Crap.
Jason waved at her, standing there with a rag in his hand, grease on his hands, in a muscle shirt and dirty cargo shorts. I’d never seen him that casual. Well, except for that day in the towel. His hair was sticking up in back. And he’d never looked hotter.
I really wasn’t ready. I was supposed to have two more days. So I stood there with all the grace of a fourteen-year-old girl, wondering what a grown-up would say. My relationship experience consisted of a ghost and someone who vanished like one. I licked my dry lips and attempted coolness.
His eyes were intense on me, as he nodded casually toward the door.
“You back today?”
“No, um, Wednesday. Marg—she has to be somewhere. So—Wednesday.”
Somebody please tape my mouth shut.
His eyebrows rose in what I knew was amusement. I knew the look, I’d been stupid around him way too much.
“How’s Riley?”
I nodded, thankful for something solid to talk about. “She’s good. Has her strength back, going back to work tomorrow.”
“That’s good.” He smiled and it made my breath catch in my chest for a minute.
“Yeah,” I managed.
It was contagious; I felt myself smiling, too. And then Miss Olivia’s words nagged at me. Damn it. Say something. But as the seconds ticked by into awkwardness, the window of possibility started to close. Jason broke eye contact, studying his greasy rag. My stomach fell. There hadn’t been the look of shame, but he wasn’t jumping through hoops for me, either.
“How’s the boat? And the dock?” I threw out quickly.
He nodded, meeting my eyes again but this time he looked troubled. “Not too bad. I’ve been working on it in the evenings.”
The distance suddenly felt solid, like concrete. My heart pounded, and I felt the hurt filling up my chest. I suddenly wanted to be anywhere else. I wanted to go cry in a pillow like a kid. And I had to make my exit before he saw it.
“Well—I’ll let you get back to work. I’m just gonna—” I pointed at the road and gave my best smile.
“What are you doing for supper?”
My mouth dropped like Lisa’s had moments earlier. The temperature change was boggling. Then I remembered this was Jason.
“Uh—I don’t—”
Then Lisa walked out and stopped short when she saw us. She looked uncomfortably from me to Jason, and then settled on the ground as she made it to her car.
Jason glared at her although she didn’t see it. I had to smile again. He could definitely hold his own here. He took a few steps closer, fiddling with his rag again, before looking at me again. He wasn’t going to repeat the question. I knew that.
“Probably a bowl of cereal. It’s on-your-own night at our house tonight.”
A small smile tugged at his lips, and I suddenly wanted to kiss them. Two-day growth and all. “Meet me at Ella’s?”
In public. I took a deep breath. “Our last experience there wasn’t so good.”
“Part of it was.” I looked in his eyes for that memory. They were soft again. “Relax.”
I got goose bumps. Yeah. I was a wimp.
“Okay.”
“Six thirty?”
“Okay.”
He nodded, backing up a few steps. “Okay.”
“Okay.”
I turned and walked away before either of us could say “okay” again. I refused to look back to see if he was watching. I just pretended he was and didn’t breathe until I was around the corner.
THE walk back home was slightly more optimistic. I both looked forward and dreaded the evening, because I knew those damn “things had to be said.” I was going to have to come clean about everything, in order to be fair to Jason. Well—maybe not everything. But he’d seen Alex, for reasons I couldn’t explain since Alex hadn’t come around to fill me in.
It was going to be a conversation. That much I knew. What I didn’t know was why Micah Sims was sitting on our porch banister.
“Hello?” I announced as I approached.
“Oh—hi. Riley’s getting us drinks,” she said while pointing at the door, as if I would throw her off the banister otherwise.
“Okay, no problem.”
Riley emerged holding two Cokes and a bag of chips, and chin-nodded at me.
“Hey, where’d you go?”
“To see if I still had a job.”
“Do you?”
“Yeah.”
“Was he there?”
“Yeah.”
Riley shook her head with a look at Micah. “And she calls me cryptic.”
