“Will you come over and sit by me, Trent?”
My legs were noodles. My breathing was coming in short gasps, and it felt like my heart was going to explode in my chest. It was because I hadn’t seen a woman in so long. Not since Charlotte had gone. I sat down by her, and when I looked over to her, she laughed. Not at me, but because we liked each other already.
“You OK?” I said.
She nodded. “Mm-hmm.”
“You’re beautiful.”
“Thank you, handsome.”
I’d never heard a woman talk that way before, least of all to me. There was nowhere else on the planet I would have rather been at that moment.
“Where are you from?” I said.
“Do you really want to know where I’m from? Or where I’m going to take you?”
Sandra reached down and touched me. When she did, my nervous thoughts instantly evaporated. I wanted her. I wanted to tear her dress off and take her right there and then, but I didn’t want it to be over in a few seconds either.
“I’m definitely interested in where you’re going to take me,” I said.
I felt myself getting hard, harder than I’d ever been or thought possible. I saw the look in her eyes change to something primitive, primal, and powerful, but beautiful in a way that was unique to humans. I thought my ability was powerful, but nothing compared to the bond between a man and a woman.
“Except I’d like it to be a voyage,” I said. “Not a crash.”
Sandra threw her head back and laughed.
I made her laugh! A real one! I knew she liked me, and it felt amazing.
“They didn’t tell me you’d be funny,” she said.
“What did they tell you?” I said, leaning in closer. “You’re really something.”
She smiled and looked away, then back. Our mouths were only a few inches apart. Her beautiful eyes entranced me like no other thing. Just being in her presence was like nothing I’d ever experienced.
“I want to know you,” I said. “All about you. How often can you come see me?”
“As often as they’ll allow me.”
I leaned in and kissed her softly. It was as wonderful as I’d hoped, and the kissing got more intense. I gently eased the side of her dress off her shoulder and exposed a full breast. I touched it, and Sandra took down my zipper and then…how can I describe it?
Paradise?
That was close, but not close enough. No word could possibly describe how she made me feel.
ENTRY 10
I was deep into work, enthralled really. I felt that whatever they wanted, they would get from me. I was midway through my shift and had just got back from my lunch, when one of the supervisors asked me if I wouldn’t mind training another employee. I’d never been asked to train anyone before. I liked the idea, so I said I would.
His name was Jerrol, and I liked him right off. He was from Facility Two and had been sent to fill in for someone who was transferred, and he had volunteered to take their place. All he did was ask me questions, which got quite annoying. He wanted to know long I worked each day, how much energy I produced, if I got tired in the middle of the day, was I tired at the end of the day, could I put out more energy, and if I needed to could I produce past the point of my work commitment. The questions seemed irrelevant considering he was a coworker and we did the same job, but he just seemed like a curious guy.
“Why do you want to know so much about me?”
“The energy couplings at Facility Two are a few decades behind the ones at this facility, and I need a brief refresher on how it’s done.”
“Fine with me,” I said. “Take over.”
I shut it down, and Jerrol climbed the stairs above the engine bore, carefully avoiding the energy exhaust—even though it was off, energy was still produced—and put his hands securely on the coupling inputs.
“When the couplings push, you just push back.”
“OK.”
“Simple enough, right?”
“I don’t feel anything.”
“Well, no, you wouldn’t. Workstations are unique to each worker.” I was surprised he didn’t know that. “How do they work at Facility Two?”
“Same as here pretty much.”
“Doesn’t sound like it.”
Jerrol looked nervous. Was he only pretending to know what he was doing? That’s what it seemed like. Maybe he didn’t want to admit that he wasn’t that good at his job, was still learning, or just didn’t know how it was done altogether. I didn’t press anymore though. The idea of training someone was interesting, but I liked the idea of having a friend even more. I’ve never really had one, except for Sandra now, but before her I’ve only had conversations with people who weren’t my friends.
***
I wanted to be friends, but over the next few days I realized Jerrol wasn’t interested in that. For him it seemed like I was competition, as if we were both going for the same job or playing the same sport—I read about sports—except we were on opposite teams. Everything I said to him hardly got a response, and I swear I saw him rolling his eyes at me whenever I tried to give him advice.
Still, having a visit from Sandra on my birthday made me the happiest, most agreeable employee Facility Three could hope for, so if they wanted me to train someone who didn’t like me, then so be it. I even stayed past my shift without a complaint. Willingly!
ENTRY 11
Jerrol and I have been working together for weeks with our workstations side by side, and he definitely doesn’t want to be friends, and funnily enough I think he hates me. He’s short with me whenever I make conversation, he rolls his eyes when I give him suggestions, and he laughs at me behind my back. I’ve seen him do it in the reflection in the glass. How did I end up training a new employee who hates me for no reason?
What a prick!
