that Jogen got there first.”
How do I respond to a statement like that? Glancing in Zavi’s direction, my face burns as he watches us quietly. He saw everything. My stomach churns that he will tell Adan too. But then... so what? It’s not like I kissed Tess or wanted it. As a matter of fact, it’s not like I should fear Adan’s reaction to this.
We’re not together.
“We’re in Seca.” I smile tightly, desperate to change the subject. To pretend what just happened didn’t. “The dragons here seem to be a lot kinder than those in Andrasar. Their Konai found us and brought us here so you could get better.”
She nods quietly.
“I... I was going for a bit of sight-seeing with the Konai’s brother.” I indicate Zavi at the den’s entrance. “But I can stay here now that you’re awake.”
“No, it’s fine. You should go. I’m still pretty tired.” She smiles, but it’s forced. There’s this awkwardness between us now and I hate it.
I stand. “I’ll let the medic know you’re awake and bring some food for you.” She nods quietly and I turn toward Zavi. “Can you take me to the medic first?”
With a few soft pats on Tess’ shoulder, I hasten to follow Zavi as he leaves with Lim. I can’t wait to leave behind all that awkward energy that has developed between me and Tess. We just got through one hurdle and now we’re going through another one. Probably would have been better if we’d remained mad at each other once she’d woken up.
Thankfully, my journey outside the den immediately distracts me. Zavi leads me along and I try to keep up with his quick pace while taking in my surroundings. It’s really a work of art in here even though the lighting is not the greatest, and shadows lurk everywhere. It must have taken hundreds of years to carefully build each circular level while making sure Vyaka remained structurally sound.
“The infirmary,” says Zavi, leading me into a huge den. Clustered near the entrance is a group of Secan people in their primary form. Many of them wearing expressions of grief, dismay and anger.
At the center of the group stands Adan, speaking with them in a calm, firm tone. I sense his frustration even though he’s doing an excellent job at hiding it.
I haven’t seen him since last night after the commotion outside the den.
The commotion that interrupted our kiss.
Heat rises to my face from the memory. What was I even thinking? After spending the day convincing myself that what Adan and I had was a singular occurrence never to be repeated, all those firm beliefs fell to the side as soon as he showed up.
It was such a long and awful day. Adan was the strong and capable pillar I leaned on, and it made him incredibly appealing. It also didn’t hurt that when he looked at me I felt like I was the only thing he wanted in life.
“Like I said before, we don’t know yet what is harming our children. But we are working hard toward finding the threat,” he says.
“It’s Kahafura punishing us!” says a male at the front in anger. “She takes t
he lives of our children because you have not taken the oath, Konai!”
Adan frowns at the male. “That is an argument founded in superstition. Whether I have or haven’t taken the oath cannot physically steal the blood from the children’s bodies. We face a tangible threat and we will act accordingly to find and destroy it.”
Lying on beds behind Adan are three young children. They’re so pale, they’re almost as white as the snow outside. An older Secan female dressed in black bathes their skin with a cloth. She looks up at the sound of the accusations being flung at Adan with a frown.
“Then it is the steel!” says the male, persistent in his irrational mindset. “It is a gift from the enemy. The Andrasari has spilled the blood of so many Secan people. We must destroy it all!”
It’s none of my business and I’m a stranger here, but the urge to defend Adan is stronger than the voice cautioning me to keep my mouth shut.
“Accepting the gift from Andrasar isn’t killing your children,” I say. “The steel is a good thing. It’s useful. It can produce weapons and fortify your homes. Have faith in your Konai that he is doing his best to protect you and those you love.”
By the time I’m done, everyone is silent and looking at me. Including Adan. I bite my lips together, embarrassed that I’ve put my mouth where it doesn’t belong.
10
Adan
—
“The human is right,” says a female, nodding. “We must trust in our Konai. He knows what’s best for us and we should support his decisions and not distract him with pointless bickering.”
General sounds of agreement passes through the crowd and the people disperse. I draw closer to Xia, impressed by her frankness.
“Sorry for sticking my nose in where it wasn’t needed,” she says.
Seeing her again makes me feel like a thirsting being who has encountered water but is told they cannot drink.
“No apologies necessary. You did well. You succeeded where I failed in calming my people.”
“Because they’re family.” She shrugs. “Sometimes hearing good advice from someone you know just doesn’t stick as well as hearing the exact same advice from a stranger.”
“This is so true,” says kaha, coming forward. She eyes Xia curiously, pressing her hand to her chest. “I am Jetta. Adan’s mother. Adan told me of your unfortunate circumstance for visiting Seca. Is your friend well?”
“She is alive thanks to A—the Konai. The medic has done a lot of work keeping her alive too. She woke up today which is why I’m here. I wanted to let Medic Olhun know.”
“That is good to hear, Xia.”
My mother’s sharp, discerning gaze darts between the two of us before she smiles. Then her gaze falls on Zavi who is peering at the bodies of the dead drakila and her smile disappears behind a frown.
“Zavi! Why aren’t you with your tutor…again?”
Zavi jumps, a startled look on his face as if he, too, has just realized his error. I manage to give Zavi a consolatory rub on his head as kaha drags him away in a steel grip on his arm. Lim follows them.
After notifying Medic Olhun of Tess’s consciousness, I am left alone with Xia. The temptation to take her is stronger than ever. But now is not the time or place. The bodies of the recent deaths lay a short distance away and Xia’s attention is focused on them.