They chuckled together in the bond of all things parentally stupid, as I raised my eyebrows at this new duo. I gave them another once-over, then went inside. My guard was up—I didn’t trust that girl. But I didn’t know if it was because of her or her parents. I couldn’t sink her on that relationship alone, so I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. Riley had to make her way here now just like I did, so I mentally backed off.
And thought about my date. Oh lord.
Which I must have said out loud when I went in the kitchen, because Dad walked in from the opposite doorway asking, “What’s the matter?”
I grabbed a glass and filled it full of ice and sweet tea and plopped down in a chair.
“You notice we never sit anywhere else?” I asked.
He shrugged. “Close proximity to my favorite pastime,” he said as he slathered two pieces of bread with butter and sprinkled a liberal dose of sugar on top. Then he poured a little Steen’s into a saucer and brought it all to the table, handing me a piece.
We munched in decadent silence for a moment.
“Riley tell you Micah Sims was here?”
He gave me a curious look. “Stranger things have happened. I think she’ll be okay. What about you?”
“Go back to work on Wednesday.”
“Oh? Good. You went down there?”
I sighed. “Yeah. Sorta.”
“Was he there?”
“What is it with that question?” I slugged back some tea.
Dad chuckled. “I take it he was.”
I blew out a breath. “Yeah, it was—awkward. But we kinda have a date tonight. I think.”
“Well, hey, that’s good,” he said, popping a hand down on the table and making me jump. “You look so gloomy, I thought it went badly.”
“Well, I mean, the reality is this may not be a big ball of laughs, Dad,” I said, soaking up the syrup into my last bite of sugar bread. “I’ve got to talk about things I’ve never talked about. I have to explain the unexplainable.”
“You think he won’t understand?”
“I think he would have understood better before he saw it in person. I think that wigged him out.”
“You really think that’s what it’s about?” he asked, giving me his furry-eyebrowed eagle eye.
“Okay, what do you think it’s about?”
Dad sat back in his chair, all happy on his sugar high. “Well, if it were me, I’d be pretty ticked off to find out I wasn’t worth trusting.”
I stared at my groove in the table. “It’s not that simple, Dad.”
“Not for you. But for him, it’s probably very simple.” He scraped his chair back. “Men aren’t complex creatures, sweetheart. We depend on the basics. Trust. Loyalty.”
He rinsed his plate and then turned back to me, leaning against the counter. “But also we want to take care of the people we love—make them feel safe. I failed at that. Made your mother feel like she couldn’t talk to me about it. Don’t put that assumption on Jason. He seems to be okay. Give him a chance to do better than I did.”
I got up and let him wrap me up like he did when I was little. I didn’t tell him about Mom and Alex and Sarah and all that. I figured Mom could drop that particular bomb on him one day, up there in the happy place.
“I think you’re wonderful,” I said.
“That’s why I keep you around.” When I laughed, he continued. �
��Hey, since you’ll be working Wednesday, you probably won’t miss me much, but I’ll be out all day. Probably pretty late getting home that night.”
“Okay, where you going?”
“Spending the day in Spring.”
I backed up and narrowed my eyes at him. “A whole day in an antiques village? You?” Spring, Texas, was antiques heaven—if that was your idea of heaven. “Since when?”
He shrugged. “Trying new things?”
“Since when?” I repeated. “By yourself?” Then my eyes flew open wide and I pointed a finger at him. “You’re going with Marg, aren’t you?”
He feigned ignorance but he blushed. “Don’t you have a date to hyperventilate over?” he said, putting up the syrup.
“Oh my God!” I said, laughing. “Not when I can talk about yours.”
“It’s not a date.”
“Please! A whole day of antiquing? That’s such a date.”
“Told you. I’m trying new things.”
I tossed a dishrag at him. “Marg is nice. And she’s got it bad for you.” Which was a very weird thing to fall out of my mouth toward him.
“Next subject.”
“Hope you have fun,” I prodded.
