I Peter 1:13–15 read, “Beloved, I beg you as sojourners and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul.”
I Thessalonians 4:3–5 said, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification that you should abstain from sexual immorality;that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion or lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God.”
James 4:7 stated, “Therefore submit to God. Resist the Devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purifyyour hearts, you double-minded.”
Matthew 26:41 read, “Watch and pray, least you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
II Peter 1:5–7 said, “But also for this reason, given all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverancegodliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love.” Semblances of a smile found its way onto Grace’s face when an abundant light appeared at the end of a very dark tunnel. She thought, It stands to reason that a sistah would have to go through a long stretch of self-control, perseverance and tossin’ and turnin’ in order to get her hands on some brotherly kindness and love. When it seemed that the Word had drowned her in a sea of despair, the sun made a remarkable comeback, and Grace had begun to bask in its radiance.
There was a light tap at Grace’s bedroom door. “Yes,” she answered. André opened it cautiously and stuck his head in.
“Ma, you all right?” he asked when his curious eyes discovered her disheveled in a manner he had never seen before.
“Yes, I’m a whole lot better now, thank you.”
“I almost forgot to tell you that my English teacher, Mr. Peters, wants you to call him. He said you left before he could talk to you at parents’ night.”
“I’ll take care of it. And André,” she paused to collect herself, “I love you so much.”
“I know Ma. I know,” he replied, knowing full well that she did with all her heart.
Grace turned the page on her Bible study as André closed her bedroom door. She was mentally drained and spiritually uplifted all at once. The appreciation she owed Sister Kolislawcould wait, but the overdue gratitude fit for a king could not. She eased off the longue and planted herself against it. Grace felt a swell of emotion come over her as she cleared her mind of all earthly woes and opened it to heavenly matterslong since neglected. She prayed, Father, God. I hope you still recognize my voice. This is Grace. It’s been a while since I’ve made the time to come to you like this. I know I should have done better, and I’m sorry. Please accept my humble apologies as I submit myself to you the best way I know how. God, I can see your presence around me every day. You’ve allowed me to enjoy a wonderful job, a beautiful home, and a loving child. Although there’s no possible way for me to give you back a fraction of what you’ve blessed me with, I’d like to try. There hasn’t been a great deal of honor in the way I’ve shared my body with men, but I see that now. I see it clearly, and it hurts. Please help me to honor you and your many blessings. Father, I want to be a better Christian than I have been. I want you to be proud of me, all of me. If you haven’t already, I beg of you not to turn your face away from me and the rising tides of life. I do believe that you have a plan for me. Hopefully, I can live up to it and your expectations.We both know that I’ve fallen short up ’til now. I’m repenting from sexual immorality and lusts of the flesh, but I need you to stand by me. Please don’t give up on me in spite of how I’ve failed you. I need you, Father. I need you. It’s in your son’s name, Jesus Christ, I submit myself to you. Amen.
10
Convictions and Contradictions
Sitting around the conference table were seven of the top executives from 100 Grand sports drink, all anxiously awaiting what Grace had taken it upon herself to produce at her own expense. She’d met with Patrik, the temperamental director, and the budding superstar Allen Foray, and then scripted a twenty-second television commercial with serious intentions of commandeering the beverage company’s thirty-million-dollarmarketing campaign. Grace’s boss, Ted Lansford,sat nervously and fidgeted because he’d not been given the privilege of previewing the strategy which could double profits for Pinnacle Marketing, the firm he’d built from the ground up. Furthermore, Grace made Ted promise her a partnership if 100 Grand bought in on her idea.
With all eyes on Grace, she composed herself to hit the ground running. She wore her best-fitting business suit, a Donna Karan gray flannel ensemble tailored in the European tradition and cut high in the waist. She stood, smiled assuredlyat Ted, and then started in with her idea of acquiring a sizable piece of a growing industry.