She draws closer to them and I follow.
“They’re so young,” she says softly. “Who could do this?”
“The medic reports that their blood is being sucked from them through their nostrils and mouth.” I say. “So I no longer believe it is a who but a what. Some evil creature not of this planet lurking in Vyaka.”
I am not so easily swayed by superstition and belief in curses, but I won’t deny that the Secan male’s accusation gives me pause. What if this is Kahafura’s way of saying I am unfit for the role of Konai? But to dwell any longer on these thoughts is to invite them to stay and to poison me so I shun them.
“There are stories from Earth about mythical bloodsucking creatures,” Xia says. “They’re called vampires.” The word she speaks is strange and not in Rur language. “They bite your neck and drink your blood through the bite.”
I’m tempted to comment that this sounds similar to the claiming bite one gives to one’s asafura but I hold my tongue.
“And how were these monsters defeated in the stories?”
“My dad said there were many different ways to kill them. The most popular was exposing them to sunlight where they’d burn and become ash.”
“Your father sounds like a knowledgeable male.”
“He was. He’s dead.” She fixes her gaze on me. “Burned alive by a rur draki.”
Ah, finally the reason for her initial hostility toward me. I search for an appropriate response, conscious that her admission is a sensitive subject. Saying the wrong thing can damage the tentative bridge we’ve built with each other.
“Xia—”
“Zavi was taking me to the top of Vyaka,” she says abruptly. “Guess that’s out of the question now.” The corners of her mouth dart up in a nervous smile. “Any chance you can direct me to a cafeteria so I can grab something for Tess?”
“No need. I will have your meals sent to you.”
“Thank you. I’ll also need a guide back. Don’t want to find myself in some dark and lonely tunnel crying for help.” She bites her lips together. “But you’re probably busy. If you give me the directions—”
Drawing closer, I slide my hand down her arm to clasp her hand in mine. She releases a soft gasp from my touch. Knowing this simple contact affects her pleases me.
I guide her out of the infirmary, taking the longer routes so that I can extend our time together.
“Tess kissed me.” She says suddenly. A trait of hers I’ve learnt already is she has the tendency to blurt out her thoughts. As if she’s thinking at such a rapid pace that she becomes overwhelmed and anxious to get the words out.
I frown. “In gratitude?”
She shakes her head. “She sort of confessed she’s liked me. It’s so strange. I’ve known her for years and I’ve never once suspected it. And now things are awkward between us. All I want to do is avoid it all.” She lets out an exhale. “I don’t even know why I’m telling you any of this.”
Jealousy thickens in my chest and my frown deepens.
“Do you feel the same way for her?”
“No, I only see her as a friend.”
“Then you must tell her that. Do not avoid her. Express yourself honestly. For example...”
I reach for her, coiling my arms around her and pressing her body against the wall. She makes a startled sound before I claim her mouth in a kiss.
Her lips are as delicious as the first time I tasted them. More so as I’ve wanted her since then and have been denied a chance. She pushes against my chest but her fight is short. Soon her fingers dig into my clothing and she pulls me in, opening her mouth to deepen our kiss.
I’m as hard as the stone against her back and when I press my front to hers so she could feel me, she moans into my mouth. I had this enticing female once before and it is this reason why it’s so hard to resist her. Why my thoughts are constantly consumed by her.
I want to take her right here against this wall. But any moment now, someone can encounter us. While I’m not ashamed to be seen intimately with Xia, my people are still reeling from the murders. It will not inspire confidence in my abilities if I’m seen like this in a flagrant display of lack of self-control.
So reluctantly, I pull away from Xia. She breathes quickly, her eyes dazed.
“And that’s an example of what feeling?”
“That I am a jealous male.” My lips graze hers as I speak. “I don’t like others trying to take what is mine.”
“I’m not yours, Adan. I’m just some random human you saved from the snow.” She presses her palms against my chest and I release her. “It could have been Tess you found that night and me lying in the den with c
uts all over my body from a cuhi attack.”
“But it was not Tess I found in the snow, Xia,” I say softly. “It was you.”
11
Xia
—
“I can’t take being cooped anymore! If I don’t go outside I’ll go insane.”
“Going outside is not possible, Tess.” I tell her. “We’re pretty high up and your leg’s still fucked. It snows a lot in Seca. It’s probably snowing right now.”
“Then at least a window?” She scowls and folds her arms. “I need some fresh air. I need to see something other than a gloomy cave. How long have we been here again?”
“Maybe seven days or so.”
“Exactly. Seven days and all that time I’ve been flat on my back. I gotta move, Xia.” She wiggles her body where she sits propped up against a wall. “I gotta move!”
“The medic said you’re not to move too much. You’re still healing.”
“What does he know? He’s a hack!” she scoffs. “It isn’t his ass getting blisters from being in one place for so long.” Then her voice and gaze become imploring. “Please, Xia. Don’t make me bring out the big guns.”
I give her an amused look. “What are the big guns?”
“The waterworks. Tears. Enough to flood that pool back there. I’ll do it. I swear to the goddess I’ll sit here and cry like a baby until I get what I want.”
“Fine. OK.” I release an exasperated breath. “I saw a bunch of entrances to Vyaka when Adan brought us here. Maybe we can find one.”
“Adan, huh?” Tess’ gaze narrow in suspicion. “Someone’s chummy with the Konai of Seca.”
“That’s his name!”
“And he doesn’t object to you calling him that?”
“I don’t see why he would.”