“You first.”
“Ugh.”
Chapter 18
I stood in my closet, flipping through the same old clothing that wouldn’t change no matter how many times I started over. I didn’t have date clothes. Not anymore. Not much use for pencil skirts and heels in Bethany. I still had a few really dressy things in case someone died or got married, but those would be overkill at Ella’s. Especially if I ended up wearing dinner again. The other 90 percent of my wardrobe was jeans and T-shirts and tank tops.
“Dilemma?” Riley asked as she came in and flung herself across my bed.
“I’m such a guy,” I muttered.
She laughed. “Want something of mine?”
“I only wish I could fit in your clothes.” Riley rolled herself back up and wandered over to stare with me. I laughed. “It doesn’t help to wish it, I’ve tried.”
Her eyes narrowed as she studied my meager choices. “No, I’m looking for how to mix it up.”
“Mix what up?”
She thumbed through a few shirts, pulling out a stretchy silky black tank top with tiny black spaghetti straps.
“I’m not—”
“Hang on.”
A few hangers down, she gave something a look-see, then pulled it out. A deep blue fitted silky vest that I’d never worn because I never knew what to do with it.
“With a tank top?”
“Just try it on.” She went to my dresser and riffled around. “With the black jeans,” she added, tossing them at me. “And your silver wedges. And I have a belt that’ll go.”
I put it all on, and stood in front of the mirror, amazed. The blue vest worn open was perfect with the tank top. It hugged my body without showing my flab, and made my boobs look fantastic. The studded belt gave it a modern kick. I actually looked sexy. It had definitely been a while.
“Wow.”
Riley stood next to me, hand on hip. “Do I need to do your hair and face, too, or are you good with that?”
I gave her a look. “Don’t get cocky.”
“Well, you’ve got the potential to look hot if you work it right,” Riley said, then rubbed her eyes. “And I can’t believe I just said that.”
“I feel your pain.” I went in my bathroom to plug in things and see what I could do to step up my “hot” potential. “I basically told Pop to party it up with a woman earlier.”
Riley’s expression was priceless. “Oh my God.”
“Yeah, I kinda had to shake it off.”
“What woman?”
“Does it matter?”
She grimaced. “No, but it’s like I can’t stop.”
I chuckled. “Marg, from work.”
Riley slapped a hand over her eyes. Things were good here. In our little isolated world where no one could hurt us, life was getting back to normal. But there had been no spirits all week. It was like they were all on vacation. Like regular people live. But living like regular people meant no Alex. And my insides were pining for him.
“What’s the deal with Micah?”
“I know, right? She knocked on the door and I was like ‘holy hell.’ But she just said she wanted to apologize for her boyfriend—or ex-boyfriend, rather—and for her other friends. She said she thought they were being stupid and she should have said something, but then it all got so crazy.”
“Yeah, it did do that.”
“So anyway, no big deal.” Riley pulled her hair down, fluffed it in the mirror, and then twisted it back up again.
“Do you trust her?”
She did a face shrug. “No reason not to, yet. We hung out and talked for a little while. She’s okay. Hates her parents. I felt kinda sorry for her.”
I clipped my hair up in levels. “Why?”
“Because her parents don’t even notice her unless she wins something or does something they can brag about. As far as just talking about stuff, she doesn’t have anybody.”
Oh, thank God, maybe I was doing something right.
“Can I get a tattoo?” she asked then, pulling up her shirt and circling her hipbone with a finger.
After the pause I needed to recover from the proud-parent moment, I said, “When you’re grown and paying your own rent and health insurance, you can do whatever you want.”
She grinned. “Carmen has one.”
“Well, there’s a selling point.”
“Just saying.”
“Carmen has—issues.” When Riley laughed, I added. “Don’t pick up any of them.”
She sighed as she grabbed the straight iron from me and started on the back of my hair.
“Seriously, I’ve got this,” I said.
“You keep missing the same spot and it’s bugging me.”