I’ve stopped going out of my way to show him how things are done at Facility Three. If they want him trained, they can train him themselves. I’m not a trainer, I’m a worker, and the next time I talk to them I’m going to tell them that, and because I helped train Jerrol, I want time taken off my work commitment. If I do anything extra from now on, I want time taken off my work commitment. It’s like the opportunities when I was younger. The chance to make a friend turned into nothing.
At least I still have that night with Sandra to think about. I think about her all the time. I replay that night in my head during the day and before I go to bed too. I can’t wait to see her again. Management has no idea how important she is for my sanity.
ENTRY 12
I didn’t even touch the cake they sent. Not because I didn’t want to eat it—I did—but because of the idea of Sandra seeing how good a shape I was in. All I ate was meat and anything with protein, vegetables, very little bread, and I drank lots of coffee. Coffee was essential.
I couldn’t wait to see her. I’d wanted to see her every single day, but unfortunately she could only visit me on my birthday. My birthday fell on a Sunday this year, so I didn’t have to work, and all I did today was exercise and think about her. She was my one thing. Something I could look forward to that would take all of my feelings of frustration from being forced to be here and push them away, just for the time that we spent together.
I didn’t know exactly how it was going to happen, but I knew I wanted to delay the pleasure of the inevitable. I would do my best to try and not to think about the end. I wanted to get there immediately, right after she arrived, but I just didn’t want it to be over quickly.
The knock on my door set my heart fluttering. “Come in.”
But no one entered, and when I went over and opened the door no one was there. Was it a joke? Did someone really think that was funny? Maybe it was one of those asshole supervisors who somehow knew what was going on tonight and wanted to mess with me.
I shut the door again, and then there was another knock. I was going to grab whoever was screwing with me on my birthday by the collar and beat the shit out of him. I threw th
e door open, intent on doing just that, only to see Sandra standing before me, looking as stunning as ever and laughing.
“You, huh?”
“Gotcha.”
“Very funny.”
“I thought so. May I come in?”
“Not without kissing me first.”
Sandra fell into me and I caught her. Our mouths met and stayed pressed together for a long time. I wanted to kiss for longer when she parted from me. She turned gracefully and smiled as she made her way across the room to set her purse on the bed.
I watched her walk, and her dress was amazing. It was formfitting and ruffled, a fiery red, symbolic of my lust for her.
“Nice,” she said, referring to the table that was set and dinner that had been prepared. “You cooked?”
“No,” I said, embarrassed. “Shall we eat?”
“Please,” she said.
I wish I’d prepared the dinner myself now that I know it would have impressed her. I’ll have to learn for next year. I pulled her chair out for her and she sat. She smelled like flowers. I pulled off the heatware and sat down too.
“What is it?”
“Parmesan chicken with mushroom sauce. I had it prepared special for you.”
“My mouth is watering.”
I was so entranced by her that I barely focused on the meal, even though it was my birthday and I was ravenous.
“How do you like it?” I said.
“I haven’t eaten all day,” she said, covering her full mouth with her hand. “I’m starving.”
“More wine?”
She nodded. As I poured I couldn’t help but steal a look down her dress, and I ended up spilling some.
She smiled up at me. “Oops.”
***
We drank wine, talked, and let the candles burn down to nearly a nub. I hadn’t touched the chocolate cake, even though it had arrived in the morning. I wanted to save it for when I was with Sandra. I hadn’t eaten sugar or anything sweet in such a long time that I’ve been having dreams about it, so I couldn’t imagine a better way to enjoy it.
There were also birthday candles. Even though they were the kind that were colored and spiraled like what a kid would have on their cake, they were fine. I went to put the candles in the cake, but Sandra took them from me.
“It’s your birthday,” she said.
She stuck them in the cake and lit them. Then she sang to me with the prettiest voice I’ve ever heard, and not because we’d almost drank an entire bottle of wine! She cut me a large chunk of cake, bigger than what I would have cut for myself, and when I took a bite, I froze.
It was the tastiest, richest, most delicious bite I’d ever taken in my life. It was moist and the chocolate was decadent…
“Hi,” she said. “Still here.”
I laughed. “I know.”
“You went away to chocolate cake land for a while.”
“I think I did,” I said, and laughed.
I watched her eat her cake too, and I could see she felt the same as I did. She was lean and fit, and she probably hadn’t had anything like it in a while either. That or she had a terrific metabolism.
“Like it?”
“Unbelievable,” she said and took another mouthful, closing her eyes and savoring it.
“What else do you do?” I said.
“I like to read, exercise, play tennis.”
“What’s tennis?”
“You’ve never played?”
I shook my head. “It’s a game?”
“A sport. I’ll show you some time.”
“When I get up top?”
“Sure. When will that be?”
“A few years,” I said.
Eight years, 165 days actually. Not that I was counting. I didn’t want to give her the exact time. That long might mean she’d find someone else.
“Will you wait for me?” I said.
She blinked. “Of course I will.”