“Gentlemen and lady,” Grace began, with a wink to the only other female in attendance, “I’m glad that you’ve agreed to take this meeting with us, and I’m certain that it will be time well spent. As you all know, the sports-beverage industry has enjoyed tremendous growth in the past decade, with no apparent reason for that trend to decline. When I learned that you were looking for a firm to usher your new product into the competitive arena, I lay awake at night thinkingabout the perfect pitch. I came up with a gem.” Grace felt a little sorry for Ted, still antsy beyond belief as she pressed the remote control to close the thick-panel window blinds. “Hold on to your seats, because the next twenty secondswill forge a lasting business relationship and make all of us a bunch of money.” Everyone but Ted laughed when Grace’s lighthearted humor alleviated the escalating tension. “Lights, camera, action,” she said, pressing the control again to darken the room. The wall-sized viewing screen remained black with flickers of white mixed in, reminiscent of an old silent movie.
Suddenly Allen Foray’s familiar voice started in while the screen came to life with a shot of him moving in slow motion,bare chested but wearing workout shorts and running shoes. “Growing up, there was this kid who lived on my block,” his deep voice began. “He was a better dancer, more athletic, and a whole lot stronger than me.” The frame shifted to Allen in the weight room, dark shadows as his only companions. As his muscles flexed with each powerful bench press, the solemn voice-over started in again. “I gave up dancing ... But I never stopped training. That other kid, he’s all grown up, too, but now he has to buy a ticket to watch me play.” Several frames of Allen’s highlights dashed across the screen. The beverage execs were oohing and ahhingover the impressive, lightning-quick, full-court acrobatics.The last scene showed Allen hitting a winning shot as the buzzer sounded in a packed arena. While the crowd cheered, Allen looked directly into the camera and flashed a brilliant set of perfect teeth. “Oh, yeah, dancing is way overrated. Ain’t life grand?” Before the screen faded to black again, thunderousapplause rang throughout the conference room.
When the lights came up, Ted was standing to applaud Grace’s genius. “Bravo!” he shouted “Bravo!
“Well done, Grace,” hailed 100 Grand’s chief marketing executive, Healy Wilcox. “Using a term I know you’ll appreciate,it’s a slam dunk. I’m sure that I speak for everyone in saying, where do we sign?” Grace’s boss couldn’t control himself. He was so elated that he hugged Grace too hard and took her breath away. “You’re a lucky man to have talent like Grace on your team, Ted,” Mr. Wilcox beamed.
“I’m smart enough to know what to do about it as well,” Ted replied. “It’s not every day a man gets to see his partner shine like this. Right, Grace?”
“I’d have it no other way, Ted,” she answered in her best business voice. Now that Pinnacle, Allen Foray, and 100 Grand were all in bed together, save the paperwork, Grace had time to breathe. She declined Ted’s offer to crack open a case of champagne and throw a party to celebrate the biggest deal he could imagine, and instead retreated behind a closed office door and hid there. Her hands shook as she dialed Patrik’sphone number to share the good news. “Yes, that’s right,” she confirmed. “They loved it. Yes
, especially the director’skeen eye for detail.” Grace laughed when Patrik began spouting high-pitched jubilations in his native Italian. “English, Patrik. English!” she pleaded joyously. Actually, it didn’t matter which language he reveled in, Grace understoodall the way down to her toes how it felt to be validated because of his work. She shared the same feelings about hers. When Grace hung up the phone, Patrik was still going at it and patting himself on the back. He probably didn’t noticethat he’d been talking to a dial tone for quite some time, and likely didn’t care.
Grace offered a few kind words of thanks to God for revealingHis promise to her. Then she turned her leather chair toward the window and stared out. Even with all the hoopla in the building, she couldn’t help feeling that something was missing but she couldn’t put her finger on it. As she searched her purse for Allen’s business card, it hit her like a stiff winter breeze. Her victory was eerily hollow when she realized that her recent success paled in comparison to the thought of being loved by the right man, the one man whom God had created for her to spend the rest of her life with. Meeting that man would have been Grace’s idea of a heaven on earth. In the meantime, she planned on keeping the promise she’d made while down on her knees. There was no way she’d let Him down, not if she could help it.