I gave up and let her make me pretty. “So, what are you doing tonight while Mommy’s out having a meltdown?”
“Grady’s helping Miss O with some stuff, so I’ll probably go over there or just watch TV or something.” She finished that level andpulled another clip down. “And don’t have a meltdown, you’ll messup the outfit.”
I debated whether to walk or drive. It was close enough, but the fifteen-minute walk to Ella’s would have me arriving a sweating un-fresh mess, so I opted to drive the silly thirty seconds instead. I laughed when I saw his car, especially since his was about ten. But when I got out and walked up to the boardwalk, I wasn’t laughing. I was looking for my tongue.
Jason stood leaned up against the building, arms crossed, wearing dark tight jeans and a black button-down that was a little snug on his upper arms, freshly shaven and looking good enough to lick banana pudding off of. Even better was his expression when he saw me.
He pushed off the wall and looked me up and down like I was chocolate. Or maybe that was my perspective. Him being a guy and all, it was probably more like prime rib.
“Hey,” I said, trying to sound casual.
“Hey.”
I blinked and licked my lips when his gaze didn’t waver. “You’re staring.”
“You’re stunning.”
I willed my knees not to buckle and mentally thanked Riley. “Well, back atcha.”
There was a thickly charged moment in which I thought my blood might catch fire, then he finally said, “Hungry?”
Not even if it had been a month of tree bark and seawater. “Sure.” I gestured toward the door. “You waited out here for me.”
“I asked you here. I’m not gonna make you walk in there alone.”
His hand came up under my hair and rested on the back of my neck as we walked in. Looking like a couple, my girly mind squealed. Micah looked up from a clipboard and did a double take. Giving me a small smile, she grabbed a bucket and two menus.
“Hi, Ms. Shane. Y’all eating here?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Ban
d’s playing tonight. Want a table in there?”
Did I? Dancing close to Jason would be so good. Rowdy crowd—not so much. But it was Monday. How rowdy could a Monday be?
“Sure,” he said. I guessed he was hoping for a grope, too.
I followed Micah, feelings of trepidation washing over me mixed with excitement over being with Jason. What were the odds that we could ignore all that mess and just start from right now? We sat and Micah hovered for a second.
“Um,” she began, her eyes moving from me to her hands and back again. “Just so you know—” She looked around her. “My mom might be here later with her friends.”
Great.
“Okay.”
“Doesn’t matter,” Jason said, opening a menu.
“I just—I don’t like how she is sometimes and I’m sorry for all that.”
I smiled at her. “It’s okay, Micah. Thank you.”
She left, and unfortunately that put Jason and me right smack in the middle of the crap I had wanted most to avoid. I saw it in his face. He put down the menu he wasn’t really reading since he knew it by heart, waved down the waitress, ordered us two beers, and sat back to look at me.
I met his intense gaze and tried to appear calm, to breathe normally. I refused to just start babbling. He was going to have to lead this show.
“Damn, you’re beautiful tonight,” he said, his voice low like he wasn’t sure it was out loud. Heat rushed to my head and made me dizzy. Wasn’t expecting that. “I’m—you know I’m not good with words. But I’ve gotta tell you, I forgot how to breathe when you walked up.”
A nervous laugh fell out of my mouth. “No, that’s—pretty good.”
“Made all my thoughts leave me for a minute, so bear with me if I ramble.”
My heart was thumping so hard, I had to take a deep breath and let it out slow. “Say whatever you want. I know—you have questions.”
He closed his eyes and shook his head, as if trying to get the jumble back in order. “I don’t even know what to ask you, because I don’t know if I have the right to know.” He toyed with a spoon in front of him. “I guess that’s my dilemma in a nutshell.”
Okay, wasn’t sure where to go with that. “What is?”
“What are we doing? Because if we’re gonna be together, I have a son who will eventually ask questions, and I need to know what the hell is going on.” He looked at me hard. “And even if Connor doesn’t ask, I need to know anyway.”
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