We stared into each other’s eyes for a long time. She was blurry and beautiful, and the wine had dwindled to a nearly empty bottle and I absolutely had to have her. When I rose, she did too. We crushed each other’s lips beside the table, and then there was a flurry of hands taking each other’s clothes off.
***
Before she rose to leave the next morning, I told her I loved her. She didn’t say it back, but I didn’t care. I needed to tell her, to express that to her. I didn’t want the morning to be over as I held her, thinking there was nowhere else in the world that I’d rather be.
Soon after she dressed, and before she left, we kissed again, longer than any other time. When I opened my eyes, she had gone and closed the door behind her.
Then I was alone.
ENTRY 13
I wasn’t going to work today until I got some answers, and that was that. They sent numerous supervisors and technicians all morning trying to convince me otherwise, but I insisted on talking to someone in charge. One I knew was in charge.
There was a knock at the door. It was loud and insistent, nothing like Sandra’s had been. I knew it was precisely who I needed to talk to. When I opened the door there was a man with dark hair wearing a suit and tie, clearly annoyed by having to be there.
“You Trent?” he said.
“Yes. Come in.”
“Thank you. I’m Brian Rabin. So what seems to be the problem?”
We shook hands and I went to shut the door.
“Don’t bother. I won’t be long.”
I stopped. “I want to marry Sandra.”
“Good for you but not possible. Not until you finish your work commitment. Have you done that?”
“Obviously not. I’m still here.”
“Then you have work to do. Let’s get to it.”
“I do a lot. I put out a lot of energy for the surface.”
“Yes you do, and we appreciate it.”
“I’ve done enough.”
“We determine that. It’s not how much you’ve done but for how long you’ve done it. It has to be that way to be fair to the other employees.”
“I want to go to the surface now.”
Rabin gave a toothless smile. “I’m sure you do. Don’t we all?” He sat down on a chair. “You realize how many strings we had to pull to get her down here?”
So, he knew about her.
“Her situation is tied up until just about past the time your work commitment expires. After that you can do whatever you like, but until then you have to work. It’s just the way it is. I know how hard it can be. Trust me.”
“When is your work commitment over?”
“About twenty years,” he said, and smiled.
I knew he was lying. He was only saying it to make me feel better, but I didn’t say that.
“What did she say when you proposed?” Rabin said.
“Well…”
“You’ve asked her, right?”
“I…”
“You haven’t asked her?”
“Well no. Not yet, I mean.”
He stood. “Dammit, Trent…What the hell am I here for?”
I felt myself get angry, then it dissipated, like a balloon deflating, as it seemed to always do. “I will marry her…I love her.”
“I’m sure you do. I don’t know what I’d do without my wife.”
“We both work at the same place but you get to be married?”
“I’ve worked my way up at this facility. It’s one of the benefits. You can do the same. Has no one ever told you?”
I shook my head.
“Now you know.”
“How would I do it?”
“It’s different for everyone. It just depends on how bad you want it. If you want it bad enough you’ll figure it out. That’s not why I’m here. You can ask about it later.”
“And have more time added to my work commitment?”
Rabin smiled. “I’ll see what I can do.”
I felt foolish, but I needed to know things.
“The life you want simply is
n’t possible until your work commitment is over,” he said. “I’m sorry. Is there anything else I can do for you that will make life bearable until then?”
“I could use another day off. Two in a row. It doesn’t matter when.”
Rabin nodded his head wordlessly. “OK. I’ll see what I can do…Yeah, I can do that. Not sure when, but I’ll get with the scheduler.”
“Thanks.”
Before leaving, Rabin turned and forced a smile. “It’ll be here before you know it.”
Then he shut the door behind him.
I hoped he was right.
ENTRY 14
Jerrol and I got into an argument. The frustration had been building between us for quite a while, and we hadn’t even acknowledged each other for days. It came out of nowhere, and it was probably because we were both shackled to those couplings, day after day, and I finally got sick of his staring. He wasn’t even next to me or directly in front of me. He was out of the room, across from me and to the side, nearly out of my view, but I could still see him eyeing me. Damn annoying.
That wasn’t what got us into an argument though. What got us into an argument was when I was walking past him, talking to a supervisor about up top.
“Good luck with that,” he said.
I spun. “What?”
“You think you’re special, don’t you? You’re never going up there.”
“What are you talking about?”
Jerrol smiled at me the way he always did, a condescending smile, the kind that hid true thoughts. It made me want to concentrate and puree his insides, when all of a sudden I felt calm. I didn’t want to hurt Jerrol, or anyone for that matter. It was weird. Every time I felt angry, I was almost immediately calm, as if something was making me feel that way.
“What do you know about the vitamins?” I said.
Jerrol suddenly got serious. His smile faded, and he leaned forward. “Inhibitors.”
Before he could say more, I heard running down the grating and saw that security had been alerted. They were in full riot gear, and there were way too many of them.
“They control you!”
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