“Come in,” Grace yelled to whoever it was knocking at her office door.
“Congratulations,” Chandelle squealed, barreling toward Grace’s desk. “I heard the good news. Shoot, everybody’s so proud of you. Mr. Lansford is breaking his neck ordering your blinged-out business cards with ‘partner’ added behind your name.”
“Oh, Ted is just covering his bases so I don’t go getting any more ideas that don’t include him,” Grace suggested playfully. “Forget about that. Let’s talk about something really important. I want to hear about your news.”
“You’re so sweet to care about little ole me.” Chandelle blushed at Grace’s thoughtfulness, knowing that she had more pressing business to attend to instead of sitting still and listening to a newlywed gushing over a honeymoon set in a tropical paradise. However, that didn’t stop Chandelle from whipping out the bulky photo album she’d been hiding behind her back. “Okay, okay, look. These pictures were taken inside our hotel room. You know I had to remove the spicy ones of my Marvin before I came in.”
“Ooh, Chandelle!” Grace howled.
“Can’t be too careful these days. Let a sistah find out what you got going on at home, and she starts wantin’ it for herself.”
“I know that’s right,” Grace agreed. “But it’s not just the sistahs you have to watch nowadays.”
“I’m saying. That’s why I was looking real hard at the redhead from the Photomart when I noticed my envelope came up a little light. Humph, some of my best action shots were missing. But, don’t worry. I’ve still got the negatives.” Grace laughed harder than she wanted to, although it felt real good to see a newlywed recounting her wedding-night bliss.
After sitting through explanations over what inspired each photo in the album, Grace thanked Chandelle for sharing her private moments. Then she strongly suggested that any additionalsuch girlfriend chats take place after business hours or during lunch. The younger woman understood and headed for the door with the bundle of Mediterranean memories tucked safely beneath her arms. Suddenly, she spun on her heels. “Grace, I know that you’ve already given me more company time than you should have, but I wanted to ask you one more thing.”
“Sure, what is it?”
“I was kinda wondering about you and the stuff we discussedat church.”
“Yes, I remember.” Grace felt an ounce of apprehension wash over her because it was Chandelle’s prodding that forced the changes in her life and the way she’d viewed it in the first place.
“Well, not that it’s any of my business,” Chandelle stated before second-guessing her place in the office of the new partner. Grace looked at her as if to say, “And I’m sure that it won’t be,” before Chandelle continued. “But I’m having so much fun getting to know Marvin, as man and wife, I mean. My mother never had a husband, and she died alone without one loving her like a woman is supposed to be loved. Please think about tomorrow while you’re conquering the world today.” Grace considered the advice Chandelle offered, and realizedshe did have an occasion to smile, if for no other reason than the possibilities she hadn’t given much deliberation.She was content in knowing that God was working on her man while doing a number on her too. Eventually, there would be the perfect someone to witness her life, while she did her best to improve it on God’s terms, Grace hoped. All she had to do was keep right on living until he arrived.
Later, as she grabbed her purse and floated out of the office to meet Linda and Shelia for lunch, a warm smile was still evident on Grace’s lips. “That Chandelle’s got an old soul,” she heard herself say as she pulled into midday traffic on the expressway.
While answering the summons of a vibrating cell phone, and feeling no less than perfect herself Grace stepped out of her car to valet park at Bijoux’s. The fair-haired attendant flirted with Grace, but she didn’t acknowledge his subtle proposition. Besides, the girls had arrived ahead of her and needed to get back to their respective jobs before too long. “Hello, this is Grace. Yes, Allen,” she smacked pleasantly, “I was going to call you. No, we haven’t agreed on a firm figure yet, but I’d have to guess that Wilcox and his people will presenta nice round number you can’t pass up. Remember, this deal is unusual because you and I shot it on the chance that it would pay off, so don’t worry. It will. Just be sure to put your accountant on notice and put me in touch with your agent.”
Shelia flagged Grace down as she scanned the busy restaurant. When she approached the spacious booth in the back, Linda was rocking steadily to piped-in music streamingfrom an overhead speaker. Something by The Supremes had her singing along Motown style while perusing the lunch menu.
Grace waved back then pointed at the phone and held up her index finger, suggesting that she was wrapping up the call. “See, Allen, I knew it was gold, and because you believedin me, every other player will be wishing they were in your shoes. Not bad for one sweaty afternoon, huh?” That comment sent chills through Shelia because it sounded like something she could sink her teeth into. “All right, we’ll talk, but I have two VIPs waiting on me. Gotta go, bye.” Grace flipped her tiny phone closed, then dropped it into her handbag. “Ladies, my deepest apologies,” she offered in earnest. “I know your time is important, but some men can be very persistent.”
“With sweaty afternoons and whatnot, I’ll bet every other player would want to be in his shoes,” Shelia said, hoping to kick-start the spur-of-the-moment meeting Grace had convenedwithout explaining why.
“There you go, running through the gutter and getting all excited over nothing,” Graced commented, trying to minimizeShelia’s query, but Linda jumped on the bandwagon and took the wheel.
“I’m all excited over nothing, too, if that’s the case.” Linda was chomping at the bit to be thoroughly informed on what Grace saw fit to regard as nothing. “Tell us who that was on the phone, and we’ll work backward to what stunts he pulled to get you all sweaty. Sound like a plan, Shelia?”
“That’ll work for me,” Shelia chimed in on cue.
“Speaking of work,” Grace asserted, to scratch their itchy noses. “that’s why I’ve asked you two to meet me here. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and the first part of my lifestyle modification has come to fruition. I was just speakingto Allen Foray.”
“All-World, All-Women-Want-Him Allen Foray?” Shelia asked, with her eyes about to fall out of her head.
“Whatever, Shelia,” Grace answered, not at all interested in her opinion of a man much too young for either of them.
“Whatever? Uh-uh. See, you’ve got it all wrong. He can have it whenever, wherever and however he pleases. All he’d have to do was let a sistah know when to stop, and go for ice water and warm towels. You hear me?”
“I don’t know, Grace. Shelia’s got a point,” Linda debated,offering her unsolicited two cents. “You might want to rethink your strictly business philosophy. I heard that Allen is real tall, especially when he’s lying down.”
“You know what they say about opinions, Linda? Everybody’sgot one.” Grace had the hardest time getting out what she’d been wrestling with because of their overzealous carnalinclinations.
“Yeah, and I also know what they say about one basketballplayer in particular.” Linda tossed a wicked glance across the table at Shelia.
“Uh-huh, he’s real tall,” Shelia answered, fanning herself with an open hand.
“Okay, since neither of you are willing to hear me out,” Grace huffed, “I’ll just pay for lunch and keep my business to myself.”
“Whoa, hold on now!” Shelia objected.
“Yeah, we didn’t say all that,” Linda agreed, opening the menu to the more expensive dinner items. “Since you’re feeding us, I, for one, am willing to hear you out and hold you up if I have to. Watch this.” Linda placed her hand up to her mouth. “This is me shutting up.” When Shelia nodded that she was prepared to shut up too, Grace settled in to contributewhat she’d gone there to converse about.
“Good, now this has been very difficult for me, and I have no idea how you’ll take it, but here goes. Due to some blessed, albeit strange occurrences, I’ve decided to take my life in another direction.”
Linda eyed her suspiciously. “Grace, you’re not about to tell us that you’ve gone gay or anything, are you?”
Down On My Knees Page 9